Guest Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 Oh honey, I can really relate to what you are saying. If it could have gone wrong for us in Australia it did, most of it had little to do with Australia but when you are coping with major stress on your own it is difficult and it makes it hard to find friends - who wants to be friends with a whinging pom! There is no 'two year' rule - I think it comes from the days when you could get citizenship after two years so it probably made some sense then. The longer you stay though the less risk there is of 'ping pong' - you need to stay long enough to know without doubt Australia is not for you, your husbands friend who returned may not have. It sounds like to me that the initial culture shock has now turned into depression & you feel helpless (very common in depression), you can get help with this and it doesn't need to be medication (although that can help too). A counselling psychologist could be of real benefit and your GP can refer you on Medicare. At the moment you can't see the wood for the trees and it will really help you to clarify your thoughts - almost certainly moving back to the UK is the right thing for you and your family but that is going to take some strength - once you have that the practical problems like finding the money to do it won't seem so insurmountable. And don't write off your relationship just yet, you have been through a lot and you may pull through the other side. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perthbum Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 This misguided notion of most people in the UK is that Oz is a fun sunny utopia when it has the same problems with weather crime and unemployment as any first rate country, people go on a holiday and do not realize that it is a million miles from reality and get sucked into a dream that for many will end in tears, I love many Countries for a holiday but know I would not like that place full time even if I could get to work there...these misleading programmes on British TV are fueling peoples ideas of a utopia by only showing the best bits when the sun is out....they will not fill unless they have to when it is cloudy or raining....it is only when some people get there that they realize it is same **** different shovel.....one good thing is though that most see the UK in a different light when they get back and realize what a beautiful country we are fortunate to live in......for many oz works.....for many it doesn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 Good for you, I like my opinion too :wink: Don't understand, I havent stated an opinion, didn't realise you had either. But if I am to deduce that you are saying in your opinion nobody who posts on PIO could be happy, then you are wrong and stating it is your opinion does not make it true ... I really dont know why you are being so snarky anyway. Let me go and update my ignore list because I can't be bothered with another one who has nothing better to do than make petulant comments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 Im not surprised the poor woman has had enough of oz with responses like that when she is obviously distressed. SHAME ON YOU! Greta all the best don't let people drag you down i think i shall remove myself from this website before i say something i will regret. Unfortunately this is all too common on here. Some people take individual dislikes about australia so personally. I dont know why australia has such a hold over people. I haven't read all the comments yet but I expecting a "these are the things you have to put up with for a 'better life' "....remind me, how are things that aren't as good as home 'better' just because they are in Aus. I'd better stop now.......I can feel the rage building! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dxboz Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 Big hugs Greta you sound like you are in a very dark place at the moment. Had to read your post four or five times to understand your situation - at first I thought your husband was leaving you and the kids but sounds like it is his friend who is leaving? How does your husband feel about things? Anyway if you and the kids are so miserable I guess you should go back. So what you go back with nothing - you have nothing here - the £100,000 is gone no matter where you are. You have family back there who will help you cope. You can rebuild your life. The two year thing came out of the £10 pom ticket days when you had to stay two years or you had to pay back the cost of you getting here. To be honest it does take two years to settle anywhere I feel so not a bad yardstick BUT not if you are so desperately unhappy. Where are you located? Let us know there are many on here who would be happy to have a meet up with you for a chat - me included. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dxboz Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 PB give it up you are wearing me down - don't want to take over this thread but go on please tell me where you were in Oz and for how long Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gallah Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 Really feeling for you! I feel the same but we are hopefully making the move back after Christmas (husband is aussie so we will need to sort out the financial visa thing first!) I have been here 4.5 years and feel the same today as I did when I got here. It is beautiful, there are some lovely people but I do not belong. Where are you? Hopefully someone here is close to you and can catch up for a coffee/wine and a chat. I have also found that now that the move back is definite in my head I can relax more and start enjoying the little things without thinking that this is forever. Best of luck with everything xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 I have also found that now that the move back is definite in my head I can relax more and start enjoying the little things without thinking that this is forever Agree totally! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twinsmom65 Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 I would say though that you get what you pay for anywhere in life. If you rent the cheapest place available it will a dump. If you rent a cheap car you will get a crap car. Your comments are not representative of Australia that most people experience. But you do need to put in and be the sort of person who can get out there and make friends etc. Australia is not that different to the UK that you cannot have a great life here if you want to. Ok, this is me speaking as a member not as a Mod. I cannot believe you posted this ParleyCross. This women, obviously had a horrible time and is suffering from depression to boot. I am so sick of people coming onto the MBTUK side of the forum, and putting people down. It is not on. I bet many of you who love to put others down, when they are scrapping the bottom of the barrel, do it with glee. How wonderful your lives must be living in Australia, having employment and enjoying things. Perhaps, we should all try and walk in others shoes. For those that have struggled here, and are having an absolute terrible time, we should offer them the shoulder to cry on. This forum has evolved so much since I joined back in 08. There are more people moving back and there will more to come in the future. If you can't say something nice, then please keep quiet, or keep off the MBTUK side of it if you are happy with your lot in Oz. Cheers Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twinsmom65 Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 To the OP, I feel your pain. My advice is to get back to the UK as soon as you can. I know how hard it is to pretend that everything is fine. When my OH lost his job, we were living in Perth and had no family around us. My one daughter had been seeing a counsellor at school for depression, she never settled properly in the 2 years we had been in Perth. I was miserable, carrying the load, I know how hard it is to get jobs. I ended up having 5 jobs in 2 years, most only lasted 3 months max. Life is too short to be unhappy, we too lost money on the move and moving back. I gave up a lovely house, that I know I will never be able to get again. But I have a lovely little house know that we are paying a mortgage on. My family is close by, and my daughter is happy again. That is things that money can't buy. Good luck with everything and if you need to chat to people, there are some lovely folks on here, who have been through similar situations. Hugs Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nikey Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 @OP you have done really well to post on here....please take the next step and be honest with your mum and others who will be helpful/understanding. Be kind to yourself and your hubby. People can help u if they know but if u cut them off then they might be cold towards u thinking they have done something wrong. Can u c a doctor as well? U will get there. Good luck and hugs x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caramac Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 Ok, this is me speaking as a member not as a Mod. I cannot believe you posted this ParleyCross. This women, obviously had a horrible time and is suffering from depression to boot. I am so sick of people coming onto the MBTUK side of the forum, and putting people down. It is not on. I bet many of you who love to put others down, when they are scrapping the bottom of the barrel, do it with glee. How wonderful your lives must be living in Australia, having employment and enjoying things. Perhaps, we should all try and walk in others shoes. For those that have struggled here, and are having an absolute terrible time, we should offer them the shoulder to cry on. This forum has evolved so much since I joined back in 08. There are more people moving back and there will more to come in the future. If you can't say something nice, then please keep quiet, or keep off the MBTUK side of it if you are happy with your lot in Oz. Cheers Karen :notworthy: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bora Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 I too was astonished at Parleycross comments - you seem angry to me, reflecting the image nicely. But there is no need to be so bullish and so quick to judge her circumstances and how she feels and what she may or may not have done. Nothing like a little empathy on Greta's behalf - £100k is doing things on the cheap is it? And besides, there is no reference to her doing things on the cheap whatsoever anyway, in fact she says she paid rediculous money for her accommodation, so your comments are weak, judgemental and ramble like. So lets engage in something intelligent and helpful shall we? What d'ya say? To focus on doing things on the cheap as soon as she arrived with her family totally misses the point. The next 11.5 months experienced determines what you need to do Greta - the signals are loud and clear. Be clinical and decisive in your thinking, create your moment of clarity - to me, this decision has effectively been made for you already, which reduces the pressure marvelously. Now, all you NEED to do, is recognise it, and bend your mind into recovery mode. I found this strategy very useful, (after accepting (yes accepting - key) AU was not right for me) thinking recovery mode is good - the pressure goes, it makes you feel like you have nothing left to lose, everything to gain, a great big white canvass which millions of pots of paint to use for free, then gradually your confidence builds, giving you control and power again. I made sure I stopped beating myself with a knotted bootlace, no good will come of it. You'll end up angry and shouting .....and being all judgemental. Then take gentle steps, and I assure you, you'll be home before you know it and this nightmare will be a long and distant dream. I did all this with a Wife and 2 Kids, we were unhappy and we took a gamble. The only assurance I had when I boarded that plane was that my Son had got his place back at School. We had no home, job, absolutely zip. But we felt ecstatic we were going home, and the nightmare was over. You'll be proud of yourself, as I am. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 I wonder how many people who post on here about how wonderful Aus is and bad the UK is actually feel the same as the OP, ok maybe not as bad as her but you know what I mean. They post on here in a denial way as not to get caught up with homesickness feelings to avoid them letting their feelings show. Just my opinion. A LOT of people feel that there must be something wrong with them if they dont like Aus and that hey have failed...AGAIN, this hold that Australia has over people...weird! Failing would have been never to follow your dreams in the first place! Did you feel weird for not liking the UK when you left? Both countries have just as much beauty to offer, just different, neither better. I too wanted the beach, sunshine, BBQs and cold beer and yes its nice BUT its all materialistic stuff, stuff which doesnt matter IMHO. The beach is no longer a novelty as we go once a week at most, more because we should/can than we want to. Anyway, I suggest telling your mum and ALL of you getting the next plane home...why be unhappy anymore for the sake of a date in your head.....that really is a load of bull! I wish you all the best Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grahamffc Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 I've met lots of people that cannot understand why I would want to go home but a major problem was that before I left home I was the happiest I'd ever been. I naively thought Australia would be even better. So as well as Australia not being for everyone, there is no crime in having a better life in the UK than other people seemingly had. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 I've met lots of people that cannot understand why I would want to go home but a major problem was that before I left home I was the happiest I'd ever been. I naively thought Australia would be even better. So as well as Australia not being for everyone, there is no crime in having a better life in the UK than other people seemingly had. Are you/have you gone home then grahamffc? Any plans in place. The whole thing makes you appreciate what you had right under your nose in the first place doesn't it? Dan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grahamffc Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 I am at a stage where I am 95% certain it's the right thing to do, there's just a bit of apprehension about job and house hunting again. I'd been made redundant, and returned from travelling in the past and got something sort so quickly each time that it's never concerned me. However it was so hard to get a job in Australia that the experience is still quite fresh in my mind. Amongst the personal reasons for going back I want to finish my chartered accounting qualifications which I cannot do in Australia. Also although I am not from London originally I lived there for the last 8 years and didn't realise how much I had settled there. Australia will always be here and I've stayed long enough now to see the good things about it and wouldn't rule out coming back one day if the circumstances arise. I had planned to go back in June but that will be the start of a really busy couple of months at work so I expect my boss will ask me to at least stay until August and offer me some extra leave to go back for a holiday first as I've not yet been back since I arrived 18 months ago. Although an expensive way to do it if it gives me that extra 5% and I dread getting back on the plane in England then it'll be easy to come back and wrap things up and I'll be doing the right thing by my employers who I am grateful to for giving me a job when no one else would. A couple of people I have spoken to said "go back for a holiday and you'll realise why you leftism the first place". That just makes me think "but I was loving it when I left". Hence my first post which was aimed at the OP. Most people assume that your life at home was/is worse than anything in Australia which just isn't the case for everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 All i will say is my other half has been here 30 plus years and as he says never felt he belonged. However for various reasons the time until now was never right to go back. We are working towards getting him as he says home(with me of course). Make a plan to work towards returning. Obviously if your husband is wanting to return as much as you do despite your issues if you work together is will be easier to get there. Bare in mind it may take a while to get there but if you have a plan to work towards you will feel better. For us it will probably be a couple of years at least to get to where we will be ready to go but i know it will be best thing for us. Good luck my heart goes out to you and your family. Hugs for you all.x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lynne78 Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 I would say though that you get what you pay for anywhere in life. If you rent the cheapest place available it will a dump. If you rent a cheap car you will get a crap car. Your comments are not representative of Australia that most people experience. But you do need to put in and be the sort of person who can get out there and