Tons Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 Hi Sahara, I know how you feel, it's very hard to adjust, especially as London is such a vibrant buzzing city, I moved to Melbourne 7 years ago and I've stayed very 'English' I have to chuckle to myself when Aussies call me posh as I come from east London, I have enjoyed to here, nights out in the city are good but I'm finally heading home early next year as the pull to go home for me is too strong, good luck give a go as two years go very quickly and you can always go home eventually .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 My advise to the OP (Sarah) is firstly to move into town (into a smaller place maybe for more money) at least for the first year. there will be so much more to do and you will meet so many more people, or when you do at least you can pop into town to meet people for a coffee or pint etc... Living in the Burbs of Oz, I think you need to have come from the back end of nowhere like somewhere up north in the UK (not a city) or to have lived in Oz for a few years. that way you will be used to not doing much and driving 10 miles for some milk :biggrin: Give that a try or at least aim to do it soon (ish) then give it 6 months or so and see what happens. I was posting all kinds of stuff upon arrival here - I hated it. I still don't think its great but it is very liveable and I'm just seeing where it goes and I intend to stay for a while. Nothing will have changed in the UK in a couple of years time (absolutely nothing - it never does). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MARYROSE02 Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 I guess if Australia is the sole source of your unhappiness, then moving back 'home' is the simple cure, but for others, it's not so simple. I've been unhappy in both countries at various times, and taken my unhappiness with me when I've moved from one to the other. And if you are clinically depressed, it does not matter where you are. There are people on PIO who have moved back to the UK and it's the best thing they have ever done. But there are others who were just as desperate to go 'home', then having done it, they bitterly regret it! I always remember reading a book by a couple who emigrated to New Zealand and they hated it so much they spent two years saving the money for their fare home. But during those two years, their feelings changed, from hating their alien environment, to appreciating the differences, and finally realized that they liked it in NZ. Bottom line, there's no right or wrong. You don't HAVE to love Australia, but perhaps it's a shame not to give it a go for a couple of years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ptp113 Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 Simple cure, get out of Melbourne. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sahara Posted September 10, 2013 Author Share Posted September 10, 2013 Simple cure, get out of Melbourne. I don't know if u been sarcastic here but "getting out" of melbourne is not simple. If you resign from a Job to settle down on another country, plan months ahead for a new life then struggling here to find a house which u eventually find, paying rent in advance, getting a new job and so many other things then after 3 months say okay I leave now. No matter how unhappy I am at the moment there is no way I would leave now and not give it at least one year. Coz I rather dislike it now and then if we leave in 1-2 years at least we tried it instead of leaving now and always ask myself "what if". Thank you dusty road we have indeed thought about moving nearer to the city which will be much much better! Just thinking it through as breaking the lease would cost us another 6 weeks of rent tons lucky you heading back to London... thank you everyone else for nice advices, much appreciated Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 I wrote you a reply the other day and PIO timed me so it was lost grrr! Trying again. What you are experience is VERY normal and is 'culture shock' - google it and you will find you pretty much have described the 3 month - 6/12 month phase down to a T. From wikipedia: After some time (usually around three months, depending on the individual), differences between the old and new culture become apparent and may create anxiety. Excitement may eventually give way to unpleasant feelings of frustration and anger as one continues to experience unfavorable events that may be perceived as strange and offensive to one's cultural attitude. Language barriers, stark differences in public hygiene, traffic safety, food accessibility and quality may heighten the sense of disconnection from the surroundings.[5] While being transferred into a different environment puts special pressure on communication skills, there are practical difficulties to overcome, such as circadian rhythm disruption that often leads toinsomnia and daylight drowsiness; adaptation of gut flora to different bacteria levels and concentrations in food and water; difficulty in seeking treatment for illness, as medicines may have different names from the native country's and the same active ingredients might be hard to recognize. Still, the most important change in the period is communication: People adjusting to a new culture often feel lonely and homesick because they are not yet used to the new environment and meet people with whom they are not familiar every day. The language barrier may become a major obstacle in creating new relationships: special attention must be paid to one's and others' culture-specific body language signs, linguistic faux pas, conversation tone, linguistic nuances and customs, and false friends. People often think because the language spoken is almost the same and the fact Australia is a former British colony that there won't be Culture Shock but i actually think it can hit you harder because it is much more subtle. The good news is this phase doesn't last and for most people 6/12 months on they start to adjust. Again from Wikipedia Again, after some time (usually 6 to 12 months), one grows accustomed to the new culture and develops