Guest stuart Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 is anyone leaving a son/daughter or step son/daughter behind and how do you feel... my oh and me are leaving her son from first marriage and she is finding it a bit hard at the mo. how are you coping with this. it would be nice to share thoughts on this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 It's always hard having kids on the other side of the world, no matter how old they are. You really just have to develop a thickish skin and communicate whichever way is best for you. My eldest is off having a ball and we never hear from him from one week to the next - his girlfriend is better at communicating with us than he is:biglaugh: I'm sure everything will be fine, there is a slight sense of out of sight, out of mind which is terrible I know! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debbie2302 Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Hi Stuart & Family I will be leaving my 22 yr old daughter here in the UK, she is to my first marriage and I have 3 children to my second marriage. Its very early days for us yet but theres not a day goes by when I dont think about the day when we board the plane to oz. I know I will be a complete wreck. We did ask her to come with us, but she is not dependant on us and so she would have to get a visa in her own right. She also has a job and boyfriend here as well as her dad, so think I will have to just have visits from her. I can only imagine it will be just as hard for her too once we have gone and she will miss my other 3 children so much. She did say to me that she wished she could spend 6mths with me and 6mths with her dad, but we both know that that can not happen. Its good to know that there are others though going through exactly the same and that you are not alone. Debbie xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kazzarazza Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 Hi guys. We went through the same with my husbands daughter. She was a teenager, living with her mum, when we came here in the 90's. You think you may never see them again, etc. However, the positive side is they have somewhere great to come for holidays and when they do you get to spend quality time together. Our girl has been out twice for extended holidays and loved it so much she is now applying to migrate here herself. You never know what is around the corner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest stuart Posted October 22, 2008 Share Posted October 22, 2008 its nice to hear how other people are feeling. he was coming with us at first then changed his mind and we had a long talk and said this was our last chance to go so would do it. i know it will break her heart to leave him but it will also break mine as i have brought him up as my own. he is doing an apprenticeship and i just hope he does well with this. i think that when he comes over to visit next year he wont come back (to england) he he Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lynandsean Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 Hi Stuart We left our 21yr old daughter in the UK and it is the toughest thing any parent can do. Unfortunately despite the fact that she still lived with us, because she was working (albeit in a trainee position prior to going to uni) we were unable to include her on our visa. She has stayed in the UK but plans to join us in March visa permitting. She is coping OK (she has a great friendship circle) infact I think she is actually having a ball now that she is more independant but our family unit will not be complete again until she joins us. Incidentally she practically forced us to go, as I (mum) in particular was really struggling with the thought of leaving her behind. We have been in Oz for 8 months now and there isn't a day goes by when I don't think about her and you will both have to be prepared for difficult times when you will miss your son/stepson dreadfully but as long as you keep yourselves busy, your OH in particular, you will be OK and learn to adjust. The reason I say your OH in particular is because I am guessing she is likely to be at home more whereas you are likely to be at work (nothing prejudiced or otherwise meant here - just an assumption). I don't mean to sound like a doom merchant, far from it, just trying to be honest because it is such a massive thing to do and I can only pass on how it has been for me as a mum and my OH. Even her 18 yr old brother has weak moments too and he, like most love/hate brothers and sister relationships, was quite looking forward to a break from her hehe!! Quoll's comment of 'out of sight, out of mind' is probably right when they are a fair bit older but I don't tend to agree if they are still at an age where if you weren't moving to the other side of the world they would still be with you and most likely still living you. Naturally, make sure you keep in touch as much as possible, We text our daughter all the time during the week just as we would have done in the UK (we pay her mobile phone bill lol) and speak with her on the phone at the weekends (very long phonecall LOL) with occasional msn chats with the webcam. Fingers crossed that he loves Oz when he visits and wants to join you for good at some stage - that would be the icing on the cake, but for the time being, accept that it is going to be very tough at times but you will learn to adjust. Lyn x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stuju Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 Hi Stuart, Thought i would reply to your thread as i have left 2 daughters in the uk 18 & 21(i am lucky enough that my 14 year old daughter is here with me in oz) It is one of the hardest things i have ever done & it took me along time to cope with it emotionaly, i dont think i will ever again feel quite complete. Saying that thou time is a great healer & tiime does make it easier to cope with, we keep in touch via the usual, web cam, email, letters,phone etc - but sometimes i am hesitant to ring as it can be more upsetting after i find, but i guess each of us are very different & cope different ways. I havent seen my 2 girls in the uk for 27 months now (a damm long time) and i am determind for a trip home next year to see them & i cant wait stuju Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 1010ozzy Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 :sad:We are hoping to make the move August 09 to Townsville, my daughter who is 18 and still a dependant is comming with us but my son who will be 17 at the time dosn't want to come, he is in love!! As he is still a dependant we are appling for his visa as well, we are appling for spouse and dependants, as we want to make it so right up to the time of going he can change his mind and come with us, we have told him when we go he has to come with us to validate his visa so he can have 5 years to make up his mind. But it is still going to be hard, not helped by the fact that at every opportunity he says we are leaving him and don't care, we are having to be tuff and tell him it is his decision to stay, even his grandparents that are sad we are going tell him he is mad. We like his girlfriend, she is only 15 at the moment and don't wish them to split as he would be heart broken, but see them splitting as the only way to keep the family together. I am going to be strong as know if the boot was on the other foot he wouldn't give us a second thought, and that is right, and I am happy that we are doing eveything we can to put things in place so that he CAN come with us or join us at a later date. Dawn and Nigel x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emmaroo Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 Hi I chose to stay in the UK when my parents left for Oz 16yrs ago as i was ' in love' and independant!. It caused many arguments and door slamming as i could not understand why they had to move so far away- to stubborn to see they were doing it to give me & my brother a better way of life!. Now 16yrs on and a bit older & wiser i now regret it bitterly that i never gave it a chance. I am now in the postion that because of the housing market i may not be able to join them:no: If i knew then what i know now i would have gone with them in a flash but i must say that being here on my own has given me a lot of life experience and in my opion made me a stronger person.So don't give up hope one day the ones you are leaving might have a change of heart and come over and join you in oz! Emma x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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