A case of the Jitters

[Guest funkymonkey]

So......Our house is for sale and it looks like it may sell quite quickly, my Husband has agreed to return to the UK even though he would rather stay here, it has taken us so long to come to the decision to go back to the UK but I am starting to really panic that it may be a mistake.

 

We have a nice house, small mortgage, Husband has a great job that he loves and pays really well and allows him to have plenty of time with our three young boys. Although he does a lot of driving it is all in the country so no traffic jams..

 

Our boys were all born here in Australia and they have a great life and probably won't want for much (money wise) as they grow up.

 

But here is the problem, although we have been here five and a half years and my Husband is from here, I have not been able to settle..I guess i am happy enough day to day but when i think about my family back home, all they are missing out on with my children, the thought of just holidays every couple of years , the horrendous goodbye's and the thought of my parents getting older and not being there for them, i just can't handle it.

 

I am scared of the usual things people are scared of, jobs, house, money, schools, weather, lifestyle, my Husband not enjoying his job there (when he gets one that is). The problems in the UK (debt, unemployment, future for our boys). I am on a roller coaster at the moment, one minute can't wait to go home, the next i think about what we are giving up and what might happen when we get back to the UK and then I am almost wishing that our house doesn't sell.

 

What a mess, I have friends here who are great but i miss my family and feel as though there is something missing here...its been hard having three children without any help or support at all, although we have got through it has been really tough. It breaks my heart that my parents haven't seen our youngest yet..

 

Anyway, i am putting it all in the hands of the man upstairs and hope everthig falls into place one way or another...any words of wisdom about moving back would be great as I am sure everyone feels like this :twitcy:.

 

Thanks for listening

[Petals]

Sounds like you do not really want to go.

 

Personally I am here in UK at the minute and I could never live permanently here anymore but then I have been away a long while. My children had no contact with family here either and its a shame they did not get to know their cousins. However as children grow they drift off anyway, my nieces here do not see my other nieces who live down south very much, probably every two years or more that you are talking about.

 

As an older person with adult children I want my children to do whatever they like and live wherever they like as long as they phone me, skype me and they are happy I am happy.

 

Aged care is very good these days and if they are not around and I need care then its fine I will get it, if I lose my marbles I won't know anyway.

 

We are like birds we make the nest nurture the fledgelings and then they fly away and so it should be.

[Conniebygaslight]

So......Our house is for sale and it looks like it may sell quite quickly, my Husband has agreed to return to the UK even though he would rather stay here, it has taken us so long to come to the decision to go back to the UK but I am starting to really panic that it may be a mistake.

 

We have a nice house, small mortgage, Husband has a great job that he loves and pays really well and allows him to have plenty of time with our three young boys. Although he does a lot of driving it is all in the country so no traffic jams..

 

Our boys were all born here in Australia and they have a great life and probably won't want for much (money wise) as they grow up.

 

But here is the problem, although we have been here five and a half years and my Husband is from here, I have not been able to settle..I guess i am happy enough day to day but when i think about my family back home, all they are missing out on with my children, the thought of just holidays every couple of years , the horrendous goodbye's and the thought of my parents getting older and not being there for them, i just can't handle it.

 

I am scared of the usual things people are scared of, jobs, house, money, schools, weather, lifestyle, my Husband not enjoying his job there (when he gets one that is). The problems in the UK (debt, unemployment, future for our boys). I am on a roller coaster at the moment, one minute can't wait to go home, the next i think about what we are giving up and what might happen when we get back to the UK and then I am almost wishing that our house doesn't sell.

 

What a mess, I have friends here who are great but i miss my family and feel as though there is something missing here...its been hard having three children without any help or support at all, although we have got through it has been really tough. It breaks my heart that my parents haven't seen our youngest yet..

 

Anyway, i am putting it all in the hands of the man upstairs and hope everthig falls into place one way or another...any words of wisdom about moving back would be great as I am sure everyone feels like this :twitcy:.

 

Thanks for listening

 

I really feel for you FM- we are goin back to the Uk in 10 weeks. I too am married to an Aussie and have 3 young children. For over 8 years we have been yearning for a extended family for our children ( we had no real family in the UK) and it broke our hearts that the family in Oz didn't know our children well. We arrived here full of hope in January and it's been a nightmare! The family are brilliant but nothing else is- my husband hates it here as much as I do and we need to get home before the kids get too settled here.

 

I'm not sure if this helps but could you rent your house out here do you think?

 

God luck whatever you decide-it's a nightmare isn't it...?