make friends etc. Australia is not that different to the UK that you cannot have a great life here if you want to. No need to expand on what others have said about how insensitive this comment is. What really, really annoys me is the comment (which I have seen others make on other posts) about needing to make an effort and get out there and make friends. You'll fail if you don't integrate. It is not as simple as you make it sound, and saying things like that does not help people who are unhappy and feeling isolated. We have been here for 3 years and have pretty much no social life as we have really only one couple that we are friends with (and he was my husband's apprentice back in the 90's who happened to move to Perth from Sydney 2 years ago!). It's not like the first week of school or university, where everyone is new and seeking friends. The majority of grown ups have their social circle established and are not in any desperate need to expand it, only actively looking in certain situations (eg first time mum, moved to a new town). We have met a few couples through online ads (couples recently moved to Australia) but due to having little in common have become acquaintances at best . I have joined the gym, done yoga classes, a salsa class... I have found it quite difficult as I work full time and we don't have kids - so have not been eligible to apply to the numerous ads for people looking for play dates or families with kids the same age as theirs. I work with some really nice people, but there is rarely any socialising outside of work. To be honest, I've given up trying - it's like online dating (anyone who's done that will know exactly where I'm coming from!). It shouldn't be this much work. Greta, I absolutely agree with those who have said a weight is lifted once you make a decision to return, regardless of the time frame. My husband and I bicker a lot less since we decided to return home - two miserable people without a common goal is not a good match! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 Not sure why this thread is becoming about me rather than the OP, but I stand by my comments that a bad start has ultimately soured the whole migration experience, and perhaps could have been avoided. And I agree it is not always easy to make new friends but many many people do do it, and are very happy here (so it is not impossible). If you want to turn this thread into an argument with me that is ok, but probably not really helping the poster (who by the way didn't express any offence at my post). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sustain Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 £100k is a lot of money who ever you are. $1 is a lot of money at Maccas when you realise you left your wallet at work:wink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 I don't think it was below the belt. Okay maybe a bit insensitive.But I think she unfortunately got off to a bad start which has ruined Australia for her. It sounded (to me) like she must have gone cheap in choosing rental and car to get such poor quality services provided. But I take her word for it is she says she didn't. Quoll. Can you honestly say you provide unbiased advice in these matters ? Or maybe she and her family were just ripped off by unscrupulous Australian car and accommodation providers?. I'm sure we must have them, even in the land of 'the fair go.' * * the fair go is the exclusive property of Dishonest Australia inc., 1, Rinehart Drive, Abbot's Mount, ACT. Conditions apply. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 Unlikely. But anything is possible. I do subscribe to the you get what you pay for philosophy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 Nearly $100,000 is a lot of money to spend and it not bring you happiness. Best of luck to you Greta. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Tilley Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 Hi Greta, You have my sympathy as I too was in the same position as you are. I knew very quickly that moving to Australia was the wrong thing for me and I wanted to go home to the UK within a few weeks. What concerns me about your post is the fact that you say your relationship with your husband is over? If this is the case, would he agree to return to the UK with you and the children and you be able to lead separate lives there, or maybe even try and save your marriage? Or does he have a job and a reason to remain in Australia and it's you that isn't happy? Answers to these questions are very important, because if your husband does not wish to return to the UK and does not give permission for your children to return with you then you are going to be trapped there. I know others have suggested that you return home as soon as you can where you can be happy, but this will only be possible if you all return, please do not just take off on your own with the kids because your husband can instigate court proceedings to get them back there again if he wanted to and the UK courts are bound to comply with it. I know of many women who are currently trapped in Australia by their children and are very unhappy there - you are certainly not alone. What sort of visas are you all there on? Can you and your husband legally remain in Australia independently if you do officially separate? If your husband is in agreement to return to the UK with you and the children then this post of mine is irrelevant, but if he wants to remain in Australia you need to do some research (discreetly or with a solicitor) first so that you are certain of the procedures ahead. No matter how beautiful Australia is, or how glorious the sun shines, if it's not 'home' and you don't want to be there you may as well be in hell! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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