LostMyWay Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 It's been a whole since i've posted on here and the last time I did was because I was desperate to return to Australia from the UK and get PR! To quickly recap-my HB and I first moved to Aus in Jan 2010 and returned to UK in Nov 2011 after I never really settled in the country. As soon as we landed we both regretted the impulsive move (we decided in the Oct that we'd had enough and 4 weeks later we were jobless, homeless and on a flight to London!) I tried to stay grounded and insist we give UK a go but after a couple of months I couldn't resist my HB's constant goings on and agreed to come back! We did it quickly because I was desperate to start a family and didn't want to delay it anymore than I had to. We were extremely lucky and both were offered our jobs back in Australia! Since returning I have been very happy and have maintained that the move back to UK got rid of any homesickness I had! Unfortunately my HB has talked about wanting to go home since we landed back on Aussie soil! He believes we went home too soon and now we've grown up and our priorities have changed we would be much happier in UK if we moved now! He has irritated me for last year and half and I have urged him to stop talking about the UK and reminding him of how miserable he was! I have now just given birth to our first child! I know it's all new and likely to change but I now have this growing want to go home! I believe my HB is right that now our priorities have changed we could be happy in UK? But because we've already done it once we have to be 100% sure it's for us! It broke my mums heart last time but to dangle a grandchild in front of her I honestly think she'd disown me! I can see other pingpongers who have done it once but has anyone done it twice? Are we destined to be eternally unhappy wherever we are? Or is it ok to just pack up and move again-we're lucky that we can do it so should we do it rather than just making do? Things are so much different for us this time. I know my new baby fears will go but we discuss moving home again at least once a month and we've been back in Aus since July 2012! Any input is appreciated and generally just looking to voice my fears and insanity!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nic1171 Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 Do what makes you happy to hell what others think. Sure it's an expensive process but it's your money. Fwiw I know a family who've now ping ponged twice, now onto 3rd state and very happy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flag of convenience Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 There is often a pull from another place I find. Nowhere provides all one's needs. Just go where the important needs are mostly met and accept the missing parts to the jigsaw as the price many transplanted folk pay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 Personally, I think you should move back and then stop looking back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kellie23 Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 It's been a whole since i've posted on here and the last time I did was because I was desperate to return to Australia from the UK and get PR! To quickly recap-my HB and I first moved to Aus in Jan 2010 and returned to UK in Nov 2011 after I never really settled in the country. As soon as we landed we both regretted the impulsive move (we decided in the Oct that we'd had enough and 4 weeks later we were jobless, homeless and on a flight to London!) I tried to stay grounded and insist we give UK a go but after a couple of months I couldn't resist my HB's constant goings on and agreed to come back! We did it quickly because I was desperate to start a family and didn't want to delay it anymore than I had to. We were extremely lucky and both were offered our jobs back in Australia! Since returning I have been very happy and have maintained that the move back to UK got rid of any homesickness I had! Unfortunately my HB has talked about wanting to go home since we landed back on Aussie soil! He believes we went home too soon and now we've grown up and our priorities have changed we would be much happier in UK if we moved now! He has irritated me for last year and half and I have urged him to stop talking about the UK and reminding him of how miserable he was! I have now just given birth to our first child! I know it's all new and likely to change but I now have this growing want to go home! I believe my HB is right that now our priorities have changed we could be happy in UK? But because we've already done it once we have to be 100% sure it's for us! It broke my mums heart last time but to dangle a grandchild in front of her I honestly think she'd disown me! I can see other pingpongers who have done it once but has anyone done it twice? Are we destined to be eternally unhappy wherever we are? Or is it ok to just pack up and move again-we're lucky that we can do it so should we do it rather than just making do? Things are so much different for us this time. I know my new baby fears will go but we discuss moving home again at least once a month and we've been back in Aus since July 2012! Any input is appreciated and generally just looking to voice my fears and insanity!!! When you say your priorities have changed what do you mean? We are currently going through the process of getting our visas to move from uk to oz and our main reason being for a better life for our children. We live in kent so obviously different areas of the uk may be better but here we are fed up of it being overcrowded, fed up of the education system, fed up of the nhs and fed up of not being able to have the outdoor lifestyle with the kids as