tonyman Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 mrs t and i have enough children (5) but i know she would like more .....we have been talking about fostering for many months now and have seen an add in the local paper ......but is it straight forward , could we end up with a problem child ....i really want to do it as when we have sleep overs i act like a child and these kids seem to love it , but if you have a foster kid surely they would be buzzing with all the attention and tom foolery ...........how long do the foster kids stay with you ..........do you get a choice of age , one probs i would have is saying goodbye to someone ive tried to help and not knowing there future ........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Counting Stars Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 I don't know but I think it's a lovely thing to do hubby and I have talked about adopting when we are older xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caramac Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 I think it'd be best to have a word with your local children's services. I don't know how difficult it'd be, but it's something I've thought about - maybe emergency or crisis care. Afaik I think you can have a preference for a certain age group, but I think it depends on the ages of your own children. In the UK you can choose to be a short or long term carer. I'm sure it'd be something similar in Aus. Hasn't Johndoe had lots of foster children? He'd be a good person to ask? :smile: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
claudy mucker Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 I have no knowledge of the fostering system in WA, try: https://www.dcp.wa.gov.au/FosteringandAdoption/InterestedInFosterCaring/Pages/InterestedInFosterCaring.aspx there appears to be a good wee video and different stories and FAQ's In terms of fostering in general, as a uk social worker,I have experience in this field, and if I was you, if it is something you areinterested in, at least contact the fostering team at WA and register aninterest, and see if you could arrange a meeting or request information pack tobe posted to you. It is a big decision, and I know you might entertain the ideaof entertaining the kids and them getting a buzz from the attention, in somecases they may well be happy to find a home where there is no shouting,fighting, parents drinking etc, but they well resent not being allowed to liveat home and this may manifest in challenging behaviour. Remember, never callthem a “problem child”, because, when you put something who is presenting withchallenging behaviour, you would be angry too sometimes, when for example, yourparents couldn’t even ensure your safety, hit them, bought drink ahead of foodfor dinners etc. That’s where goodfoster carers can be a lifeline as they can bring stability for vulnerablechildren. When you ask how long do the foster kids stay with you, it is down tocircumstances, sometimes it could be a weekend, a night, a week, a month, year,or longer. But if for whatever reason, a foster placement is just not workingout for either the young person, or you and your family, you can ring FosteringCase Worker at any time and be honest with them. They might suggest trainingfor you or your wife, or even a change in placment. So bottom line, key skillsto being a foster carer is empathy, ability to build relationships, and evenjust thinking about becoming a foster carer shows you have great potential, soregister an interest, no harm looking into it. good luck in what ever youdecide!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyman Posted January 8, 2014 Author Share Posted January 8, 2014 I have no knowledge of the fostering system in WA, try: https://www.dcp.wa.gov.au/FosteringandAdoption/InterestedInFosterCaring/Pages/InterestedInFosterCaring.aspxthere appears to be a good wee video and different stories and FAQ's In terms of fostering in general, as a uk social worker,I have experience in this field, and if I was you, if it is something you areinterested in, at least contact the fostering team at WA and register aninterest, and see if you could arrange a meeting or request information pack tobe posted to you. It is a big decision, and I know you might entertain the ideaof entertaining the kids and them getting a buzz from the attention, in somecases they may well be happy to find a home where there is no shouting,fighting, parents drinking etc, but they well resent not being allowed to liveat home and this may manifest in challenging behaviour. Remember, never callthem a “problem child”, because, when you put something who is presenting withchallenging behaviour, you would be angry too sometimes, when for example, yourparents couldn’t even ensure your safety, hit them, bought drink ahead of foodfor dinners etc. That’s where goodfoster carers can be a lifeline as they can bring stability for vulnerablechildren. When you ask how long do the foster kids stay with you, it is down tocircumstances, sometimes it could be a weekend, a night, a week, a month, year,or longer. But if for whatever reason, a foster placement is just not workingout for either the young person, or you and your family, you can ring FosteringCase Worker at any time and be honest with them. They might suggest trainingfor you or your wife, or even a change in placment. So bottom line, key skillsto being a foster carer is empathy, ability to build relationships, and evenjust thinking about becoming a foster carer shows you have great potential, soregister an interest, no harm looking into it. good luck in what ever youdecide!!! go Claudy.....im defo for it ........ it looks like a long process ........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
