avinalff Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 Rosiehome, I'v been in Ipswich,Qld for ten years,and I completely agree with your sentiments. My wife loves it here,but I've had enough of the sun.It isn't a bad place,but as you said,there is just something about being ,where you were brought up. Don't know if I will ever get back permanently,if my other half wants to stay here in Queensland. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neil Partner Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 Totally get that.been here four years and have had that feeling on and off most days,not quite feeling connected and belonging and feeling far away from family and friends,especially daughter who was 13 when I left and is 16 now. we was in London and moved out of Perth but are going to try in the city as there's more going on ,although have been back quite a few times and flew daughter out here,it still has been similar feelings. glad your settled in. my missus has not had similar feelings like me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bristolman Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 Rosiehome,I'v been in Ipswich,Qld for ten years,and I completely agree with your sentiments. My wife loves it here,but I've had enough of the sun.It isn't a bad place,but as you said,there is just something about being ,where you were brought up. Don't know if I will ever get back permanently,if my other half wants to stay here in Queensland. 10 years in Ipswich, you get less for manslaughter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 It must be very difficult,when you live somewhere your partner loves or likes and you don't.I think I'd have to reach some sort of compromise where I would spend a certain amount of time in my home country.Not easy to do though when working and juggling finances. I think if I were considering a move to Australia (or anywhere else for that matter)with a partner and I wasn't totally 100% sure on moving?I'd probably refuse. I've read too many posts on this forum,of someone being coerced into moving,with the more enthusiastic partner "agreeing"to return to the homeland if said partner can't settle.Only for them to move over and the partner then refuses to move.Thats really not fair when someone moves the goal posts,even worse if you have children. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 10 years in Ipswich, you get less for manslaughter :laugh:I'm guessing Ipswich isn't paradise? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bristolman Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 It must be very difficult,when you live somewhere your partner loves or likes and you don't.I think I'd have to reach some sort of compromise where I would spend a certain amount of time in my home country.Not easy to do though when working and juggling finances. I think if I were considering a move to Australia (or anywhere else for that matter)with a partner and I wasn't totally 100% sure on moving?I'd probably refuse. I've read too many posts on this forum,of someone being coerced into moving,with the more enthusiastic partner "agreeing"to return to the homeland if said partner can't settle.Only for them to move over and the partner then refuses to move.Thats really not fair when someone moves the goal posts,even worse if you have children. I have been very lucky over the years, my wife has moved with me but always favoured the UK, she would never live in Australia over the UK if given the choice. She hasn't been at all unhappy when we have been in Australia and we have always had a good time and a good life. Whenever going to England was talked about she was immediately in favour. If she had been unhappy there I would have moved back here willingly. Many couples certainly do not have that luxury and I really don't know how they cope, often I suppose they don't and they split up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bristolman Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 :laugh:I'm guessing Ipswich isn't paradise? Mmm, what's the opposite of paradise ? :biglaugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 Mmm, what's the opposite of paradise ? :biglaugh: Oh dear?That bad hey?lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lambethlad Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 I haven't been back for over 30 years and I didn't think I would ever want to go back. Now I'm in my 60s and I'm starting to think about going back, not on a permanent basis but I wouldn't mind going for a year or two but I'll be lucky if my missus agrees to a month. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 I haven't been back for over 30 years and I didn't think I would ever want to go back. Now I'm in my 60s and I'm starting to think about going back, not on a permanent basis but I wouldn't mind going for a year or two but I'll be lucky if my missus agrees to a month. Then I'd go without her!I've been back to Oz a few times when I was married.First for two weeks,then 3 mths last year.That wasn't the cause of our split btw,there were other issues,but I certainly wouldn't not go just because you partner doesn't want to.Life's too short. I've also been down to Cornwall for a week at a time without my OH in the past to visit my daughter and grandkids.Not because my OH refused to go but because I wanted some time alone with them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunbury61 Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 a quick update. I've been back 7 weeks and am very happy. I did 10 years in Australia, in that time, I pinged twice kind of, and it has taken this long to finally feel like i'm home and am happy, and i've not given