Back 4& 1/2 yrs

[Sunshine111]

Hi there,

 

Never thought I'd see myself back on this section but our tale has more twists & turns than a helter skelter! We were away 10 yrs ftom the UK, lived in Perth for 5 yrs, both kids born there & for the first 3-4 yrs we were blissfully happy! Birth of 2nd son & within 6 months we were talking about coming home, another 6 months we were back. We felt that Perth wasn't for us for the long term & that our kids needed to be nearer family & we had an element of responsibility.

It was a toss up between there & NSW, but family swayed things. We moved to another part of the U.K. That we researched tho in a swiftness to get back we didn't research house prices or Job market - silly I know but we were so focused on our kids we didn't care about ourselves - looked up best place to bring up kids in the UK. We arrived back August 2011 & it was utterly amazing to be back, seeing all the green & were really impressed with the early years/preschool. Both kids thrived. Tick, we achieved what we set out to do.

Except....... Hubby & I did not realise how Australian we had become, we bought a small 3 bed semi in a village that 3 yrs down the track we are feeling like we are in a goldfish bowl & claustrophobic ftom the space we were used too, on top of this the school we choose from Oz as outstanding has dropped to underperforming & special measures & my youngest son has become behind & his learning (which we identified) and we are trying to home school him as much as we can. Salarys aren't great & we are working a lot of hours for very little doe.

The biggest disappoint was family, I have opened up a can of worms - parents are divorced so it's highly diluted & I have discovered highly dysfunctional, there's a step family in the mix too. It's been so bad I have almost had a breakdown, so much so I have opted no contact, so it almost doesn't seem worth being back. Hubby parents are divorced & his mum not very involved so it's like we live in another country support wise.

like I say nothing wrong with the uK it's more a personal situation thing but we are talking about going back to Oz. I just wish that we had of had a review plan - every 6months then maybe we wouldn't have found ourselves in this situation. Wondering if there is anyone else out there having experienced anything similar... Do we go back to Oz before our eldest starts secondary school Sept 2017, who know not sure what to do for the best but hubby & I are sooo miserable

[Becks22]

I don't know what the answer is, but if you are really unhappy then you need to think of all the pros and cons and see if any of the things that would make you happy can be sought in the UK. If they can't then maybe you have your answer. Do your kids want to go back to Oz? We are emigrating to Oz this summer. Leaving family behind is the only thing that worries us, but when we looked at it realistically we don't live local to them so don't spend time with them as much. For us we decided the trade off in the life long guilt of taking kids away from grandparents was worth it for all the positive things we get in return. If there isn't much of a pull to the UK it's worth looking at heading back. Would you go back to Perth or try elsewhere if you did go? Best of luck, it's really hard to know how you will feel about things sometimes until you try!

[Marisawright]

I see you are in the uk but originally out of Sydney area and have read your post with great interest. Do you think you will return one day? We backpacked & stayed in Sydney but ended moving to Perth,

 

I thought I'd reply to your post on your own thread rather than the Oatley one.

 

Yes, we are planning to return, but we are a bit different to most migrants! Firstly, I never felt the slightest homesickness for the UK. Our main reason for moving was because my hubby developed a sun allergy. His skin is far more comfortable in the lower UV in England, but I don't feel at home here AT ALL. I'm too much of an Aussie! We're also near retirement and face tax issues if we stay in the UK which could cost a chunk of our retirement savings; so we always knew an eventual return was on the cards.

 

We will not return to Sydney, much though we love it, because housing is so incredibly expensive. I would never even consider living in Perth even though it's cheaper - it's great for some, but people who love Perth seem to hate living in Sydney and vice versa. So IMO if you were happy in Perth, I'd go back there rather than going to Sydney which will be such a huge drain on your savings.

Edited March 5, 2016 by Marisawright

[Johnny]

Do we go back to Oz before our eldest starts secondary school Sept 2017, who know not sure what to do for the best but hubby & I are sooo miserable

 

 

Whatever you do though, just make sure you've got it right.

