Need help convincing my husband

[Guest Sarah1972]

I am desperate to emigrate to Perth. My husband has said he will go if I really want to he has no desire to go at all!

 

I want to go to give our children a healthier lifestyle (more out door life/sports rather than tv/computer games because is pee-ing down/freezing outside) and also to enjoy more quality family time.

 

My husband works Mon - Fri leaving the house by 7 and isn't back much before 7 in the evening. I work four days a week and am up at 5:30am to get kids up, ready and to the nursery and dont get back with them much before 6:30pm in the evening when I have to start the kids bath & bed routine and then start cooking an evening meal. I just can't help thinking there has got to be more to life than this.

 

I think my husband is worried about giving up a good job here and has already said he won't move out there until he has a job lined up but what are the chances of that happening? Recruitment agencies just don't want to know and the 6 or 7 companies he has approached directly haven't even acknowledged his CV.

 

I know I'll always wonder "what if?" and will regret not going for it but can it work out if you're not both up for emigrating 100%??

[Guest Mallam]

You can be healthy in any Country you do not have to go to oz to get a healthier lifestyle..that needs saying from the beginning.

You also have to work as hard in Oz as you do in the UK to have a good lifestyle...no one get's a free meal ticket in this life.

But....Oz is a great Country and if you can make it work it is a great move but what works for some people does not always work for others, your husband sounds unsure so I suspect everything that goes wromg when you are over there will come back to you...any chance of a reccie that will make the decision more easy?

[Petals]

I agree children are able to get out more here however that is not to say that they do. There are just as many glued to their computers here as in UK save for the population difference. Its up to us as parents to make sure they get outside and restrict the use of the electronic baby sitters.

 

Its hard when one wants to go and the other is hesitant or does not want to and I can understand your husband if he has a good job and income. Often people have to start on the bottom rung when the emigrate and not everyone wants that.

 

I agree with the previous poster that if you force his hand then if anything goes wrong it will be difficult not to use the blame game.

 

Make inquiries, have a reccie you never know he may change his mind.

[Quoll]

The healthier lifestyle thing is a furphy as the others have said - nothing magical about Australia that makes it any healthier and the heat can be even more of a deterrent than the cold because you cant rug up against the heat.

 

If he doesnt want to go then dont force him, if your life there aint broke why try and fix it? He may well end up working longer hours and with fewer holidays (only 4 weeks in Aus) if he can get a job at all. The situation you describe is pretty characteristic of the people around here I can tell you - except the wives usually work 5 days a week and, more often than not, the blokes will put in some time at the weekend. Perhaps you might be better saving up and coming for holidays because real life isnt a holiday.

[CharmedP3]

I would say that you really need a reccie trip to help your hubby and kids decide if it's for them.

 

If they've never been and are not as passionate about emigrating as you are then I think it's a must. Maybe your hubby could bring his CV with him and scope out some jobs while he's at it? What is it he does btw?

 

Whilst you do have to work hard over here, one thing I would say (from mine own perspective) is that as the earnings (for the MAIN earner) are alot greater than in the UK it's not necessary for the MUM (me) to work at all so I CAN be there for my kids and not pay a nursery to look after them while I work or during school holidays as I was doing in the UK. It's been lovely to spend loads of time with them, especially over the Easter break and DO things with them. So from that point of view, there's every chance you wouldn't have to work if the type of salary your hubby can earn here means you can manage financially... iyswim

 

Good luck

[gpo1971]

The problem is when you get 1 non-committal partner like that, they can often always be reticent to make it work. He might get here and mope and moan and then the whole thing will have been pointless, expensive and disruptive.

Have you been on holiday? If not try that first. Expensive I know but better to be sure.

[boomerang]

I think that you need to all go for a holiday to experience it together without any pressure. Once you have done this Im sure he may well be as enthusiastic about you to try a different pace of life. if you apply for your Visas then once accepted you need to enter the country to validate them which gives you a second look before finally moving, unless you are already ready to go of course! Once you have your visa then you can apply for positions in Australia from the uk. He will feel more inspired to go to live if he can see for himself the opportunities and decide for himself wether this is a change that he is willing to make. all will fall into place without the stress of feling like he is heading to the unknown.

[Paul1Perth]

I am desperate to emigrate to Perth. My husband has said he will go if I really want to he has no desire to go at all!

 

I want to go to give our children a healthier lifestyle (more out door life/sports rather than tv/computer games because is pee-ing down/freezing outside) and also to enjoy more quality family time.