oz a second thought. I think, out of it all i have learned so many valuable lessons. Namely, i actually need to feel like i belong, culturally, spiritually- whatever- connected to the land, to 'my own people' who i get, where it is no hassle to participate in conversation etc. When you have been out your own country for a long time, the very things you leave it for, can turn out to be what you crave and wish to return to. The smallest things delight me now- a walk in the woods, a cup of tea with my dad, interesting and stimulating conversations, soooo much to do on one's doorstep- i cannot do it all and my UK bucket list is just so enormous....., when I lived in oz i always had this nagging feeling, wherever i was, whatever i was doing of 'i'm in Australia'. It NEVER left me, not once. I came to realise that being constantly conscious of one's location was draining, and would never change. Here, i do not live with that any more. Rather, i just LIVE. Sure, it's not a bed of roses, where is? We live in crazy times. I am just so relieved that i feel at peace. Isn't that what we all want? Even the weather has not got me down. It hasn't stopped anything at all- nor will it. It has been very emotional reconnecting with old friends too- i am lucky that i have been welcomed back despite the long absence and i will never let them go again. I absolutely gave it my all in Australia but the feelings i have here, are real. I have closure. It is awesome x Its got its problems thinker ....but it is the coolest place on the planet ... That's why London is the coolest capital on the planet ...and that's why people flock there That's why we have punched above our weight for centuries What other little island can boast ...the Beatles.....shakespeare.....churchill.....James bond and his Aston martin Accept its faults ,of which there are many .....and go bloody enjoy it . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bora Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 a quick update. I've been back 7 weeks and am very happy. I did 10 years in Australia, in that time, I pinged twice kind of, and it has taken this long to finally feel like i'm home and am happy, and i've not given oz a second thought. I think, out of it all i have learned so many valuable lessons. Namely, i actually need to feel like i belong, culturally, spiritually- whatever- connected to the land, to 'my own people' who i get, where it is no hassle to participate in conversation etc. When you have been out your own country for a long time, the very things you leave it for, can turn out to be what you crave and wish to return to. The smallest things delight me now- a walk in the woods, a cup of tea with my dad, interesting and stimulating conversations, soooo much to do on one's doorstep- i cannot do it all and my UK bucket list is just so enormous....., when I lived in oz i always had this nagging feeling, wherever i was, whatever i was doing of 'i'm in Australia'. It NEVER left me, not once. I came to realise that being constantly conscious of one's location was draining, and would never change. Here, i do not live with that any more. Rather, i just LIVE. Sure, it's not a bed of roses, where is? We live in crazy times. I am just so relieved that i feel at peace. Isn't that what we all want? Even the weather has not got me down. It hasn't stopped anything at all- nor will it. It has been very emotional reconnecting with old friends too- i am lucky that i have been welcomed back despite the long absence and i will never let them go again. I absolutely gave it my all in Australia but the feelings i have here, are real. I have closure. It is awesome x Another example today. Had to get my Car serviced and dropped it in as planned for 2pm, meaning I had an hour to kill before I collected my kids from School. So I went and got a drink before taking a leisurely stroll in the sunshine towards the School. Heading towards me was a Mum I recognise, strange I thought as she was walking away from it as I was walking towards to it. I don;t know her well, in fact I didn't even know her name - just her face from the gates. So we chatted for a minute, about how nice the day was and how the kids were settling into new term. She said she fancied a walk rather than sitting in her Car waiting for 3pm. And with 20 mins remaining she decided to scoop her arm into mine and said come on, you can keep me company and we'll walk together! Whether I liked it or not, off we went! Powering along in the wrong direction as we chatted and got to know each other! Made my day, the surprise element and friendliness of it all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chortlepuss Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 Another example today. Had to get my Car serviced and dropped it in as planned for 2pm, meaning I had an hour to kill before I collected my kids from School. So I went and got a drink before taking a leisurely stroll in the sunshine towards the School. Heading towards me was a Mum I recognise, strange I thought as she was walking away from it as I was walking towards to it. I don;t know her well, in fact I didn't even know her name - just her face from the gates. So we chatted for a minute, about how nice the day was and how the kids were settling into new term. She said she fancied a walk rather than sitting in her Car waiting for 3pm. And with 20 mins remaining she decided to scoop her arm into mine and said come on, you can keep me company and we'll walk together! Whether I liked it or not, off we went! Powering along in the wrong direction as we chatted and got to know each other! Made my day, the surprise element and friendliness of it all. Wow. How lovely. When I meet British