Loulou Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 Arhhhhh due to emigrate in May 2016 with my husband and children 13 and 11 as you may all be aware. I have recently received some devastating news that my mothers chemotherapy has to be re-started next week after 6 years (liver and bone mets) and she has 6-12 months to live. I knew this day would come and was prepared for this when I was in oz (or so I thought) but now it has happened and Iam here it seems to have changed things! My mother is the only person in the UK that I really care about leaving and was prepared to do so for the opportunity of a better life for my children! I have thought about delaying but feel this is a crucial year for my 13 year old as she would start her GCSEs in the UK in sept and feel we need to go next year or it will highly effect her education! Have thought about going in May to activate then I come home alone to spend time with my mother but this could be months (hopefully for her). I feel really selfish but feel we have to go and think of our children who have been patiently waiting for 2 years! The only other option is to go and come home when need be but I don't know how I can step onto that plane with in this situation! It may have been naive of me as I knew this day would come but thought it would be a while down the line and she would get the chance to visit us as this was the plan, but going now they have put a timescale on things changes everything! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tooom Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 I really am sorry for you & your family and pass get well wishes to your mother. This is a pretty difficult situation. Does your visa restrict your emigration date? I know that when I was at school Key stage 4 (years 10 + 11) where you are between 15 and 16 years old were the crucial years. If your 13 year old is moving to year 9, it is not as big of a concern towards GCSE's. From when I was at school ~8 years ago. I don't know if that helps but thought I'd let you know! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sammy1 Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 Personally, if I was lucky enough to still have my Mum alive and I was told she only had six months to a year left to live, then I would not be going anywhere. Your 13 year old will not miss out educationally wise by waiting a year to start high school here- remember different school system. Makes no difference if she has started her G.C.S.E's before you come. It is only when they are older that it begins to matter. It's not a better life here, it is just different, that is important to remember. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flag of convenience Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 A no contest. Remain at home with your Mum as long as possible. It is the people in our life who are important not some far away country that will still be there in a year. As others have stated, 13 is no big drama regarding education. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milliem Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 So sorry to read your terrible news. I know how you feel as I was in a similar situation myself. You have to do what feels right for you. It will be difficult to start a whole new life with so much left behind. I wouldn't worry too much about the GCSEs. My son left half way through year 10 and went straight into year 11 in Oz. It's a two year course which will lead to university entry. I am a secondary teacher in Oz so if I can help in any way with info, let me know. The GCSEs will not required to start year 11 (nor will they help much in preparation) and they cover all the senior topics fully anyway. The assessment criteria are very different in Australia which is why it is better to do the full two year senior course in Oz Millie x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loulou Posted December 3, 2015 Author Share Posted December 3, 2015 Thanks you all for you kind wishes, I do understand it is not a better life just a different way, but the way of life certainly appeals to my family. Hi Milliem I hope everything went as well as it possibly could for yourself. In regards to education Milliem it's so very confusing at what age would my sort of cut of date be for her to move to commence her full 2 senior years in oz, I have researched it but very confusing she will be 14 in July. There is no doubt in my mind that I want to spend as much time with her as possible but my concerns are she did so well on chemo 6years ago and the outlook was very grim them so if she does well on chemo this prognosis could change and then it may be too late to go obviously the children are approaching their adolescence and all with children know what this can be like and obviously the education thing. We are due to move with the in laws beginning of January having sold my property in preparation for the move! I feel very selfish and don't know where to turn, my mother is a very strong women and i cannot discuss this with her because she would be devastated our plans are being reconsidered for her but obviously they would be for my sake 2! Just don't know where to turn! In regards to visa we have 5 years I would have to go in May to activate and then we would have 4 years to make the move so this isn't a concern, Iam just anxious regarding the children's ages! Thank you all for your input Iam an intensive care nurse so know what is ahead of us and know deep down I cannot step on the plane knowing my children would not see their grandmother again, I know could be the situation for any family member we leave but when u know a prognosis like this it changes everything! Thanks all for your advice, pomsinoz is a fantastic form of support for everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 Real sorry to hear that news Loulou.Personally I would have to stay with my Mum,but you have to do whats right for yourselves.Speaking from experience,I took a career break last year,back to Adelaide.My Mum had started to decline healthwise and I wanted to spend 3 mths with her.Unfortunately she died suddenly 2 mths into my 3 