claudy mucker Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 it can be a lengthy process (a bit like a move to Oz as I am finding out), and you are no doubt asked very tough questions in the assessment stage, very personal ones at that, but it is not to try and catch you or your wife, rather than prepare you best you can by thinking about you may cope with as you said earlier, times where you are struggling at looking at a "problem child". remember behind every bad behaviour, is a vulnerable child looking for a good home. all the best Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wellers and Whitehead Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 go Claudy.....im defo for it ........ it looks like a long process ........ Fab advice, although I think it slightly differs from UK to oz in the fact that foster carers do not always have caseworkers of their own, and social workers do not visit as frequently as they do in the UK. One foster carer said to a colleague when placing a child, that they had last seen a social worker when the last child got placed. Hopefully this was just down to a bad experience. I would say nearly all the children in oz would have challenging behaviour due to oz having a higher threshold for getting involved therefore you are dealing with more complex issues. As long as you are prepared and willing to put in the hard work it's such a rewarding role. Go for it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest hoffer Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 tonyman this is a GREAT idea. Myself and my wife only have one child and could have more but have instead talked of adoption many times so that we can potentially offer a great life to a child currently not as fortunate and i think what you guys are thinking of is a very noble thing. On a side note Just before Christmas i met a woman in the UK who had just been approved as a fosterer(right word?) and she was doing it for a living and solely for the money I have to admit it made me a little angry so i told her. My wife then told me i need to learn to keep my mouth shut. Anyway the point is hats off to you mate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wellers and Whitehead Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 Ask John Doe he's was a foster carer I believe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wellers and Whitehead Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 tonyman this is a GREAT idea. Myself and my wife only have one child and could have more but have instead talked of adoption many times so that we can potentially offer a great life to a child currently not as fortunate and i think what you guys are thinking of is a very noble thing. On a side note Just before Christmas i met a woman in the UK who had just been approved as a fosterer(right word?) and she was doing it for a living and solely for the money I have to admit it made me a little angry so i told her. My wife then told me i need to learn to keep my mouth shut. Anyway the point is hats off to you mate Good on ya for telling her, I've worked with many foster carers in it just for the money, and they are generally the really bad ones. If you have a kind heart that shines through, and the kids can tell if your in it for the right reasons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paulv Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 Hi Tony, I'll reiterate what Claude's just said but give my experience as well(albeit I'm in the uk). All you need to apply is a spare room (unless you're just after tiny babies who can be in a cot in your room). John Doe is a long time FC in Oz and can tell you the good, bad, and ugly- as can I. The process can take up to a year but most of that is waiting for SW to visit to complete assessments on you and Mrs T. The assessment asks about your experiences of parenthood, and of being parented- they want to know who influenced you, how, why etc. in the UK they also speak to close friends or family to ask about your suitability. In less than 4 years we have looked after 14 kids - some stayed a year, some less than 12 hours. Some are ready to go back to a parent (we have had that twice and both times it's gone really well and SW are no longer involved). One has gone for adoption (a wonderful outcome and process) and we currently have 2 who will hopefully be adopted - one we have had since she was less than a day old. A little bit of each kid remains with us - either a saying they had, a mispronounced word, or an intonation - so in one way they never leave us. The house always feels empty when they leave but we try and have a family holiday when we can, just us four, so our kids never feel like they're being neglected! Both our kids love it now as they're 12 and 9 and have kids to play with - last week both of them Spent the evening playing with a toddlers kitchen that we had just got for the 2 year old we have. They downed wii's, tablets etc and regressed! Every kid has thrived, been grateful, and the satisfaction of that first step, that first word, their first REAL laugh, or seeing them play nicely with other kids when they came to us like a banshee a few months earlier is priceless. Im actually enjoying this baby more than I did my own as you are older, wiser, and less stressed by it all. Its not for everyone but even giving one kid one night of safety makes it worthwhile. Good luck in your quest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wellers and Whitehead Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 Hi Tony, I'll reiterate what Claude's just said but give my experience as well(albeit I'm in the uk). All you need to apply is a spare room (unless you're just after tiny babies who can be in a cot in your room). John Doe is a long time FC in Oz and can tell you the good, bad, and ugly- as can I. The process can take up to a year but most of that is waiting for SW to visit to complete assessments on you and Mrs T. The assessment asks about your experiences of parenthood, and of being parented- they want to know who influenced you, how, why etc. in the UK they also speak to close friends or family to ask about your suitability. In less than 4 years we have looked after 14 kids - some stayed a year, some less than 12 hours. Some are ready to go back to a parent (we have had that twice and both times it's gone really well and SW are no longer involved). One has gone for adoption (a wonderful outcome and process) and we currently have 2 who will hopefully be adopted - one we have had since she was less than a day old. A little bit of each kid remains with us - either a saying they had, a mispronounced word, or an intonation - so in one way they never leave us. The house always feels empty when they leave but we try and have a family holiday when we can, just us four, so our kids never feel like they're being neglected! Both our kids love it now as they're 12 and 9 and have kids to play with - last week both of them Spent the evening playing with a toddlers kitchen that we had just got for the 2 year old we have. They downed wii's, tablets etc and regressed! Every kid has thrived, been grateful, and the satisfaction of that first step, that first word, their first REAL laugh, or seeing them play nicely with other kids when they came to us like a banshee a few months earlier is priceless. Im actually enjoying this baby more than I did my own as you are older, wiser, and less stressed by it all. Its not for everyone but even giving one kid one night of safety makes it worthwhile. Good luck in your quest. just lovely! You really made me smile! X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyman Posted January 9, 2014 Author Share Posted January 9, 2014 Hi Tony, I'll reiterate what Claude's just said but give my experience as well(albeit I'm in the uk). All you need to apply is a spare room (unless you're just after tiny babies who can be in a cot in your room). John Doe is a long time FC in Oz and can tell you the good, bad, and ugly- as can I. The process can take up to a year but most of that is waiting for SW to visit to complete assessments on you and Mrs T. The assessment asks about your experiences of parenthood, and of being parented- they want to know who influenced you, how, why etc. in the UK they also speak to close friends or family to ask about your suitability. In less than 4 years we have looked after 14 kids - some stayed a year, some less than 12 hours. Some are ready to go back to a parent (we have had that twice and both times it's gone really well and SW are no longer involved). One has gone for adoption (a wonderful outcome and process) and we currently have 2 who will hopefully be adopted - one we have had since she was less than a day old. A little bit of each kid remains with us - either a saying they had, a mispronounced word, or an intonation - so in one way they never leave us. The house always feels empty when they leave but we try and have a family holiday when we can, just us four, so our kids never feel like they're being neglected! Both our kids love it now as they're 12 and 9 and have kids to play with - last week both of them Spent the evening playing with a toddlers kitchen that we had just got for the 2 year old we have. They downed wii's, tablets etc and regressed! Every kid has thrived, been grateful, and the satisfaction of that first step, that first word, their first REAL laugh, or seeing them play nicely with other kids when they came to us like a banshee a few months earlier is priceless. Im actually enjoying this baby more than I did my own as you are older, wiser, and less stressed by it all. Its not for everyone but even giving one kid one night of safety makes it worthwhile. Good luck in your quest. Fantastic post Paul, makes me want to help them all the more now ...........:notworthy: ..we had a girl from the Guides sleep over with our daughters last night as they went to Adventure World yesterday..........she lives between her Nana and Dad .......she really opened up to us , a lovely adorable little girl too.......a great silly sense of humour too and her and I hit it off ......she was loving being here asking if this was really our house ,all the animals, she said it was such a fun house and really wished she lived with us , she told us how she is bullied at school and has no friends ...I asked a few subtle questions and it sounds as if school don't really help regarding the bullying issues sort it out yourself first ect .......I had to be at the Doctors at the time she was being picked up and she said "will you please be back before I go home "I said "don't you go home before I come back "..............now I normally give all our girls friends a big hug as they go home but for some reason I thought don't hug this girl , she has took a shine to us but I didn't want to over fuss just in case it made things worse that she was going home even though I knew dam well she wanted a hug......of course mrs tonyman did , as she always does .....I feel so sorry for her even though she is bubbly and polite like my children but she has something missing in her life .............It really had made me think how we sometimes take what we have for granted , I feel so sorry for her but I`m not in that position to help yet .....a lovely girl and another eye opener for me today .......and fostering is really becoming a yes now ........ more so due to some of your comment guys .....:notworthy: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyman Posted January 10, 2014 Author Share Posted January 10, 2014 well I`ve made a couple of inquires today , one link I had was for fostering disabled children and that wont suit us as with us having young children they can become aggressive ,so they put us onto Wanslea , they talked me through the process and they were happy with the questions I was asking them ......so the ball is rolling ..............like you say its a 4/6 month process , its a shame we have to wait as we know we are a good caring family but they have to do it by the book , I know that ........... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyHeart Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 We've looked into fostering. Been considering it for a few years. Not quite ready to commit yet though. Mercy recruit and accept respite foster parents which I though was a good way to try it out before thinking longer term. I think you have to accept most kids placed with you will have issues but if you can commit to helping a child then go for it. Im trying to work out if I'm ready for another child...i definitely don't want any more of my own but feel like i still have a lot of mothering to do. ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyman Posted January 10, 2014 Author Share Posted January 10, 2014 that's how we feel , don't want our own but we have so much to offer .,.....and love is needed with these kids ........go for it HH you be an ideal couple too ..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