 

My husband works Mon - Fri leaving the house by 7 and isn't back much before 7 in the evening. I work four days a week and am up at 5:30am to get kids up, ready and to the nursery and dont get back with them much before 6:30pm in the evening when I have to start the kids bath & bed routine and then start cooking an evening meal. I just can't help thinking there has got to be more to life than this.

 

I think my husband is worried about giving up a good job here and has already said he won't move out there until he has a job lined up but what are the chances of that happening? Recruitment agencies just don't want to know and the 6 or 7 companies he has approached directly haven't even acknowledged his CV.

 

I know I'll always wonder "what if?" and will regret not going for it but can it work out if you're not both up for emigrating 100%??

 

That's how we felt before emigrating. Both working in good jobs but had a feeling of "is this it, is this as good as it gets?"

 

I see you have already had the negative posts about the healthier lifestyle being a furphy.

Might be for some but for us all the advantages we thought we might get in a move have been spot on and even exceeded our expectations. Quoll lives in Canberra, which is not the most conducive City to outdoor or beach lifestyle.

We live in Perth and have found the lifestyle suits us and our kids down to the ground.

If you are the type of parents who enjoy the beach and outdoor lifestyle and take your kids with you, I reckon there is every chance they will grow up outdoors more, doing more sport, have friends with similar interests, have more opportunity and a healthier lifestyle than they would get in the UK.

The weather and proximity to the beach, friends with boats, loads of parks and organised sports. It's all been there for our two and they know how lucky they are as they've told us.

All the best, It really is great here and the best move we ever made. Wish we had done it 10 years earlier.

If your hubby, you and kids like sport of any kind (especially water sports though) you will love it. :cool:

[Guest chris955]

You both really need to get over for an extended visit, of course that still doesn't give you an idea of what it is like to live here but it is something at least.

I must admit I am one of these that sees no evidence of a healthier lifestyle, I'm afraid you live as healthy a lifestyle as you are able to and the country doesn't really influence that.

We live in Brisbane which is totally conducive to outdoor living but our kids are inside far more than out. Like other kids they sit in front to TV or play on the computer or whatever, it is often too hot for them outside.

People also work long hours, coming here doesn't automatically mean working less or indeed earning more, many people earn less here.

I'm not being negative just realistic. This country can be great and can give many exactly what they want from life but it isn't some sort of magical cure all.

None of this should put you off but you need to stop thinking that you will come here and everything will be better, it doesn't really work like that.

[scmercer]

I am desperate to emigrate to Perth. My husband has said he will go if I really want to he has no desire to go at all!

 

I want to go to give our children a healthier lifestyle (more out door life/sports rather than tv/computer games because is pee-ing down/freezing outside) and also to enjoy more quality family time.

 

My husband works Mon - Fri leaving the house by 7 and isn't back much before 7 in the evening. I work four days a week and am up at 5:30am to get kids up, ready and to the nursery and dont get back with them much before 6:30pm in the evening when I have to start the kids bath & bed routine and then start cooking an evening meal. I just can't help thinking there has got to be more to life than this.

 

I think my husband is worried about giving up a good job here and has already said he won't move out there until he has a job lined up but what are the chances of that happening? Recruitment agencies just don't want to know and the 6 or 7 companies he has approached directly haven't even acknowledged his CV.

 

I know I'll always wonder "what if?" and will regret not going for it but can it work out if you're not both up for emigrating 100%??

 

Hi Sarah

 

It must be a difficult if it is your dream and it doesn't seem to be your husband's. The only advice I would give is that you should go on a visit and see if you feel the same way. There are so many people out here who are unhappy and want to return to the UK. It really won't work unless you are both 100% about the move.

 

As for having a healthier lifestyle and working less hours, that isn't always the case. My husband is now working from 7am to 7pm which he had never done in the UK, he gets less holidays and is much more stressed. I feel more stressed as I don't have the support of family that I used to have in the UK and it can be hard when you have young chidren.

 

Good luck!!

[gpo1971]

Just to add balance, I don't know any Poms who are unhappy here and want to return to the UK. Bit of a generalisation that.

[Guest shusselmann]

I agree with the comments here and feel that at the end of the day it’s what you make it. We’ve been in Sydney for a year and my husband has never worked as hard, like scmercer I have less help with the children than I did in the UK, but I’ve met many mums in the same position and am starting to build a good support network.

I think the cost of living in Australia and global lack of job security mean that people are driven to work hard wherever you live.

We moved from London to Sydney and had we stayed in London I would have been heading back to work full-time to pay for private schooling, moving to Sydney has meant I can stay at home for longer with my youngest. My eldest is at Catholic school which is considered ‘private’ here but nowhere near the same price as private schools in London.

