Devasted tonight !

[Jacaranda]

You know what Spanner?If I were your wife?I'd even refuse the holiday!Why?My fear is,this is just your way of enforcing an idea onto your wife,nagging her to death until she relents.Save yourself the grief,and as I said before,be happy,content and grateful for what you already have.

Why even bother then with the holiday if your wife has already said she would never live there long term?

[Vickiw89]

Nobody knows what's best for you and your family like your family does. I went to Australia for a year after meeting my partner there and I was adamant I was only going for a year. I didn't want to live there permanently, or look at moving I was just happy going for a year to fulfil my dream. I'm now planning my permanent return as I feel it does offer a better lifestyle, maybe not for everyone but certainly for me.

you can ask others what they think you should do but truth is no one will know other than you and your family.

my point is, I was like your wife, albeit I was going for a lot longer, but it can change your perspective. I say if she is willing to do the holiday, go, at least you won't regret seeing the country. And you know what? You might not even like it.

[CaptainR]

You know what Spanner?If I were your wife?I'd even refuse the holiday!Why?My fear is,this is just your way of enforcing an idea onto your wife,nagging her to death until she relents.Save yourself the grief,and as I said before,be happy,content and grateful for what you already have.

Why even bother then with the holiday if your wife has already said she would never live there long term?

Thats pretty harsh; seems like neither of them is going to be totally happy, whatever happens.

[Bungo]

Thats pretty harsh; seems like neither of them is going to be totally happy, whatever happens.

 

The wife sounds perfectly happy with her life in the UK. I didn't even think the OP sounded unhappy in the UK, rather that he was just pining for something else.

[Marisawright]

I know your right but my wife doesn't want to go and I do and that's the problem I font want to look back in 10 years and wish I'd done it and didn't we have a beautiful daughter too she's 6 it makes it harder

 

If you want to stand any chance of persuading your wife, you need to stop dreaming and start being practical. Present her with details and facts that PROVE you can afford it and that it's not as risky as she thinks, and she may relent. So -

 

- find out if you're even eligible for a visa (your occupation must be on the list, and you must have the right qualifications and experience). There is no point in even going for the holiday until you know whether you could get the visa!

 

- research the demand for your skills in Australia (just because an occupation is on the list, doesn't mean you'll walk into work - the job market in Australia is tough right now and in some states, it's not unknown to take several months before you find work). Look on seek.com.au for an idea of jobs available.

 

- do a budget showing how much it will cost to make the move (hint: for a family it's usually around £20,000 to £30,000 by the time you pay for application fees, flights, shipping, setting up costs, temp accommodation until you find a home, and money to survive on while you look for work or set up your businesses again).

 

- decide where in Australia you want to go (don't think it's all the same - different areas have different lifestyles, and different pro's and con's). Then get on domain.com.au to research how much it will cost you for housing - you'll probably rent for a while so research that plus the cost of buying the kind of home you want.

 

I don't know how you presented it to your wife, but if you've been "dreaming" of Australia for years, she may feel it is just that - a pipe dream,not a practical reality that you could make work.

 

Of course there's always the chance that after you've done all that research, you'll discover that it IS as risky as she thinks, but if that's the case it's probably time you worked that out, isn't it?

[Jacaranda]

Thats pretty harsh; seems like neither of them is going to be totally happy, whatever happens.

Harsh?Perhaps, but I prefer the reality slap rather than living in some dream state.Its not all about his happiness is it??I thought when you were together as partners both people need/should be happy?Maybe that's where I've gone wrong.Maybe I should of acted like a stepford wife and just gone along with everything my two ex husbands wanted!Damn! I'll know next time around!:wink:

[Cafp06]

I think you would be eligible for 189 and 190 visa until the age of 45. Just wanted to add I wanted to make the move for several years but my long term partner too didn't want to do it. So we took a holiday there and then he was completely on board with wanting to make the move. I didn't have to convince him at all as he made a well informed decision based on what he saw and experienced and he absolutely loved Oz. So it is possible for partners to share your dream without you needing to convince them. Once again good luck Spanners.

[Marisawright]

When we worked away on expat contracts, we enjoyed the adventure and never had any concerns knowing that at the end of the 2 year contract we would go home (or extend if we chose). I do think that a 2 year trial without selling up in the UK is one way to get something out of your system. At least both of you would be satisfied, you would have tried it, your kid would have the experience and your wife could see it as a long holiday knowing you have your old life to go back to.

 

 

The thing with expat contracts (which I've done, too) is that you usually get some or all of your moving costs paid for, at both ends of the contract. That makes a huge difference to the affordability.

 

As we found with our recent move, moving for 2 years costs just as much as moving forever - the visa fees, flights, accommodation and other costs are much the same. We did save money by buying just the basics to set up our flat, but then we have the ongoing cost of storage in Australia.

[Rachel Tilley]

And what if they go,and at the end of the "trial period"the guy refuses to move back to the UK,and then due to the daughter,the lady is stuck there?

 

When I started to read this thread the alarm bells started to sound! My ex could be the OP, I was in his wife's shoes, I gave in... and the rest is history (well on here it is!)