routines. One knows what to expect in most situations and the host country no longer feels all that new. One becomes concerned with basic living again, and things become more "normal". One starts to develop problem-solving skills for dealing with the culture and begins to accept the culture's ways with a positive attitude. The culture begins to make sense, and negative reactions and responses to the culture are reduced. (Do google Culture shock for yourself, a better understand should help you a lot) I think the fact that it can take at least a year to adjust is why the common wisdom is 'give it two years', I think this is a throw back to the days when you would get citizenship then (whereas it's 4 years now). I honestly don't think anyone that has been there less than a year can really know - for me it took at least 4 years before I could rationally weigh up where I preferred and return to the UK. It is really important not to get stuck in the negative phase you are in now, I think you have had some really good advice. The best thing to do is not think about it forever, if anything believe you won't be staying forever so make the most of the incredible opportunity you have. Travel and take holidays as much as you can afford, Australia is a diverse country and whilst you may be 'stuck' in Melbourne for now you might just find what is was you were looking for when you emigrated elsewhere in Australia. The important thing is to take a deep breath and not panic, your current situation is not forever and London isn't going anywhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vickyplum Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 I really feel for you Sahara - it must be exciting being somewhere new but at the same time, sad to have left the UK/London. I have been to Australia, and found the suburbs to be pleasant but very surburban - if that makes sense. I definitely agree with whoever suggested moving closer in to Melbourne city centre. I have no idea about costs (I am looking at Sydney only) but could you downsize and pay the same price but for somewhere more centrally located/smaller? There are loads of cultural things going on in Melbourne and lots of areas in the city to explore, and there's St Kilda for the beach/seaside vibe. I think three months is going to be a difficult point in time. Personally I would wait until 6-12 months and then re-assess. If you're really not liking it still, then come back to the UK! And don't forget that all UK retailers provide internet shopping and can ship to Aus if you get tired of their shopping choices :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Floplo Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 Simple cure, get out of Melbourne. Actually 'get INTO Melbourne' seems to be a better approach...:biggrin: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ptp113 Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 Actually 'get INTO Melbourne' seems to be a better approach...:biggrin: You obviously haven't 'lived' there? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Rose Posted September 20, 2013 Share Posted September 20, 2013 We are really spoilt with our capital city, so most cities are going to fall short when comparing them next to London. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tulip Posted September 21, 2013 Share Posted September 21, 2013 I was the same in our first month, totally bemused at all of the differences and yes, comparing everything! Now we've been here for almost three months and I'm over it, there's so much to love here that I can deal with the expensive things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sahara Posted February 9, 2014 Author Share Posted February 9, 2014 Here is a small update I wanted to share since you have all given me such nice replies and advices I thought I let you know. 3 months ago we moved to Sydney as OH got a Job transfer which made me very happy because I felt that Sydney will be more like a 'city' and not as much suburbian type like Melbourne. I felt that now my life in Australia will start and I was right - I am loving this city coz it's full of life and people, a buzzing living 24/7 city with beautiiiiful places, the first day we both felt this was the right decision. Sometimes you can change your situation yourself and feel totally different afterwards. I now think that Australia is not the same Australia everywhere, you have to find the right corner for yourself. In these 3 months in Sydney we made more friends because we are open to it, we have explored more and I can not wait to explore this country more and more. I simply loooooove sydney, what a beautiful city and what a difference a city can make. Now in total it's been 8 months here and the best advice which you guys gave me is that hang in there. Time healed everything for me and slowly slowly there came a point (still in melbourne then) where I started liking it here a point where I stopped comparing and now I am so happy we didn't give up and went back. This is indeed a beautiful country with loving people and if you give it a chance you can make it home. Thank you everyone again Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow9999 Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 you'll know what to do when the time comes and weather you stay or go at leased you've give it a try so there'll be no what ifs just follow your gut feeling its usually right.good luck with it all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 So glad to hear things are starting to work out for you and thanks so much for coming and giving us an update. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lambethlad Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 If you're not joking, you should leave immediately. Melbourne is the best city in Oz - it's got everything going on. To call it boring is silly and insulting. You need to get out and explore this big, beautiful country. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WeegieDave Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 If you're not joking, you should leave immediately. Melbourne is the best city in Oz - it's got everything going on. To call it boring is silly and insulting. You need to get out and explore this big, beautiful country. Chill out... Each to their own and all that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jjgibbs Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 My wife felt the same as you when we arrived 4 years ago. I don't think she fully grasped the concept of how big this country is and the work life balance of Australia. When I told her that at the end of Melbourne airport there was nothing but fields and a few roos until you got to Crazyburn (yes I know) I don't think it sank in until she actually saw it. Per bliss for me but a terrifying thought for my poor wife. But she soon realized that its an adventure and that adventure is what she/we made. She loves it now, We can get in the car at the weekend and explore. this country has the most amazing sites whether that be the great ocean road or a cafe in the middle of no where to the great barrier reef or the sun raise on the gold coast or even as simple as the milky way clear as you like over our house almost every night. Sure things are a little slow here but that's Australia stuff the rat race, life is way way way to short to do a silly dance for the corPRAT man in a suit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blobby1000 Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Don't bring kids into the equation until you are 100% sure of where you want to be!!! 3 months is a difficult time for many and either you'll grow to at least tolerate it or even love it as some on here will report or you won't and you'll continue to be an alien. A couple more years could, surely, be construed as an adventure? You do need to talk to your DH about your disquiet though and perhaps set a date 6, 12, or 18 months from now where you sit down and make a decision about what you want out of life and where those needs are best met. Good luck! Living in a place that you don't really like when your OH is probably having a whale of a time, can be very difficult! If you find that your feelings are overwhelming and impacting your daily life then a trip to your GP might be in order - he may put you on a mental health plan with a psychologist who, if they are any good, should be able to help you with some CBT or ACT strategies. At the end of the day though, if what ails you is situational depression, then removing yourself from the situation is the magical cure! She's homesick, she doesnt need a psychologist to tell her that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blobby1000 Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Thank you all for your nice replies and advices! Kids are no issue yet (regardless the current situation), probably in 3 or 4 yrs+. Thank you Quoll if it gets worse and worse I will consider that. I am glad it worked out for you caINgary, hope same will happen here. Hubby and I want to stay together so either we both stay or leave. He is happy here but misses uk too, its just that he is kind of a "fighter" and doesnt wanna leave so quickly after so much planning, which i totally understand. Right now it is not a question of do we stay or leave, we both had decided to try it for at least two years and made this planning before our wedding so until 2015 i will give my best and try to see everything positive, it is more of a question: how do i survive, how do i stop comparing? I have travelled to many places and i am not expecting London here but its so different than I had expected and so many things where I am just so annoyed. For example I bought a pay as you go sim after arriving here and I had to register myself online for that - with passport number. Okay, not enough they even wanted a copy of my passport via email, heard of two other providers asking for the same. Or when looking for a place to rent we found out that 99per cent of the houses are rented out by agencies - unlike anywhere else. It feels like the houses here have their own area and shops their own (unless you are in the city). Sometimes I walk and I don't see anyone for maybe half an hour, as if its a city for cars only. about the public transport...I don't wanna start. Or I was trying to find unlimited 3G Internet for pay as you go and there was nothing under 50-60 dollars - in uk I you get one for 5 pound. We are using the weekends for small getaways, been to great ocean road this weekend and it was beautiful. Yes great weather and beautiful landscapes, but where is the development? I am not someone who needs sun all the time, weather is a small issue for me. yes socialising will make it much easier. I want to, even if we leave in 2 yrs, leave with a positive memory. So hopefully with time it will change and I will start liking this city and country. Its a 50 mile circumference around Melbourne!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jjgibbs Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Its a 50 mile circumference around Melbourne!!! True dat Ill have to dig out the photos I've taken over the last few years that will show the development, ITS MASSIVE!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sahara Posted February 9, 2014 Author Share Posted February 9, 2014 If you're not joking, you should leave immediately. Melbourne is the best city in Oz - it's got everything going on. To call it boring is silly and insulting. You need to get out and explore this big, beautiful country. Well for me it is or was boring, I lived in the outer suburbs and even inside the city for me it was not WOW. Everyone was praising Federation square and I was expecting something and then when I saw it I was kinda disappointed. But that is just MY point of view, you don't have to share it. And neither do I have to leave a country (any country) if I don't like something. Besides my view when first arriving here was very much influenced by my mind which was not ready to accept anything as positive, but with time that changed and even melbourne got attractive at the end I was every emotional when we moved to sydney happy but also emotional. All in all I can say that me and hubby are now happy