travelchic Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 My friend fosters and it's the best thing she ever did. She is a great mum but all her kids have grown up now. She has 2 children (siblings) at the moment. They have come on leaps and bounds with her. It's such a rewarding thing to do and can be a positive experience with the right training and support. Debs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Counting Stars Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 well I`ve made a couple of inquires today , one link I had was for fostering disabled children and that wont suit us as with us having young children they can become aggressive ,so they put us onto Wanslea , they talked me through the process and they were happy with the questions I was asking them ......so the ball is rolling ..............like you say its a 4/6 month process , its a shame we have to wait as we know we are a good caring family but they have to do it by the book , I know that ........... Good Luck! xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobj Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 Noble thoughts, Nick and very satisfying. Cheers, Bobj. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johndoe Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 (1) could we end up with a problem child ................(2) how long do the foster kids stay with you ..........(3) do you get a choice of age , (4) one probs i would have is saying goodbye to someone ive tried to help and not knowing there future ........ I can only speak for Qld (1)They're all "problem children".....................invariably from dysfunctional familes, and therfore, with little knowledge of how to behave in a "functional" one. (2) The primary role of Child Safety is to keep the child safe, and secondly, to re-unite with family.........................often the lines get blurred here and the child is returned to a non-safe environment. This could be due to the failure of ther authorities to recognuise that the parents are not yet fitting enough to care for their child..............The parents are often very adept at "puilling the wool" over the eyes of CSO's when they want the child returned (for example) because it would 8increase their benefit payments.................IOW, the child will stay with you for as long as authorities deem fit. (3) You can request children of a certain age, but this is rarely considered due to pressures to simply get the child to a safe environment.....................you get a phone call as and when they are desperate to place a child. If more appropriate placements have refused to take the child, invariably, you will get the call. Sex is a more important consideration than age..............kids in care often act inappropriately/promiscuously and the protection of your own kids is paramount. (4) You can request to be an emergency or respite carer.....................emergency carers look after the child until an appropriate placement can be found..................respite carers look after the child to give the permanent placement carer a break. In the case of the former, it quite often transpires that you "get stuck" with the child,often because a more permanent placement has already proved fruitless............IME the CSO won't tell you this, as it diminishes their chance of you accepting the child, and please don't think that CSO's, for all the good and hard work that they do, aren't above telling you porkies simply to get the child into a placement..............often any placement, as long as it is away from the parents. In the case of the latter...........ask yourself why the permanent carer needs respite?...............why does she need a break from the child?................Too much to handle?...............therefore, too much for you to handle? In conclusion, I would ask yourself not, "can I be a foster carer" but, "How will this impact my own kids"?..........................It is tougher on them than it is on the carers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pablo Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 Great honest post Kev,one question tho(maybe two!),would you foster again,have you found it rewarding? I think i know the answer,but just wondering Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johndoe Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 Great honest post Kev,one question tho(maybe two!),would you foster again,have you found it rewarding? I think i know the answer,but just wondering I knew my previous response would give you a hint Pabs :-) Yes, it was rewarding, but also, full of disappointment....................the "failures" weigh heavy..................it was more about me wanting to "do something" and expecting reciprocity from the kids, which rarely manifested, than it was altruism,.............. dealing with ill-informed or naive decisions by CSO's (through no great fault of their own) can lead to bitterness.............. Being limited in what you can do for your own, whilst caring for those less fortunate, is only seen in retrospect, as you're so caught up idealing with the "problem child"....................on a personal level, dealing with dysfunctional parents can remind one of one's own dysfunctional upbringing and create bias/bitterness towards the parents, that really should have been directed at one's own................constantly trying to be non-judgemental is mentally exhausting...............lots more but that is more likely about me, and my own upbringing than it is about fostering...............I try to be honest......................so......................would