 

Money well spent if it's what you truly want and you are 100% sure you will never be coming back.

 

But a lot of savings to kiss goodbye to if you are not really sure.

 

Even back in 2000, We went through a ton of savings buying our cars, a house full of furniture appliances and setting up a new home, although we had the cash to do it at the time, it was not cheap. I would hate to think what that is going to cost somebody these days.

[Sunshine111]

Thanks Beck22. We do need a pros & cons list & properly explore all avenues - in Oz you quickly find people in a similar situation who become your surrogate family - haven't really found that here. Kids were 1&5yrs when we arrived oldest may not be keen at first & youngest I think will adapt better. Wouldn't do Perth, although we loved it at the time too isolating for us & culdnt commit there long term. Marisawright interesting you say about being more Ausdie maybe that happen after a given time.

johndownunder I agree but we would be going without a view to coming back.

[Sunshine111]

I think we were away too long to really settle back in the uk & we have changed so much & the old friends from the pub days are 10-15 yrs past. I also have no grandparent alive - although they didn't live close they were the back bone to very complicated parenting. Unfortunately I think I associate living here with sadness from childhood, can't seem to undo that feeling even tho we are in one of the best places in th U.K. For kids, I just have no connection with the landscape. Hubby has not been able to get a break on the work front either, whereas in Oz / NZ opportunities were endless Back then. We have compromised our dreams thinking the trade off to being nearer to our family was worth it - if someone would have showed us the house on the estate we'd be living or the job Hubby would be compromised to be in, we would have moved elsewhere in Oz! We just need to ensure we pull apart the pros & cons list & look at whether a few tweaks might change things.

[Marisawright]

Marisawright interesting you say about being more Ausdie maybe that happen after a given time.

 

 

I think I'm not typical, I was never very fond of the UK even when I was growing up here! I had never given returning to the UK a thought in 30 years until my new hubby got his skin troubles.

 

Have you thought about regional NSW (e.g. Newcastle), Brisbane, Hobart, Adelaide?

[Marisawright]

in Oz you quickly find people in a similar situation who become your surrogate family.

 

This phrase stuck in my mind and I just had to pop back in to comment on it. You may have found that to be the case in Perth, but don't expect it to be the case in other parts of Australia. In fact the difficulty of making friends is a common complaint by migrants on this forum. I've heard comments that in Perth, there's quite a sizeable British population who do tend to seek out each other's company, whereas in Sydney that doesn't happen. I can't speak for other cities, but I certainly wouldn't assume.

[Lambethlad]

Sorry to hear about your situation. From my experience I know that even as an adult, the divorce of ones parents can be devastating. With the Oz dollar being so low, now is a good time to come. I presume you have Australian citizenship. Perth is in a slump at the moment with growing unemployment and falling property prices. Melbourne is doing well but I guess you have to go where the work is. Good luck.

[starlight7]

I was thinking you would probably look somewhere with a climate like Perth if you liked it there so possibly NSWales Northern beaches or even Brisbane. I would avoid the Gold coast because I don't think people are super friendly there- but maybe Sunshine Coast? I believe you have Australia in your blood- and I know what that feels like. You need to come 'home'!

[HelensvaleHoward]

I would avoid the Gold coast because I don't think people are super friendly there

 

Can you elaborate on how you come to this conclusion?

[Guest]

It sounds to me like if you are both not happy with things, that you've given it a fair crack back in the UK and have realised its not where you want to be for whatever reasons. And the reasons you returned for are not really there anymore either. So why hang around somewhere you are not happy. Same as those who are really not happy in Aus, are homesick, can't settle, why hang around in Aus if you want to be back in the UK?

 

I think heading to Aus before high school starts would be a good time. It would give you room to organise, plan and so on. And perhaps be ready to go sooner. Go into it with your eyes wide open though. If you don't go back to Perth, the place you choose may not be for you in the long term, or even short term, but this doesn't mean that Aus has failed you, just you perhaps need to keep looking to find a city, a town, an area you do want to be in and are happy in. Of course work will be the key thing but if you know what you are heading to then you know what to expect and prepare for.