mth trip.But you know what?Im so glad I stayed with her.Im never going to get that time back,but I am happy I have nice memories of the time I did spend with her.Follow your gut instinct!Thoughts are with you and your family at this time.xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 I read this earlier but am at work so didn't have time to reply and I think most of what I wanted to say has been said, mostly I just want to give you hugs. No-one is walking in your shoes so no-one knows what is best for you so all I can say is what I would do. I would delay the move without question - I am presuming you are not close to the 5 year validity of your visa? My mam died of bowel cancer in May this year - I moved back from Australia after 5 years there in 2013 and one of my over-riding thoughts was how glad this wasn't happening whilst I was away (my mam was diagnosed on the Saturday and died the following day, I was able to see her and know she was at peace before she lost consciousness, there is no way I'd have made it in time from Australia) Your children will be truly no better off in Australia, I moved there with similar thoughts and moved back with our 10 year old, there is no way on earth I would have done so if I thought he had a better, safer life there or if I thought his opportunities were better (in fact I think they were worse but that is specific to his interests and ambitions) So they are not losing out if you delay your move or indeed don't go at all, you don't mention your dad so I assume once your mum does pass you would be free to move without any guilt or regrets? There are no exams at 16 in Australia - they are taken at 17/18 so long as your oldest daughter is there for year 11 it will make no difference. In fact having done a GCSE year in the UK might even advantage her as she will have got used to the level or pressure and homework that her Australian classmates will be new to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milliem Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 Thanks you all for you kind wishes, I do understand it is not a better life just a different way, but the way of life certainly appeals to my family. Hi Milliem I hope everything went as well as it possibly could for yourself. In regards to education Milliem it's so very confusing at what age would my sort of cut of date be for her to move to commence her full 2 senior years in oz, I have researched it but very confusing she will be 14 in July. There is no doubt in my mind that I want to spend as much time with her as possible but my concerns are she did so well on chemo 6years ago and the outlook was very grim them so if she does well on chemo this prognosis could change and then it may be too late to go obviously the children are approaching their adolescence and all with children know what this can be like and obviously the education thing. We are due to move with the in laws beginning of January having sold my property in preparation for the move! I feel very selfish and don't know where to turn, my mother is a very strong women and i cannot discuss this with her because she would be devastated our plans are being reconsidered for her but obviously they would be for my sake 2! Just don't know where to turn! In regards to visa we have 5 years I would have to go in May to activate and then we would have 4 years to make the move so this isn't a concern, Iam just anxious regarding the children's ages! Thank you all for your input Iam an intensive care nurse so know what is ahead of us and know deep down I cannot step on the plane knowing my children would not see their grandmother again, I know could be the situation for any family member we leave but when u know a prognosis like this it changes everything! Thanks all for your advice, pomsinoz is a fantastic form of support for everyone. The age varies in Oz for year 11 entry. You will always find a school that is flexible. My son was 15 just about to turn 16. There were others in his class who were 14 and some who were already 16. My niece has just finished first year uni and and turned 18 last week. Gaining a igh school certificate is also flexible here. In Queensland students have 9 years from starting year 11 and registering with QSA to complete the certificate. (strange but true) Even if this does not go well it is possible to enter university via a rank which is easily obtainable from a local TAFE course. Do not for one second feel selfish. Everyone will understand and do what your heart tells you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loulou Posted December 3, 2015 Author Share Posted December 3, 2015 Thank you so much lady raincorn. I know it can be awful to bring up these memories for people and appreciate you sharing your experiences! Iam glad u were there to share the last few years of your mums life. I know exactly how you feel as my uncle died of pancreatic cancer last year 3 weeks after diagnosis and my husbands grandfather died in April of bowel cancer 4 days after diagnosis and I cared for him at home as his wife's wishes which was so tough! There is no doubt in my mind that we will get to austrailia and like I said we only had the grant in October so was thinking of going in may(obviously mum dependent) to activate and come home as would rather try to do this sooner than later as the longer it is the more of a possibility I can't activate as she will deteriorate. Thank you for you advice I know what I have to do deep down but can't talk to anyone face to face about everything as I fall apart! My children and husband are great and I have no doubt they will do whatever I need! I have a stepfather who is a total waste of space and I can honestly say I would not trust him to ensure my mum is cared for in a loving way xx thank you all I will never forget theses words of kindness fro complete strangers it is so very much appreciated xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loulou Posted December 3, 2015 Author Share Posted December 3, 2015 Thank you, Iam glad you got to spend some time with your mum prior to her passing and theses memories will stay with you forever! What makes this worse is I have