and we were not happy in melbourne (especially me in the beginning). If it was the suburbian life or homesickness or me comparing everything or a mix of everything. Fact is we have tried our best and we did what is best for us and now we can enjoy the beauty of this country which I couldn't before, everytime I mourned to friends or family in uk all I heard was "but you live in one of the most beautiful countries how can you not like it" well beauty lies in the eye of the beholder and I am really thankful and happy that I got over the phase where all I wanted is going back. Because now I am starting to fall in love with this country and this makes me happy and you guys, all strangers to me, gave me really good and nice advices, better than family/friends abroad as they were never in such kind of situation so I just wanted to thank everyone and share an update with you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramot Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Really glad you are feeling more settled. Mostly you will have lots of support from POMSINOZ , but every now and again there is the odd poster who possibly will try to wind you up. You have to learn to ignore them, from experience it doesn't pay to reply, just ignore them. Enjoy Sydney and Australia and what it has to offer, and if after 2 years it isn't for you, then head back with hopefully good memories. no experience is wasted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jac2011 Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Glad to hear you are finally at peace and enjoying your time in Australia. I have read fantastic things about Melbourne and I see that it makes a vast majority of people happy, however it isn't for me either. We are not trying to offend people when we say that as we all have different needs and wants. Its like thinking people who migrate to England are crazy as we cannot wait to leave, however England is utopia for some. I hate my home town of Blackpool yet I have several people who will defend it till there last dying breath. Nice to hear that your mood has changed, I am sure that is having a major influence on what you are getting out of life currently. Hopefully the future is a little brighter and you and your partner can start embracing it even further. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blobby1000 Posted February 9, 2014 Share Posted February 9, 2014 Well for me it is or was boring, I lived in the outer suburbs and even inside the city for me it was not WOW. Everyone was praising Federation square and I was expecting something and then when I saw it I was kinda disappointed. But that is just MY point of view, you don't have to share it. And neither do I have to leave a country (any country) if I don't like something. Besides my view when first arriving here was very much influenced by my mind which was not ready to accept anything as positive, but with time that changed and even melbourne got attractive at the end I was every emotional when we moved to sydney happy but also emotional. All in all I can say that me and hubby are now happy and we were not happy in melbourne (especially me in the beginning). If it was the suburbian life or homesickness or me comparing everything or a mix of everything. Fact is we have tried our best and we did what is best for us and now we can enjoy the beauty of this country which I couldn't before, everytime I mourned to friends or family in uk all I heard was "but you live in one of the most beautiful countries how can you not like it" well beauty lies in the eye of the beholder and I am really thankful and happy that I got over the phase where all I wanted is going back. Because now I am starting to fall in love with this country and this makes me happy and you guys, all strangers to me, gave me really good and nice advices, better than family/friends abroad as they were never in such kind of situation so I just wanted to thank everyone and share an update with you Which suburb were you in in Melbourne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MARYROSE02 Posted February 10, 2014 Share Posted February 10, 2014 Well for me it is or was boring, I lived in the outer suburbs and even inside the city for me it was not WOW. Everyone was praising Federation square and I was expecting something and then when I saw it I was kinda disappointed. But that is just MY point of view, you don't have to share it. And neither do I have to leave a country (any country) if I don't like something. Besides my view when first arriving here was very much influenced by my mind which was not ready to accept anything as positive, but with time that changed and even melbourne got attractive at the end I was every emotional when we moved to sydney happy but also emotional. All in all I can say that me and hubby are now happy and we were not happy in melbourne (especially me in the beginning). If it was the suburbian life or homesickness or me comparing everything or a mix of everything. Fact is we have tried our best and we did what is best for us and now we can enjoy the beauty of this country which I couldn't before, everytime I mourned to friends or family in uk all I heard was "but you live in one of the most beautiful countries how can you not like it" well beauty lies in the eye of the beholder and I am really thankful and happy that I got over the phase where all I wanted is going back. Because now I am starting to fall in love with this country and this makes me happy and you guys, all strangers to me, gave me really good and nice advices, better than family/friends abroad as they were never in such kind of situation so I just wanted to thank everyone and share an update with you I had to work my way through all the posts to get up to date! You've moved from Melbourne to Sydney, and you've been in Australia another few months since your original post (in September, 2013?) It oftent takes a few months to settle, and I guess you've made some friends, so no longer feeling so isolated? Which part of Sydney are you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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