 

If you migrate, migrate is how I see it. Don't sit down and assess every 6 months if you want to stay in Aus or go back to the UK. Just get on and live and should you feel at some point be it a year, 5 years down the road you need to talk about living in Aus or moving somewhere else in the country, then have the conversation. Nothing has to be set in stone. We moved a fair bit in England and didn't think any more of it than when we moved here tbh. Just the logistics were a bit more full on. You just get on with things and build a life wherever you are and if you are not happy with it, make some changes. Don't keep discussing it as that just makes it a temporary thing and you can never really migrate if you are always analysing to stay or go or move elsewhere. We don't do that usually in our lives in the UK before we migrate or move elsewhere in the country, so why do it once you've migrated. Talk about it when you feel you need to talk.

 

Work wise, do your home work. I don't know whereabouts you are thinking of heading but you need to ensure you have work opportunities.

[Rule Britannia]

Hi there,

 

Never thought I'd see myself back on this section but our tale has more twists & turns than a helter skelter! We were away 10 yrs ftom the UK, lived in Perth for 5 yrs, both kids born there & for the first 3-4 yrs we were blissfully happy! Birth of 2nd son & within 6 months we were talking about coming home, another 6 months we were back. We felt that Perth wasn't for us for the long term & that our kids needed to be nearer family & we had an element of responsibility.

It was a toss up between there & NSW, but family swayed things. We moved to another part of the U.K. That we researched tho in a swiftness to get back we didn't research house prices or Job market - silly I know but we were so focused on our kids we didn't care about ourselves - looked up best place to bring up kids in the UK. We arrived back August 2011 & it was utterly amazing to be back, seeing all the green & were really impressed with the early years/preschool. Both kids thrived. Tick, we achieved what we set out to do.

Except....... Hubby & I did not realise how Australian we had become, we bought a small 3 bed semi in a village that 3 yrs down the track we are feeling like we are in a goldfish bowl & claustrophobic ftom the space we were used too, on top of this the school we choose from Oz as outstanding has dropped to underperforming & special measures & my youngest son has become behind & his learning (which we identified) and we are trying to home school him as much as we can. Salarys aren't great & we are working a lot of hours for very little doe.

The biggest disappoint was family, I have opened up a can of worms - parents are divorced so it's highly diluted & I have discovered highly dysfunctional, there's a step family in the mix too. It's been so bad I have almost had a breakdown, so much so I have opted no contact, so it almost doesn't seem worth being back. Hubby parents are divorced & his mum not very involved so it's like we live in another country support wise.

like I say nothing wrong with the uK it's more a personal situation thing but we are talking about going back to Oz. I just wish that we had of had a review plan - every 6months then maybe we wouldn't have found ourselves in this situation. Wondering if there is anyone else out there having experienced anything similar... Do we go back to Oz before our eldest starts secondary school Sept 2017, who know not sure what to do for the best but hubby & I are sooo miserable

 

 

My pennies worth, My thoughts on your current situation are the following, you would need to ask yourselves why you left in the first instance, the UK does offer completely different things in many ways, Education, Universities, places to go and visit, ie Museums, Castles, History, History and History, with the four seasons I might add, trips just in the UK are totally amazing, The Cotswolds, The Lake District, and so many other places to visit, Bonnie Scotland, without a doubt, Edinburgh, Aberdeen and just the history and countryside in Scotland, and then you have Ireland, for sure, it is a picture place to go and visit, perhaps I should sell as a career choice....: )

 

I know I do rabbit on a little, but the Food in the UK, Marks n Sparkes just Quality, I could go on, but you will end up falling asleep, My thoughts, are you don't want to become a bouncing English Person, going from Australia to the UK and then changing your mind, this can't be healthy can it ? I am asking the question, if you left Australia for certain reason, you might want to stick to your guns...

