Irishgirl1 Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 Hi everyone I was wondering if you could give me your opinion on a dilemma we are having, My Daughter is 10 all of her friends are 10 or 11 she is the only 1 not on Facebook and does'nt have a mobile phone. I don't want her to go on Facebook till she is 13 (or 15 lol) because if I let her go on earlier I am allowing her to Lie about her age. Has anyone allowed or have children of about 10 years that use facebook?? I am now finding it hard as she is missing out I suppose and everyone is chatting and she is feeling left out not sure what to do?? Any thoughts Laney x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northernbird Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 My daughter is almost 11 and she has quite a few friends that are on Facebook. I made sure her security settings were as strict as they could be, she has to run all friend requests past me and I set her password and check her account every couple of days. They moment she complains about that then her account will be closed. She also sometimes goes to school on the bus with her sister so she also has a mobile phone. It all depends on the maturity of the child, my youngest is quite mature and capable of dealing with both of these things with very little supervision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Playghirl Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 I wouldn't do it myself, very hard when her friends are on it though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest79615 Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 i would let her use it but you both have the password and maybe make it like a joint account, but she can personalize it to her but put your details on it to sign up and then your not lying. I dont have kids though so what do i know just an idea xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 I have some friends with older kids. They made them wait till they were 13 before letting them have a FB account or Twitter. And even then everything is set to private (pics, status updates etc) and friends only can view. The parents are friends with them also on FB and can see the page etc. Personally I think 10 is too young to be on there. If you did decide to let her have an account ensure every single setting is set to friends only and she only adds friends she knows from school (and that you can verify this etc of course). I'd also not let her post a picture of herself for her profile pic. I'd also ask that you can see her page and check her settings while she is logged in and there with you (at 10 many kids are computer savvy but FB makes it very hard to change some settings etc and it can take a bit of digging to find the stuff you need to alter) and that her password is available to you also. And that she does not display any personal info in the About page. Basically making her page as private as possible for her school friends and you to see. I'd also hide her friends list from public display as this would give away the possible age of her friends and therefore her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sammy1 Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 Hi everyone I was wondering if you could give me your opinion on a dilemma we are having,My Daughter is 10 all of her friends are 10 or 11 she is the only 1 not on Facebook and does'nt have a mobile phone. I don't want her to go on Facebook till she is 13 (or 15 lol) because if I let her go on earlier I am allowing her to Lie about her age. Has anyone allowed or have children of about 10 years that use facebook?? I am now finding it hard as she is missing out I suppose and everyone is chatting and she is feeling left out not sure what to do?? Any thoughts Laney x Hi My oldest is 11 and a lot of his friends have facebook. I have said no to it which he has accepted and he knows the reasons why and it is not a problem ( at the moment). The best reason for this decision is simply because it is illegal for a child under the age of 13 to have a facebook account. I work as a teacher and have seen first hand how cyber bullying has affected kids particularly through the use of facebook. One problem is that a lot of parents don't monitor the internet use of their children. A lot of the children in my son's class have also watched MA 15 movies and played R rated games and distributed inappropriate images on mobile phones. I just don't understand why parents buy these sort of games for their kids. I am an easy going person, but there is a limit and that is it. My son does not have a mobile phone either. He doesn't need one yet and when he does there will be guidelines to follow. He swaps messages with friends on the Wii and also on Moshi Monsters.Again, though it has to be monitored as there are predators out there pretending to be children. Facebook is a great way to communicate but it is also used as a tool for mass bullying in the everyday world. Don't feel guilty! I certainly don't! My children have lots of friends who they catch up with in person all the time and are not missing out on anything! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northernbird Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 I have some friends with older kids. They made them wait till they were 13 before letting them have a FB account or Twitter. And even then everything is set to private (pics, status updates etc) and friends only can view. The parents are friends with them also on FB and can see the page etc. Personally I think 10 is too young to be on there. If you did decide to let her have an account ensure every single setting is set to friends only and she only adds friends she knows from school (and that you can verify this etc of course). I'd also not let her post a picture of herself for her profile pic. I'd also ask that you can see her page and check her settings while she is logged in and there with you (at 10 many kids are computer savvy but FB makes it very hard to change some settings etc and it can take a bit of digging to find the stuff you need to alter) and that her password is available to you also. And that she does not display any personal info in the About page. Basically making her page as private as possible for her school friends and you to see. I'd also hide her friends list from public display as this would give away the possible age of her friends and therefore her. I know heaps of parents that won't allow it. Now that kids spend so much time on smart phones I know lots of kids who set secret accounts up with obscure names just so their parents can't see. It's a case of picking your battles and kids will Facebook in private and then you will no idea what is going on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 My daughter is almost 11 and she has quite a few friends that are on Facebook. I made sure her security settings were as strict as they could be, she has to run all friend requests past me and I set her password and check her account every couple of days. They moment she complains about that then her account will be closed. She also sometimes goes to school on the bus with her sister so she also has a mobile phone. It all depends on the maturity of the child, my youngest is quite mature and capable of dealing with both of these things with very little supervision. Trouble is unless you know her password you can't close her account. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 O and make sure private messages are set to only friends can send them. Anyone else is blocked. All that sort of thing. There is so much and tbh if she learns to be private now using FB (if you let her have an account) then hopefully will continue like this and being careful as she gets older. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irishgirl1 Posted January 3, 2013 Author Share Posted January 3, 2013 Thank you everyone for your replys, I have always said no and to be honest she has'nt really asked to go on it as I have told her it is illegal as you have to 13, maybe I am just feeling a bit sorry for her. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 Yes I let the children be on it before 13 but I set the privacy settings, I also have access to both their passwords so that I can check their pages and messages. For us it was a dilema but when we were moving it allowed my daughter to connect with new classmates and also to keep in touch with friends in the UK. They also weren't allowed to add random people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest79615 Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 yeah i did think of the bullying thing too actually..can be awful..and by not allowing her a facebook yet you are encouraging better social skills and confidence in her own voice, not hiding behind a screen, if she does get facebook you would need to keep on top of it, a lot goes on! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northernbird Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 Trouble is unless you know her password you can't close her account. Her password is the one I choose for her and I change it every month. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest79615 Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 and she may do it one day anyway behind your back if you stop her and that will be worse coz you will have no idea whats going on.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 I know heaps of parents that won't allow it. Now that kids spend so much time on smart phones I know lots of kids who set secret accounts up with obscure names just so their parents can't see. It's a case of picking your battles and kids will Facebook in private and then you will no idea what is going on. I realise that goes on. But the thing is, quite often those kids, if the parents know a few things about FB can usually be worked out. Mainly if other kids don't have the greatest security settings and show their friends list and so on. Or not everything is set to private (which it often isn't with the younger users on FB). If the OP's daughter doesn't have a mobile then I think she'd only have access from home computer really so parents overseeing her usage till they are more comfortable with it is feasible. There are plenty of sensible kids out there who are happy to let their parents see the content of their FB and so on and use it without any real problems. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 Her password is the one I choose for her and I change it every month. So I am guessing she doesn't know it and has automatic log in and therefore in principal can't change it as she has to enter the current one to be able to do so? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 It is a monster that becomes very hard to control as they get older. When they hit 15 or so and won't have you as a friend on FB and you have no idea what they're saying. And bullying and swearing can be rife. But you know at some point they will do it anyway so may be better to try and teach them about responsible usage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northernbird Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 I realise that goes on. But the thing is, quite often those kids, if the parents know a few things about FB can usually be worked out. Mainly if other kids don't have the greatest security settings and show their friends list and so on. Or not everything is set to private (which it often isn't with the younger users on FB). If the OP's daughter doesn't have a mobile then I think she'd only have access from home computer really so parents overseeing her usage till they are more comfortable with it is feasible. There are plenty of sensible kids out there who are happy to let their parents see the content of their FB and so on and use it without any real problems. Which is why I said in my first post it depends on the child. Also my daughter knows the password and in theory could change it but then there would be consequences for that and she knows it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 Which is why I said in my first post it depends on the child. Also my daughter knows the password and in theory could change it but then there would be consequences for that and she knows it. I think it as you say boils down to the children - we discussed the rules before they signed up and if they could live with them. When FB updates, I go back and re check all the settings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 It is a monster that becomes very hard to control as they get older.When they hit 15 or so and won't have you as a friend on FB and you have no idea what they're saying. And bullying and swearing can be rife. But you know at some point they will do it anyway so may be better to try and teach them about responsible usage. My daughter is almost 18 and has me as a friend on FB (as does my 20 year old nephew). One of the rules for my children having FB was that they have me as a friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 I work as a teacher and have seen first hand how cyber bullying has affected kids particularly through the use of facebook. One problem is that a lot of parents don't monitor the internet use of their children. Quite often this comes down to that the parents know less about computers and internet than the kids do. Honestly, I see 10 year olds that can find their way round a computer better than a lot of adults. And I don't mean simply being able to launch a browser, send email and download from iTunes. My husband is very very computer savvy. He works with code for a living and I know he knows more about computers than most people out there. Our son is being taught about computers from an early age and they are part of his life. Kids now and growing up learning this stuff and far more complex things than many adults might so it doesn't mean the playing field is level or in favour of the parents. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/programmes/click_online/9744000.stm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kapri Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 I know heaps of parents that won't allow it. Now that kids spend so much time on smart phones I know lots of kids who set secret accounts up with obscure names just so their parents can't see. It's a case of picking your battles and kids will Facebook in private and then you will no idea what is going on. I agree 100%. I spoke to a policeman who runs internet safety sessions and he said he said a few interesting things. Firstly, provided privacy settings are tight then Facebook isn't too bad as a site. Also, I am on FB myself every day so I can see what she is posting and what people are posting on her wall etc. Secondly, he says he would rather see a younger child using it whose parents are monitoring them, rather than a 13 year old whose parents aren't monitoring it. One of my friends refused her daughter a Facebook account and she set one up anyway. I think the internet is such a part of their lives now that I would rather let them use it and monitor it as safely as possible. Like you NB, I have my daughters password and she knows this is part of the deal. Also, I am on FB myself every day so I can see what's going on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aussie bound Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 Hi everyone I was wondering if you could give me your opinion on a dilemma we are having,My Daughter is 10 all of her friends are 10 or 11 she is the only 1 not on Facebook and does'nt have a mobile phone. I don't want her to go on Facebook till she is 13 (or 15 lol) because if I let her go on earlier I am allowing her to Lie about her age. Has anyone allowed or have children of about 10 years that use facebook?? I am now finding it hard as she is missing out I suppose and everyone is chatting and she is feeling left out not sure what to do?? Any thoughts Laney x Hi there Personally I would leave it as long as possible because once there on thats it!.My older son was 13 when he set up an account and even then we are very strict with how he uses it.No personal laptops! if you keep the pc where everyone can see it you have a much better chance of keeping an eye on things and your children are much safer.My younger child is 10 and he will not be going on facebook for a couple of years dont forget for keeping in touch your child can use email.Children are growing up so quickly I think the longer you can leave it the better. regards Lorraiine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kapri Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 Hi there Personally I would leave it as long as possible because once there on thats it!.My older son was 13 when he set up an account and even then we are very strict with how he uses it.No personal laptops! if you keep the pc where everyone can see it you have a much better chance of keeping an eye on things and your children are much safer.My younger child is 10 and he will not be going on facebook for a couple of years dont forget for keeping in touch your child can use email.Children are growing up so quickly I think the longer you can leave it the better. regards Lorraiine. Lorraine, up until a few years ago I would have agreed with you. Unfortunately, now it's not as simple as saying they can only use the family PC in a main living area. They can access the internet on smart phones, iPods, X-Boxes etc. My daughter is 12 and we make her leave her electronic equipment downstairs once she goes to bed but at any other time she has access to the internet. That's why I'm hoping that keeping the lines of communication open will be the best way to deal with things. I talk to her about cyber bullying, sexting etc. Sometimes I hear her chatting away and she is on Facetime. I didn't even know what that was until a few months ago! I certainly agree with ;leaving it as long as possible. My son is 10 and luckily he has not pushed too much for a mobile phone or iPod yet so he does just use the main PC, which obviously makes things easier. I'm sure it won't be long though until he asks for a phone. Probably his 11th birthday. Once they are determined to get online, I think it's best to go with it and teach them about safety. I think for us parents it's a minefield. We didn't grow up with all of this technology but our children are. I am trying to keep up as best as I can but it's not easy. They always seem to be a step ahead. But I know a lot of parents who don't even try to keep up or who don't monitor things and I think that's dangerous. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northernbird Posted January 3, 2013 Share Posted January 3, 2013 Lorraine, up until a few years ago I would have agreed with you. Unfortunately, now it's not as simple as saying they can only use the family PC in a main living area. They can access the internet on smart phones, iPods, X-Boxes etc. My daughter is 12 and we make her leave her electronic equipment downstairs once she goes to bed but at any other time she has access to the internet. That's why I'm hoping that keeping the lines of communication open will be the best way to deal with things. I talk to her about cyber bullying, sexting etc. Sometimes I hear her chatting away and she is on Facetime. I didn't even know what that was until a few months ago! I certainly agree with ;leaving it as long as possible. My son is 10 and luckily he has not pushed too much for a mobile phone or iPod yet so he does just use the main PC, which obviously makes things easier. I'm sure it won't be long though until he asks for a phone. Probably his 11th birthday. Once they are determined to get online, I think it's best to go with it and teach them about safety. I think for us parents it's a minefield. We didn't grow up with all of this technology but our children are. I am trying to keep up as best as I can but it's not easy. They always seem to be a step ahead. But I know a lot of parents who don't even try to keep up or who don't monitor things and I think that's dangerous. My kids got phones when they were walking or taking the bus to school without me. My eldest was 11 and my youngest was 10. My youngest daughter is FAR more advanced and mature than my eldest was at the same age. As you know I have had no end of problems with my eldest but by keeping communication going I have always been away of what's been going on (even if I don't necessarily like it!). Banning things causes more problems than allowing with restrictions and consequences for breaching. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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