much as we would like. If it was just me and HB we could stay here and put up with it but when we think of the kids life's and how much England has changed in our life's (not for the better) it bothers us what it could be like when they grow up. We have a very close relationship with grandparents so that of course will be the hardest thing to do in taking the kids away but they agree with our reasons. Just think closely about what you want got your child/ren. Hope this helps. Good luck with what ever you decide xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 Sure there are multi ping pongers - some end up in Aus, some end up in UK - often when the money runs out or they slip past the point of no return. If if you want to go, go. If you want to stay, stay. Both are first world countries and kids are going to grow up just as well in both places given loving parents - that "better life for the kids" thing is just another term for "an adult itch for adventure". If you are on your own in Aus then you will have to be very self sufficient and independent raising a family - no extra hands out there to help. It can be done (got the t shirt for that one) but I won't kid you that it was easy and taking the kids home to see grandparents/gt grandparents can rack up a hefty bill. I think all of us who have sampled life elsewhere have a touch of "curse of the expat" at times - usually when the going gets a bit tough and it is easy to compare the bad of the now with the good of what you've had in the past. I guess at some point you have to draw a line (not drawn mine yet but maybe one day!) but if you keep your options open you can delay that. Good luck with your decision! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 When you say your priorities have changed what do you mean? We are currently going through the process of getting our visas to move from uk to oz and our main reason being for a better life for our children. We live in kent so obviously different areas of the uk may be better but here we are fed up of it being overcrowded, fed up of the education system, fed up of the nhs and fed up of not being able to have the outdoor lifestyle with the kids as much as we would like. If it was just me and HB we could stay here and put up with it but when we think of the kids life's and how much England has changed in our life's (not for the better) it bothers us what it could be like when they grow up. We have a very close relationship with grandparents so that of course will be the hardest thing to do in taking the kids away but they agree with our reasons. Just think closely about what you want got your child/ren. Hope this helps. Good luck with what ever you decide xxx Oh dear! Ever been to Australia? The "better life for the kids" is a furphy - one first world country is much like any other and I certainly wouldn't be taking the kids away from extended family to isolation on the other side of the world unless it was really the adult itch for adventure that was being scratched. Most Aussies live in crowded suburbs in the major city areas, the health system still has a way to go to catch up with the NHS (IMHO) and education is ok but nothing out of the box. I fear you may be disappointed by the weather - heat is just as restricting as cold can be. Good luck with your visa! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diane Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 I think you need to sit down together and make an agreement that whatever choice you make, you will stick with it and do whatever is necessary to make it work. If you go back to the UK and a few months down the line are unhappy, then you need to agree to deal with that unhappiness by making changes to your lives there, not moving half way round the world again. If you don't like the place you are living in, move to another house, another town, another part of the UK. If you don't like your jobs, change them, or study more if you need to. Emigrating is just one solution of many to any dissatisfaction you feel, and I think as adults you need to recognise this and agree to try and work through any problems without trying it again. If you have wonderlust, perhaps book a holiday, or go travelling round Europe for six months, or something like that. You've tried emigrating - twice - and it hasn't worked for you. Try something else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 Oh dear! Ever been to Australia? The "better life for the kids" is a furphy - one first world country is much like any other and I certainly wouldn't be taking the kids away from extended family to isolation on the other side of the world unless it was really the adult itch for adventure that was being scratched. Most Aussies live in crowded suburbs in the major city areas, the health system still has a way to go to catch up with the NHS (IMHO) and education is ok but nothing out of the box. I fear you may be disappointed by the weather - heat is just as restricting as cold can be. Good luck with your visa! Oh dear was exactly what I thought when I read that! Kellie what exactly do you think will be better about education or the NHS? Who is stopping you from having an outdoor lifestyle in the UK? The weather in Australia is equally punishing, many would say more punishing if you think it is the weather stopping you. Fact is, maybe you are just not outdoorsy types, noting wrong with that because not everyone is, but those that are will not be put off by weather. Most people I know are happy with their lives in the UK and many of the really successful migrants were happy in the UK too. Don't look to a country to fix your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunbury61 Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 Oh dear! Ever