Reena1991 Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 This is all purely hypothetical and it may seem a bit morbid to even think about this but feel like I need to get it clear in my head for when it does happen (but hopefully won't need to use this advice for a very long time). Basically I have Very messy family situation, without going into too much detail, my mOther still has my 37 year old sister at home, she has never moved out and I suspect she has a major personality disorder, she is incredibly dependent on my mother and abusive, basically think of how domestic abuse plays out, ruining self esteem, dictating where my mother goes, what she wears, and violence, etc.she has done about 8 vocational courses/ degrees where my mother has done every piece of work for her, she finally has a job...at the hospital where my mum works. I grew up in a very abusive home, every few days there would be a violent outburst from my sister, I was constantly treading on eggshells, trying to pre empt what might set her off, not using the bathroom when she might need to etc, (this is literally something that would make her erupt, I distinctly remember having the bathroom door being kicked in because I was brushing my teeth when she decided she wanted a bath)You wouldn't guess this in a million years as in public she is very quiet but you might suspect she had some sort of disorder that makes her socially awkward. My mother is in denial when I bring up how my sister behaves, she's just stressed, it was a phase etc is the usual response. Now I have my own children and family I have washed my hands of the whole thing as I can't change her or make my mother see that she doesn t have to put up with it. I have had no contact with my father for over 10 years and I suspect he cut all ties due to the stress of having my sister behave the way she does. I could go on and on about the different things that have happened but it would take forever . The advice I need is the following, when the time comes and my mother does eventually pass away, I will most likely be in oz. how do I sort out the house sale etc and inheritance from so far away? I suspect my sister will be incredibly difficult to deal with, I can fully imagine her refusing to leave the house that obviously I would want sold. Do you just hire a solicitor to deal with it all? Where would I stand if she did refuse a house sale etc? To be perfectly honest, I wouldn't be surprised if the will has been changed anyway to favour her as she has complete control over my mother but I just need to get it straight in my head what the process would be rather than having to deal with it when the grieving would be all encompassing. Im sure and I do hope my mum is around for a very long time but you just never know when these things will happen and even my husband says that every time he sees her she looks more and more stressed every time. Any advice on what happens when you are in oz and inheritance and house sales need to be sorted, especially when dealing with a family that maybe difficult or feuding would be greatly appreciated. Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roborac Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 My advice would be to forget about any inheritance you think you should be entitled to, and try to enjoy your life, and make the most of the time you have with your family Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AJ Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Oh dear, you say your mum works so obviously she doesnt have one foot in the grave yet, but here you are trying to make sure you get your fair share, your slating your sisters behaviour when you are acting like a vulture ready to swoop in and take whats yours. How do you know your mum wont leave everything to charity? I hope she does! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 My advice would be to forget about any inheritance you think you should be entitled to, and try to enjoy your life, and make the most of the time you have with your family Yup, that would be my advice too. Are you an executor to your mother's will? If not then basically it will be nothing to do with you. If you are and if you share that role with another then hopefully it will be a solicitor who knows the ropes. If, heaven forbid you share it with your sister then you need to brush up on what your responsibilities as an executor will be then carry out the instructions in your mum's will - it's still very much her business! It doesn't sound like you expect her yo kick the bucket anytime soon if she's still working! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dxboz Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Great advice from Roborac - forget the inheritance and get on with your life. Your mum very well might leave the house to your sister as it is after all her home and where else would she go? It will be your mum's decision at the end of the day and as you say she is working I think you are being very premature in your thinking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rvaria Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 While its all very easy to say forget about it, I have some questions. Does she even have a will ? Who is listed as the executor ? Is the property jointly owned with your father ? In the event there is no will then it depends on if your father is still alive and still married ? If not married then estate will be split between you and your sister. As others have said in this situation I would probably not involved and sign over your half to her. Your sister may well insist on getting this legally done in which case you will need a solicitor to do that. If there is a will then obviously your mum has some wishes as to what happens to the estate. As you say it could well be that everything has been left to your sister in which case there is nothing further to be done. If you have been left anything then the process will need to go through probate and this will take a while. Again you will need a solicitor for this, especially if you are not there. There is more information here, https://www.gov.uk/wills-probate-inheritance/overview Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 When my Dad died in the UK, My Brother and I were the executors. My brother lives in US, I live in Aus. It is no issue really. The local solicitor who my Dad made his will with did everything really. There is not much the executor has to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 Depends what the will says. Sounds like your Sister may end up with the lot and inherit the house. If that's the case and your not mentioned in the will then no matter how much you want her out you won't have much of a say in the matter. I guess you would need to