I don't have the answer......not sure there is a straight forward one. It's so very common though, I remember speaking to an older lady who says she cries everyday, probably not literally but I knew what she meant. She was just reconciled but seem cheerful, I guess she just got used to those feelings, the human spirit is very resilient. You really should be "allowed" to take the kids to see family back home ? ....that's called being plain and simple reasonable!
Sending hugs, you're not alone :hug: