Home is where the heart is

[Harpodom]

It took 6wks from idea to landing here over three years ago,it has taken a year and a half to sort things going the opposite direction!!!Patience is now my middle name...NOT!

No more delays in sight so flying out on the 29th of april.......good things come to those who wait hopefuly.

 

Jayzus mrs! I hope those paddies give you the homecoming you deserve!

[pintpot]

Yes it is (for me).

 

For me for a place to feel like home, I need to have a sense of belonging and connection, and home to me means a lot more than just bricks and mortar. Sure, I have my small immediate family and a lovely and a cosy little house... but it is just that.... a house.

 

I adore the English countryside, I feel connected to it and in sync with it, it's part of my DNA. Here, I cannot seem to have that connection, I'm not in tune with nature. Everything is different, the sky, the stars and the seasons are complete opposites to the Northern Hemisphere, just to name a few.

 

I yo-yoed between three different Europian countries when I was a child and later as a teenager... and felt comfortable living in all those countries... and at home.

Here, I will never be able to achieve that feeling of belonging.... being home.

 

That's exactly how I feel

 

It's not about where extended family are for me (perhaps it should be) - and nuclear family will be with me anyway, so that's not a definition of "home" for me

 

I feel rooted in the English landscape in a way I don't feel I will here. It is the light, the air, the flora (especially) and fauna. I felt similar when I lived away from the UK previously, they didn't feel like home either, but here feels less homely than most of those countries. It's the "otherness" of the plants and the landscape - for example, here feels more alien to me than when I lived in the States, even though Australia is miles closer culturally to the UK than the US is; the landscape and plants in the US, or at least the bits of it I lived in (New England and Maryland) felt much closer to home than the Aussie bush

 

Not saying the Aussie bush is unpleasant; it's just not mine. The last area I lived in England (rural Suffolk) was very much the classic chocolate box English countryside and I never, ever tired of it even after years. I used to go to the gym after work in a converted old barn on top of a hill, and walk out and just drink in the view over the valley as the light faded. Especially in Spring and early Summer

 

I'm trying not to think of what it was like there over the next 3 months as they were the best time of year- everything burgeoning in the hedgerows. Still, it'll still be like that when we go back

:-)

[Johndoe]

I made my home in the mountains of the UK. I was never happy sitting at home, other than spending every night spent planning the next weekend's routes and browsing Ordnance survey and Wainwright's books. if I think of "home", I think only of the countryside and never of family, friends, or the bricks and mortar we lived in. I miss the kids that we worked with but that's just about it. I'm too old and not fit enough to do that anyway, even if I wanted to move back, so I make do with what's here in Oz and never regret what's been and gone,.....................if I did....................it would detract from what I have, and who I am now.

[fairystar32]

Home is where me and my children and husband are. its where I feel safe and loved. WE visited the UK at Xmas this year and I couldn't wait too come 'home' back to Australia.

[ali]

Like others, for me is where my hubby and children are and where I feel content and happy, I don't think of the UK as home - it's a place were I was born, lived and have lots of happy memories about. I think people make a house (bricks and motar) a home ... we've certainly done that here, if we're away it's the place we look forward to coming back to.

[clark]

hi all, ive been in aus as a pr since aug 2011, and still feeling homesick and although i wanted to come to aus for the lifestyle, beaches, i'm not regretting coming over here but love to be back in carlisle my home city, you may laugh but i love my family, friends etc and always look for the carlisle united scores first. i also love the lake district, as i used to fell walk and walk the lakes, beautufil, ther lakes countryside, awesome as the aussies would say. in some respects australia is 'bigged up' because of the weather and lifestyle, but i think you make life what u want. ive got a job back in the uk in september if i want it, so ive got to make the biggest desicion ever, i'm slowly getting over the homesickness, but will forever think of what r my fam and friends doing eg. one of my best buddys at home has been having work probs, i would of liked to have helped him, or another buddy is getting married in june , would like to go to that, i prob could go but would i want to come back to australia, i havnt made that many mates at the mo in aus althiough ive proved to myself iv got a job, and looking for another as im only working with the boss and want to work with others, so as you can tell i'm in a head spin, hope some one can advise me i know im the only one who can decide wat to do but a little advice makes you think, also when would i qualify for citizenship:wacko: cheers clark

[josetann]

My physical home will always be where my OH and kids are.Whether that is in a swanky house or in a tent by the side of the road, makes no difference.When I get in the door and they are not there my physical home has little appeal........when they walk in it feels homely again,they are what makes it home.If I owned my own house this may change but I will never equate a rental house to a home.