been to Australia? The "better life for the kids" is a furphy - one first world country is much like any other and I certainly wouldn't be taking the kids away from extended family to isolation on the other side of the world unless it was really the adult itch for adventure that was being scratched. Most Aussies live in crowded suburbs in the major city areas, the health system still has a way to go to catch up with the NHS (IMHO) and education is ok but nothing out of the box. I fear you may be disappointed by the weather - heat is just as restricting as cold can be. Good luck with your visa! words of wisdom and experience as usual quoll Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kellie23 Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 As I said above it depends on where you live in the uk as to what your experiences are! We have been on holidays all over the uk and we have found some lovely places better than where we live which has enabled us to enjoy more outdoor activities no matter the weather. Once we start looking into homes and work etc it just would not work financially and we would still be away from family. Yes we have been to Australia and we loved it, we are under no illusions that it's going to be perfect by any means and one day I may be posting on here as a ping pong pom but at least if we have tried it is better than looking back wishing we had tried it. We could make the move and never look back or we could end up back in the uk. There are lots of reasons for us wanting to make the move and my post above was just my opinion. My kids school is terrible and other than home schooling there's no places in any other local schools because too many people living in this area. I appreciate your comments Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jac2011 Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 Would it be possible to aim for a holiday to the UK again first, perhaps use a years worth of annual leave for one trip? Rather than emigrating first, aim for a holiday back where you can see how you feel in the UK? You may have the same feelings you had last time as soon as you land or you may see other things that draw you here more. Having a holiday takes away any expectations from family and less pressure on yourselves, then you can return to Oz with a fresher perspective. I would also give yourself time to make the decision this time. Instead of deciding on it and doing it, perhaps set a time frame of 2 years, in which you can make the most of your adventure in Oz, let your child enjoy the good things Australia has to offer and travel that side of the world and then around the age your child will start school plan to return to the UK then. There is also the option of waiting for Citizenship that way should you or your children ever return in the future the doors are still open for you? Just remember, there is no utopia... Each has its benefits and problems. Things I dislike in the UK will probably exist in Australia and likewise for yourself. Picture yourself in 10 years time and do you see yourself as british or Australian? Have you had the opportunity to enjoy Australia the way you first dreamed or has work and pressures taken the shine off things? Lots to consider but don't rush into a decision, agree with your HB to have a chat every 6 months and to set a date for a final decision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted December 27, 2013 Share Posted December 27, 2013 Some people are never happy wherever they are and if you have that in your psyche it will not go away. It really depends on whether you make a decision and stick with it. Its really nothing to do with the country, the town or place, its the itch that the other side is always greener than the one people are on. I know my brother and I had such parents, after living in three countries they still moved here there and everywhere when they finally decided to stay in Aus. Mum would move tomorrow if I went and said would you like to move mum. I decided after living that life that I would be happy wherever I lay my head and if oh and I had stayed in England it would have been ok but he wanted to live in Aus and that is also ok with me. Just wanted a stable home Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostMyWay Posted December 28, 2013 Author Share Posted December 28, 2013 When you say your priorities have changed what do you mean? We are currently going through the process of getting our visas to move from uk to oz and our main reason being for a better life for our children. We live in kent so obviously different areas of the uk may be better but here we are fed up of it being overcrowded, fed up of the education system, fed up of the nhs and fed up of not being able to have the outdoor lifestyle with the kids as much as we would like. If it was just me and HB we could stay here and put up with it but when we think of the kids life's and how much England has changed in our life's (not for the better) it bothers us what it could be like when they grow up. We have a very close relationship with grandparents so that of course will be the hardest thing to do in taking the kids away but they agree with our reasons. Just think closely about what you want got your child/ren. Hope this helps. Good luck with what ever you decide xxx Thank you to all of your replies and I know that I do sound utterly ridiculous and like I'm chasing a 'dream' that prehaps doesn't exist but thought I would just extend my story and start with Kellie23's question about what has changed! When we went home the first time it was completely the wrong time in our lives and as I previously said we did it on impulse! At the time we lived on the outskirts of the city, we were out drinking 3-4 