Lemony Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 Just wanted to know if anyone else has experienced this after they left the UK to come live in Australia……. I've always seen a lot of my family since i was born, they consist of my Aunty,Uncle and 5 cousins plus my Mum and Step Dad. Not the biggest English family but we have always had Christmas and Birthdays together plus a Sunday roast here and there or a summer BBQ when the weather was good. Anyway to cut a long story short since i have come to Melbourne, which was 15 months ago, they have stopped giving me Birthday or Xmas gifts! I get a card which is always way late but nothing else…..I have always had a small gift or something from them my whole life but its abruptly stopped. No warning or explanation either! It's not so much i am missing 'having a gift', it's more that i feel they have just forgotten about me.Not sending anything just because Australia is far away is so lazy i think, i've continued to make sure my mum and step dad get gifts on Birthdays,Xmas and mothers day etc Sometimes they don't even contact me to let me know they have received a gift from me! It's enough to make me never want to go back……... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 A tough part about migrating anywhere in the world is the 'out of sight, out of mind' syndrome that often happens with those we leave behind. Its not uncommon and often not meant to be hurtful/mean/uncaring or anything like that. Just people get on and live their lives and tend to not to put as much effort into keeping in touch or sending cards and so on as we might like or hope. I know the problem only too well and have seen no end of people experience the same sort of thing wherever they may move to in the world. It doesn't really bother me. Unless a person is really dedicated at sending emails, calling, writing letters and so on and the others left behind are also, things usually sort of peter out and contact isn't so full on. I'd not read too much in to it and try not to get het up over it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 Please don't read too much in to it, we hardly send family anything either but we still love them. Sometimes its hard knowing what to get when you are so far apart. In regards to birthday cards etc they may not realise how long it takes to get here and that they could come by boat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemony Posted March 20, 2014 Author Share Posted March 20, 2014 Thanks Snifter, glad in a way to see this isn't un common. I guess I am just very disappointed, a lot stress was put on me during the lead up to leaving the UK in terms of how much they would all miss me…..emotional stress while I was trying to be strong and not crumble when family member cried and acted very sad etc. It's just so strange to go from feeling 'important' to people just because you are in front of them to not being thought of much at all. I know I would't behave like that if one of my friends or family left the country I was in……but then i'm quite a thoughtful person. I think a Birthday and Christmas gift, no matter how small would be nice……I was in hospital this xmas after having my appendix removed as well and didn't get a single get well card. Hard not to feel crappy when it's tough enough being here and feeling lonely! Wow……lets get the violins out haha!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemony Posted March 20, 2014 Author Share Posted March 20, 2014 Please don't read too much in to it, we hardly send family anything either but we still love them. Sometimes its hard knowing what to get when you are so far apart. In regards to birthday cards etc they may not realise how long it takes to get here and that they could come by boat. Hey Pom Queen, thanks for the reply. It's hard not to feel a bit disappointed…….i've had 2 Birthdays and a Christmas here now and they still don;t seem to 'get' how long it takes for cards to arrive here in time even though i've told them. They get some really nice presents from me, all it takes it a bit of thought which is why i'm so upset to receive nothing in return, just no thought has been put aside for me. I send mum flowers for mothers day, she's had that twice now…….the internet is an amazing and helpful tool for sending things overseas these days…... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 Thanks Snifter, glad in a way to see this isn't un common. I guess I am just very disappointed, a lot stress was put on me during the lead up to leaving the UK in terms of how much they would all miss me…..emotional stress while I was trying to be strong and not crumble when family member cried and acted very sad etc. It's just so strange to go from feeling 'important' to people just because you are in front of them to not being thought of much at all. I know I would't behave like that if one of my friends or family left the country I was in……but then i'm quite a thoughtful person. I think a Birthday and Christmas gift, no matter how small would be nice……I was in hospital this xmas after having my appendix removed as well and didn't get a single get well card. Hard not to feel crappy when it's tough enough being here and feeling lonely! Wow……lets get the violins out haha!!!! I had a major op and had 6 months in hospital, I never received a card from family either, but in know they love me. In fact I really missed my mum whilst laid in the hospital bed, everytime I heard high heels coming down the corridor I thought it was her. Its only now after more complications she is coming out to see me but then she can't get here until July. To be honest it sounds like you are really missing home right now which is normal. We all go through stages like that, especially if our partners are out working and socialising. :hug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 Hey Pom Queen, thanks for the reply.It's hard not to feel a bit disappointed…….i've had 2 Birthdays and a Christmas here now and they still don;t seem to 'get' how long it takes for cards to arrive here in time even though i've told them. They get some really nice presents from me, all it takes it a bit of thought which is why i'm so upset to receive nothing in return, just no thought has been put aside for me. I send mum flowers for mothers day, she's had that twice now…….the internet is an amazing and helpful tool for sending things