Xerxes Posted July 12, 2014 Author Share Posted July 12, 2014 I have to agree with the comments posted above. No matter how friendly and upbeat you are, people who have lived here all their life are really loyal to their childhood friends. If you don't have children like us, then its is deemed almost "strange" and you end up feeling 'billy no mates'my best advice is to set up your life as you want it, sadly starting out with few people you can socialise with and just 'do your own thing' and, over time, people will come along that you can loosely latch on to for awhile. Its really hard but meeting couple friends is not something I've mastered yet but I'm not giving up. After living in glorious sunny Brisbane for 7 years, the only set back is our poor social life. Basically, its me myself and I. My husband and I go through spits and spurts with wanting to find positive, friendly people to share a laugh with but we are not giving up. Other than the tricky social scene (harder when you hit 40) the life out here is pure magic and we wouldn't have changed it for the world. Keep positive and just don't take other people's reactions too personally. Otherwise, you will be off to the mental ward!!!!! best of luck! It's exactly the same here in the UK. When new people start at my work I think "ooh she looks like someone I could be friends with" but then I learn that she still lives in her home town and has a strong circle of childhood friends plus her boyfriend's friends, so has no real need to make friends with work colleagues. It is so hard. I don't live in my home town and have lost touch with my childhood friends (apart from on facebook). It's the one thing I really regret. So I'm determined to meet people in Australia! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johndoe Posted July 12, 2014 Share Posted July 12, 2014 So I'm determined to meet people in Australia! Meant with the best of intentions but be careful as to how you portray your "determination". Sometimes trying too hard to be friendly can be seen as "pushy" or "needy"......................just "go with the flow" and I'm sure you'll be ok Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MARYROSE02 Posted July 12, 2014 Share Posted July 12, 2014 Sorry to break it too you but you will struggle. Australia has many perks. Making friends isn't one of them, acquaintances maybe but true friends. I doubt it. Known as one of them most racist nations. Aussies don't actually like us poms. This goes back years. People think times have changed. They haven't. Some will argue this but they have their rose tinted glasses on or don't want to see the other side of the aussie people. Australia is neither one of the most racist of nations, nor do Aussies dislike Poms, although there is a sometimes bitter rivalry during The Ashes. And when you talk about 'Aussies', which ones do you mean? Ones from an Anglo-Saxon/Celtic background? What about the multitude of ethnic backgrounds? Chinese, Lebanese, Turkish, Greek, Italian, Serbian, Croatian, Korean, Vietnamese, etc. etc. When I first came to OZ, I honestly, and naively, believed that being a Pom would make me stand out, that the pub would fall silent when I walked in. Talk about stupid. Nobody cares where you are from, but then again, nobody likes 'whingers' either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skani Posted July 12, 2014 Share Posted July 12, 2014 As an Australian - born to an English parent and surrounded by English friends and relations - I have to agree with Johndoe that it's a load of bollox. It's attitude and personality which matters....not which bit of earth you were born on. In fact, in all my many decades in Oz, I can remember only one person saying they "don't like Poms"....and that was my stubborn father in law who'd been financially swindled by an ex (English) son in law...and was venting on the entire nation. :rolleyes: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xerxes Posted July 12, 2014 Author Share Posted July 12, 2014 Meant with the best of intentions but be careful as to how you portray your "determination". Sometimes trying too hard to be friendly can be seen as "pushy" or "needy"......................just "go with the flow" and I'm sure you'll be ok Lol, I know- I won't make it too obvious! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted July 13, 2014 Share Posted July 13, 2014 It's exactly the same here in the UK. When new people start at my work I think "ooh she looks like someone I could be friends with" but then I learn that she still lives in her home town and has a strong circle of childhood friends plus her boyfriend's friends, so has no real need to make friends with work colleagues. It is so hard. I don't live in my home town and have lost touch with my childhood friends (apart from on facebook). It's the one thing I really regret. I'm not saying you won't make friends in Australia. But as you just said yourself, "it's exactly the same here in the UK". There's nothing magical about Australia which will make it more likely you'll make friends. If you can make friends by "being determined" in Australia, then you could make friends in Shropshire by being determined, and save yourself several thousand pounds! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xerxes Posted July 13, 2014 Author Share Posted July 13, 2014 I'm not saying you won't make friends in Australia. But as you just said yourself, "it's exactly the same here in the UK". There's nothing magical about Australia which will make it more likely you'll make friends. If you can make friends by "being determined" in Australia, then you could make friends in Shropshire by being determined, and save yourself several thousand pounds! Its not the only reason we are going! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted July 13, 2014 Share Posted July 13, 2014 Its not the only reason we are going! Ah, but so far it's the only reason you've given, so it's a fair assumption it's one of your primary ones. If not, then the whole conversation is a bit pointless really... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MARYROSE02 Posted July 13, 2014 Share Posted July 13, 2014 Maybe when you come out here, and especially if you are coming to one of the big cities, you could join in some of the cultural activities, whilst you husband is off playing sport. One of the enduring myths about Australia is that it is all 'booze, barbies and sport.' I've just been reading a review of a new book by Nick Bryant, (where that quote came from), who was BBC correspondent here for a few years. One of the things that intrigued him was finding out just how much 'culture' and 'arts' there was, far removed from the stereotypical Mick 'Crocodile' Dundee' image. I just went for a walk down the road, always knew that Opera Australia had its HQ there, but only just noticed the ticket office times. I might 'push' myself to buy a ticket, never having seen opera before, at least at a theatre. And just around the corner is Belvoir St Theatre, which I've only been to a few times in 20 years. Anyway, the point is, you could join some theatre/music/book groups, whatever takes your fancy. Did you say where you are going to be living, by the way? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harpodom Posted July 13, 2014 Share Posted July 13, 2014 After 6 years here, we've made a handful of friends, but by Christ it's slow going. My only real friend here is a pom. He is someone I properly trust and with whom I can discuss anything, and by that I mean anything. The others, who are Aussies, are somewhere between friends and acquaintances. Don't get me wrong, they are really nice people but there is something missing: I honestly think it's the shared experiences, the common ground and similar cultural references etc that form the catalyst for friendship. Personally I find Aussies quite reticent and prone to keeping 'one' at arm's length. I don't know if that's just an issue of making friends after 'a certain age'. Maybe Aussies encounter the same trying to make friends in the UK? TBH I don't think you should expect too much on the friendship part. You need to be fairly self sufficient as a migrant. If friends happen, great. The other thing I would say is for god's sake just be yourself. I'm not a believer in the 'throw yourself out there' school of thought. Do things (sport, politics whatever) that come naturally to you, things you actually believe in. IMO people are much more attractive when they are genuine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MARYROSE02 Posted July 13, 2014 Share Posted July 13, 2014 Where are you from, Harpo? You've probably mentioned it, but I don't remember. Note the easy way I put an 'O' onto part of your name in time-honoured Aussie fashion! I don't think anybody every called me 'Davo' or 'Chevo' until I came here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adaminoz Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 Yeah - there's definitely some BS on this thread, but also some sense too. I've been here for 3 years, and making friends has been slow, but there's no real big difference between making friends here than making friends in the UK. They're not gonna come to you, and when you come here your're starting from scratch, but if you accept that you'll need to make small efforts daily for months and months, then it'll come good. As has already been said, go about your life in your usual way, do the things you enjoy, and make effort to be social along the way. Once you get some momentum, then it's much easier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MARYROSE02 Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 I was out last night with four friends, had a lovely meal in Erciyes, Turkish place in Cleveland St. These friends are all Aussies, met three of them in local pubs, and the third at work 30 years ago. Anyway, I got to thinking 'why do I find it easy to make friends, whether Aussie or Pommie?' And perhaps the answer is that I've been here so long, I don't see the (alleged) differences. I don't have any problem bantering with Aussies, making jokes with Aussies, partly because I AM an Aussie. One of those guys I saw last night, I got talking to in the first place, discussing an Aussie Rules game on the pub telly. But someone relatively recently out of England, still homesick, missing English football, might have looked at that TV, and thought '****** game!' and missed an opportunity for a chat, and maybe make a new friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fisher1 Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 (edited) I once heard someone talking about being a salesman, who said he aimed to get 'one hit for every ten tries.' I think making new friendships is pretty much like that (and would count a new acquaintance as a 'hit'). I lived in Luxembourg for fifteen years and for a combination of reasons (language barrier, busy working life in an expat environment etc. I didn't make one long standing friendship with a Luxembourg national. My parents however, who came over to visit once a year, were given an introduction to a Luxembourger who, like my dad, had been a WW2 commando. My mum still gets Christmas cards from his widow thirty years later! Friendship is an elusive thing, tends to happen when you're not looking and if you grab at it can slip through your fingers. I think Mary Rose has a point though, working at making a niche in your community is a good place to start. If you don't make any friends that way, its nice to have people who at least say hallo and know your name! Edited July 16, 2014 by Fisher1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fisher1 Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 God I've just realised that sounds like the theme tune from 'Cheers' :wink: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MARYROSE02 Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 I've got a friend here, who always tells me how much she hates going into pubs, but because she comes in them with me, she's got to know the staff, as well as me, and she walks up the road and the bouncers all know her. I actually met her at a party a couple of years back, in Enmore, and it turned out she lives around the corner from me. I'm keeping an eye on her flat whilst she is away. This is my second stint living in Surry Hills, and during the first time, 1987, when I moved there, to 1996, when I went back to England, I never knew the names of any of the staff in the pubs, cafes and shops, around my home. Yesterday arvo, I went to a Polish restaurant in Crown St, 'Alchemy' I think, have walked past it a hundred times, and finally got around to going in. I had a bowl of porcini?? soup. I'm sure if I go back a couple of times, I'll get to know the names of the staff. And in the cafe outside my door, there's a young Polish guy working. I already talk to him about Poland, football, and now Polish rock music. I was Googling 'The Beautiful South' and a link came up to another group 'Red Guitars', with yet another link to 'Czerwone Gitary' or 'Red Guitars' - the Polish 'Beatles'. I told him - his parents used to like them! Then he told me another Polish band - 'Break Out' - and he said he'd bring me a CD in of some Polish music. When I go in next, I'm going to tell him about 'Alchemy'. Maybe he already knows about it, maybe not and he'll be pleased to find out there's a place nearby that he can get Polish food. Someone had a dig at me about these people all being 'serving staff' not friends. Well, to an extent, that may be true, but making friends is a gradual process, and something you have to work at, both to get them and to maintain them, with perhaps significant 'milestones' along the way, when you become a little more intimate, a little more, well, 'friendly!' I remember when I first started going to the Royal Exhibition hotel. I was walking down Chalmers Street one Sunday arvo, and there were three girls in front of me. One of them fell over, cutting her knee. I took them into the pub and the two barmaids made a fuss of them, sitting the girl down and getting the first aid kit out. Well, that was one of my 'milestones', something we all remember. On my 60th birthday earlier in the year, those two barmaids gave me a cake and a shirt. That's another 'milestone' if you like, another memory, another thing that further links us together. I was talking to a guy I know last night in the Exhibition. I'd already been to the Strawbo for the quiz night, and this guy came down. One of the people I was with also knows him, and insisted that he sit with us. I was talking to him and he told me this will be his 41st Melbourne Cup this year. (I've never been to one!) I only know two jockeys - Lester Piggott, and Malcolm Johnston - he's an Aussie and the reason I know his name is it used to feature in an advert for Tooheys Draught Beer. 'Big ride today, for T.J. (Smith) and the money's on.' Here's a question from the quiz last night! "Which word, turns from being a verb or a noun, to the name of someone from a European country when you capitalise the first letter?!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adaminoz Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 So going with the vein of this thread, anyone fancy a coffee? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MovingtoTasmania Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 I've got a friend here, who always tells me how much she hates going into pubs, but because she comes in them with me, she's got to know the staff, as well as me, and she walks up the road and the bouncers all know her. I actually met her at a party a couple of years back, in Enmore, and it turned out she lives around the corner from me. I'm keeping an eye on her flat whilst she is away. This is my second stint living in Surry Hills, and during the first time, 1987, when I moved there, to 1996, when I went back to England, I never knew the names of any of the staff in the pubs, cafes and shops, around my home. Yesterday arvo, I went to a Polish restaurant in Crown St, 'Alchemy' I think, have walked past it a hundred times, and finally got around to going in. I had a bowl of porcini?? soup. I'm sure if I go back a couple of times, I'll get to know the names of the staff. And in the cafe outside my door, there's a young Polish guy working. I already talk to him about Poland, football, and now Polish rock music. I was Googling 'The Beautiful South' and a link came up to another group 'Red Guitars', with yet another link to 'Czerwone Gitary' or 'Red Guitars' - the Polish 'Beatles'. I told him - his parents used to like them! Then he told me another Polish band - 'Break Out' - and he said he'd bring me a CD in of some Polish music. When I go in next, I'm going to tell him about 'Alchemy'. Maybe he already knows about it, maybe not and he'll be pleased to find out there's a place nearby that he can get Polish food. Someone had a dig at me about these people all being 'serving staff' not friends. Well, to an extent, that may be true, but making friends is a gradual process, and something you have to work at, both to get them and to maintain them, with perhaps significant 'milestones' along the way, when you become a little more intimate, a little more, well, 'friendly!' I remember when I first started going to the Royal Exhibition hotel. I was walking down Chalmers Street one Sunday arvo, and there were three girls in front of me. One of them fell over, cutting her knee. I took them into the pub and the two barmaids made a fuss of them, sitting the girl down and getting the first aid kit out. Well, that was one of my 'milestones', something we all remember. On my 60th birthday earlier in the year, those two barmaids gave me a cake and a shirt. That's another 'milestone' if you like, another memory, another thing that further links us together. I was talking to a guy I know last night in the Exhibition. I'd already been to the Strawbo for the quiz night, and this guy came down. One of the people I was with also knows him, and insisted that he sit with us. I was talking to him and he told me this will be his 41st Melbourne Cup this year. (I've never been to one!) I only know two jockeys - Lester Piggott, and Malcolm Johnston - he's an Aussie and the reason I know his name is it used to feature in an advert for Tooheys Draught Beer. 'Big ride today, for T.J. (Smith) and the money's on.' Here's a question from the quiz last night! "Which word, turns from being a verb or a noun, to the name of someone from a European country when you capitalise the first letter?!" The answer to the quiz was Polish. I have to agree with the post. It's by being friendly and interested in people that you make friends. They may or may not turn out to be good friends, or they may stay as acquaintances but by knowing them, you will brighten up your day and theirs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chortlepuss Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 One of the main reasons we are moving to Australia is to make new friends One of the main reasons I am moving back to the UK after 8 years is to be with friends. I miss parties, barbecues, pubs and community. When I first came here, we entertained a lot, 'threw ourselves out there'. The only people who reciprocated were British. You've had some great advice here. I think the most realistic approach is to be prepared to be self sufficient, and prepare for the fact that you may just have acquaintances only for the duration. I have a few lovely acquaintances, who are casual friends - no-one close. It can make for an odd life and will certainly test the strength of your marital relationship - I know life is better for me when I have girlfriends to socialise with, and hubby gets to go out with his mates. We are pushed together too much here! I don't think Ozzies are in any way less friendly than Brits - perhaps harder to get to know due to cultural reasons. But by the time they are older, they have their own friends and no room in their lives or time for others. People also work very long hours here too, so have limited spare time. If you manage to acquire a friendship group as strong as your UK one IMHO you are very, very lucky indeed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MARYROSE02 Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 So going with the vein of this thread, anyone fancy a coffee? Convalescing from my operation, I bought a pack of Yorkshire Tea, (My parents always got that at home from ASDA!) just having a cup now waiting for washing to finish, then I'll hang it out, one sock at a time, no heavy lifting remember, then I'll go down to the cafe by my door for a coffee and read the papers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MARYROSE02 Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 One of the main reasons I am moving back to the UK after 8 years is to be with friends. I miss parties, barbecues, pubs and community. When I first came here, we entertained a lot, 'threw ourselves out there'. The only people who reciprocated were British. You've had some great advice here. I think the most realistic approach is to be prepared to be self