nights a week, we were both doing well in our careers and because of that we had a lot of disposable income and I was at a very ambitious point in my life and had just landed my first management role. When we landed in UK I could not find work at the same level and had to start back at the bottom of the ladder; my Australian experience didn't seem to count for anything! My HB couldn't find work in our hometown and so we moved to another area where is found a very well paid job, I unfortunately could only find work in my hometown (I'll just add I could have found work in the area my HB worked but I was being picky and did not want to work weekends!) so I moved back in with my mum and commuted to my HB on the weekend. My HB therefore spent the week nights sat in by himself just waiting for me to come home on the weekend! We had no social life because of this and at a point in our lives where we had been used to going out very regularly. That lead us to yearn for our life back in Aus. So I disagree a little with your statement that the UK is fine for a single couple- if we were a single couple still then Australia has a lot to offer us; good jobs, good wages and a social life! The problem was when we returned to Aus we brought back with us the life we had grown accustomed to in UK(!)...we all of a sudden didn't want to go out drinking every night! I was determined to start a family and 6 months after landing back in the country I stopped drinking and I fell pregnant pretty much straight away! The things we longed for about Australia we do not do...the social scene, the drinking, the beaches, the outdoor life...I can't rememebr the last time I went to the beach (mostly because the weather here is actually crap) and now I have a baby I can't see the next time I'm going to go out and get bladdered, nor do I have any want to do that right now! What I do feel is the need to be home with family and share my beautiful little girl with people who really really want to be apart of her life. So in response to your statement about bringing your children here for a better life, like other replies, there are good and bad here just like in UK. In my opinion the education system is not as good, plus you have the debate of whether to go public or private and which is better, the healthcare system is not up to scratch either, you still have long wait times, you still have wrong diagnosis, poor customer care and unanswered questions - people still drop the ball just as much as they do back home! The weather, particularly here (not sure where you're heading but I'm in Victoria) is actually worse than UK. This year we had 7 months of bleak, cold, miserable weather. There was no Christmas in the middle to break that up it was just a long boring stint that makes you long for summer. Summer hasn't actually even turned up yet except the odd 40 degree day which is just absurd and too hot to do anything in! Not to mention the heating bills! My last house had no heating and I swear it was colder inside than outside, but the Aussies don;t seem to think this is an issue! My first electricity bill for 10 days was $110! We have moved into a house with heating and that has not helped! The problem is the houses are built to keep heat in (unless it's summer and then you can't actually cool the house!) so you have to have the heating on around the clock! Sorry just realised I have gone in a bit of a rant!! In response to a previous comment about needing to scratch an 'adult itch for adventure' I can assure that there is no adventure for us in England! I am quite positive that going home would be nothing but boring and mundane and the real adventure is here is Aus! I think that would be the risk we take by going home, the risk that we may want to scratch our Australia itch again...which we absolutely cannot do! If we go back we will have to accept our fate, I cannot do this move again! We have talked about trying another state but to be honest as risdiculous as this sounds, I don't think I have another big move in me to start all over again! As for what I want for my children....well, like I said before there are pro's and con's in both countries and it's hard to imagine which choice is best?! The one thing I can offer my children here is financial security, however this seems pointless if we are regularly spending $10,000 in flights back to UK, plus school fees if we choose to go private. I also don't want to wish my life away waiting to go home all the time! As mentioned before we have recently moved, into a more family friendly house, this has meant moving out to the 'burbs' and if we ever stand a chance of buying out here we will have to move even further out, makes me think I should move back to my own crappy village rather than a crappy suburb that I have no connection to!? If only England was as far as NZ........!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostMyWay Posted December 28, 2013 Author Share Posted December 28, 2013 Some people are never happy wherever they are and if you have that in your psyche it will not go away. It really depends on whether you make a decision and stick with it. Its really nothing to do with the country, the town or place, its the itch that the other side is always greener than the one people are on. I know my brother and I had such parents, after living in three countries they still moved here there and everywhere when they finally decided to stay in Aus. Mum would move tomorrow if I went and said would you like to move mum. I decided after living that life that I would be happy wherever I lay my head and if oh and I had stayed in England it would have been ok but he wanted to live in Aus and that is also ok with me. Just wanted a stable home ...and you are totally right and that scares the crap out of me...that we are just massive gypsies! Even in England we lived in 3 different counties! The longest we have ever lived in a house is about 18 months. We have been together for 7 and half years and we are living in our...9th house! We've been in Vic for a total of 3 1/2 years and are in our 4th house-it's a running joke with friends here as to where we might live next year! In fact Victoria is actually the one place we have consistently lived in! Hahahaha! So yeah, I totally worry that we will always have the mentality to move and I worry that even if we move back to UK we will want to move again!!! And I totally do not want that for my children! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostMyWay Posted December 28, 2013 Author Share Posted December 28, 2013 Would it be possible to aim for a holiday to the UK again first, perhaps use a years worth of annual leave for one trip? Rather than emigrating first, aim for a holiday back where you can see how you feel in the UK? You may have the same feelings you had last time as soon as you land or you may see other things that draw you here more. Having a holiday takes away any expectations from family and less pressure on yourselves, then you can return to Oz with a fresher perspective. I would also give yourself time to make the decision this time. Instead of deciding on it and doing it, perhaps set a time frame of 2 years, in which you can make the most of your adventure in Oz, let your child enjoy the good things Australia has to offer and travel that side of the world and then around the age your child will start school plan to return to the UK then. There is also the option of waiting for Citizenship that way should you or your children ever return in the future the doors are still open for you? Just remember, there is no utopia... Each has its benefits and problems. Things I dislike in the UK will probably exist in Australia and likewise for yourself. Picture yourself in 10 years time and do you see yourself as british or Australian? Have you had the opportunity to enjoy Australia the way you first dreamed or has work and pressures taken the shine off things? Lots to consider but don't rush into a decision, agree with your HB to have a chat every 6 months and to set a date for a final decision. We are definitely not going to go on impulse this time (hopefully we've learnt one lesson?!) we have 2 trips planned home next year and have decided to wait until after then to make a decision. As for citizenship I have no interest in that. We have PR but as I said before, and I am usually the first to say never say never, if we move home THAT IS IT! Tough titties we will lie in our bed! My daughter is Australian so that at least will leave a door open for her if she ever wants to travel (as much as even at this very young age that thought breaks my heart!!!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dxboz Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 It doesn't sound like you are very happy in Victoria and you think your life will be boring and mundane back in UK therefore only option I see is that you try another state where weather is better. I know you have said you are not keen to do another move but it will not be as massive as a move back to the UK! If you try another state and you still feel the same then I guess you should look at moving back to UK. Good luck with your decision! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
docboat Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 Direct answer? Yes. Elaborating: you need to make up your mind what it is you actually want. Decide that, and then your actions flow from that. Can't make up your mind? Use the Buzan mind map technique. Flow all your thoughts and aspirations onto that chart, and give them a weighting. From that you work out what, on balance, your real values and needs are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Que Sera Sera Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 Go back and give it another go. Nothing ever has to be the final decision does it? Try it again, spend some quality family time with the extended family. You are still very young the world is your lobster :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helz980 Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 Hello!! Am feeling the pull home even though my total stay in Oz is 13 months as opposed to HB 22 months. In jan 2012 we left the UK, resigned from our jobs ready to start our Oz adventure (HB dream not mine) we had planned a couple of months travel (had been to Oz 3x before) but wanted to see SA & more of vic.....anyhoo 3 days into our trip I found out I was pg, 6 weeks into our trip I found out it was triplets. Fast forward 18 weeks....we were up in newcastle, staying at friends, HB was waiting for his contract to come through for work & I had to be taken to Sydney for surgery (I lost the twins) at 23 weeks I flew home, we were always coming back for my sisters wedding id had enough. So I left HB out here working. At 28 weeks my lo was born. HB came back to the UK for 10 weeks then flew back to Oz leaving me with lo. In feb 13 me & lo flew out to become a family. We live on the central coast, rent a lovely house, I go to a mothers group, playgroup, swimming lessons, I run by the water nearly every day etc etc. HB works shifts but the most he is away is 3 nights in any one shift. I manage & I exist & that's it. I hate it here & since Xmas I have had anxiety attacks about how homesick I am. But if I say anything to HB all I get is 'I can't provide for you over there like I can here'. Now that my lo is getting older I want her to grow up around her grandparents, I want that support network. Yes the weather is lovely but I spend most of my time I doors cos its so hot! Anyway sorry for hijacking but please go with your gut instinct. I could be joining you on the flight back! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nerak123 Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 Hello!! Am feeling the pull home even though my total stay in Oz is 13 months as opposed to HB 22 months. In jan 2012 we left the UK, resigned from our jobs ready to start our Oz adventure (HB dream not mine) we had planned a couple of months travel (had been to Oz 3x before) but wanted to see SA & more of vic.....anyhoo 3 days into our trip I found out I was pg, 6 weeks into our trip I found out it was triplets. Fast forward 18 weeks....we were up in newcastle, staying at friends, HB was waiting for his contract to come through for work & I had to be taken to Sydney for surgery (I lost the twins) at 23 weeks I flew home, we were always coming back for my sisters wedding id had enough. So I left HB out here working. At 28 weeks my lo was born. HB came back to the UK for 10 weeks then flew back to Oz leaving me with lo. In feb 13 me & lo flew out to become a family. We live on the central coast, rent a lovely house, I go to a mothers group, playgroup, swimming lessons, I run by the water nearly every day etc etc. HB works shifts but the most he is away is 3 nights in any one shift. I manage & I exist & that's it. I hate it here & since Xmas I have had anxiety attacks about how homesick I am. But if I say anything to HB all I get is 'I can't provide for you over there like I can here'. Now that my lo is getting older I want her to grow up around her grandparents, I want that support network. Yes the weather is lovely but I spend most of my time I doors cos its so hot! Anyway sorry for hijacking but please go with your gut instinct. I could be joining you on the flight back! I was in a similar boat although at the time of the move I'd just gone on mat leave and we came back to uk when I was expecting my second baby. How did you feel when you came back for the wedding? I must admit although I felt the pull of grandparents with a new baby on the way now that I'm back I miss the ease of everything over in oz. I miss the beautiful waterfront, beaches, swimming lessons and lots of other things which seem so much harder and less pleasant in the uk. I almost wish we'd come back for a holiday before deciding to move back. I suppose the last place I'd go on holiday though is the Uk so I guess that should have told me something! I look at the photos of my little boy at the playground beach or something and it does make me think I've taken him away from a lovely life. The way we are trying to resolve our ping-pom dilemma is to speak to a counseller to make sure we have worked though it properly. It's all very well for people to say 'just decide' but it's very hard to do - and difficult to talk to family about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kellie23 Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 Thank you to all of your replies and I know that I do sound utterly ridiculous and like I'm chasing a 'dream' that prehaps doesn't exist but thought I would just extend my story and start with Kellie23's question about what has changed! When we went home the first time it was completely the wrong time in our lives and as I previously said we did it on impulse! At the time we lived on the outskirts of the city, we were out drinking 3-4 nights a week, we were both doing well in our careers and because of that we had a lot of disposable income and I was at a very ambitious point in my life and had just landed my first management role. When we landed in UK I could not find work at the same level and had to start back at the bottom of the ladder; my Australian experience didn't seem to count for anything! My HB couldn't find work in our hometown and so we moved to another area where is found a very well paid job, I unfortunately could only find work in my hometown (I'll just add I could have found work in the area my HB worked but I was being picky and did not want to work weekends!) so I moved back in with my mum and commuted to my HB on the weekend. My HB therefore spent the week nights sat in by himself just waiting for me to come home on the weekend! We had no social life because of this and at a point in our lives where we had been used to going out very regularly. That lead us to yearn for our life back in Aus. So I disagree a little with your statement that the UK is fine for a single couple- if we were a single couple still then Australia has a lot to offer us; good jobs, good wages and a social life! The problem was when we returned to Aus we brought back with us the life we had grown accustomed to in UK(!)...we all of a sudden didn't want to go out drinking every night! I was determined to start a family and 6 months after landing back in the country I stopped drinking and I fell pregnant pretty much straight away! The things we longed for about Australia we do not do...the social scene, the drinking, the beaches, the outdoor life...I can't rememebr the last time I went to the beach (mostly because the weather here is actually crap) and now I have a baby I can't see the next time I'm going to go out and get bladdered, nor do I have any want to do that right now! What I do feel is the need to be home with family and share my beautiful little girl with people who really really want to be apart of her life. So in response to your statement about bringing your children here for a better life, like other replies, there are good and bad here just like in UK. In my opinion the education system is not as good, plus you have the debate of whether to go public or private and which is better, the healthcare system is not up to scratch