FirstWorldProblems

No one is in your shoes. Whilst our experiences could be similar, they won't be alike and so it's hard to offer advice. Going purely on what you've written here, it sounds like your options are to stay in Australia where you are unhappy or move to the UK where you believe you will be happier. What's holding you back is a sense of obligation I think? That's understandable.......but the people you feel that sense of obligation to are all adults and can make choices of their own. It's not like you have dependants who literally need you to provide and care for them. I think you have to live for you.

My experience is not directly related to your situation but might be somewhat helpful. You can definitely call the school in the UK and the school counsellor or head of year will be able to give you advice. I have 3 kids; 1) a degree graduate who has just started working, 2) an A-level student currently touring universites & 3) a year 10 student in the first year of GCSE's. I have a pretty broad view of what it's like for kids in education now and it's very different to when I was their age. But a current UK teacher could certainly give you a better insight. I also spent a lot of time researching the opposite scenario to yours, moving kids to the Australian system and am aware that they just don't line up. Year 11 builds on what they learn in year 10, which as you know is a year where kids select the subjects they want to study A-levels then narrow that focus further, specialising on 3 or 4 subjects they already have a solid base in from their GCSE options (and mandatory subjects) and builds on top of that base. Degree narrows even further to just one specialty, again building on what they learn at a-level and GCSE. Watching my eldest go through her degree and touring uni's with #2, it's obvious that university education is nothing like it was when I went. It's far more work, far more competitive and nothing like the cruise it was 25+ years ago. This weekend we were hearing an admissions tutor describe how they also look at GCSE results, not just A-level results. So if this is a route your son may want to take, good GCSE's are going to be important Now A-levels and a degree may not be the path your son wants to take in life, but whatever route appeals to him, good GCSE results and the learning that comes with it can only help. Trying to enter halfway through the GCSE 2-year programme is going to really difficult and I would say very unlikely to lead to his best outcome or school experience. In short, put him into year 10.

You've lived in Australia before so you have a good understanding of the day to day cost of living. I suppose childcare is potentially a new one for you? My sister in law pays $170 a day in Sydney and it really grates on her to see almost half her salary go straight out the door on that, but they don't have a choice, they need both incomes. You'll also have a good sense for what kind of lifestyle you want. It's not for everyone, but I have another in-law who has lived out in Camden for many years and they love it there. Property is more affordable and it's populous enough that they only really leave the area to visit family. When the new Western Sydney airport opens in a few years it's going to bring more jobs and easier national and international travel. Personally I prefer it there. The rolling hills and green fields are more to my taste than the endless urban sprawl of Sydney's inner suburbs. But if weekends at the beach is what you have in mind......well it's a bit of a trek and heading up the coast might be a better choice. When you make your decision, consider what is probable regarding your future income. Are one/both of you aggressively climbing the career ladder in fields where you salary could be double what it is now in 5-10 years time? If so, then struggling for a few years could be worth it to put down roots where you really want to be. If not then I'd echo the other's and urge caution about Sydney. Time goes by quickly and before you know it you're 40, havent' been able to save a deposit and property prices have risen faster than salary putting it further out of reach. Good luck! Hope it all works out great for your family.

It is! I note that the time for 309 has come down though - perhaps they are prioritising that????

Curious - what was it a month ago? I've been making a note of them periodically for a couple years now but haven't looked since Jun 100 Partner Migrant processing time Jan-20 Aug-20 Feb-21 Jun-22 Sep-22 75% 21 20 18 18 24 90% 32 24 24 29 39 https://immi.homeaffairs.gov.au/visas/getting-a-visa/visa-listing/partner-offshore

Some positivity for you..... As hard as your situation is and as challenging as making the decision feels, from all you've shared with us you do have options and are in a better place than many. I've been on this forum for a few years, many of the others have been here far longer and have seen a lot of people in a much tougher position. Those who have financial constraints so tight that if they make the move, the costs involved will deplete them and they simply couldn't afford to move back. There are even more people who post about how they've lived in Australia for 15 years, and haven't been able to afford to visit the UK in all that time and are desperate to move back. What a tough position to be in. Comparatively yours is much better position. I agree with others suggesting you test the water with a 6 month rental. It seems like a viable option for you and whilst it might cost a bit, it will insulate you from the far greater costs of making the move and having to revert.

you might find recent research on housing affordability interesting. Rather than focussing on $-values, it puts rent and mortgages as a percentage of income needed to service them, looking at the greater city areas and regional which I think is really useful Very interesting I feel is the analysis of what they call the Deposit Hurdle. How long it takes to save a deposit. Nationally it's at 11.4 years (saving 15% p.a. to reach a 20% deposit), in Sydney it's 14.1 There's also some tables showing the median house prices by area which you might find helpful https://news.anz.com/content/dam/news/articles/2022/May/ANZ_Housing Affordibility report May_2022_web.pdf

So in the realms of what is possible, how do you want to spend those really good years?

