PerfectPerth Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 Hello fellow Poms, I am really hoping for some advice! I am recently engaged and am really struggling on deciding where to have our wedding. We have lived in Perth for over 2 years and do consider it home although we don't have many friends here and no family whatsoever. It is even more complicated as we are both from different countries so its not as simple as going "home" to get married as we have 2! I would love to have the wedding here and for all our family and friends back home to come over, but is this alot to ask? I feel nervous talking about it with them and our parents have said they will come but it seems they are reluctant because of the cost. I would feel so uncomfortable throwing the wedding here and knowing that the guests were unhappy on travelling on this way. At the same time, the thought of getting married in another country that I dont live in anymore, fills me with worry! Let alone the hassle of organising a wedding overseas. Did anyone get married here and face these problems? Or did anyone go home and get married? Everyone keeps telling us to do what we want to do but the truth is, neither of us know for sure Any advice is much appreciated! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bungo Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 I didn't, but all the expats I know that have got married whilst living in Australia have gone home for their wedding. One of my friends who went back for her wedding a few years ago has just gone back for her baby's christening too. Her sister organised that, I guess family help out with wedding plans too, but you can still do a lot yourself. I tend to think expecting family and friends to make the trip is a big ask and if some have already expressed some hesitation in doing this, I wouldn't push it. On the other hand, it is your day and if you are prepared to have a small wedding with just a few that can make the trip over, well as I say, it is your day. As you are from two different countries, if you decide to go back somewhere, I believe the old fashioned prerogative belongs to the bride! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Que Sera Sera Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 No words of wisdom except to say, we didn't have the wedding of choice, we got married in a place to please others, we wanted to escape to a tropical place and get married on the beach but we thought of all the family who wouldn't be able to make it so got married in our old hometown. I really regret it to be honest . It didn't end up being as special as I'd wished, we spent too much money pleasing others and not ourselves, the wedding is your special day , make sure your wishes come first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 I married my Aus husband in the UK and we didnt invite anyone from Aus. And only 4 people in the UK. We didn't tell anyone (apart from those invited) we were getting married and kept it how we wanted it. Small, intimate and very low key. Worked for us but isnt for everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PerfectPerth Posted September 21, 2015 Author Share Posted September 21, 2015 Thank you Que Sera Sera, its interesting to hear that as its one of my biggest concerns with getting married in the UK. I would hate to regret my wedding day or feel "Weird" getting married in a country that isnt Home anymore. I moved a lot as a child so don't particularly have strong bonds to one location in the UK... I guess my heart wants to get married in Australia but at the same time, I want my family and friends around too. It seems I can't have both and its causing me so much stress I dont know what I would regret more...a wedding where I want but without the people...or having the people and a wedding location that doesnt mean anything to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 If you are both from different countries, getting married in Australia sounds the best option to me as it is a neutral country. One may feel resentful if it is in the other partner's home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PerfectPerth Posted September 21, 2015 Author Share Posted September 21, 2015 Snifter, I like your style...i wish I could do that in a way but another part of me wants the big party and celebration! We are both fairly low key and certainly don't enjoy being the center of attention but I just think for that one special day it would be nice! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PerfectPerth Posted September 21, 2015 Author Share Posted September 21, 2015 I agree ParleyCross, its a big reason why we moved to Australia in the first place. We both feel though that it was OUR choice to move away from all our family so how can we expect them to travel all the way here for our wedding, it doesnt seem fair. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bungo Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 Thank you Que Sera Sera, its interesting to hear that as its one of my biggest concerns with getting married in the UK. I would hate to regret my wedding day or feel "Weird" getting married in a country that isnt Home anymore. I moved a lot as a child so don't particularly have strong bonds to one location in the UK...I guess my heart wants to get married in Australia but at the same time, I want my family and friends around too. It seems I can't have both and its causing me so much stress I dont know what I would regret more...a wedding where I want but without the people...or having the people and a wedding location that doesnt mean anything to me. I think you have summed it up perfectly. Being realistic, if you get married in Australia you are not going to have everyone there, you would be doing well to get parents siblings and one or two closest friends. You would have to really pin down who is going to make it too before you can make any decisions such as venue. Purely on what you have said, going back seems more sensible as it gives you the people you want there, whereas I don't understand why a wedding