Adidasandy Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 Don't know if this is the right place to put this thread but here's my story so far. I have 1 wife, 1 ex wife and 2 children aged 3 and 16. The eldest is to my ex (bitch) and the youngest to my wife now. After years of planning we decided to start the ball rolling for Oz. Everyone was up for it so I done my Ielts then tech interview which I passed both, the next was EOI and then last night the dreaded words were heard. Dad I don't want to come to Oz as I'm settled here in college and have a steady boyfriend (GRRRRRRRR). So I have my wife and 3 year old who wants to go, I have my 16 daughter who doesn't want to go and me who is stuck in the middle. I know my 16 year old will love it over there but will miss her mam, sisters and boyfriend. My agent said if we all enter Oz in August as planned then my eldest can leave back to UK after a month which then opens her visa and lets her have 5 years to re enter if she changes her mind. But what if we go over there and the 16 year old comes back to UK and never comes back to live and the rest of my family love it over there and never want to return to UK. Why is this such a ball ache!!! Advise please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wrussell Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 Your agent is wrong. Having validated her visa your daughter can depart the same day. I care 24/7 for granddaughters aged 6, 7, 9 and 17. The big girl is more trouble than the other 3 combined. I should have thrashed her when I still could. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adidasandy Posted December 8, 2014 Author Share Posted December 8, 2014 No my agent it right, it was me that said 1 month so she can get a feel for the place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 I do not think you should change your plans. Your daughter is going to have her own life and even if she was living in Aus there is no guarantee that she would not marry an Aus or someone from somewhere else and move overseas or interstate. Our children are only on loan, they make their own lives and although we feature in them, their own family is a priority for them. Just like your own family is now. If we waited till everyone was happy moving house, moving country or doing anything, we would never do anything ourselves. Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 Its a ball ache because you chose the option to emigrate.Did you really think it would all go that smoothly?You might have to accept you can't have it all ways.Hopefully if your daughter goes with you,she might love it.On the other hand,she might not,and if she decides to return to the UK (as any of your kids might do)that's the risk you take.Are you 100% sure you infact will love it?She might love it and you might hate it?There are no guarantee's.As for calling your ex a bitch,well you loved eachother once right?You had a child together.Leave the UK with a warm heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goingbacksoon Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 Is your 16 planning to go to Uni after College? If she is then perhaps she should stay in the UK education system. If you are going to take her to Oz for a month could you do that over the UK summer break so she doesn't miss out on her college studies if she decides to go back? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 Ask your 16 year old to validate her visa so that she has options for the next few years, you have the advantage of her having a parent and siblings who she can stay with (I assume). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 At 16 she is probably wisest to complete her education in UK. Validate her visa and she's got plenty of time. You really didn't think you were going to have all your family together in Aus with you forever did you? She's going to make her own decisions in a couple of years anyway. You may get lucky and she decides on Aus or she doesn't. Either way, if she does A levels then she keeps all her options open for a future in either place - very much the sensible option and I certainly wouldn't have moved a 16 yr old into a new foreign education system. Just as well she's told you now and not when she'd been out of the UK system for several months. She doesn't have to stay for a month she can arrive and instantly depart if she wants. i note you're not planning on arriving until August - educational disaster! Don't inflict that on her! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quinkla Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 You want to take a 16 year old girl away from her mother, her sisters and her boyfriend? And you're surprised she isn't thrilled at the prospect? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 Leave her back with her mother for now. Not many 16 year olds in her situation with 2 families involved would want to come, I sympathise with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adidasandy Posted December 9, 2014 Author Share Posted December 9, 2014 You want to take a 16 year old girl away from her mother, her sisters and her boyfriend? And you're surprised she isn't thrilled at the prospect? Considering she doesn't live with her mam not has not done for years and plus she was pushing to get there asap so yeah I am surprised she doesn't want to go now! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adidasandy Posted December 9, 2014 Author Share Posted December 9, 2014 Well I honestly don't think I can come to leave her behind, maybe if I could hold back for a few years but the businesses and things have already been sold so I'm really stuck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 Well I honestly don't think I can come to leave her behind, maybe if I could hold back for a few years but the businesses and things have already been sold so I'm really stuck. Leave it until she's done Alevels if you can. That'd be doing her a huge favour. I wouldn't worry about leaving her behind, she will be gone in a couple of years anyway and she could end up anywhere in the world. I'm sure there would be friends or family who could/would be there for her and she could visit Aus in the holidays - that'd be major kudos. If she can get A levels they will travel very well to Aus Unis if that's what she wants to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fifi69 Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 As others have said try to get her to at least validate her visa. I feel your pain, I still remember our then 16 year old daughter kicking and screaming over having to move to Aus with us, determined that as soon as she turned 18 she would head back to the UK. She is now 19 and although she has been back for a months visit, she isn't yet showing any Desire to return. It was bloody hard work getting to that point though. It is one of the most difficult ages to move I would say, and personally I'm not sure if its a better choice at that age or not. We thought she would have more opportunities here, and tbh she has never been out of work and has a good steady full time job. But her friends back in the UK are all doing good too, they are all at uni, have their own cars, good part time jobs etc. Although the weather is better here, it doesn't really matter so much at that age. And anyway they are always heading off to Ibiza, Cyprus etc. Because they are still around the mates they have grown up with, I would say the social/nightlife is better than my daughter has here, because although she has made good friends, they come and go, ie people on WHVs or people whose families have decided to return. the power of friends/boyfriends/family at that age, or any I suppose are more important than emigrating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathy99 Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 I think it is a perfectly normal reaction for your 16 year old, this is possibly the worst time/age/stage off her life and the one time that she needs her dad's support in whatever she decides to do and not made to feel guilty in any way at all, after all it is your decision to emigrate, not hers. Emigrating is a massive thing in anyone's life, but what your doing doesn't just affect your life, it's hers too. If she does come here with you she will have to go backwards a bit in her education, as we're behind here compared to the uk, she may find it hard to fit in or make friends and on the flip side, what if she does come and does love it (result) but you or current wife hate it and by then she'll be older and may want to stay? There really is so much to consider and sorry but your ball she in all this is the least of them. This is one of the reasons i only emigrated when we did because my children are only 5 & 8 so young enough to adjust and also if it all goes pete tong, their education hasn't been affected so would adjust easy enough back in the uk. I hope this doesn't sound like a lecture, it's not the intention, I'm just trying to point out the bigger picture and also more importantly how your daughter must be feeling. I think off it were me, i would talk to her, ask her about her thoughts, her fears, why she really doesn't want to go and is it just cold feet so close to going and then maybe try and do a deal with her. Maybe try and convince her to just come out for a couple of months to see how it goes and validate her visa and then if she really does hate it, she's free to go back to the uk if she wants to and you will have to be brave and let her go! Good luck :0) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Suzi Wong Posted December 13, 2014 Share Posted December 13, 2014 Our 19 year old wanted to go to uni in uk and also wouldn't leave her boyfriend of 4 years. Within a month of living in London, the boyfriend was unceremoniously dumped and she was just having a great time. She has validated her visa and has been to Melbourne twice already, due back for the Christmas break on Tuesday and loves it here. She says she will probably stay in uk though. I just worry that, when her 5 years are up, in August 2017, she might want to come and it will be too late. Hopefully she can get an RRV. I refuse to stress over it though. She's an adult and could end up anywhere, as long as she still comes to visit her old mum and dad and little brother and sister, we will be happy. The other two are very settled here (came almost 2 years ago aged 12 and15). Roll on Tuesday !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adidasandy Posted December 13, 2014 Author Share Posted December 13, 2014 Well thank you for all the nice replies. After leaving the topic for a few days the family is having a get together today to discuss our future. Will post updates soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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