Leaving family

[Jems30]

Is it really very difficult to leave family and then live without them around? We have 3 young children, and I do worry about leaving their grandparents and cousins. I am also very close to my mum, she has already told me she would never visit as she has a fear of flying that far. We are hoping to emigrate to Perth.

[byrned]

Is it really very difficult to leave family and then live without them around? We have 3 young children, and I do worry about leaving their grandparents and cousins. I am also very close to my mum, she has already told me she would never visit as she has a fear of flying that far. We are hoping to emigrate to Perth.

 

 

Yes it is very hard, especially if you see your family quite often, and if they also help out with the children, ie good support network, my mum said the same thing as yours I will never come, but last year she came for 3 months holiday and loved it.

[Conniebygaslight]

Is it really very difficult to leave family and then live without them around? We have 3 young children, and I do worry about leaving their grandparents and cousins. I am also very close to my mum, she has already told me she would never visit as she has a fear of flying that far. We are hoping to emigrate to Perth.

 

Hi Jems can I possible ask why you are considering emigrating-don't want to be a kill joy at all but just wondered what the pull was and have you been before. If you have a very strong family life then it will be hard- there can be benefits of course and everyone is different.

[Guest The Pom Queen]

I am not going to say it is easy, because it isn't, and missing family and friends is usually the reason some return home. To be honest though we see more of the family now with Skype and the webcam. My MIL said she would never come that the flight was too long, she had the chance to come on numerous occasions before we made the move and never would, however, within 2 months of us landing she had booked the flight, she is a heavy smoker and we really didn't know how she would get on without her cigs. I think she went though numerous packets of nicotine gum but she said the flight was great, and she has been back quite a few times since.

[Jems30]

Thank you all.

 

For us it is just that we want a fresh start, better quality of life and I have family and friends in Australia who have sold it to me;-)

 

I don't see my family that often and I can't say we are very close to be honest, my siblings are a nightmare, all they do is fall out and I have often wanted to move away from it all. I am close to my mum but I only see her for about 2 hrs a week at the most. I don't rely on any help from family with my children, so I am used to being on my own with them.

[Quoll]

Yes it is hard unless you are a very self confident, self efficient and a somewhat selfish person. Sure it is possible, many of us just walked off (I admit, I didnt give it a second thought although taking my parents then only grandkid away from them) and raised kids on our own as a very insular little family - you probably wont find the same community support as you will from an extended family and so will have to manage child care, emergency situations etc pretty much on your own. Friends are good for a while but they wont always step up to the plate and there is only so much you can ask of them hence the need to be very self sufficient.

 

Skype is alright but it can be frustrating for both ends and it is impossible to get a Skype cuddle and in some ways you are better NOT to have that close a connection with those at home if you want to make a go of it here. When we came there was not the same facility with communication and in some ways that made it easier for everyone but my folks came regularly and stayed half a year for 15 years when they retired - but not everyone can do that and it may be up to you to do the tripping (which I now do).

[Quoll]

Thank you all.

 

For us it is just that we want a fresh start, better quality of life and I have family and friends in Australia who have sold it to me;-)

 

I don't see my family that often and I can't say we are very close to be honest, my siblings are a nightmare, all they do is fall out and I have often wanted to move away from it all. I am close to my mum but I only see her for about 2 hrs a week at the most. I don't rely on any help from family with my children, so I am used to being on my own with them.

 

Fresh start is good but what does your "better quality of life" look like? Sometimes you can achieve the aspired "better quality" by a move closer to home without sacrificing the good relationship that you do have.

[scousers]

Yes it is very hard, much harder than you can ever imagine. My family all live here now and have for many years, but i still miss fiends very much.

[emmaroo]

Hi

 

I have been apart from my family for 18 years and although I do miss them you get used to them not being around. As far for people saying they will never visit my grandparents said the the same to my dad when he left and they have just returned from a month in Perth!

 

Do what is best for you and yours you can't live life for other people live it for yourself!

 

You will love Perth, I cant wait to get back

 

Good Luck

Emma

[Conniebygaslight]

Thank you all.