overseas these days…... Oh dear you are starting to make me feel guilty now lol. I wouldn't mind but when it was my mums last birthday, I'd sent her a card, ordered her flowers and chocolates and called her, yet it still wasn't enough and she sent me a nasty email saying how alone she felt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemony Posted March 20, 2014 Author Share Posted March 20, 2014 I had a major op and had 6 months in hospital, I never received a card from family either, but in know they love me. In fact I really missed my mum whilst laid in the hospital bed, everytime I heard high heels coming down the corridor I thought it was her. Its only now after more complications she is coming out to see me but then she can't get here until July.To be honest it sounds like you are really missing home right now which is normal. We all go through stages like that, especially if our partners are out working and socialising. :hug: Wow I think if no one had sent me a card after 6 months in hospital following an operation i'd be really upset, by the way I hope you recover and wish you well. :hug: I guess it's like I said before, they used to be the kind of family who would send a card or a gift when i was in the UK……every time without fail since birth really! If they were not the kind of family who bothered before I don't think it would be a problem, it feels like one now because they stopped abruptly. I am missing friends and family you are right and after seeing so many similar posts on here I know it's normal. It's just they don't think of it from my point of view, that now is the exact time i might need a little bit extra support. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemony Posted March 20, 2014 Author Share Posted March 20, 2014 Oh dear you are starting to make me feel guilty now lol. I wouldn't mind but when it was my mums last birthday, I'd sent her a card, ordered her flowers and chocolates and called her, yet it still wasn't enough and she sent me a nasty email saying how alone she felt. Oh dear, really? Thats not great……I did the same thing on Mothers Day for my mum and send flowers,chocolates and a teddy bear.She didn't even call me to say they had come and it took me calling her to find out.She bought me up to always call or write to a person to say thanks as soon as you receive a gift but yet failed to do so herself, this has only begun since i moved to Aus. I think they are all punishing me or something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 Wow I think if no one had sent me a card after 6 months in hospital following an operation i'd be really upset, by the way I hope you recover and wish you well. :hug:I guess it's like I said before, they used to be the kind of family who would send a card or a gift when i was in the UK……every time without fail since birth really! If they were not the kind of family who bothered before I don't think it would be a problem, it feels like one now because they stopped abruptly. I am missing friends and family you are right and after seeing so many similar posts on here I know it's normal. It's just they don't think of it from my point of view, that now is the exact time i might need a little bit extra support. Maybe you need to tell them this. Tell them you miss them and ask if they could keep in touch more. Don't make it about presents as that sounds cheeky, but ask if you could chat to them on Skype once a week or if you could write to each other on a weekly basis. Maybe they feel the same, maybe they feel like you abandoned them but unless you talk about it Hun it will continue to eat you up inside and you will feel worse. When we first moved over here my mother switched me off, she didn't talk to me for 4 years, we lost touch. She finally made contact and within a few weeks had booked her flights to come out and she said we had made the best move ever and she was so sorry for being angry with us. She still makes me feel guilty though now and then but I tend to ignore it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Que Sera Sera Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 It was me that stopped sending presents to the adults, I only send cards via Moonpig and iinternet shop. It doesn't mean I don't care it just takes away the stress of what to buy. I don't want others to stress about what to buy me. Anything I need I buy myself. I do send MIL Mothers day flowers though ahem! I mean the OH does:wink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boganbear Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 Get used to it. None of my family or friends phone or send cards except my dad, despite me phoning them. its not hard to get a 10 quid cheap phone card that lasts ages, go on skype or get a $10 note to put in a card but it seems too much effort. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 You get used to it! Out of sight and out of mind - doesn't mean they love you any the less. I've never had a get well card whenever I've been in hospital (last few times never even told them, so it cuts both ways I guess!). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Que Sera Sera Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 And to be fair its us that have moved away from them.. I suppose its down to us to keep up the momentum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AJ Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 You sound like a kid thats in the huff! Thats one of the things that happens as you get older, you dont need to move away to stop getting presents. I bought my neices and nephews presents till they were 21. By then they were all working and didnt need presents from their Aunty. We have agreed with our family not to bother sending gifts, it costs as much to post them as it does for the gifts themselves, it doesnt mean that we dont like each other anymore! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NigelWaring Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 Lemony, you don't need any presents, you are now their rich aunty/uncle, brother/sister, cousin in Australia. My Mother once told me that, that was how they described me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 Things move on. Me and my Oh have decided not to buy birthday presents for each other any more, it is just pointless after a while, buying things for each other that we don't need from the same bank account. And i like cards but cards are falling out of fashion, who needs to send a card when there are new ways of getting messages to each other. Well that is what I told myself at Christmas when I got grand total of four! :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Londongal76 Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 On the flip side when my best friend and godson moved there I haven't missed a birthday or Christmas and regularly send him little parcels that he loves. My brother has point blank said he won't ever visit if I move though. Family eh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunbury61 Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 Just wanted to know if anyone else has experienced this after they left the UK to come live in Australia……. I've always seen a lot of my family since i was born, they consist of my Aunty,Uncle and 5 cousins plus my Mum and Step Dad. Not the biggest English family but we have always had Christmas and Birthdays together plus a Sunday roast here and there or a summer BBQ when the weather was good. Anyway to cut a long story short since i have come to Melbourne, which was 15 months ago, they have stopped giving me Birthday or Xmas gifts! I get a card which is always way late but nothing else…..I have always had a small gift or something from them my whole life but its abruptly stopped. No warning or explanation either! It's not so much i am missing 'having a gift', it's more that i feel they have just forgotten about me.Not sending anything just because Australia is far away is so lazy i think, i've continued to make sure my mum and step dad get gifts on Birthdays,Xmas and mothers day etc Sometimes they don't even contact me to let me know they have received a gift from me! It's enough to make me never want to go back……... I have a situation here in the UK ......I don't want to here from my family in Australia ......I had a phone call from a sibling last weekend , my wife took the call ......when she gestured to me who it was , I thought I just cant be bothered ......we are doing the business over here , looking after mom , when shes gone that's it ....I would tell them to " do one " now , but it would upset mom too much . its only making small talk anyway .....they have chosen their life , best of luck to them ....but I hope they remember someone still has to pick up the pieces here in the U.K , and the odd phone call and bunch of flowers for mom , don't cut it with me . As my mom gets older , I can literally sense her pain , at having 2 thirds of her family in oz , but she never says anything ...... Then the relatives in oz inform us that they are coming over for a 6 weeks holiday , and expect us to have the bunting out !......do me a favour Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Just wanted to know if anyone else has experienced this after they left the UK to come live in Australia……. I've always seen a lot of my family since i was born, they consist of my Aunty,Uncle and 5 cousins plus my Mum and Step Dad. Not the biggest English family but we have always had Christmas and Birthdays together plus a Sunday roast here and there or a summer BBQ when the weather was good. Anyway to cut a long story short since i have come to Melbourne, which was 15 months ago, they have stopped giving me Birthday or Xmas gifts! I get a card which is always way late but nothing else…..I have always had a small gift or something from them my whole life but its abruptly stopped. No warning or explanation either! It's not so much i am missing 'having a gift', it's more that i feel they have just forgotten about me.Not sending anything just because Australia is far away is so lazy i think, i've continued to make sure my mum and step dad get gifts on Birthdays,Xmas and mothers day etc Sometimes they don't even contact me to let me know they have received a gift from me! It's enough to make me never want to go back……... I think you are taking it a bit too hard. Doesn't mean they don't love you just as much or think of you less. You are just a long way away and they have their lives to live. Guys can go years without seeing old friends and family and pick up from where they left off. Women find it harder for some reason. My wife feels a bit peeved if she doesn't get a call on her birthday, to me I'm surprised if anyone remembers mine so it's a nice surprise if someone from the UK remembers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 I have a situation here in the UK ......I don't want to here from my family in Australia ......I had a phone call from a sibling last weekend , my wife took the call ......when she gestured to me who it was , I thought I just cant be bothered ......we are doing the business over here , looking after mom , when shes gone that's it ....I would tell them to " do one " now , but it would upset mom too much .its only making small talk anyway .....they have chosen their life , best of luck to them ....but I hope they remember someone still has to pick up the pieces here in the U.K , and the odd phone call and bunch of flowers for mom , don't cut it with me . As my mom gets older , I can literally sense her pain , at having 2 thirds of her family in oz , but she never says anything ...... Then the relatives in oz inform us that they are coming over for a 6 weeks holiday , and expect us to have the bunting out !......do me a favour You sound a bit peeved there bunbury. You made the choice mate, no sense in falling out with the rest of the family, they will still be around when your mum's gone. Its the only family you have. My Dad fell out with my aunt for years, didn't speak as she got most of her money when she died. I thought it was fair enough as she had looked after her for the last few years of her life and we had hardly seen her as we didn't live close. My Dad thinks me and my sister will have the same problem as she has managed to get my parents to move to the same town where she and my nieces live. I know she does a great job but we don't fall out about it. She thinks we did the right thing taking our chance when it came. Our parents told us to not be tied up with their needs. You shouldn't be either, but if you feel guilty about it then so be it. Don't blame the rest of the family though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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