 

...and don't forget Europe, why don't you and your family go to Nice or Neme in the south of France or Monaco, amazing part of the world and Eze Village, stunning and the people are amazing there...

 

There is just Europe on your doorstep, for you and your family to go and visit, if you get a little cheesed off with your current situation, it certainly will be an interesting adventure, I too have family issues, and I could write a book on it, my wife went too young 36, and that still does not sit well with me, I have two pups and have taken care of them since the terrible thing happened, so I do have some empathy, I requested help from my so-called relatives back home in the country as this is where the majority of them all live, and even my parents I asked....If they could have my two pups for a short period of time, whilst I gain new employment back in the City of London, and not One Person offered to help, even with losing my wife....How on gods earth does that work, Including my so called parents....are you serious, not able to help me out considering my circumstances, ...You can only imagine my thoughts, I even have an aunt who lives in Cambridge, with a huge Garden and No I am unable to help you...so I am some what Bitter with emphasis on Bitter, but that' will not stop me going back to the UK, I have decided not to contact any of them as I have written them all off and that's that, no going back I'm afraid (in my case) I have friends there, but more importantly I will start my new business venture there and that will keep me very busy indeed, and of course I have the Cars to view, and boy what cars there are....BMW's , Audi's that's my language for sure and I will most definitely be treating myself to one of those ....

 

Sorry I lost the plot a bit there, but getting back to you and your family, I am no expert but if you have a great family (which you do) look at all the things you can do together, Australia is Mega Hot and quite honestly Uncomfortable with it, there is more to life than going to the beach, even though they are lovely beaches, but really how much sunshine will make us all Mc Happy Now....and depending on where you lived in Australia, why not consider France, or Italy, you know the food is going to be in a different league, but don't forget the UK 's restaurants they are just there, in quality Indian, Lebanese, Chinese, you name it, they have it all LONDON>

 

 

I am just finishing up my contract and I"m done n dusted and can't wait..already looking at cars, and places to live in the countryside....and will begin my applications a month before leaving...and just one last thing, don't allow yourself to get caught up in the drama's so to speak, you have a Family with children and a husband, this is about you and your family now...all the drama's that happen can become stress full and that's not what it's about...(I do hpe you have not fallen asleep////

[starlight7]

Can you elaborate on how you come to this conclusion?

 

Several friends who went up there and then returned after a year or two because they found it hard to make friends. The reasons they gave were

Too many holiday makers not interested in others

Just no decent 'communities'

Too many passing through

Too many owning rental properties rented out half the time

too many bogans ( their words not mine!)

 

I like it there myself but I was strongly warned against thinking of living there and I just took their word for it( wouldn't have gone anyway, just idle chatter)

[Sunshine111]

Great advice, thank you all for your replies, first time I've put it in writing & has given me food for thought. NSW would be where we would head. We are starting to think have we tried hard enough? What do we need to change currently. I think that the extended family has tainted our initial time here and somehow I need to get over the resentment I have been feeling.Booked to see a CBT therapist perhaps I need to work through that first. Also hubby & I are going to research franchises and what are options are house wise, we want off the claustrophobic housing estate!!

 

Theres a a real niggle that says for next 6months we need to give it our all & only then can we if we need to depart.....

[Sunshine111]

My pennies worth, My thoughts on your current situation are the following, you would need to ask yourselves why you left in the first instance, the UK does offer completely different things in many ways, Education, Universities, places to go and visit, ie Museums, Castles, History, History and History, with the four seasons I might add, trips just in the UK are totally amazing, The Cotswolds, The Lake District, and so many other places to visit, Bonnie Scotland, without a doubt, Edinburgh, Aberdeen and just the history and countryside in Scotland, and then you have Ireland, for sure, it is a picture place to go and visit, perhaps I should sell as a career choice....: )

 

I know I do rabbit on a little, but the Food in the UK, Marks n Sparkes just Quality, I could go on, but you will end up falling asleep, My thoughts, are you don't want to become a bouncing English Person, going from Australia to the UK and then changing your mind, this can't be healthy can it ? I am asking the question, if you left Australia for certain reason, you might want to stick to your guns...