not been able to see my mum since diagnosis as I have been ill with laryngitis and a severe cold stuck on the sofa as cannot risk her catching this prior to her chemo and therefore all these feelings just going round and round in my head. Thanks for listening all xx Loulou x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 Thank you, Iam glad you got to spend some time with your mum prior to her passing and theses memories will stay with you forever! What makes this worse is I have not been able to see my mum since diagnosis as I have been ill with laryngitis and a severe cold stuck on the sofa as cannot risk her catching this prior to her chemo and therefore all these feelings just going round and round in my head. Thanks for listening all xx Loulou x Even more hugs xx The love for your family screams out of your posts both the care for your mum and the desire for your children to have the best possible life and it makes me think that's even more reason to hold off - your children not only deserve this time with there Grandma but it is also teaching them the lesson about what is important. It is also teaching them the need to be flexible and resilient and quite frankly those sort of lessons are far more important than anything taught in school. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loulou Posted December 3, 2015 Author Share Posted December 3, 2015 Thank you lady raincorn this is so true thank you so much for your honesty and experience, I have made my decision we will activate our visas in May and postpone our plans, our lives in the UK are not that bad that there is an urgency to go and all the comments regarding schooling have made me less anxious! We will get there but it will just be later than planned what is a year for us will be my mothers life time and that cannot be replaced, time to start making more special memories and look for temporary accommodation for my family xx Thank you all so much sometimes all you need is advice from people out of the situation to guide you through your decision process when sometimes you know what you have to do but u need to make sense of it all xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VERYSTORMY Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 Thank you lady raincorn this is so true thank you so much for your honesty and experience, I have made my decision we will activate our visas in May and postpone our plans, our lives in the UK are not that bad that there is an urgency to go and all the comments regarding schooling have made me less anxious! We will get there but it will just be later than planned what is a year for us will be my mothers life time and that cannot be replaced, time to start making more special memories and look for temporary accommodation for my family xx Thank you all so much sometimes all you need is advice from people out of the situation to guide you through your decision process when sometimes you know what you have to do but u need to make sense of it all xx I think you have done the right thing. I am writing as someone that has lost two close members of my family while being in Australia - my mum and my daughter. It is incredibly hard when it happens being stuck on the other side of the world. In both cases, I was lucky and able to get flights and be able to afford them - I have known people that couldn't. But even then, by the time I could get home, it was a couple of days. Very hard when you know people need you back there and all you want is to be there, but are instead stuck in an airport. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keith and Linda Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 We were in a similar position with Linda's father (heart) we received our visa whilst he had his first spell in hospital, whilst in hospital he suffered some severe heart attacks so much so he was given weeks rather than months and would be bed bound if he did get home, however he was a tough old bugger, made it home but not the best of times. So any thought of emigrating during that time was not an option, however we did all have to have to activate our visa's so we had a two week holiday over to OZ. Fast forward 3 1/5 years the fil passed away and so arrangements could be made for selling up and emigrating and everything came down to two days.............Daughter did her final exam at school two days later we flew out, two days later we landed in OZ, two days later our Visa expired and that was a 4 year visa. I wish you well and really you have to do what you think works out best for your circumstances. Keith Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 So sorry to hear about your mum. I think you are doing the right thing - at least you will be able to live with yourself after your decision. As the others have said, the education thing isn't an issue, you've got years up your sleeve there. As long as your visa is activated you're keeping all your options open - as they say, life is what happens while you are busy making other plans! All the best at this difficult time - hanging around waiting for someone to pop their clogs isn't easy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted December 5, 2015 Share Posted December 5, 2015 Oh you only have one Mum and I would stay if it were me. If you go now you will spend half your time worrying anyway. Good luck to you all whatever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loulou Posted December 5, 2015 Author Share Posted December 5, 2015 Thank you all, that's right it definitely would not be a start of a fresh life in oz as I would always worrying about my mum! Is is a very sad time but we have to make the best of a awful situation and make the best of it! We are still selling the house as planned and activating in May on our flights and accommodation that is already booked but just a flying visit will obviously have to sort flights home but not changing any plans until I have to depending of my mothers health we may have to change to activation date. This is not a matter of if we emigrate it's just when.xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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