 

For us it is just that we want a fresh start, better quality of life and I have family and friends in Australia who have sold it to me;-)

 

I don't see my family that often and I can't say we are very close to be honest, my siblings are a nightmare, all they do is fall out and I have often wanted to move away from it all. I am close to my mum but I only see her for about 2 hrs a week at the most. I don't rely on any help from family with my children, so I am used to being on my own with them.

 

 

Hi Jems, I have no real family in the Uk so have been extrenmely independent bringing up our 3 young children. However It's not the family that I miss at all here it's just England. Australia is so vst and I feel other than beaches and sunshine (which seems all very nice when you are in the UK) it doen't offer much more. There is no community spirit here (and I have riends in other states that say the same) I'm used to the good old British spirit. I was dtermined to make it work here as we have lots of family here and a good network but even that's not enough to keep us here - just not enough yes's for us and too many no's.

[Conniebygaslight]

Hi Jems, I have no real family in the Uk so have been extrenmely independent bringing up our 3 young children. However It's not the family that I miss at all here it's just England. Australia is so vst and I feel other than beaches and sunshine (which seems all very nice when you are in the UK) it doen't offer much more. There is no community spirit here (and I have riends in other states that say the same) I'm used to the good old British spirit. I was dtermined to make it work here as we have lots of family here and a good network but even that's not enough to keep us here - just not enough yes's for us and too many no's.

 

That doesn't mean to say it wont work for you- it does for many- good luck

[sykestykes]

It was incredibly difficult for me to leave my parents, sister and my brilliant friends. The day we left, everyone around me kept crying - it was horrible. My parents have been over to visit in the 16 months we've been here despite my dad not being confident about flying all that way because he's disabled.

 

My nephew spent so much time with my kids, he was like my 3rd child and leaving him hurt like I wouldn't have believed possible.

 

Living here us lovely, but without my loved ones there's always going to be a piece missing. Think carefully and realistically about what a life in Australia can give you and don't underestimate how much of an impact it will have on you to not have that easy, unconditional love around every day.

 

If after considering all this you think you'll be okay, you probably will be.

 

Best of luck with your decision.

 

Sue x

[Conniebygaslight]

It was incredibly difficult for me to leave my parents, sister and my brilliant friends. The day we left, everyone around me kept crying - it was horrible. My parents have been over to visit in the 16 months we've been here despite my dad not being confident about flying all that way because he's disabled.

 

My nephew spent so much time with my kids, he was like my 3rd child and leaving him hurt like I wouldn't have believed possible.

 

Living here us lovely, but without my loved ones there's always going to be a piece missing. Think carefully and realistically about what a life in Australia can give you and don't underestimate how much of an impact it will have on you to not have that easy, unconditional love around every day.

 

If after considering all this you think you'll be okay, you probably will be.

 

Best of luck with your decision.

 

Sue x

 

If you knew then what you know now Sue would you have done things differently?

[sykestykes]

If you knew then what you know now Sue would you have done things differently?

 

No chuck, I'd still have come because I'd have spent my life wondering what I'd missed out on (I'm too nosey, lol). Things are getting easier for me - since my parents came out I feel better. My mum says that even silly things like being able to picture me in the kitchen while I talk to her on the phone has made things easier for her.

 

Unfortunately for me, she is a technophobe who can't use Skype or MSN so the only time I've actually seen my parents since moving here is when they came out to visit.

 

And the experience if living overseas has been good for the kids too - my son in particular. He's quite shy but he's had no choice but to go out there and make himself known because he hasn't had the security blanket of familiarity around him. It's definitely made him more outgoing, which I'm glad about as it could have gone either way with him at 13.

 

 

 

Sue x

[Conniebygaslight]

No chuck, I'd still have come because I'd have spent my life wondering what I'd missed out on (I'm too nosey, lol). Things are getting easier for me - since my parents came out I feel better. My mum says that even silly things like being able to picture me in the kitchen while I talk to her on the phone has made things easier for her.

 

Unfortunately for me, she is a technophobe who can't use Skype or MSN so the only time I've actually seen my parents since moving here is when they came out to visit.