either, you still have long wait times, you still have wrong diagnosis, poor customer care and unanswered questions - people still drop the ball just as much as they do back home! The weather, particularly here (not sure where you're heading but I'm in Victoria) is actually worse than UK. This year we had 7 months of bleak, cold, miserable weather. There was no Christmas in the middle to break that up it was just a long boring stint that makes you long for summer. Summer hasn't actually even turned up yet except the odd 40 degree day which is just absurd and too hot to do anything in! Not to mention the heating bills! My last house had no heating and I swear it was colder inside than outside, but the Aussies don;t seem to think this is an issue! My first electricity bill for 10 days was $110! We have moved into a house with heating and that has not helped! The problem is the houses are built to keep heat in (unless it's summer and then you can't actually cool the house!) so you have to have the heating on around the clock! Sorry just realised I have gone in a bit of a rant!! In response to a previous comment about needing to scratch an 'adult itch for adventure' I can assure that there is no adventure for us in England! I am quite positive that going home would be nothing but boring and mundane and the real adventure is here is Aus! I think that would be the risk we take by going home, the risk that we may want to scratch our Australia itch again...which we absolutely cannot do! If we go back we will have to accept our fate, I cannot do this move again! We have talked about trying another state but to be honest as risdiculous as this sounds, I don't think I have another big move in me to start all over again! As for what I want for my children....well, like I said before there are pro's and con's in both countries and it's hard to imagine which choice is best?! The one thing I can offer my children here is financial security, however this seems pointless if we are regularly spending $10,000 in flights back to UK, plus school fees if we choose to go private. I also don't want to wish my life away waiting to go home all the time! As mentioned before we have recently moved, into a more family friendly house, this has meant moving out to the 'burbs' and if we ever stand a chance of buying out here we will have to move even further out, makes me think I should move back to my own crappy village rather than a crappy suburb that I have no connection to!? If only England was as far as NZ........!!!!!! i really really feel for you, such a huge and hard decision to make. When I said about if it was just me and my HB we could put up with Uk I didn't mean it exactly how you have interpreted. What I mean is that some of the worries I have for my kids obviously wouldn't be there if we were not parents. Things like loads of cars on the roads, lots of rubbish in the streets, graffiti etc at local parks etc etc things like that we have seen get worse over the years and I worry how it will be for my kids when they grow up. These are just a few examples. Even saying that if we didn't have kids we would probably still have that itch to go to Aus. We have lots of reasons to want to go to Aus but the one reason to stay would of course be family and friends and until we have made the move we won't ever know that pull. We have said that if it's not for us we would return to UK and at least we can say we have tried it rather than in ten years regretting that we never tried it. You of course have tried both so I think if I was in your position I would try another state, we are going to the Gold Coast would you consider that? Weather is good all year round. We have a big circle of friends there too which will help us to settle. Definitely don't rush into coming back. Stay in touch and let us know how you are getting on. Can't your mum / family come and stay in oz with you guys for a bit and see how you feel then? Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted December 28, 2013 Share Posted December 28, 2013 ...and you are totally right and that scares the crap out of me...that we are just massive gypsies! Even in England we lived in 3 different counties! The longest we have ever lived in a house is about 18 months. We have been together for 7 and half years and we are living in our...9th house! We've been in Vic for a total of 3 1/2 years and are in our 4th house-it's a running joke with friends here as to where we might live next year! In fact Victoria is actually the one place we have consistently lived in! Hahahaha! So yeah, I totally worry that we will always have the mentality to move and I worry that even if we move back to UK we will want to move again!!! And I totally do not want that for my children! Are you related to my mum, when they retired they came to live in Melbourne after living everywhere else in Aus. To be near us my brother and I who do not move around. They lived in Edithvale, Tootgarook, Tyabb then went to live in Euroa, all in the matter of a few years. When Dad died mum moved to Frankston to be near us. She bought a unit lived in that one, moved out and in with my brother, out of there and bought another unit, then bought another unit, then went into a hostel, then came out of a hostel, then rented near her old unit, then moved two doors up the road to another unit, then moved to Hastings and has been there 7 years now and the only reason she has not moved is because she is now 94 and I will not do it any more. Every now and again to keep her happy we go and look at units in other areas, we look at hostels and etc and I point out all the bad bits and she settles for a little, till the next time, its an itch in some people that is never scratched. I have lived in two houses since