:hug:

[Jo_uktooz]

It's not surprising that you are a bit nervous but you should look on it as an adventure,you are returning to your homeland and will have the support of your family and that is something that many people are not fortunate enough to have,of course there are the issues of jobs etc and it's natural to be a bit apprehensive about things like that but you should try and stay positive.

You don't say what sort of visa you have but if you have PR then remember that if things don't work out for you in the UK then you can always come back here-but you shouldn't even be thinking like that ,and I shouldn't really raise it either,stay positive,remember why you are going back and look forwards-not backwards,view it as the next stage of your life.

Good luck with your return ,I hope it all goes smoothly for you.

Take Care :hug:

Jo

[Guest chris955]

It is always a difficult thing to do no matter how sure you are, it is natural to get the jitters, many coming here go through the same thing.

I wouldn't worry too much about how things are in the UK, we have many friends there and believe me the media make things seem far worse than they are, they are politically driven. The debt situation isn't going to affect the average working family too much, don't forget that KRudd has gone down the same path as Brown and is borrowing huge amounts of money. Unemployment is very regional, in the South West where we used to live it is at the same level as this country. Kids have just as many options and opportunities as they do here apart from being able to go to the beach every day if you live near the coast.

The only thing you have to make sure of is that it is really what you want, there is much more to life than the things you can buy and hold.

Hope it all goes well whatever you decide.

[Parley]

Connie, why do you and you husband hate it in Aus ?

[Jo_uktooz]

parleycross,

I'm sure that Connie has many reasons why she thinks Australia is not for her and those issues are obviously important to her but with the greatest respect to you (and Connie) I don't think this thread is the place to discuss those issues,this thread is from someone who is returning to the UK and is a bit nervous about it (quite understandably IMO) can we not turn this into another AUS vs UK thread?

I think the OP is looking for reassurance ,not debate about whether she is doing the right thing.

Cheers

Jo

[Conniebygaslight]

Connie, why do you and you husband hate it in Aus ?

 

 

Many,many reasons-lots of people don't settle here-some love it some don't:spinny:

[Conniebygaslight]

parleycross,

I'm sure that Connie has many reasons why she thinks Australia is not for her and those issues are obviously important to her but with the greatest respect to you (and Connie) I don't think this thread is the place to discuss those issues,this thread is from someone who is returning to the UK and is a bit nervous about it (quite understandably IMO) can we not turn this into another AUS vs UK thread?

I think the OP is looking for reassurance ,not debate about whether she is doing the right thing.

Cheers

Jo

 

See my response Jo- beat you to to it -I didn't intend going off on one lol x

[Jo_uktooz]

Sorry Connie I wasn't meaning to infer anything there,I know you have your reasons for returning to the UK and no way is it my place to question them,I was just trying to look after the OP's interests.

Certainly meant no offense to yourself or parleycross.

[Conniebygaslight]

Sorry Connie I wasn't meaning to infer anything there,I know you have your reasons for returning to the UK and no way is it my place to question them,I was just trying to look after the OP's interests.

Certainly meant no offense to yourself or parleycross.

 

None taken - I actually prefer it when people don't ask me x

[Parley]

Just curious about some context when such a strong statement was made.

But up to you whether you wish to explain.

[Conniebygaslight]

Just curious about some context when such a strong statement was made.

But up to you whether you wish to explain.

 

PC if I post on here about my feelings for being here it then becomes a bun fight for being too negative and it goes on and on and it all gets rather tiresome to be honest to be constantly challenged.

The OP has asked for words of wisdom relating to her jitters MBTTUK-not why I feel the way I do.

 

I'm sure if you look through my posts you may get an understanding-they are very similar to a lot of opinions of others who are unhappy here.:smile:

[Quoll]

:hug: what you are planning to do is a risk, in the same way that coming here was a risk. Sure, it may not work out but on the other hand it may - and quite frankly there never was a better time to do it. Moving back from Aus to UK historically has been really difficult because of the exchange rate and the comparative poverty of people on Australian conditions - now the boot is on the other foot and this is a small window of opportunity which will be financially beneficial. My guess is that the exchange rate will veer back to being not so beneficial for a move back to UK in the not too distant future but I hope that I am wrong.

 

I have read many reports of people going home then when they sell the house here are beset by the "OMG did I give it long enough" jitters. Many of them go back and settle back brilliantly, some of them dont of course and some do suffer from the curse of the expat where nowhere is quite enough ever again.

 

You have given this place 5 years of your life and it hasnt worked for you - chances are that if you hang around another 50 it still wont work for you and so you have the chance to reclaim your life and start being the person you want to be. I think you are so lucky that you have a husband who will go with you - and dont worry about the kids, they will be fine if they have a happy mummy. :hug:

[Guest catcomestoo]

Hi Funky monkey, wow you sound just like me! I have an Aussie husband and a beautiful baby born here. We have a lovely house, and my husband has a great work/life balance and gets to spend loads of time with me and the baby. I am under no huge pressure to return to work at the moment which is lovely... BUT ... I am desperate to go home!