 

...and don't forget Europe, why don't you and your family go to Nice or Neme in the south of France or Monaco, amazing part of the world and Eze Village, stunning and the people are amazing there...

 

There is just Europe on your doorstep, for you and your family to go and visit, if you get a little cheesed off with your current situation, it certainly will be an interesting adventure, I too have family issues, and I could write a book on it, my wife went too young 36, and that still does not sit well with me, I have two pups and have taken care of them since the terrible thing happened, so I do have some empathy, I requested help from my so-called relatives back home in the country as this is where the majority of them all live, and even my parents I asked....If they could have my two pups for a short period of time, whilst I gain new employment back in the City of London, and not One Person offered to help, even with losing my wife....How on gods earth does that work, Including my so called parents....are you serious, not able to help me out considering my circumstances, ...You can only imagine my thoughts, I even have an aunt who lives in Cambridge, with a huge Garden and No I am unable to help you...so I am some what Bitter with emphasis on Bitter, but that' will not stop me going back to the UK, I have decided not to contact any of them as I have written them all off and that's that, no going back I'm afraid (in my case) I have friends there, but more importantly I will start my new business venture there and that will keep me very busy indeed, and of course I have the Cars to view, and boy what cars there are....BMW's , Audi's that's my language for sure and I will most definitely be treating myself to one of those ....

 

Sorry I lost the plot a bit there, but getting back to you and your family, I am no expert but if you have a great family (which you do) look at all the things you can do together, Australia is Mega Hot and quite honestly Uncomfortable with it, there is more to life than going to the beach, even though they are lovely beaches, but really how much sunshine will make us all Mc Happy Now....and depending on where you lived in Australia, why not consider France, or Italy, you know the food is going to be in a different league, but don't forget the UK 's restaurants they are just there, in quality Indian, Lebanese, Chinese, you name it, they have it all LONDON>

 

 

I am just finishing up my contract and I"m done n dusted and can't wait..already looking at cars, and places to live in the countryside....and will begin my applications a month before leaving...and just one last thing, don't allow yourself to get caught up in the drama's so to speak, you have a Family with children and a husband, this is about you and your family now...all the drama's that happen can become stress full and that's not what it's about...(I do hpe you have not fallen asleep////

 

 

what an enthusiastic post for this neck of the woods. So sorry to hear about your family - you certainly can't pick them ay? Wish you all the best with your next chapter....

[Sunshine111]

It sounds to me like if you are both not happy with things, that you've given it a fair crack back in the UK and have realised its not where you want to be for whatever reasons. And the reasons you returned for are not really there anymore either. So why hang around somewhere you are not happy. Same as those who are really not happy in Aus, are homesick, can't settle, why hang around in Aus if you want to be back in the UK?

 

I think heading to Aus before high school starts would be a good time. It would give you room to organise, plan and so on. And perhaps be ready to go sooner. Go into it with your eyes wide open though. If you don't go back to Perth, the place you choose may not be for you in the long term, or even short term, but this doesn't mean that Aus has failed you, just you perhaps need to keep looking to find a city, a town, an area you do want to be in and are happy in. Of course work will be the key thing but if you know what you are heading to then you know what to expect and prepare for.

 

If you migrate, migrate is how I see it. Don't sit down and assess every 6 months if you want to stay in Aus or go back to the UK. Just get on and live and should you feel at some point be it a year, 5 years down the road you need to talk about living in Aus or moving somewhere else in the country, then have the conversation. Nothing has to be set in stone. We moved a fair bit in England and didn't think any more of it than when we moved here tbh. Just the logistics were a bit more full on. You just get on with things and build a life wherever you are and if you are not happy with it, make some changes. Don't keep discussing it as that just makes it a temporary thing and you can never really migrate if you are always analysing to stay or go or move elsewhere. We don't do that usually in our lives in the UK before we migrate or move elsewhere in the country, so why do it once you've migrated. Talk about it when you feel you need to talk.