The healthier lifestyle side of things is totally down to you. When we first arrived we were at the beach several times a day, now there are some weeks when we only manage to see the sea as we dash past on our way to do something else! BUT because we constantly remind ourselves that we moved here to appreciate a healthier lifestyle, and enjoy the beach, we’re more inclined to re-prioritise and make sure we factor in some beach \ family time. Having instant access to great beaches \ parks, and a better climate mean it’s easier to do this.

Moving to Australia hasn’t been a quick fix for everything we were unhappy with in the UK, but it’s provided a good opportunity to reshape our family life for the better.

Would it help to talk about your move in more temporary terms i.e. lets give Perth a go for a few years? I know it would be an expensive trial if you chose to leave again but I think it's easier to plan for the short term, even if in the back of your mind you hope it's long term!

All the best, Sarah

[Guest Sarah1972]

Thank u all so much for taking the time to read my post and your great replies.

 

Maybe its me that's had the rose tinted glasses on??

With regards to the healthier lifestyle bit, I've found that whilst the weather has been nice the past few weeks in the Uk my two little ones (nearly 2yrs and 3 1/2 yrs) have been outside most of the time and have been playing really nicely together instead of being like caged animals!

I do appreciate it is down to individuals parenting skills tho and I guess there could be an element of once you've moved that you take the weather/beach for granted when you've settle into everyday life.

 

My husband has a good career in supply chain so we would be looking to go for state sponsorship on those grounds. I've no doubts that he would be an asset to the mining industry but appreciate that he is likely to be working the same hours over there. The benefit that I can see of being in Australia is that you can make plans for the weekend and not have to worry about the weather spoiling things like here in the Uk giving better quality family time.

 

With regards to my work I'm not expecting to get there and not work. I have heard that in some areas it might be wise to put our children into private school so I 've already factored in and I'll be working to pay for or to pay an element towards schooling fees.

 

I fully appreciate that my husband maybe moody and make life harder than it needs to be when we get there which is why I'm in such a dilema. I want my children to have a better life and defo don't want to subject my children to that any conflict between their parents!

 

The other factor is my husband is quite materialistic. I would be happy to move and have a house which is sufficient for our family but my husband has already said if he does do it he wants a big house with swimming pool etc, etc. If he moves it has to be for something better than we have! This does concern me with the interest rates being what they are over there.

 

I guess we're going to have to bite the bullet and go for a holiday and see how it goes. If nothing else at least I'll have enjoyed perth for an albiet short spell! I had considered using an agent to get our visas with my husband not guaranteeing to go at the end so at least this way I'll be getting a nice holiday out of it for about the same money - after which we may have a better direction forward.

 

Thank you again for all your good advice!

xx

[Paul1Perth]

Thank u all so much for taking the time to read my post and your great replies.

 

Maybe its me that's had the rose tinted glasses on??

With regards to the healthier lifestyle bit, I've found that whilst the weather has been nice the past few weeks in the Uk my two little ones (nearly 2yrs and 3 1/2 yrs) have been outside most of the time and have been playing really nicely together instead of being like caged animals!

I do appreciate it is down to individuals parenting skills tho and I guess there could be an element of once you've moved that you take the weather/beach for granted when you've settle into everyday life.

 

My husband has a good career in supply chain so we would be looking to go for state sponsorship on those grounds. I've no doubts that he would be an asset to the mining industry but appreciate that he is likely to be working the same hours over there. The benefit that I can see of being in Australia is that you can make plans for the weekend and not have to worry about the weather spoiling things like here in the Uk giving better quality family time.

 

With regards to my work I'm not expecting to get there and not work. I have heard that in some areas it might be wise to put our children into private school so I 've already factored in and I'll be working to pay for or to pay an element towards schooling fees.

 

I fully appreciate that my husband maybe moody and make life harder than it needs to be when we get there which is why I'm in such a dilema. I want my children to have a better life and defo don't want to subject my children to that any conflict between their parents!

 

The other factor is my husband is quite materialistic. I would be happy to move and have a house which is sufficient for our family but my husband has already said if he does do it he wants a big house with swimming pool etc, etc. If he moves it has to be for something better than we have! This does concern me with the interest rates being what they are over there.

 

I guess we're going to have to bite the bullet and go for a holiday and see how it goes. If nothing else at least I'll have enjoyed perth for an albiet short spell! I had considered using an agent to get our visas with my husband not guaranteeing to go at the end so at least this way I'll be getting a nice holiday out of it for about the same money - after which we may have a better direction forward.

 

Thank you again for all your good advice!

xx

 

I've no doubts that he would be an asset to the mining industry

 

If he ends up on the mining industry here he'll be looking at big dollars. There are a lot of fly in fly out positions that have the really big money to go with it.