 

Been here 5 years when planned to come for 6 months. I am SO scared that when we go back my hubby will be forced to work long hours and never see us, or I will have to return to work before I'm ready and put bub in child care, or we'll end up in some horrible poky flat that we hate. What if the change in lifestyle is just not worth the benefit of having my family around?? I know where you're coming from!

 

However, I know that i am not happy here any more and something has to change, so I feel like we don't have much choice. The longer we stay the harder it will get, and I just seem to be getting more and more homesick. At the end of the day we can always come back!!

 

Good luck with your move and I hope that everything works out for you. I'm sure your jitters are just that, jitters, and that life at home will have ups and downs just like life here... but you'll be where you want to be.

[Guest SophieKin]

So......Our house is for sale and it looks like it may sell quite quickly, my Husband has agreed to return to the UK even though he would rather stay here, it has taken us so long to come to the decision to go back to the UK but I am starting to really panic that it may be a mistake.

 

We have a nice house, small mortgage, Husband has a great job that he loves and pays really well and allows him to have plenty of time with our three young boys. Although he does a lot of driving it is all in the country so no traffic jams..

 

Our boys were all born here in Australia and they have a great life and probably won't want for much (money wise) as they grow up.

 

But here is the problem, although we have been here five and a half years and my Husband is from here, I have not been able to settle..I guess i am happy enough day to day but when i think about my family back home, all they are missing out on with my children, the thought of just holidays every couple of years , the horrendous goodbye's and the thought of my parents getting older and not being there for them, i just can't handle it.

 

I am scared of the usual things people are scared of, jobs, house, money, schools, weather, lifestyle, my Husband not enjoying his job there (when he gets one that is). The problems in the UK (debt, unemployment, future for our boys). I am on a roller coaster at the moment, one minute can't wait to go home, the next i think about what we are giving up and what might happen when we get back to the UK and then I am almost wishing that our house doesn't sell.

 

What a mess, I have friends here who are great but i miss my family and feel as though there is something missing here...its been hard having three children without any help or support at all, although we have got through it has been really tough. It breaks my heart that my parents haven't seen our youngest yet..

 

Anyway, i am putting it all in the hands of the man upstairs and hope everthig falls into place one way or another...any words of wisdom about moving back would be great as I am sure everyone feels like this :twitcy:.

 

Thanks for listening

 

It is normal to have the jitters about returning back as in a way it is a bigger move than coming over here. Wanting your house not to sell would just make it easier for you to stay but you would still be unhappy in the long term. You have valid reasons for returning, I also have a really good life financially here but I would give it all up to go back to my old lovely little house near my family in the UK.

 

I am sure it will be tough at first finding jobs and getting back on your feet, but you will get there. I long to go home everyday but I know once I put the wheels in motion that I will panic.

 

Good luck and keep us posted on how you get on

[Guest lendl1967]

It is always a difficult thing to do no matter how sure you are, it is natural to get the jitters, many coming here go through the same thing.

I wouldn't worry too much about how things are in the UK, we have many friends there and believe me the media make things seem far worse than they are, they are politically driven. The debt situation isn't going to affect the average working family too much, don't forget that KRudd has gone down the same path as Brown and is borrowing huge amounts of money. Unemployment is very regional, in the South West where we used to live it is at the same level as this country. Kids have just as many options and opportunities as they do here apart from being able to go to the beach every day if you live near the coast.

The only thing you have to make sure of is that it is really what you want, there is much more to life than the things you can buy and hold.

Hope it all goes well whatever you decide.

 

 

Really ? You think that we can raise the money to pay off the deficit by not taxing the average working family ? Lets wait and see what the budget says shall we before making that call.

[Quoll]

Really ? You think that we can raise the money to pay off the deficit by not taxing the average working family ? Lets wait and see what the budget says shall we before making that call.

 

Probably wont make much difference whether you are in UK or Australia actually, both are in serious debt

[Guest lendl1967]

Probably wont make much difference whether you are in UK or Australia actually, both are in serious debt

 

Not really. Australian debt to GDP = approx 20%, UK = approx 70%. UK in the top 20 in the world by % and Australia about 100th.

[Quoll]

Not really. Australian debt to GDP = approx 20%, UK = approx 70%. UK in the top 20 in the world by % and Australia about 100th.