people in Oz I am overwhelmed by how friendly they are off the bat - I've often wondered why it's so hard to get this level of friendship in Oz from Australians. Perhaps British people like you or not and if they don't like you they have little to do with you, and if they do like you they don't tend to be coy - they dive in and try and move the friendship on. The Ozzies I've met are nice to me at a superficial level but perhaps that's part of the culture. There is a pressure here to be 'nice' to everyone and Ozzies are masters of small talk and putting a game face on to get what they want/need. One 'friend' I know did pop over for a cuppa and we spent the whole time updating her resume as she wanted help - then she had to go... Another admitted she just didn't have time to meet but was over in 15 mins when she wanted to borrow a portable air conditioner. I haven't seen her for 3 years - just as well I don't need it back!! Behaviour like this has led me to withdraw from people a little as I fear being used... I was always quite sociable in the UK (still have a large friendship group there) so I'm hoping I can get back into the normal swing of things when I'm back! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bora Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 Wow. How lovely. When I meet British people in Oz I am overwhelmed by how friendly they are off the bat - I've often wondered why it's so hard to get this level of friendship in Oz from Australians. Perhaps British people like you or not and if they don't like you they have little to do with you, and if they do like you they don't tend to be coy - they dive in and try and move the friendship on. The Ozzies I've met are nice to me at a superficial level but perhaps that's part of the culture. There is a pressure here to be 'nice' to everyone and Ozzies are masters of small talk and putting a game face on to get what they want/need. One 'friend' I know did pop over for a cuppa and we spent the whole time updating her resume as she wanted help - then she had to go... Another admitted she just didn't have time to meet but was over in 15 mins when she wanted to borrow a portable air conditioner. I haven't seen her for 3 years - just as well I don't need it back!! Behaviour like this has led me to withdraw from people a little as I fear being used... I was always quite sociable in the UK (still have a large friendship group there) so I'm hoping I can get back into the normal swing of things when I'm back! I'd get that A/C unit back Chortlepuss, I am convinced you will need it on maybe the one occasion in the next three years after your return Imagine how overwhelmed you'll feel when you are largely surrounded again by all that friendliness you refer to! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JockinTas Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 10 years in Ipswich, you get less for manslaughter I've got to admit I didn't like the place. Couldn't live there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JockinTas Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Then I'd go without her!I've been back to Oz a few times when I was married.First for two weeks,then 3 mths last year.That wasn't the cause of our split btw,there were other issues,but I certainly wouldn't not go just because you partner doesn't want to.Life's too short. I've also been down to Cornwall for a week at a time without my OH in the past to visit my daughter and grandkids.Not because my OH refused to go but because I wanted some time alone with them. I go back to visit the UK without my OH. I go to see my sister, SIL and very good old friends. I can do what I like when I like without being worried he's bored with our nattering until 2:00 am. He's happy when his sister comes here to visit so tells me there is no need for him to go to the UK. I'm already planning my trip next year :jiggy: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 I haven't been back for over 30 years and I didn't think I would ever want to go back. Now I'm in my 60s and I'm starting to think about going back, not on a permanent basis but I wouldn't mind going for a year or two but I'll be lucky if my missus agrees to a month. I know plenty of people who go back for holidays - sometimes extended holidays - on their own, so don't waste time nagging her - just get on the plane! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grizzly111 Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 The Ozzies I've met are nice to me at a superficial level but perhaps that's part of the culture. There is a pressure here to be 'nice' to everyone and Ozzies are masters of small talk and putting a game face on to get what they want/need. Wow - when I read this I physically nodded my head in agreement! This is something I noticed too and has made me unnecessarily suspicious of many interactions. I feel exactly the same way as you and couldn't have put it better. However I find when I talk to other races - Europeans and Asians in particular living in Australia that grew up overseas this is not the case. I find when I laugh with them I am actually laughing WITH them as it were. My Dad has always been saying that Aussies always are nice to your face but watch what they say behind your back and he has lived all around Oz. And to the OP - well done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Gawd you lot have met some nasty people here haven't you? No wonder you want to go back! I have had very different experiences of Aussies but there you go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thinker78 Posted September 22, 2015 Author Share Posted September 22, 2015 It is sadly, my experience of 'most' Australians too. the cultural gap is much wider than one may imagine or wish for. It took me a solid 3 years to even find 2 friends- one had just moved back from the UK and one was, you guessed it, from the UK! Aussies are hard nuts to crack and i've only been back 7 weeks but have had more coffee/dinner invites than i can shake a brollie at It's not just that either. I just find people friendlier here, and more genuine. having had a really hard year this year, i realised that aussies do not 'do' real conversation about the crappy/difficult/real aspects of life at all. that's not to say they don't go through things, but they just don't know how to talk about things. one of my reasons for moving away as a younger whipper snapper was the supposed negativity and downbeatedness of the Brits. however, i've done a U-ey on that now life has bashed me around a bit- rather, I love the openess and easy chat the Brits give, if it's a weather moan, a rant about Cameron or an invite (which they follow through on and chase up), well, i'd rather have it than anything i had before. this is my opinion. i do have some lovely australian friends, but even after a lot of years i simply do not connect with them on the same emotional level. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perthbum Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Wow - when I read this I physically nodded my head in agreement! This is something I noticed too and has made me unnecessarily suspicious of many interactions. I feel exactly the same way as you and couldn't have put it better. However I find when I talk to other races - Europeans and Asians in particular living in Australia that grew up overseas this is not the case. I find when I laugh with them I am actually laughing WITH them as it were. My Dad has always been saying that Aussies always are nice to your face but watch what they say behind your back and he has lived all around Oz. And to the OP - well done. I agree with this and have experienced it, I have had aussies nice as pie to my face but have whinged the the foreman behind my back for whatever....I was shocked at first but just kept quiet when they were about after a couple of bad experiences. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Do you think it depends though where you live in Australia?I had no problems as a child making friends through to teenage years,and early 20's when growing up in the burbs of Adelaide. When I first got married,we moved to a suburb a fair way from where I grew up (I'm british),and although my eldest was at primary school ,the Mums at school were pretty cliquey.Later we moved to a small country town (still within SA)and the first week the kids started school,I was introduced to a Mum,she then invited me round for a cuppa,and introduced to me her wide circle of friends. Those friends are still friends with me today,even though I moved to the UK years ago. There was nothing we could'nt discuss,and we had plenty of deep and meaningfuls!:laugh:I really do feel a close affinity with these friends,and they are more like more sisters. Maybe I just got lucky,I really don't know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perthbum Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Gawd you lot have met some nasty people here haven't you? No wonder you want to go back! I have had very different experiences of Aussies but there you go. You need to get out more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 Do you think it depends though where you live in Australia? Yes, definitely. I started out in country Victoria and even though I was there only a year, I made friends I'm still in touch with. I was in Sydney for over thirty years and while I had a large circle of "friends", only one of them has bothered to contact me/reply to emails/comment on my Facebook posts in the six months since I left. I'm sure it's the same in the UK. I don't find Southampton particularly friendly - I went to a belly dance concert and the only people who responded in a friendly way were the teachers (hoping I'd join their classes of course!), and a girl from New Zealand. But no doubt it's different in other places. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chortlepuss Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 I don't think my age (50+) helps - When you have a context like young kids at school, growing up with people then that it easier to make that bond. Plus I found in the UK that people I met at work became firm friends, whereas my work colleagues are great in Oz but don't socialise outside work. Strangely enough this was a complaint I also heard from an Ozzie recently returned from the UK about the Australian workplace! It is just a huge cultural gulf - what seems normal behaviour to Ozzies can seem rude and hurtful to British people. I suspect Australians find that British seem too clingy when they're invited out to social events - even when Australian acquaintances of mine confess to being lonely, they are not interested in popping to the cinema, going to an art class, going for a walk etc... I get the odd one who accepts going out for a drink/meal but I don't want to spend all my spare time drinking copiously. And now I can't be bothered to make the effort anymore - it is hard, hard work. Most Australians that I've met aren't nasty - far from it - they just don't want to be friends. So I socialise with other British, South Africans and Asians which is so much easier to be honest. I've been here nearly 10 years and it's a shame that I've not made any real Aussie friends in that time, but it's not for want of trying..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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