 

I guess we're going to have to bite the bullet and go for a holiday and see how it goes.

 

Good idea. If you can afford it why not. Give you a great chance to look around.

Good luck.

[Pumpkin]

Sorry to be repetitive, but I do think you have rose tinted glasses on. Moving to Australia does not make you any sportier or outdoorsier than you ever were. And the weather in Australia can easily stop you doing things. Your children might not be able to go outside for months in the summer here and when it rains it rains proper, you can barely step outside sometimes it is that heavy.

 

I have never worked harder, leave for work at 6.30am and get home about 7pm f I am lucky. We could survive on one salary in UK, here we need two in order to pay the rent (on decent house in a decent area) in Sydney.

 

I was not as enthusiastic about the move as my OH, although I was always game for it, just a bit nervous. I worry about the scenario when one half of the couple really does not fancy it at all. It seems like a recipe for disaster.

 

Despite my hesitations, Australia has exceeded my expectations in bucket loads and I am glad we moved. But I am still not convinced about the better life arguments, it is different, but it is not magical or anything like that.

[Guest chris955]

Your post will be seen as being negative but in fact it is balanced and realistic.

[Guest Mallam]

Sorry to be repetitive, but I do think you have rose tinted glasses on. Moving to Australia does not make you any sportier or outdoorsier than you ever were. And the weather in Australia can easily stop you doing things. Your children might not be able to go outside for months in the summer here and when it rains it rains proper, you can barely step outside sometimes it is that heavy.

 

I have never worked harder, leave for work at 6.30am and get home about 7pm f I am lucky. We could survive on one salary in UK, here we need two in order to pay the rent (on decent house in a decent area) in Sydney.

 

I was not as enthusiastic about the move as my OH, although I was always game for it, just a bit nervous. I worry about the scenario when one half of the couple really does not fancy it at all. It seems like a recipe for disaster.

 

Despite my hesitations, Australia has exceeded my expectations in bucket loads and I am glad we moved. But I am still not convinced about the better life arguments, it is different, but it is not magical or anything like that.

This is a great post and all who are thinking of going should read it:notworthy:I am certain and sure It can be a great life in Oz but you have to work hard for it and it is not always sun and beaches.

[Guest peacock]

Sorry to be repetitive, but I do think you have rose tinted glasses on. Moving to Australia does not make you any sportier or outdoorsier than you ever were. And the weather in Australia can easily stop you doing things. Your children might not be able to go outside for months in the summer here and when it rains it rains proper, you can barely step outside sometimes it is that heavy.

 

I have never worked harder, leave for work at 6.30am and get home about 7pm f I am lucky. We could survive on one salary in UK, here we need two in order to pay the rent (on decent house in a decent area) in Sydney.

 

I was not as enthusiastic about the move as my OH, although I was always game for it, just a bit nervous. I worry about the scenario when one half of the couple really does not fancy it at all. It seems like a recipe for disaster.

 

Despite my hesitations, Australia has exceeded my expectations in bucket loads and I am glad we moved. But I am still not convinced about the better life arguments, it is different, but it is not magical or anything like that.

 

What a balanced and realistic post.

[Guest LB2011]

Hi Sarah,

 

I have to say that like everyone else has said you really do need to go and have a look for yourself and then decide what to do from there. Holidays are a lot of money but much less in the long run if you decided to go, didnt like it and came back.

 

My sister moved to Perth 2 years ago. She has reallly struggled with missing family but she said she wouldnt change it and things have really worked out well for her and her husband. He was made redudent from many jobs here in the uk. But since gong to perth has a great job and would not ever come back to the uk.

 

My story is very much the same as yours. My husband was undecided about if it would be the right thing for us and even after spending a month there in 2009 was still not sure. It took him a year to decided that yes it would be the right thing to do. I think what changed his mind was what we felt would be in our opinion a better life for our children. We understand that it will not be easy and we will have to work just as hard there as we do here but the benifits will be better in the long run.

 

I completely understand when you say about the weather and children. My little girl is nearly 3 now and all we ask for is a dry day to get out and go for walks and to the parks. There is only so much free things you can do when it is raining. And although it does still rain in perth ( rained nearly every day while we were there lol) my sister has said that the chance to get out is greather. And although it did rain most days we still got many chances to go out. It was autumn but still lovely weather.

 

Not sure if that was of any help or if I have waffled on. Fell free to private message me if you want to chat as like I say our storys sound very much the same.

 

All the best in making your decision.