 

Dont worry, by the time the Dudd has finished spending and screwing up the resource industry Aus will be on a par and he will continue spending to buy his way back into government. We wont turn around financially until he is gone. At least the UK is beginning to address the problem - Aus will be following eventually and it wont be pretty.

[Guest Count Zero]

Wow this could be my wife talking!! exactly the same situation for us last year and even the same number of kids. Thing is we are back in the UK and are planning to go back to QLD after just a year back in the UK! The lifestyle is the main issue with the kids being stuck inside for too long during the long winter. Its hard to get used to the UK again after the Aussie lifestyle but good luck to you.

[Guest funkymonkey]

Hi Funky monkey, wow you sound just like me! I have an Aussie husband and a beautiful baby born here. We have a lovely house, and my husband has a great work/life balance and gets to spend loads of time with me and the baby. I am under no huge pressure to return to work at the moment which is lovely... BUT ... I am desperate to go home!

 

Been here 5 years when planned to come for 6 months. I am SO scared that when we go back my hubby will be forced to work long hours and never see us, or I will have to return to work before I'm ready and put bub in child care, or we'll end up in some horrible poky flat that we hate. What if the change in lifestyle is just not worth the benefit of having my family around?? I know where you're coming from!

 

However, I know that i am not happy here any more and something has to change, so I feel like we don't have much choice. The longer we stay the harder it will get, and I just seem to be getting more and more homesick. At the end of the day we can always come back!!

 

Good luck with your move and I hope that everything works out for you. I'm sure your jitters are just that, jitters, and that life at home will have ups and downs just like life here... but you'll be where you want to be.

 

 

Thats just it, i have also felt as though there isn't any choice anymore...I am ok for a few months and just get on with things here then i get a huge attack of unhappiness and fustration at feeling trapped here, oh and the lonliness sometimes is incredible.

 

We probably should have gone back a few years ago and i think it would have been easier but i kept getting talked into staying. My mother goes into hospital today for an operation, nothing too serious but would really love to be there for her and would love my boys to be there to make her laugh.

 

I am so scared about the future in the UK..the talk from there is of cut backs and higher retirement age etc etc...I don't worry about me its my boys i worry about, we may as well be retired the way our lifestyle is here in Australia!!:arghh:

 

I hope you work things out and get back to where your happy, its so good to be able to communicate with other people in the same boat on this website.

 

Good luck

[mrsindecision]

Thats just it, i have also felt as though there isn't any choice anymore...I am ok for a few months and just get on with things here then i get a huge attack of unhappiness and fustration at feeling trapped here, oh and the lonliness sometimes is incredible.

 

We probably should have gone back a few years ago and i think it would have been easier but i kept getting talked into staying. My mother goes into hospital today for an operation, nothing too serious but would really love to be there for her and would love my boys to be there to make her laugh.

 

I am so scared about the future in the UK..the talk from there is of cut backs and higher retirement age etc etc...I don't worry about me its my boys i worry about, we may as well be retired the way our lifestyle is here in Australia!!:arghh:

 

I hope you work things out and get back to where your happy, its so good to be able to communicate with other people in the same boat on this website.

 

Good luck

 

I know it really helps when you have doubts. The thing is the whole process is really hard and I too am worried about the UK lifestyle (there is one despite what people say on here). But my kids are older and want the social scene of the UK and the buzz of London.

 

I am resolved now to really make a go of it in Uk for next four years (minimum) to give the kids a solid base that they can comfortably leave us from ( sounds weird but while we're so up in the air they seem to feel the need to protect us - if we're settled they can fly the nest comfortably).

 

Have just come back from a business trip to Sydney where it was cold, grey and dark and I felt right at home - I don't need to be 12000 miles away for that. Flew back into the Sunshine Coast today and realise I am totally over it.

 

So here we go best foot forward and no regrets!!! Good luck everyone and perhaps we should set up a supporting each other re-settle group to share our ups and downs.

[Guest valleylass]

and perhaps we should set up a supporting each other re-settle group to share our ups and downs.

 

 

 

That's not a bad idea Mrs I.:yes:

[Guest chris955]

Believe me that with the huge borrowing recently by KRudd we will inevitably be seeing the same things here when the Government changes and they have to start paying the money back, sounds familiar doesn't it ? Also the retirement age here is being raised to 67 before it is in the UK.

It's a huge move but remember that the vast majority of people in the UK live happy lives, have money for holidays and their mortgage and to put plenty of food on the table.

 

 

I am so scared about the future in the UK..the talk from there is of cut backs and higher retirement age etc etc...I don't worry about me its my boys i worry about, we may as well be retired the way our lifestyle is here in Australia!!:arghh:

 

Good luck