Aunt Agatha Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 Okay bear with me as I know I'm getting WAY ahead of myself but it's been on my mind and I thought the community here might "get it." We are planning a permanent return to the UK within the next 12 months (we're saving hard and DH wants to try and secure a job there before we leave). We have two tiny children (aged 2.5 and 8 months) and lately I've been really worried about them (or worse, only one of them) wanting to return to Oz one day. We're all citizens and have Aussie passports so it would be very easy to do. If they both made the decision to live in Oz permanently then DH and I would have to move back too, we couldn't bear to be 10,000 miles away. If only one came back we'd be caught between the two and forever missing one darling child (who'd be an adult of course, but always our baby!) I don't really know what my question is except does anyone else feel like this? I'm wishing we'd gone home earlier and not got citizenship so they'd be trapped in the UK with us forever LOL. I know they could end up living anywhere in the world and their happiness is all that matters but I feel like we've almost guaranteed it IYKWIM? (I'm aware I probably sound a bit mental - I'm not, honestly) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 I think you did the right thing in you all getting citizenship. A worse scenario might be if one or both of them applied for skilled migration when they were able, whereas you no longer qualified and could not get the parent visa for whatever reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xxlornaxx Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 Enjoy your life with them now...no one knows what the future holds or how u will feel about it or handle it at the time..who knows, maybe flights will only b one hour long by then! It could be other stressors n uncertainties of the move that are making you focus on this n once your settled you may find these worries subside. Im sure other ppl feel this way too though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bibbs Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 Who knows, you may grow to hate one of them and find it a relief when they leave? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 I think you honestly need to stop trying to think so far ahead or worrying about things you have absolutely no control over. As your kids grow they need to be able to live their lives. So many years between now and then I don't think you can honestly really know how you will feel if they move overseas or travel. You have to let them go sometime. Enjoy the moment and the here and now with them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunt Agatha Posted November 13, 2013 Author Share Posted November 13, 2013 Just to clarify I absolutely cherish my time with them now and me pondering the future isn't impacting on that. It's just with the move home at the forefront of my mind it's made me ponder some of our decisions. And as I mentioned their happiness is all that matters so we'll support whatever travel/moving plans they have with no emotional blackmail in sight! Rupert you you make a good point about citizenship, I hadn't thought of it that way. xxlornaxx I think you might be right about the stress getting to me, we have sick parents in the UK so it's stirring up all kinds of stuff. Oh how I wish the flight could be one hour long! Bibbs that's never going to happen. Not ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newjez Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 I did this. It is a problem and has caused a lot of pain. But then my two brothers live half an hour away from each other and have gone for a year without seeing each other. You can never tell how things will pan out. They are still young. It is better to make the move now rather than when they are older. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diane Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 Ok firstly once they get to adulthood you are going to have to let them live their own lives, without tagging along everywhere they go! As a parent of a 19 year old who is soon to leave home, I know how hard it is, but if you have done your job as parents properly in the years between now and then, you will trust them to make their own way in life, and realise that however far apart you are, family is family and closeness doesn't have to be in terms of distance. Secondly, I did exactly what you fear your children will do! My parents came to Australia in the 60s for three years, gave birth to me, and 40 years later I took advantage of my Australian passport and moved out here with my two young children - the only grandchildren on either side of the family I might add! Thirdly, you could always do what a friend of my parents does, and spend six months of the year in Australia, six months in England, so that she can spend time with both her son and daughter. Her daughter by the way was not born in Australia, or an Aussie citizen, just happened to meet an Australian guy in England, married and moved out here with him - so regardless of whether your kids have citizenship or not, there's no guarantee they'll spend their lives in the same country as you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunt Agatha Posted November 13, 2013 Author Share Posted November 13, 2013 Thanks for your replies. I do know my kids could end up anywhere and we would support them in that. We'd only move to be with them if they wanted us to, we're not "pushy parents", honest! My original post was supposed to be a little bit tongue in cheek. Thanks newjez, I think I am seeking reassurance that the move here hasn't "sealed our fate" so to speak and that the move back is coming at the right time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skippy1 Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 I smiled when i read this Agatha................Well we are you in 24 years time :yes:......except we did not get Citizenship for ourselves before we left :arghh:................ Our two children were that age when we left Oz in the late 80's. Now, 24 years later, one has returned to Oz, a couple of years and loves it, and the other is on the way shortly she tells us, and has already left the country. They are both Aussies by birth...................... In a twist of fate we reckon, we have now also been given the opportunity to get a RRV (resident return visa) and so in our 50th year are packing our bags, selling up and heading off for another adventure to Oz, you're never too old.....:unsure:.........we hope!!! This time we stay till we get citizenship at least but maybe, hopefully even, for good, we need the weather now................... So it was great they had the opp to return and now we also get the chance as a result of their decisions to go back, its a funny old world sometimes.................. So never say never and life can have many routes and hurdles but at least you have given them the choice for later in life. Ours now realize how lucky they are to have that choice. We will all be an hours flight or so from each other, not living in each others ears or anything like that, but on the same bit of soil so long weekends etc beckon once again and as you have said they will always be your babies...............mind you now we feel them getting a little protective of us..........things change and you don't even realize it sometimes .................Best of luck in your and their choices in life........ it will work out................ and give us a shout, post again..... in 20 years and we will all see how we all got on.................................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunt Agatha Posted November 13, 2013 Author Share Posted November 13, 2013 Ha ha, thanks Skippy! Such a similar story to us. Maybe I should look forward to possibly retiring in the sun :-) It sounds like you're about to start another wonderful adventure - wishing you lots of luck. It would be really interesting to see where we all end up in 20 years time! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 You get used to it - one of mine went to UK for a post uni gap year .... 11 years ago and will never return to Aus. The other one is with a girl who will never leave Aus and for the time being we are in UK. Once your kids get old enough they could go absolutely anywhere in the world so I wouldn't be agonizing over it - one could decide on Argentina and the other on Andorra - then what'll you do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunt Agatha Posted November 13, 2013 Author Share Posted November 13, 2013 Support them wholeheartedly and get a really good frequent flyer programme :biggrin: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caramac Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 We're in this position now too. I got citizenship for them and me before we left Perth. The girls were 8, 6 and 4. They're now 19, 17 and 15 and I think the only difference is that, at the moment, they're all planning on returning to Aus at some point. Whether that's before or after uni I don't know. It may also change over the next couple of years as they grow and develop new relationships and new opportunities present themselves. I can remember feeling like you, but you do get used to them growing away from you and that overwhelming feeling of the need to protect them does wane a bit as they become more independent and able to fend for themselves. If you don't let go they'll push you away anyway! I always think the teenage years are designed to make you want them leave in any case! :wink: I love being a Mum - it's the only real ambition I ever had, and I still love being with my girls and spending time with them, but I'm proud of the young, independent women they're becoming and if they feel secure enough to move to the other side of the world without us (although we may well end up there too), then I'll feel we've done our job properly and as parents that's the best we can hope for (and yes, a good frequent flyer programme will be useful!). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunt Agatha Posted November 13, 2013 Author Share Posted November 13, 2013 I guess they are so small and Mummy-focused it's hard to imagine them as surly teenagers who don't want a bar of me though I'm sure my day will come! I can't complain anyway as I did exactly what I'm worried about to my parents. Now I understand what all those tears at the airport were about... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VERYSTORMY Posted November 13, 2013 Share Posted November 13, 2013 It is too hard to predict. There are a million possibilities. They may want to go back. They may never want to leave their home town. They may find themselves in a job that involves moving to multiple countries - there are several of us on here in that position. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 14, 2013 Share Posted November 14, 2013 My DS (10) was born in the UK but as we had been in Perth almost 4 years we applied for citizenship before we left. My DS had never fully settled in Australia and at 7/8 had told us he wanted to go to uni in Scotland - now he also wants to be a Computer Ganes Designer so let's be honest kids that age have all kinds of 'when I grow up' ideas nonetheless such was his obsession with Scotland that I think he probably would have headed back as soon as he could (of course he then could have hated it!). When we decided Australia offered us no better life than the UK and had negatives (for us) too it became a small factor in our decision to return (& the fact Scotlamd is a world player in the Computer Games industry helps should all his childhood dreams come true!) I half jokingly said to a friend - of course now he'll be on the first flight back to Australia when he is 18! She did question why we were getting citizenship but it would have never occurred to me not to, this is a gift we have bestowed on him through our hard work and endurance which increases his life options, not only in terms of choice but in the face of war or natural disaster. And not just for him but as the law stands for a future partner and children too. With increasing life expectancy we could be talking the next 150 years or more. TBH making Australia an easy option probably will make it less enticing but I will be disappointed if he doesn't use his dual nationality to spend at least a 'working holiday' as a young adult. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaneSmith Posted November 14, 2013 Share Posted November 14, 2013 You've put your finger on the downside of dual citizenship. My parents had it, I have it, my children have it. Unless the laws change I wouldn't be surprised if my grand-children get it. It can be useful but it can also provoke uncertainty about where you really belong. It's taken me a long time to work that out one out for myself (I really hope I won't be eating my words in two years time though!). For me, it's being around people that you feel you've got stuff in common with/they with you. But your children will be very young when you move back to Britain. In a few years they may hardly remember Australia. Don't worry too soon, and everyone else above make good points. :jiggy: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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