see what's in the will and who's going to get what. You r Sister sounds a royal pain in the butt. Amazing that parents sometimes can't see anything wrong with their kids and make excuses for them. If there is one sibling in just about any family who ends up having problems with money, drugs, divorce, somewhere to live they seem to be the ones that get all the help and money. The kids that get a job, don't cause any problems for their parents, get on with their life and make a success of it more often end up with nothing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skani Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 Any advice on what happens when you are in oz and inheritance and house sales need to be sorted, especially when dealing with a family that maybe difficult or feuding would be greatly appreciated. Thanks All these are the responsibilities of the executor. They won't be anything to do with you unless your mother has named you as the Executor of the estate in her will. Assuming she has a will, it is preferable where there are difficult family relationships that the executor is someone who is quite separate from the family. It would also be preferable for the executor to be resident in the UK - it is very difficult to attend to these matters from overseas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 All these are the responsibilities of the executor. They won't be anything to do with you unless your mother has named you as the Executor of the estate in her will. Assuming she has a will, it is preferable where there are difficult family relationships that the executor is someone who is quite separate from the family. It would also be preferable for the executor to be resident in the UK - it is very difficult to attend to these matters from overseas. Not really. The solicitor can do it all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skani Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 Not really. The solicitor can do it all. Providing the Executor is prepared to engage a solicitor and pay the fees. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 Providing the Executor is prepared to engage a solicitor and pay the fees. I'd be surprised if a solicitor wasn't engaged. I would have thought it be mandatory to sort out probate and all the other issues. The estate pays for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skani Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 I'd be surprised if a solicitor wasn't engaged. I would have thought it be mandatory to sort out probate and all the other issues.The estate pays for it. Of course a solicitor is mandatory for some parts of the process. Executors usually do the other bits for which a legal degree is not necessary. Otherwise why appoint executors at all - make it mandatory for a solicitor to be appointed. Yes, the estate pays. It depends how much you want left to distribute to the beneficiaries. In some estates there isn't much after the solicitor's bills are paid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 Of course a solicitor is mandatory for some parts of the process. Executors usually do the other bits for which a legal degree is not necessary. Otherwise why appoint executors at all - make it mandatory for a solicitor to be appointed.Yes, the estate pays. It depends how much you want left to distribute to the beneficiaries. In some estates there isn't much after the solicitor's bills are paid. Ermm.....a solicitor is not mandatory. My wife was joint Executor of her mother's will. The other joint Executors assigned Power of Attorney over to her (retaining oversight) and she managed everything. There was a lot of matters to deal with too and legal fees would have been very high. Solicitors would like you to believe they are necessary/mandatory for so many things. I also dealt with the divorce papers for my first marriage. Neither of us engaged a solicitor and everything was divided fairly and without rancour. The only time I have ever used a solicitor was for property conveyancing. I did look into doing it without engaging a solicitor and saving the money. It is certainly possible but the amount of time I would need to expend learning the process put me off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rvaria Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 Of course a solicitor is mandatory for some parts of the process. Executors usually do the other bits for which a legal degree is not necessary. Otherwise why appoint executors at all - make it mandatory for a solicitor to be appointed.Yes, the estate pays. It depends how much you want left to distribute to the beneficiaries. In some estates there isn't much after the solicitor's bills are paid. A solicitor is not mandatory even if you are not in the country, all the information is out there online. However it would be beneficial especially with complex wills. With time zone differences it could be a pain chasing people. I would expect solicitor fees to be between £5k and £10k depending on complexity and this will be deducted from the estate. As I said in my original post, OP really needs to find out if her mother has a will at all. I know from experience that people, especially women from an older generation may not. And if OP is worried then she really needs to talk about this with her mum while there is time. Better still, involve her sister in the conversation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skani Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Ermm.....a solicitor is not mandatory. I was under the misapprehension that lodgement for probate had to be done by a solicitor in the UK....but, if not, so much the better! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rvaria Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I was under the misapprehension that lodgement for probate had to be done by a solicitor in the UK....but, if not, so much the better! Have a read of this, http://www.which.co.uk/money/retirement/guides/applying-for-probate/diy-probate/ As I said it is possible if its a straight forward will (again assuming they left a will). The more assets they have and the more complex the will the harder it gets and OP's sister challenges the will then things can get very messy. I've seem it happen before and that was with a family that was on good terms before it started. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 This is all confusing for the OP though. The OP wants to know how to manage a UK estate while in Australia. The answer is. It is easy use a solicitor and they can do virtually everything. That is what I did. There is no compulsion to return to the UK to do it all yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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