Guest moonraker1961 Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Gollywobbler:Just read your post:You sound like me when it comes to men.I am Woman,hear me roar lol......I did'nt take any nonsense either.Great post xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest taffy 62 Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Well done englishrose. I've heard this so many times in relationships the guys seem to have no idea anything is wrong! they just plod along in their own little world and think every thing is honkydory. It is good that you have bought it too his attention at least he is aware that there is a problem. Most men need to mull things over, so now you have put the thoughts in his head you need to give him a few days to sort things out in his head. Then I sure that if he thinks anything of you and the life you have together he will come together on this and try to work things out step at a time. Most men dont like counselling as they think they should be able to sort out their own problems, where women need to talk to others so dont put too much emphasis on this. I think the book men are from mars women are from venus by alan pease explains the different ways of thinking of both men and women. Maybe you could both read that and it may help to understand how each others mind works if not its still not a bad read!:biglaugh: I have been married for 27 years this year I met my husband when I was in school and married 4 years later. We have had our ups and downs but manage to talk things through, You do need to be able to support each other and trust each other. But like another poster said you go through stages of life with each other and one of those is being so busy looking after the kids you forget about yourselves. We are just going through being only a couple again, our kids have left home, so another stage of our life is just starting. It can be hard as you have to find yourself again, but from what you have said it sounds like he wasnt aware of things and it looks like now he knows hes going to try to do something about it. So wishing you all the best, hope things work out for you , give it time and dont rush into anything unless you are 100% sure. I'm sure everything will work out ok in the end. Take care.:smile: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ddwild Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Well after a bottle of wine and a much needed sleep I got up this morning heavy hearted. I did what I had to do and when I came home I told him how I feel and asked if he would go to marriage guidance with me. He didn't seem to have any idea of how I felt. He was shocked, not sure how he could be living with me yet be so far removed from me. He kept asking me what he should do and what we should do but I just cannot see what to do tomorrow let alone what to do about the rest of my life. He admitted to me that he had neglected us and I truly believe that he is sorry. I told him that I am scared that I will get up and just leave and I think that shook him up. Yet, he never answered my question about marriage guidance, I'm not sure he will unless I push him. One good thing to have come out of this is that posting on this site has helped me face things, it seems more real. I am going to go to relationship counselling by myself anyway, i need to work out what I feel. Not sure where we go as a couple now, but at least we have made a start, we have been through too much just to chuck it all away. That way at least I have been honest with myself and 'if' we decided to walk away then know deep down that I tried. I owe us that much. Englishrose, well done for taking the bull by the horns and confronting the issue, it is good you told him how you feel and how unhappy you are and if he has admitted to neglecting you then he knows he has done wrong. Keep working on things Give it a go and like you said at least you know you tried to make amends. Good luck xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest tony&lynn Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Hiya honey, Life is about choices, scary as it can be, we have to be happy with what we decide. Dunno whether this helps you, but it seems to me that maybe there are some build up of feelings which have snowballed because they haven't been addressed. Don't be hasty, think about where it started from and address that first.....what do you think? We are all here for you, take care, Lynn X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest tony&lynn Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Hiya Honey, Again!!! Sorry, I hadn't scrolled down enough to see your last meassage< lol! I do that a lot! Am glad you have decided to take up on some counselling- knowing yourself is a great place to start, well done! Take care, Lynn X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Englishrose Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 Well, a quick update on my situation. Rang Relationship Australia and they want $75 an hour and i'm not sure that we can afford that right now. After my initial 'talk' with oh, nothing has been said. He has not said a word about our conversation, it is like it never happened even though I put my heart well and truly on the line. What has happened is that he is being more attentive and loving but that is what always happens. He thinks this will put things right, well it doesn't, it just brushes things under the carpet. So, i feel more confused than when I first started. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calNgary Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 Good on you for confronting him ,i hope it made you feel a little better.Maybe have another chat soon ,ask him if he as had a think about what to do,let him know it CANT be swept under the carpet as you say he may not understand just how unhappy you are,,good luck with it all Cal x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 Keep at it - acknowledge to him that whilst the extra attention is 'nice' you both need to confront the issues that made the conversation take place. More attention isn't the thing that's going to solve the problem - but talking will. I thought RA would have been cheaper - ask your GP if there are any councelling services you can access through centre link, also look up any womens centres, they often offer free councelling services. You've jumped the first hurdle, remember that you may have to jump over a few more before you get to the finish line. Hugs Ali x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Siblin! Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 Hi English Rose , I hope you are feeling a lttle better , my heart goes out to you. I think you have lost all trust in your marriage and rightly so , once trust has gone , it is hardly ever gotten back . Reading your inital posts i belive you know in your heart , you've given him chances and tried to make a go of it, but if you put your hand on your heart you know it will always be like this no matter where in the world you live. You posted: "I'm just scared of doing it alone and being single again." You know your own mind and if you think you have given enough of your life and freedom to this marriage -move on , make the break .Kids survive , yes it's hard , but having happy parents is better that a house full of saddness and tension and as much as you try to put on a brave face it never really works. You have to make yourself happy as well as your children . You have still a life to live and deserve happiness and true love. Best wishes:wubclub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jchrisj Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 Oy english rose, wake up, smell the coffee................ Yoda say's................... Life Short, insure Husband, store under patio, sell kid's....................drink lots, sunrise watch.......... wash ears behind. (dont understand the last line, but thats yoda for you!) Yoda now tired Chris.....................Feel the force Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest daren.wr9 Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 Hi ER. Im not defending your hubby but..... he sounds like I used to be.... I was in a relationship and very much like your hubs took things for granted..... Never giving my partner the time she wanted...always working and doing what I wanted.. Things came to a head and she walked out on me........I didnt know how to talk to her and didnt have the courage to admit I wanted her back... so I ended up losing her to someone else. This has turned out to be my BIGGEST mistake in my life..turned out she was the woman I loved and now lost for ever........why? because I didnt talk to her...... What I wouldnt give to show her I have changed and learnt a valuable lesson.....stubborness does not pay... Your hubby sounds like me....he just doesnt know WHAT to say.....he thinks being more attentive is what you want......you need to spend quality time together, going for walks along the beach etc so you can talk one to one.... Ask him what he wants out of life and does it include you...you will prob find he still wants and loves you but has forgotten how to show it.... I really hope you find a way to get back on track mutually and things go back to the way they were when you were close...wont be the same as the early days cos both of you have grown and changed in your own ways......Personally i feel you WANT it to work and leaving is a last resort. Forget those who tell you you shouldnt be talking about it on here...Of course you should, if this is your outlet to others in similar circumstances then so be it...... What you could do with is finding people on here who are in the same area as you and arrange to meet up.....get a new circle of friends...God I bet you feel isolated Dont throw it away until ALL avenues have been explored...you may regret it. Keep posting.....youre getting a lot of support here. Daz x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jewels1356 Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 hows it going now been a while since you 1 st explained how you felt but hey i split with my ex hubby of 30years for simaler reasons but were freinds now so follow your heart Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tracy Murphy Posted September 7, 2008 Share Posted September 7, 2008 Hiya I had a situation yonks ago when I had to share my feelings with my (now) hubby. I found writing him a letter helped. He couldn't argue with the letter. He read, had time to think about it and then when I got home we talked. The future is always scary, but we get through it. Follow your heart! Tracy xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Englishrose Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 Well we are still together and things have improved. I sat had told him exactly how I feel and it seems that he didn't realise just how bad things had got. He said he will try harder and he has kept to his word. This is lovely and it has made thing easier for us as a couple. I do think that it shook him up and he is scared of me heading back to the uk. It has been tough since we got to Australia and it hasn't been easy. I know deep down that I don't want to end my days here. This is the only negative, he still refused to acknowledge this. I have set myself a timeframe, three years as I think that is more than enough time to know if I want to stay here. What that means for us as a couple is another story. He tells me that he loves me everyday and is more loving and understanding. So, why do I feel a bit like we haven't really got anywhere? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest wiccanwitch Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 i am in the same boat as you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Englishrose Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 i am in the same boat as you It's hard isn't it? No-one can accuse me of giving up without a fight and I am fighting because I do love my husband but our dreams are so very different. I can't help think that the longer I leave it the less likely it will be that we head back together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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