 

My emotional home on the other hand is back in ireland.It is where I become the better me.It is where my character makes sense,it is where my humour seems humorous,it is where I am comfortable in my own skin and it is where I feel I belong.It is where I am me.It is where I do not need to change me to fit in.

 

This comes closest to how I feel. I'd have to reword it a bit, maybe using the term "Family Home" in place of physical home (a physical home...I think of as just a building, i.e. a house).

 

"Back Home" for me is always in Middle Tennessee, USA. Where I grew up, where most of my family lives (and my wife's family as well). Even when we lived in the mountains of East Tennessee, we'd regularly go "back home" to visit.

 

I think maybe the term "Home is where the heart is" has multiple meanings. Your heart can be in multiple places, no? Part can be back where you grew up, where your friends and family still live. And of course part is wherever your spouse and/or kids are. Does make it a bit confusing when you say something like "Gotta go home to pack, we're going home for the holidays!"

[ali]

You'd qualify for citizenship when you've been here 4 years with the 12 months of that on a PR visa.

 

I had a friend who was homesick - went back for a wedding in (UK) summer, loved it so much, everything she'd been missing ... went back in the December for another visit and it was everything she rememberd disliking ... she came back to Aus much more settled about living here.

 

I do think having friends is a big part of settling, we've been here 5 years and it's only in the last 12 months that i've felt that I've developed a really close friendship network, Hubby, Kids and I now have our own friendship groups but also a friendship group we share as a whole family who will be part of our celebrations etc.

[3FatCats]

For me, having moved so much, I am beginning to think that Home is where I get used to..... Although all of my previous Homes have meanings for me. The problem is, when returning after long periods of time, these places are not how I remember them and the feelings are different, so I hold onto them in my mind. It is a bit sad to think I am so uprooted I don't have a Home in a said place, somewhere to go back to, but also positive that if we move somewhere else it should be the same as anywhere else...eventually.

[josetann]

For me, having moved so much, I am beginning to think that Home is where I get used to..... Although all of my previous Homes have meanings for me. The problem is, when returning after long periods of time, these places are not how I remember them and the feelings are different, so I hold onto them in my mind. It is a bit sad to think I am so uprooted I don't have a Home in a said place, somewhere to go back to, but also positive that if we move somewhere else it should be the same as anywhere else...eventually.

 

I struggle with this. I think our kids will be better off being exposed to different cultures, ways of living, etc. It'll help them be more open-minded and well-rounded. However, the trade-off is they will likely not have a sense of "home", i.e. a single point that one can always go back "home" to.

[3FatCats]

 

I struggle with this. I think our kids will be better off being exposed to different cultures, ways of living, etc. It'll help them be more open-minded and well-rounded. However, the trade-off is they will likely not have a sense of "home", i.e. a single point that one can always go back "home" to.

I think you as their parents will be their Home! And so it will be just fine Xxx

[josetann]

I think you as their parents will be their Home! And so it will be just fine Xxx

 

Yes, but...where will "back home" be for them? There's not much tying them down to one place. They'll be able to adapt and "fit in" anywhere...but may not be able to completely fit in anywhere. There's a name for this, it escapes me at the moment.

[ali]

Yes, but...where will "back home" be for them? There's not much tying them down to one place. They'll be able to adapt and "fit in" anywhere...but may not be able to completely fit in anywhere. There's a name for this, it escapes me at the moment.

 

My children don't think of home as the UK but Australia, we've been here 5 years, my children were 11 and 7 when we moved, my daughter has said she's loved having her teenage years here in Aus and feels that this rather than the UK is home

[josetann]

Found the term I was looking for. It's "Third Culture Kids". Here's a shameless rip off of Wikipedia:

 

Research has been done on American TCKs to identify various characteristics:

 

Sociopsychology

 

 

 

• 90% feel "out of sync" with their peers.
  
• 90% report feeling as if they understand other people and cultural groups better than the average American.
  