Yes it will. But our situation is different to yours. After 25 years away we will be going back to spend time with family who are getting older whilst we still can. If our kids decide to stay in the UK we will come back after a while. If we end up with some of them in Australia and some in the UK we have a tougher decision. I guess we will live where our favourite lives

All decisions like this involve compromise. For most people the compromise is easier to live with that the one you face. The benefits of one choice clearly outweigh the other choice and whilst there is often a degree of sadness in that compromise it's something they can live with. Your situation clearly involves a far greater degree of compromise whichever one you choose. I think you are beating yourself up because you don't want to get this wrong. But there isn't a right and wrong choice to make here. You're not gambling on red or black where one option is going to be wonderful and the other one a disaster. Whichever you choose is going to leave a hole for you - there will be elements of your life that you are unhappy with. That really is terribly unfortunate but if you can reconcile yourself to that, it might help you make the choice. There is no "wrong". You won't be admonishing yourself down the line for your decision because you know they both involve really tough elements. Couple of other factors I would throw into the mix here. You've probably considered these already. My kids grandparents are late 60's. My kids are aged 15, 18 & 23. They love their grandparents, but I've watched as that relationship naturally changes as the kids get older and start to build their own lives. We just waved the MIL off at Heathrow to return to Sydney after her annual couple of months visiting. My wife and I felt a mixture of guilt and sympathy that she spent most of her time alone this trip. When we started doing this the kids were little, we needed help over the holidays and she got to spend wonderful, concentrated time with the kids. Every waking minute actually. They built a much better relationship than they have with my father who is only 45 mins away as a result. But this time the eldest has a full time job, the middle one has a part time job, a girlfriend and can drive now and the youngest has a friendship circle and other things she wants to do. Whilst they made time every day with her, an hour or two out of 24 isn't a lot. So MIL spent a lot of time watching TV alone. When you move there, will you get to spend the kind of time with your children and grandchildren that you hope to? As I embark on my mid-life crisis, I find myself endlessly trying to gaze into the crystal ball and I am driving my wife batty as I contemplate out loud: "how many years do we have left?" "of those years, how many will be be physically able to do the things we currently value/enjoy doing?" "should we just crack on and bring forward our plans to head back to Australia but with it all the compromises that means to our plan?" None of us have that crystal ball and hopefully we are all still travelling the world and hiking trails in our hundreth year. But many of us won't. Reduced mobility and living with multiple health conditions is on the cards for most of us. How do you want to spend the years you have left where you are still vigourous, energetic and able?

Nice suburbs. I was living down the road from Lane Cove in Five Dock and in Drummoyne in the early 2000's and we still have ties there so return during our annual family visit. Lane Cove national park is great, Birkenhead point and Chatswood are very nice but quite different shopping experiences and the bay run next door is one of my favourite places to be. It's definitely do-able and like living anywhere in the world, we all have to compromise between price and the things you value from a lifestyle perspective. Quick maths: $850pw = $44,200p.a. Take home pay for a $75k salary is £58,658 Two salaries = $117,316 Leaving $1,400 a week for bills, groceries and entertainment. Not knowing your lifestyle, how much you like to save etc I couldn't comment on whether this is ample remaining money for you or whether you'll feel the pinch. If you spend a bit of time working through a budget you'll get a good sense in advance of whether it's affordable. You'll be able to find the cost of most things online. The notes of caution you are hearing here come from good intentions. Sydney is in the top 2% most expensive cities in the world and whilst it's a wonderful place to visit, many people find living there to be challenging......but many others don't and wouldn't dream of living anywhere else!

Pretty similar annual car mileage in both countries. Whilst Australia is much bigger, most people are clustered around 5 major population centres and do most of their driving within their greater city area. Whilst you certainly can drive between them, air travel is more common.

great stuff - added

There's one tip that's popped up on here several times (sorry, but I don't know who to give the credit to) and that is that if you are considering reducing how much stuff you ship to lower costs, thinking that your bed/sofa etc is a bit tired anyway so might as well buy new, then bear in mind that in Australia it can take a long time to get furniture delivered and you could find yourself without. On top of that you'll have just moved to a new country and will have LOTS to do. Do you want to spend every weekend searching for a dining table and patio furniture? I thought that was a really good one. And I am afraid I have to also jump on the bandwagon - Sydney is a place where you can live a wonderful life if you are wealthy. It's a lot tougher if you are not. My Sydney born wife has 4 siblings over there still and they all struggle financially. Well into their 40's, none of them can afford to buy a house, only one of them has even been able to visit us in the UK in 20 years. They all have debt very sadly.