[Jacaranda]

Yes Rachel I was thinking of your story too when I posted my post.

[xxlornaxx]

would you rather be with your wife or live in Aus? if its your wife, then let it go and enjoy UK. Aus has terrible drug problems..well in areas I worked/lived..which were nice areas, but had same as.. if not worse problems than what I found in worst parts of UK..i don't think either uk or aus is better for kids..different but neither is better..a happy, loving and stable home life is most important, not the country. We are choosing aus as its better for us financially, otherwise we would stay in uk, both great places to raise a family.

[Rachel Tilley]

Hi guys just joined the forum just sounding out really and feeling debased to say the least I'll try to cut down the story I'm a 42 year old UK male married , my wife and I have a beautiful daughter aged 6 it's always been my dream to at least try Australia with hopefully the feeling of liking it and moving lock stock out there full time , it's pretty much constant from my point of view that it's Australia Australia ! After year of being together it has now come a head that I would like to try and she's been quite forthcoming with the idea our home life here isn't bad really we have a lovely 4 bed detached extended home with s big conservatory a good revenue as were self employed and she's now hesitant and has burst my bubble ( her words ) that she doesn't want go go at 42 and 46 this is our lanst chance I'm gutted has anyone else been in a similar position and how did it go ? Sorry for sounding off !

 

Spanner73 - I've highlighted the above parts in your post because they're the bits that started my alarm bells ringing. It's all about you. My ex was the same - it was his desire to move to Oz, always had been, even before we met. The desire was so strong that he would have left me and our 2 year old son to live the dream on his own, and it was knowing that I would have been left a single parent in England that I gave in and went along too, just for a 'trial period' - only for it all to fail and we split up anyway. Eleven years on we are still living with the consequences and our son has suffered too and now has two parents in two countries.

 

So the question I ask is this. Is your desire to live in Oz enough to split you and your wife up and you would head off alone if she refuses to go? Would it just make it more perfect for you if she agreed to come along too so you'd have all of your family together? Or would the thought of being without your wife and daughter be too much to bear and you'd be happy to remain in the UK?

 

If you are not both fully committed to making the move then you will have problems. This whole 'trial period' is full of crap and is not recognised in law. Leaving options open for a return (renting your house out etc) is only good if the whole family want to return. Unfortunately for your wife, you will hold all the cards, because if she is unhappy there and you are happy there and don't agree to return then there's not a lot she can do about it. Obviously I don't know you, but I would hope you wouldn't be the unscrupulous man that my ex became and go back on his word, thus forcing her to become trapped in a foreign country as a single parent with no family or friends whilst your life flourished. Getting the right to return home under these circumstances involves the Family Court and legal costs of around £25,000.

 

A migration has to be fully consenting by both partners for it to work - if one of you 'give in' under duress - naively believing in these 'trial periods' it can all turn very sour.

[Skani]

I think you would be eligible for 189 and 190 visa until the age of 45.

 

But, unless I've missed it, there's been no mention of an occupation so we don't know whether or not it may be on the CSOL or SOL lists.

[DuffieldDownunder]

My wife wasn't keen, she was 43. My daughter, 13, hated the idea. But the view was that is we don't do it, we'd never know. I gave up a 27 year career, took a 2/3 salary cut, sold up and lost a fortune on my old Cheshire brick house (also with conservatory).... and close to Wayne Roonies pad.... to live in a bed sit in Wanneroo. With a 4 year plan.

 

All this on a 457 visa. My daughter came back to the UK for a month as could not wait to come "home" to Australia.... my wife also loves it.... We could of played "what if" in the UK or just returned back if we hated it.... but we gave it a shot and it worked. 4 year plan delivered. But.... there is no right answer.... Good luck !

[starlight7]

Give it a go- you only get one life. Be careful which bit you choose though- follow your interests and ask lots of questions. There are some horrible places here just as there are some really good places.

[Freesia]

So anyway Spanner , are you a plumber ?

[Guest]

I had a good life in Scotland, the ubiquitous 4-bed detached house, a six figure salary and my OH had a local government job 5 mins from home, no family close by but had a close knit community around me.

 

My OH had harboured dreams of Australia since his cousins emigrated when he was a teenager and 'persuaded' me to give it a try. I would never have considered it but by the time we made the move I was as equally committed as him, sold on the 'better life' and 'safer place to bring up a child' myths.

 

Here's the funny thing after a trip back to the UK after almost 4 years in Australia my husband confessed he had been unhappy in Australia after the first 6 months and only stuck it out for me and our son. My career had gone from strength to strength (big fish/small pond) and our son went to an amazing private school ($4000 a year!) and my husband thought he'd made his bed and had to lie in it.

 

Dreams often don't match reality and having been on this forum for 7 years now there is little to predict who will love Australia and who will hate it (or at least think 'meh, it's no better than the UK' as I did)

 

In your situation I'd look at the advantages you think Australia will give you and change your life in the UK accordingly. With hindsight I think we were bored, the excitement of parenthood and the intensity of the the first few years behind us we were stuck in a rut and looking to shake things up - we could have done that a lot more cheaply and without such an impact on our son without migrating.