• 80% believe they can get along with anybody, and they often do, due to their sociocultural adaptability.
  
• Divorce rates among TCKs are lower than the general population, but TCKs marry at an older age (25+).
  
• More welcoming of others into their community.
  
• Lack a sense of "where home is", but are often nationalistic.
  

 

Cognitive and emotional development

 

 

 

• Teenage TCKs are more mature than non-TCKs, but in their twenties take longer than their peers to focus their aims.
  
• Depression is comparatively prevalent among TCKs.
  
• TCKs' sense of identity and well-being is directly and negatively affected by repatriation.
  
• TCKs are highly linguistically adept (not as true for military TCKs).
  
  • A study whose subjects were all "career military brats"—those who had a parent in the military from birth through high school—shows that brats are linguistically adept.
    

   

   

   

 

 

 

• Like all children, TCKs may experience stress and even grief from the relocation experience.
  

 

Education and career

 

 

 

• TCKs are 4 times as likely as non-TCKs to earn a bachelor's degree (81% vs 21%)
  
• 40% earn an advanced degree (as compared to 5% of the non-TCK population.)
  
• 45% of TCKs attended three universities before attaining a degree.
  
• 44% earned undergraduate degree after the age of 22.
  
• Education, medicine, business management, self-employment, and highly-skilled positions are the most common professions for TCKs.
  
• TCKs are unlikely to work for big business, government, or follow their parents' career choices. "One won't find many TCKs in large corporations. Nor are there many in government ... they have not followed in parental footsteps".
  

 

[ali]

Are there similar findings for Australia?

[josetann]

Are there similar findings for Australia?

 

From my reading, it seems the actual studies are more US-based. Anecdotal evidence seems to indicate that this is a universal condition. The main disagreement is whether TCKs automatically have more in common with each other than others. I.e., would a TCK from Japan have more in common with a TCK from the US, or with a non-TCK in Japan?

[Fashionably Late]

I left the US, where I was born, in my 20's and moved to the UK. Then we moved to Australia 8 months ago. I feel no longing for the US or the UK. Home is wherever my husband and three children are.

[Bobj]

First 6 years of my life were in India, next 16 years were in British West Bradford and the last 48 have been spent in every Australian state except for Tassie...Yes, what's left of me will remain in Australia.

 

 

 

'Cos the fishing's better.:tongue:

 

Cheers, Bobj.

[LKC]

Our eldest daughter is almost six, and has lived here for longer than she lived in the UK. She knows that she is British, and that we used to live in England, but she has no memories of it at all. When I ask her where she comes from, she always, without hesitation, says Australia. And although she isn't actually Australian (we aren't even PR yet), in her eyes, for all intents and purposes, she is Australian. My in-laws came to visit over Christmas, and after they had gone back to the UK she told me that she didn't want to go back, because she belongs here. We arrived here three days after our youngest daughters first birthday, so she really has no notion of the fact that she could be anything but Australian.

 

When I was a little girl, my dad told me that his parents (my grandparents) were going to move to Australia as Ten Pound Poms, but that my grandma found herself pregnant with my dad after many years of trying (they had lost a daughter at six months old, and had tried for another child for ten years after that), and had decided at the last minute that they should stay and raise my dad in the UK. A small part of me always knew that I wouldn't stay in the UK, I have no idea why, but I have never felt like the UK was the place I belonged somehow. Australia does. It feels like the pieces of the puzzle fit together here, and wonder if maybe I was always 'meant' to be here and it is only that one decision by my grandparents that meant I wasn't born here. I mean I know I wouldn't have been me, but maybe I would have been a someone else me.

[Guest Guest16631]

.........as many have said home is what is familiar...........fond memories and a feeling of belonging.............but for those who travel and move a lot.............when returning to somewhere of the past..........it has changed.........people have moved on..........I have tried to take my home whereever I go..............my children have grown up with familiar things in their home...........whatever the country there are always a few familiar things...........same place to hang our keys............same Knicks nacs........( or dust collectors) .........bits and peaces that travel with you............home is often a state of mind and familiarity helps create it........Ime...........when you have a comfortable and familiar place to be in..........it helps to then explore new surroundings ...........to slowly explore and accept a new life ......