I downloaded a checklist from here which was quite useful. I've also been building upa list of my own from helpful tips shared on this site and elsewhere that are perhaps not so obvious but I think are useful. Stuff like taking extra bedsheets with you because the matress sizes in both countries are a bit different so if you are taking your bed from the UK you'll need UK linen.

If you use a private browser, it can't detect where you are. I've just tested using Google Chrome in Incognito mode and Woolworths works fine. I can see the prices of everything and add them to the cart. In Google Chrome, right click on the icon and select "New Incognito Window". Alternatively with Chrome open, go to the 3 vertical dots to the top right of the screen and you can open it from there. It's much the same for Microsoft edge. Right click the icon and select "New InPrivate". I just tried that on Woolworths and it works too.

You shouldn't find problems getting work. The job market is buoyant with private sector salaries rising as employers compete for recruits. Public sector vacancies are huge - crisis level in some areas, which is worth considering when taking a job - you could find yourself in an under-resourced team, run off your feet, working lots of overtime (NHS in particular). Cost of living is rocketing. Those at the lower end of the income range are struggling and are in for a very tough winter indeed. I don't know what cost of living is like in Adelaide, but my comparison of UK costs with Sydney costs (where my wife's very large family are from) is that it's still cheaper here in the UK for pretty much everything. Furnished rentals I don't have much experience with. I don't believe they are very common outside of corporate lets. Unfurnished rentals no-problem. Those are the tangibles. Regarding your husband's feelings, I'd suggest perhaps that his experience and enjoyment if you move back here for a while might really depend on where you live. Like anywhere, a different county, a different town, even streets a few miles apart can present a completely different life. Our situation is the reverse of yours, my Australian wife wants to return to be near her family as soon as our kids have finished school and I am less keen. When I find myself saying or thinking "I hate it there", what I really mean is that the lifestyle and living experience in the vast urban sprawl of Sydney really doesn't appeal or fit into the things I enjoy in life. So maybe this is true for your husband also in which case careful selection of where you live could make all the difference. Here in semi-rural Warwickshire works perfectly for the things that float my boat. But put me half an hour away in the middle of Birmingham and I would be miserable. Might be something to consider.

Don't used cars tend to hold their value better in Australia though?

getting the ferry to and from work - it doesn't matter how tough my day was being on that boat with the great scenery and generally blue skies would invariably mean I got home relaxed and in a good mood. At least until the first interaction with my ex Everything was so cheap. It was 2002, $3 to £1 and I was on secondment and being paid in £'s. Food courts. In Sydney CBD it seemed like every street had a building with a foodcourt underneath. Kebab's. The australian Kebab wrapped in lebanese bread is superior Public BBQ's. Light beer. I don't drink these days but when I did I enjoyed spending all day supping but not getting hammered. Light beer was everywhere and tasted ok Verandah's Twisties Bunnings. I brought a few caps back from my last visit and wear them regularly. I assumed I'd be mobbed by Aussies as I meander through the supermarket, but so far no interest Aussie fish and chips. So much nicer than in the UK

Good luck for the next phase of your adventure!

"British citizenship is normally automatically passed down one generation to children born outside the UK." source https://www.gov.uk/apply-citizenship-british-parent

A 2017 study by researchers Bassina Farbenblum and Laurie Berg – considered to be the most comprehensive study of wage theft and working conditions amongst visa holders in Australia – found 77 per cent of workers in the food services industry were paid below the minimum wage. Three years later, the researchers found international students continued to experience egregious underpayment One eye catching datapoint from the study: Almost a third (30%) of international students and backpackers earned $12 per hour or less.

I think that when you are unhappy with your life and can't see a ready way to improve the causes of disatisfaction, then cutting ties with everything and embarking on a drastic change can seem appealing. Life in Australia has long been romanticised by advertising and television. That was absolutely the case with me in 2001. I'd grown up watching Neighbours and Home & Away -Ramsey Street and Summer Bay appealed a whole lot more than the grim working class urban sprawl of the Black Country. I'm educated and apparently intelligent enough for critical thinking, but for some reason it never crossed the mind of mid-20's me for one minute that there would be any negatives to my move. All my problems and disatisfaction would be solved in an instant. Naive in the extreme.

Is that any different to alcohol?

@newjez is right about a lot of things, but skydiving can't change your life as much as Triathlon. Try that instead. it's amazing! All that time outdoors, you boost your health and it's really friendly crowd. If you are unable to make this working holiday happen, your Diploma in IT could open doors to the skilled migrant route. What work do you hope to be doing once you finish your OU study? There is a skills shortage for many IT roles right now and it's not expected to be resolved quickly. Software developers and Testers are on the Australian skilled occupation list, as are network and systems engineers, database administrators, business analysts, trainers, support analysts and whole raft of others.