 

And the experience if living overseas has been good for the kids too - my son in particular. He's quite shy but he's had no choice but to go out there and make himself known because he hasn't had the security blanket of familiarity around him. It's definitely made him more outgoing, which I'm glad about as it could have gone either way with him at 13.

 

 

 

Sue x

 

Good for you that's really great x

 

I'm glad we tried it but would have kept the house back home- heyho...

[sykestykes]

Good for you that's really great x

 

I'm glad we tried it but would have kept the house back home- heyho...

 

I can't get rid of my house in the UK, lol ...I think everything happens for a reason though, so maybe we're just not meant to sell it yet, who knows?:wubclub:

 

Sue x

[Conniebygaslight]

I can't get rid of my house in the UK, lol ...I think everything happens for a reason though, so maybe we're just not meant to sell it yet, who knows?:wubclub:

 

Sue x

 

Where is it? we are looking to buy lol!

[Jems30]

Thank you all so much.

 

Things are very much in the planning stage. I would miss my mum an awful lot but I have my whole life ahead of me. My siblings only want me when they want something so leaving them isn't such a concern, lol! If they came to visit then it would be nice, but we aren't close anymore.

[LKC]

I think it depends on the sort of person you are and the life you lead in the UK.

 

When we lived in the UK, we lived about 130 miles from my family in one direction, and 130 miles from hubbys in the other direction. We saw my mum rarely, we have always had a difficult relationship and she has never really been involved in our childrens' lives except for the occasional visit (us to her, she never came to see us) and a card at birthdays and Christmas. Hubbys family we saw more frequently, perhaps once a month or six weeks, but we never really relied on them for anything day to day. The only time we ever relied on mum in law was to look after our eldest when we were in the hospital having our youngest. I have lived away from home since I was 18 (I am 35 now) and oh has lived away from his parents since he was 17, so we have been living independently from our family for a large part of our lives.

 

Of course we do miss family (and friends), but because we didn't see them on a daily or weekly basis in the UK, it makes not seeing them here easier, if that makes sense. I think if we had seen our family more often, we would quite possibly have missed them more.

 

I do feel guilty sometimes about being over here, like I am somehow depriving my children of their grandparents, but Matts parents came over to visit over Christmas for almost six weeks and spent far more time with the children than they would have done in the UK. They are coming back in October and then again in February, they are lucky enough to be able to afford that. My mum won't visit, I wouldn't think but then we didn't really see her in the UK anyway. My gran came to see us too (at 82!) and had a wonderful four weeks, again something that wouldn't have happened in the UK. She is planning on coming again in November.

 

What I am getting at, is that it depends on who you are (independent vs dependent) and the life you lead in the UK.

[Conniebygaslight]

I think it depends on the sort of person you are and the life you lead in the UK.

 

When we lived in the UK, we lived about 130 miles from my family in one direction, and 130 miles from hubbys in the other direction. We saw my mum rarely, we have always had a difficult relationship and she has never really been involved in our childrens' lives except for the occasional visit (us to her, she never came to see us) and a card at birthdays and Christmas. Hubbys family we saw more frequently, perhaps once a month or six weeks, but we never really relied on them for anything day to day. The only time we ever relied on mum in law was to look after our eldest when we were in the hospital having our youngest. I have lived away from home since I was 18 (I am 35 now) and oh has lived away from his parents since he was 17, so we have been living independently from our family for a large part of our lives.

 

Of course we do miss family (and friends), but because we didn't see them on a daily or weekly basis in the UK, it makes not seeing them here easier, if that makes sense. I think if we had seen our family more often, we would quite possibly have missed them more.

 

I do feel guilty sometimes about being over here, like I am somehow depriving my children of their grandparents, but Matts parents came over to visit over Christmas for almost six weeks and spent far more time with the children than they would have done in the UK. They are coming back in October and then again in February, they are lucky enough to be able to afford that. My mum won't visit, I wouldn't think but then we didn't really see her in the UK anyway. My gran came to see us too (at 82!) and had a wonderful four weeks, again something that wouldn't have happened in the UK. She is planning on coming again in November.

 

What I am getting at, is that it depends on who you are (independent vs dependent) and the life you lead in the UK.