location has to have prior meaning to you? You pick somewhere you like the look of and it will have meaning afterwards and forever more. We wanted a small wedding, I don't like fuss. We went overseas so that we didn't have to do the big thing and only invited immediate family, but it was nowhere as far as Australia and easily doable in a week although most came for ten days / two weeks. We still had a couple of people decline though, it is inevitable when people need to travel a long way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 I'm sure both your families and friends would understand if you chose to get married in Australia.Just ensure you give them all plenty of notice so they can make allowances with their annual leave,save some more money etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PerfectPerth Posted September 21, 2015 Author Share Posted September 21, 2015 Thanks for all your replies. I really am interested to hear if anyone has had a wedding in Australia and invited people from the UK, and what their responses were like Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyHeart Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 Myself and husband are from different towns in the UK (albeit next door to each other) We got married in OHs home town. Certain members of my family were most put out that we hadn't married in my home town and that they had to travel the 30 miles and stay in a hotel overnight rather than it being on their doorstep. Some proceeded to moan about the choice of music at the party too. It didn't matter much to us we had a wonderful day but it makes me think that people who truly love you and want to be there for your big day...will be. Wherever it is. A wedding is about 2 people. Not the families. (in my mind anyway) If I were you, I'd marry here, play it by ear, see who is willing and able to travel....if you find not enough are coming and it might disappoint you then fly back after and arrange a big party and maybe a blessing (be warned though you may feel resentful that those people couldn't be bothered to come to you and the costs/hassle) I know what you mean about wanting your family there but often it's just the very closest we want with us. (If you want the numbers making up I'll be happy to attend;) Love a good wedding;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyHeart Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 Thanks for all your replies. I really am interested to hear if anyone has had a wedding in Australia and invited people from the UK, and what their responses were like I've only been to one wedding here, it was a British friend, no family here, she invited her family and friends and several came over. They married on the beach and had a party at the local club. It was lovely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PerfectPerth Posted September 21, 2015 Author Share Posted September 21, 2015 Hehe, thanks Happy Heart The silly thing is, we both want a small wedding. Regardless of whether we have it here or in Europe, the maximum we want is 30. I am most stressed about asking people to travel all this way for a wedding. It seems SO much to ask. I agree that the people that want to be there will be there, I am just very worried that they may resent it when they get here and think " why couldnt they just get married back home!?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JockinTas Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 Myself and husband are from different towns in the UK (albeit next door to each other)We got married in OHs home town. Certain members of my family were most put out that we hadn't married in my home town and that they had to travel the 30 miles and stay in a hotel overnight rather than it being on their doorstep. Some proceeded to moan about the choice of music at the party too. It didn't matter much to us we had a wonderful day but it makes me think that people who truly love you and want to be there for your big day...will be. Wherever it is. A wedding is about 2 people. Not the families. (in my mind anyway) If I were you, I'd marry here, play it by ear, see who is willing and able to travel....if you find not enough are coming and it might disappoint you then fly back after and arrange a big party and maybe a blessing (be warned though you may feel resentful that those people couldn't be bothered to come to you and the costs/hassle) I know what you mean about wanting your family there but often it's just the very closest we want with us. (If you want the numbers making up I'll be happy to attend;) Love a good wedding;) Yes HH, I've known a few couple who have married quietly here in a register office then fly back (not always right after the wedding) and throw a big party for family and friends back in the UK. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PerfectPerth Posted September 21, 2015 Author Share Posted September 21, 2015 I was tempted to do this too, I was just concerned the wedding wouldn't feel "Real" ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyHeart Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 Hehe, thanks Happy Heart The silly thing is, we both want a small wedding. Regardless of whether we have it here or in Europe, the maximum we want is 30. I am most stressed about asking people to travel all this way for a wedding. It seems SO much to ask. I agree that the people that want to be there will be there, I am just very worried that they may resent it when they get here and think " why couldnt they just get married back home!?" Because it's not about them, it's about you. You can only ask. People are selfish..they can disappoint you. I know the people I'd go back for (for a wedding) and the people I wouldn't, also there'll be costs issues for many, I think all you can do is put it out there and see...but you are in no way obliged to do it to make it easier for others. Its your day. Suit yourselves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScotsQuine Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 Close your eyes and picture your ideal wedding day. Now questions to ask yourself. 