I married one for 11 years and the other for 27 years and still remain in that house. I know how destructive having the itch is in families. Families are our little family, relatives are great but they are not the unit, we are the unit and its this unit that needs to settle for the sake of our children. My brother and I have long discussions about how we hated or lives as children being pulled from pillar to post at a whim of our parents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostMyWay Posted December 29, 2013 Author Share Posted December 29, 2013 Are you related to my mum, when they retired they came to live in Melbourne after living everywhere else in Aus. To be near us my brother and I who do not move around. They lived in Edithvale, Tootgarook, Tyabb then went to live in Euroa, all in the matter of a few years. When Dad died mum moved to Frankston to be near us. She bought a unit lived in that one, moved out and in with my brother, out of there and bought another unit, then bought another unit, then went into a hostel, then came out of a hostel, then rented near her old unit, then moved two doors up the road to another unit, then moved to Hastings and has been there 7 years now and the only reason she has not moved is because she is now 94 and I will not do it any more. Every now and again to keep her happy we go and look at units in other areas, we look at hostels and etc and I point out all the bad bits and she settles for a little, till the next time, its an itch in some people that is never scratched. I have lived in two houses since I married one for 11 years and the other for 27 years and still remain in that house. I know how destructive having the itch is in families. Families are our little family, relatives are great but they are not the unit, we are the unit and its this unit that needs to settle for the sake of our children. My brother and I have long discussions about how we hated or lives as children being pulled from pillar to post at a whim of our parents. Oh my, I'm sorry to say this and mean no offence but reading this had me and my husband in fits of laughter...not at your poor mother but because we both fear that is our fate!!!! I do not want that for my family, but the more I think about it the more I realise that our moving tendencies are are not new to Australia but something we have always done! Thankfully we only rent but we've only ever stayed in property over a year once and that was back in 2008! We have broken 2 lease's to move early! I shouldn't laugh as this is a serious matter but I do pray that we will have settled by the time my little baby starts school! We will have to, I'd love to just live in one place and be happy! I hate when I move into a new house and I do everything to put our stamp on it but it's always int he back of my mind that in our next place.......! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostMyWay Posted December 29, 2013 Author Share Posted December 29, 2013 i really really feel for you, such a huge and hard decision to make. When I said about if it was just me and my HB we could put up with Uk I didn't mean it exactly how you have interpreted. What I mean is that some of the worries I have for my kids obviously wouldn't be there if we were not parents. Things like loads of cars on the roads, lots of rubbish in the streets, graffiti etc at local parks etc etc things like that we have seen get worse over the years and I worry how it will be for my kids when they grow up. These are just a few examples. Even saying that if we didn't have kids we would probably still have that itch to go to Aus. We have lots of reasons to want to go to Aus but the one reason to stay would of course be family and friends and until we have made the move we won't ever know that pull. We have said that if it's not for us we would return to UK and at least we can say we have tried it rather than in ten years regretting that we never tried it. You of course have tried both so I think if I was in your position I would try another state, we are going to the Gold Coast would you consider that? Weather is good all year round. We have a big circle of friends there too which will help us to settle. Definitely don't rush into coming back. Stay in touch and let us know how you are getting on. Can't your mum / family come and stay in oz with you guys for a bit and see how you feel then? Good luck I just want to add that in no way am I trying to discourage you from making the move! I think if you've got the itch and you can scratch it then you should! Everyone's experience is different and nobody should be denied the chance to try it. I know plenty of people who have come out as singles/couples/young families who have all settled into it and love it! So I wish you and your family all the luck in the world and genuinely hope that your itch can be scratched unlike mine-it's like sitting in God's waiting room! As for other places...we have discussed QLD and WA, I love north QLD but I think I would quickly regret the heat and we both agreed we are not overly enamoured with Brisbane/Gold Coast/Sunshine Coast. The plan was to take a few trips to Perth next year but we have 2 trips planned to UK (wanting to bring baby home to grandparents etc) so all of our money will be tied up in that! Plus as I said before I don't think I have a 'brand new start' in me again! I have a life here and I have a life in UK so really we have agreed it needs to be one or the other! We are certainly not going to rush into any decision and if we do go it will be 2015 at the earliest which I hope by then this itch goes and it turns out to just be 'first time mum jitters'!? (Though my HB has pretty much packed his bags......!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.