 

I don't miss family at all as never had any that bothered- but boy I miss England and being part of the great british culture and history-more than I ever thought I would.

[Roxaroo]

Hi,

if your not sure about leaving family it is very hard to make the right decision.

I never wanted to live in aus ( dh dream for about 5 years) but decided to give it a go for all the right reasons- give the 3 kids a better future get a better work life balance for dh.

We left the UK for Aus in March after a couple of weeks we found a lovely rented house to stay in and we were all really starting to settle. Going forward a couple more weeks and the company we left in the uk started having a few problems and my dh started to get unsettled and we decided to return home and sort our uk business.

Since returning i realise how important it is to have family around for me and the children- more in the sense of knowing people who love and care for you all are at hand . On the other hand hubby now feels hes had a taste of what a great life we can have and it really was great for the time we were there and wants to return asap. So i feel we have opened one very big can of worms and no one can be truly happy.

So my advice is if you dont feel its right long term dont start it as i dont feel we can ever be really settled again.

Hope you decide what is truly right for you and your family X

[Conniebygaslight]

Hi,

if your not sure about leaving family it is very hard to make the right decision.

I never wanted to live in aus ( dh dream for about 5 years) but decided to give it a go for all the right reasons- give the 3 kids a better future get a better work life balance for dh.

We left the UK for Aus in March after a couple of weeks we found a lovely rented house to stay in and we were all really starting to settle. Going forward a couple more weeks and the company we left in the uk started having a few problems and my dh started to get unsettled and we decided to return home and sort our uk business.

Since returning i realise how important it is to have family around for me and the children- more in the sense of knowing people who love and care for you all are at hand . On the other hand hubby now feels hes had a taste of what a great life we can have and it really was great for the time we were there and wants to return asap. So i feel we have opened one very big can of worms and no one can be truly happy.

So my advice is if you dont feel its right long term dont start it as i dont feel we can ever be really settled again.

Hope you decide what is truly right for you and your family X

 

That's always the worry isn't it I do however question this 'better life' that's always banded about- IMO the opportunities here for children are not as much as in UK (unless you are into sport & then that's a totally different story) I really feel that Australia eqips kids only for Australia- I have several nieces and nephews here and I cannot believe how insular they are. If 'better life means you can go to the beach and sit in the sun then great but vibrancy/diversty/culture/history surely is more important- something else I never thought I'd say. I think Oz is great if you are young and looking for a place to backpack or travel around but not to live forever and settle with a family-certainly nt to give up a good life in UK. I feel more like a single mum here than I ever did at home. I've met nice people but very limited to where you can get to on a daily/weekly basis and that is a huge thing- it always seems the men are the one's that don't want to leave......

[Roxaroo]

How true it does always appear that the men love it but then i did here some very backwards comments from men over in Aus where they are still of the mentality its a mans world! lol.

I would also say that the better life phrase did in my mind appear correct i loved the life we were having and it really did tick most boxes for me but realise that in the long term it is not a place i would settle as i love having a family around me.

[Guest SophieKin]

Hi

 

It is a really hard decision to make and you often you don't realise the enormity of what you have done until you get here. I know people return all the time and you always have the option if it isnt for you, however once you are here it is not easy. If you do have some doubts make sure you sort them out before you leave. Make sure you have a plan of how long you will give it etc, I am in an awful situation at the moment as I didnt discuss with my OH what we would do if one of us wanted to come home and now I want to go back and he is happy it is causing great upset.

 

I feel now like I didnt appreciate having my family and friends so close. What I would give to be able to pop around to my sister's house for a coffee or go shopping with my mum.

 

Good luck with you decision

[supa]

Yes it's a worry but the price all Oz migrants have to pay I guess. Ref parents saying they won't come over, mine have health issues mainly with mobility (or lack of) and it won't be an option for them to be sitting down for more than a couple of hours, so a visit would be out of the question and they certainly couldn't afford to cruise down. It will also be a fair while before we would make it back so potentially won't see them for at least 2 years which is heartbreaking but at the end of it, it's a stark choice. No way of sugar coating it.