 

Laura

[Paul1Perth]

Sorry to be repetitive, but I do think you have rose tinted glasses on. Moving to Australia does not make you any sportier or outdoorsier than you ever were. And the weather in Australia can easily stop you doing things. Your children might not be able to go outside for months in the summer here and when it rains it rains proper, you can barely step outside sometimes it is that heavy.

 

I have never worked harder, leave for work at 6.30am and get home about 7pm f I am lucky. We could survive on one salary in UK, here we need two in order to pay the rent (on decent house in a decent area) in Sydney.

 

I was not as enthusiastic about the move as my OH, although I was always game for it, just a bit nervous. I worry about the scenario when one half of the couple really does not fancy it at all. It seems like a recipe for disaster.

 

Despite my hesitations, Australia has exceeded my expectations in bucket loads and I am glad we moved. But I am still not convinced about the better life arguments, it is different, but it is not magical or anything like that.

 

To put some more "balance" on this subject.

Moving to Australia does not make you any sportier or outdoorsier

 

I can only speak for me and my family and a lot of our friends who have moved out from the UK BUT in general they all say that they are a lot more active and "outdoorsier" than they would have been if they had stayed in the UK. We live near the beach and it's a 2 min. drive for us so very easy access.

If you like water sports it's obvious that you might do more of it given the weather is great, it's free to go swimming at the beach, the water is warm.

 

And the weather in Australia can easily stop you doing things. Your children might not be able to go outside for months in the summer here

 

 

I've never known my two to be restricted by the weather here. If it's hot just go in the sea to cool down. I don't get the not going outside for months idea. To say this is an exaggeration is an understatement. Would so many people come on holiday here just to sit inside? I don't think so.

It does rain hard at times but we've not had any rain to speak of since about last October. It's 24 degrees C and blue skies again today, as it was all weekend.

 

This is in Perth obviously and I know it would be a lot more expensive for us to have the same lifestyle in Sydney. So the choice of your destination can have a massive affect on your final lifestyle.

[Guest MaybeOz]

I am desperate to emigrate to Perth. My husband has said he will go if I really want to he has no desire to go at all!

 

I want to go to give our children a healthier lifestyle (more out door life/sports rather than tv/computer games because is pee-ing down/freezing outside) and also to enjoy more quality family time.

 

My husband works Mon - Fri leaving the house by 7 and isn't back much before 7 in the evening. I work four days a week and am up at 5:30am to get kids up, ready and to the nursery and dont get back with them much before 6:30pm in the evening when I have to start the kids bath & bed routine and then start cooking an evening meal. I just can't help thinking there has got to be more to life than this.

 

I think my husband is worried about giving up a good job here and has already said he won't move out there until he has a job lined up but what are the chances of that happening? Recruitment agencies just don't want to know and the 6 or 7 companies he has approached directly haven't even acknowledged his CV.

 

I know I'll always wonder "what if?" and will regret not going for it but can it work out if you're not both up for emigrating 100%??

 

Hi,

 

I can totally relate to your thread - I want to go and hubby doesn't :frown: we have our visas but they run out in 2 years time and and the seconds are ticking away my dreams :cry:

 

At least your OH said he doesn't want to go but will if you really want to, therefore you have the chance to give it a go and see what happens.

 

All the best with your quest!

 

Kari :wubclub:

[Guest Guest 47403]

Sorry to be repetitive, but I do think you have rose tinted glasses on. Moving to Australia does not make you any sportier or outdoorsier than you ever were. And the weather in Australia can easily stop you doing things. Your children might not be able to go outside for months in the summer here and when it rains it rains proper, you can barely step outside sometimes it is that heavy.

 

I have never worked harder, leave for work at 6.30am and get home about 7pm f I am lucky. We could survive on one salary in UK, here we need two in order to pay the rent (on decent house in a decent area) in Sydney.

 

I was not as enthusiastic about the move as my OH, although I was always game for it, just a bit nervous. I worry about the scenario when one half of the couple really does not fancy it at all. It seems like a recipe for disaster.

 

Despite my hesitations, Australia has exceeded my expectations in bucket loads and I am glad we moved. But I am still not convinced about the better life arguments, it is different, but it is not magical or anything like that.

 

I agree that this is a balanced and realistic post and don't see it as negative, but I don't think people move to Oz to become 'any sportier or outdoorsier' (most couch potatoes will always be couch potatoes) but it gives the opportunity to those that are inclined to be sportier or outdoorsier the ability to be so, and I think this adds to the incentive to make move.

[Guest guest36187]

There are some very balanced posts here. I do think that moving to Australia needs to be a joint decision. You both have to want it in order to make it work. Imagine if you go, it doesnt work! Will your OH blame you???

 

There are lots of pros and cons but it is one hell of a decision.

 

Good Luck