 

Work wise, do your home work. I don't know whereabouts you are thinking of heading but you need to ensure you have work opportunities.

 

Thanks Snifter, your comments have really made me think. I think what has bothered me about being back in the uk is that those initial reasons for being back are no longer here. If it was just hubby & I we'd be on that plane but with the kids we are terrified of making a mistake, they are settled here & we've already moved them. Also being forced to review, what we want & whether it is attainable here.

[Sunshine111]

This phrase stuck in my mind and I just had to pop back in to comment on it. You may have found that to be the case in Perth, but don't expect it to be the case in other parts of Australia. In fact the difficulty of making friends is a common complaint by migrants on this forum. I've heard comments that in Perth, there's quite a sizeable British population who do tend to seek out each other's company, whereas in Sydney that doesn't happen. I can't speak for other cities, but I certainly wouldn't assume.

 

i made x2 fab friends at mothers group & it was a fantastic support in the early years of having babies. Outside of that it was hard work - partly I put it down to us bring a bit introverted or just happy in our own company! But I feel the odds of meeting people in a similar situation looking for the surrogate family more likely. Here in the uk people mostly have their own family & Established friendships. I am finding living in a small village very superficial - but then as you get older maybe it's harder to make deep & meaningful friendships!

[cheese n pickle]

Thanks Snifter, your comments have really made me think. I think what has bothered me about being back in the uk is that those initial reasons for being back are no longer here. If it was just hubby & I we'd be on that plane but with the kids we are terrified of making a mistake, they are settled here & we've already moved them. Also being forced to review, what we want & whether it is attainable here.

 

Please do listen to your children (if they are old enough to express feelings of returning). My youngest was 10 when we returned and she didn't want to. She constantly asks if we can go back (to UK) and is quite unhappy at times. I'm worried she's bordering on depression. There was a time when she was in tears constantly. My worry is when she gets a little bit older she'll want to return on her own.

[Guest]

Great advice, thank you all for your replies, first time I've put it in writing & has given me food for thought. NSW would be where we would head. We are starting to think have we tried hard enough? What do we need to change currently. I think that the extended family has tainted our initial time here and somehow I need to get over the resentment I have been feeling.Booked to see a CBT therapist perhaps I need to work through that first. Also hubby & I are going to research franchises and what are options are house wise, we want off the claustrophobic housing estate!!

 

Theres a a real niggle that says for next 6months we need to give it our all & only then can we if we need to depart.....

 

Sounds like a good plan

[Guest]

Thanks Snifter, your comments have really made me think. I think what has bothered me about being back in the uk is that those initial reasons for being back are no longer here. If it was just hubby & I we'd be on that plane but with the kids we are terrified of making a mistake, they are settled here & we've already moved them. Also being forced to review, what we want & whether it is attainable here.

 

Its really something only your family can work out. Your kids may be happy to give Aus another try, maybe not. But ultimately they are still children and the final decision lies with you, their parents. If you really feel you want to be in Aus then you'll work it out and most likely make the move.

 

I think past a certain age, quite a few kids will resist a move anywhere (even if its half an hour down the motorway in another town) as they have their little world around them, a bubble sort of with their friendships, familiar places and faces and so on and a move can upset that for them. However, much depends on you as a family, how your kids are and how they cope with change and how you go about making those changes if you do move elsewhere.

 

However, other kids are really open to moving, to giving it a go or another go and jump in with both feet. This may be your kids.

 

Until you float the question, you won't know either way. Also, its one thing putting the question out there and getting an initial reaction. Its another to let it sit a while, be thought over, discussed and so on and then reflected on.

 

You know your kids best and I'm sure you'll figure it out, whatever it is