1. Where are you? 2. Who can you see around you? 3. What country are you in? Now that is what your wedding day should be. It is your wedding day, not your family or friends day. It may sound harsh but in all honesty, those nearest and dearest to you both should respect your choice! I never wanted to get married, to me it was always just a piece of paper. My dad told me that I was 7 years old when I first said that if I did get married, I would run away and I'd wear black! 26 years ago I did just that I finished work at 5pm on Thursday. Got married at 10am on Friday. Went back to work on Monday. There were only 4 people at our wedding and my OH and I were 2 of them!! I can honestly say hand on heart that we have never regretted doing it that way. Like I said above, it is YOUR DAY. Do what you both want to do... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LKC Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 I used to work in the wedding industry, so I've come across this sort of situation a few times. Quite a number of couples got married quietly here in Australia, and then had a blessing-type ceremony for family and friends back in the UK/South Africa or wherever they were from. Could you do something like this? Maybe a small marriage ceremony here in Australia, so that you have the wedding here in the place that is special to you, and then pick out somewhere nice such as a stately home or something back in the UK or even in Europe. You would make that place special by sharing that day with your family and friends. Rather than pick somewhere close to family which didn't mean anything. Maybe you could persuade just your parents to come for the wedding by contributing part of the cost? When OH and I got married we were living away from home in a town that was 100 miles from where our families were. We had the wedding in our town rather than where we had grown up, because it was special to us as a couple. Some people were a bit grotty about having to travel, but realistically it wasn't like they had to travel to the other side of the planet. Maybe something like I have described above might be an acceptable compromise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PerfectPerth Posted September 21, 2015 Author Share Posted September 21, 2015 Hi LKC and thank you for your advice I have considered something similar (i.e. having a party back home after having the actual ceremony here) but something doesn't sit right...I REALLY want my family to witness the actual marriage and we don't necessarily want a big party. We would be happy to contribute to the cost of some of the guests coming over but we would then not have enough money to throw a party back in the UK...Its catch 22! You are right though, people will always grumble about something! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PerfectPerth Posted September 21, 2015 Author Share Posted September 21, 2015 Thanks ScotsQuine...Its funny that you write this, last night i was having another panic moment about the wedding and where it will be, we decided to write a list of what WE want and what WE see our wedding to be. Everytime the conversation veered back to what the family would expect, want or be happy about it...I wish that we could be more "selfish" in a way and focus on just us. Your wedding day sounded brilliant as afterall it is just a wedding day..its not the marriage or love Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyHeart Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 I think you should make a list of essential guests, invite them, see what they say, then use the offer of contributing to sway them if needed. You don't want a big wedding therefore it should be do-able to get nearest and dearest over. A lovely holiday for them too. You get to marry over here, save costs and everyone's happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bungo Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 Hehe, thanks Happy Heart The silly thing is, we both want a small wedding. Regardless of whether we have it here or in Europe, the maximum we want is 30. I am most stressed about asking people to travel all this way for a wedding. It seems SO much to ask. I agree that the people that want to be there will be there, I am just very worried that they may resent it when they get here and think " why couldnt they just get married back home!?" Well I had thought you were thinking of inviting 100 people to come over, just 30 is another matter. You might get a good % turnout in that case. Anybody that does come over, will plan a whole holiday around it and they will be too busy enjoying themselves to be resenting being there. I think you have to accept apologies graciously though and not think those people didn't want to come. Not everybody will be able to make it; not up to travel, can't get time off work, have already made big holiday plans for that year or simply cannot afford it. Most people are accepting of others decisions for their wedding. I remember one time I was so disappointed that one of my dearest friends got married with no guests at all, disappointed only because I wanted to see her day. But there was never any question about accepting her decision or feeling resentful about it, she had her reasons (his warring divorced parents) and that was that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peach Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 Do what we did : Just don't bother getting married and save the cash :wink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Que Sera Sera Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 I went to an all Aussie wedding on Saturday not as a guest but for work, anyway the couple live in Perth, the Brides family live in Geraldton and the Grooms family were from Brisbane. They got married in Freo on Monument Hill overlooking Freo, then went for the reception at Little Creatures in Freo. It was so casual and so much fun. Would have loved it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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