I do it again?......................No I wouldn't..................I realise how many years of my life that I lost that should have been totally focused on my own kids..................I realise how it triggered memories that should have best been long buried.........................I realise how totally inadequate the system is....................I realise how so many carers (the majority I would say) are in it purely for the money.......kids who have been in foster care for years walking around in what amounts to little more than rags (what did those carers spend the allowance on? certainly not the kids).......................I saw the best and the worst of human nature and unfortunately, the best hasn't compensated for the worst (in my case)...................yes, I've had kids come back as adults and thank me, but they are few and far between and I can still suss that they are troubled................two, whom were with me for over 5 yrs, are now heroin addicts and on the streets.......................it stays with me, almost daily.......................so no, I definitely wouldn't do it again, or recommend it, especially to those whose life is not totally devoid of any personal problems. Edited to add: Anyone who thinks it will be ok to pick and choose which kids they take, really shouldn't be into fostering at all........................I've known some women who have receieved awards for over 30 yrs of fostering..................those are the ones who want the babies.................those are the ones who dump them once they start to crawl and create "problems"..............then take another baby..............and so on........................is it just co-incidence that babies attract a greater allowance? These carers never appreciate what other carers with adolescent, dysfunctional kids experience.............they fulfill a role..........they keep the baby safe, but how many actually nurture that child through the most difficult period of it's life? TBH...............some of these carers, whom I have met on a personal level...............make me want to chuck up....................and the CSO's think they're wonderful?.....................Like I say, too many CSO's are either naive or living in a dream world Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyHeart Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 Insightful and honest post Kev. Fantastic. Thank you. Fostering isn't something you do to fill any voids in your own life is it...even if you have the very best intentions and much to give. Why is life so bloody complicated?? At least those kids who are now back on the street got a taster of normality with you and Bridget and every positive intervention must stay with a child. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johndoe Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 Insightful and honest post Kev. Fantastic. Thank you. Fostering isn't something you do to fill any voids in your own life is it...even if you have the very best intentions and much to give. Why is life so bloody complicated?? At least those kids who are now back on the street got a taster of normality with you and Bridget and every positive intervention must stay with a child. No it isn't Fi, and that's probably where I went wrong.................. It was more about me than it was about the kids...........................I thought it would give me a sense of self worth I guess................prove that I was better than my parents...............I see it happening with my foster daughter also................she's always on FB saying how much she loves her kids and how good a mum she is..............that should be a given and you shouldn't need to seek the approval of others to confirm it, but I do understand why she feels that she has to do it. As for your last, I guess you're right...............I was bemoaning the fact that we had to do more to break the cycle of abuse (to a counsellor)...............that it wasn't enough to simply keep the kids safe, which seems to be the priority of the department. I'd had to let a teenager go because he's kicked jake across the room and split his head open. The counsellors response was that although I may feel like a failure (at that moment) and that it may look like I'd made no impression on the teenager, it could well be that one day the teenager would wake up (as an adult) in a prison cell and realise that someone had actually cared about him............that could be the factor that turned the kid round, irrespective of how bleak the prospects looked at that moment in time...............IOW, I may be the "significant other" who made a difference. Looking back, I realise that my life was turned around only because I found a significant other.......albeit that it was years later before I realised that they were..........that someone had cared, despite me thinking that the whole world was against me. If I have given that realisation to a "lost soul", later in his/her life, then fostering has been worth it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyHeart Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 Exactly. So you did a good thing and it WAS worthwhile...even if it isnt immediately apparent with every child....you only have to observe some parents in action and watch the news to see that some kids have little chance of a 'normal' life if not exposed to something different to what they've experienced in earlier life. I thought about fostering years ago...well before our own daughter started to take the wrong path...now I wonder if what we've learned parenting her would stand us in good stead as foster carers...after all we have our very own 'problem child'! Or maybe the fact we do means we are unsuitable...after all we 'failed' with our own...it's a hard one. I try hard to maintain a stable, loving, forgiving and supportive stance so at least she knows we are consistent regardless of her choices....I think thats all you can do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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