sufficient, and prepare for the fact that you may just have acquaintances only for the duration. I have a few lovely acquaintances, who are casual friends - no-one close. It can make for an odd life and will certainly test the strength of your marital relationship - I know life is better for me when I have girlfriends to socialise with, and hubby gets to go out with his mates. We are pushed together too much here! I don't think Ozzies are in any way less friendly than Brits - perhaps harder to get to know due to cultural reasons. But by the time they are older, they have their own friends and no room in their lives or time for others. People also work very long hours here too, so have limited spare time. If you manage to acquire a friendship group as strong as your UK one IMHO you are very, very lucky indeed Good luck with your journey back, but also be prepared to, PERHAPS, experience the same kind of feelings, when you came here. For me, going back to England for twelve years was a wonderful experience, but it was also like emigrating all over again, and then doing it a third time when I returned to Australia! You may even find yourself pining for OZ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chortlepuss Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 Good luck with your journey back, but also be prepared to, PERHAPS, experience the same kind of feelings, when you came here. For me, going back to England for twelve years was a wonderful experience, but it was also like emigrating all over again, and then doing it a third time when I returned to Australia! You may even find yourself pining for OZ! Thanks MaryRose - went back for 5 months last year and it was like nothing had changed - Met up with all old friends and made a few new ones so not worried on the social side - Had a contract at my ex workplace and kept bumping into people who asked 'Didn't you go to Oz?' Ha Ha! I fit in much better there. Moving, and finding work - now that will be daunting, but not for 18 or so months so I'll have plenty of time to prepare! I will absolutely pine for the Qld weather and a few things I haven't thought of yet! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MARYROSE02 Posted July 17, 2014 Share Posted July 17, 2014 Thanks MaryRose - went back for 5 months last year and it was like nothing had changed - Met up with all old friends and made a few new ones so not worried on the social side - Had a contract at my ex workplace and kept bumping into people who asked 'Didn't you go to Oz?' Ha Ha! I fit in much better there. Moving, and finding work - now that will be daunting, but not for 18 or so months so I'll have plenty of time to prepare! I will absolutely pine for the Qld weather and a few things I haven't thought of yet! That's good, so you are prepared! I went back for six months in 1983, got a job, got settled, and then I came back to Sydney, and was unsettled, for a while. I enjoyed my 12 years back in England, and I guess I could have stayed there, perhaps should have definitely stayed until I reached retirement age. My parents had moved villages whilst we (I've got two brothers here) were in Sydney, and even though it was only seven miles, it was different. Eventually, I did get used to it, no longer wanting to go back looking for familiar faces. Actually, the faces were there, but they'd aged, unlike myself! (I met my mate's new girlfriend the other night and she thinks I am 'too old and too skinny.') I grew to prefer the new village, definitely a better location because it's closer to Southampton. It was an odd experience in some ways because all the people I worked with thought of me as an Aussie, even though I know I have a thick Pommie accent. No Aussie ever thinks I am 'one of them' anyway. It may have been because my accent had lost its Hampshire 'burr.' I saw a description of an expat somewhere as 'at home abroad, and abroad at home.' Maybe that is what we become when we move between two (or more) countries? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaDJ Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 (edited) Xerxes, Where abouts will you be living in Oz? To be totally honest, i've been here 2 and half years and we know of people, but no 'real' friends - its hard...sometimes a little upsetting, especially when you had great friends back home... If you dont mind talking to strangers and really, realy trying - then go for it! You might be lucky and hit it off straight away with peeps. If you're in Melbourne, give me a shout! Anyone else in Melbs?? Edited July 25, 2014 by LisaDJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MARYROSE02 Posted July 25, 2014 Share Posted July 25, 2014 Xerxes, Where abouts will you be living in Oz? To be totally honest, i've been here 2 and half years and we know of people, but no 'real' friends - its hard...sometimes a little upsetting, especially when you had great friends back home... If you dont mind talking to strangers and really, realy trying - then go for it! You might be lucky and hit it off straight away with peeps. If you're in Melbourne, give me a shout! Anyone else in Melbs?? What is that ?Irish? saying about 'no strangers, only friends you haven't met yet?' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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