Where to start a family?

[aconcannon]

Has anybody ever pinged back to the UK specifically to start a family & regretted it? We’ve had an amazing 4.5 years living in Australia & have never once even contemplated moving back, however, we’re thinking about starting a family in the next year or so & following a trip home this Xmas & seeing close friends with their newborns and the strong family bonds/ support, it’s made us wonder whether we’d be best starting a family in the UK?

 

We know Australia has a lot more to offer children in terms of lifestyle, but does that outweigh the love children get from close relationships with grandparents & other relatives?

 

Neither of our parents will come out to Australia so that in Itself is a huge consideration for us. We’ve also moved about a lot during our 4.5 years here so even though we have friends, we don’t have any super close bonds / support network.

 

I’m also a tad concerned maternity leave is only 3 months at the minimum wage in Australia & daycare costs are extortionate! Keen to hear other people’s stories.

[Jon the Hat]

I suspect that answer is no the sunshine doesn't replace the love of family if you are close.

Worth waiting until you can apply for your Australian citizenship I would think in case you want to come back?

Edited January 6, 2020 by Jon the Hat

[Jon the Hat]

Now I have seen your other post referencing a Narcissistic mother I take it back - stay as far away as possible!

[Quoll]

I don't think Australia has more to offer children at all so really that shouldn't be an issue. Of more importance is where do you want to be. How well will you cope with bringing up your kids in isolation from family support and if you are already racked with guilt about not being there for family, how will you cope with the guilt of having the grandkids on the other side of the world (and, no, Skype is not a good substitute!!!!). You have to be very self sufficient and selfish to be a successful migrant and that's 10 times more important when you have kids!

I'm inclined to agree with JtH - in the normal course of events you need to do what YOU want to do but don't let your Narc mum dictate your life because of what she wants. If you want to live in UK with kids then do it, if you want to live in Australia with kids  then do it. Neither country is inherently better, both are first world places and kids would have that first world advantage in either.

[Marisawright]

What Quoll said.  There is no such thing as "a better place to bring up children".   Both countries have pluses and minuses.   What matters is where you and your partner want to be. 

[Wonderingaloud]

Maternity leave is 3 months full pay on whatever you were earning before you got pregnant (presuming you’ve worked for your employer for the minimum period). In addition to this, you can claim 18 weeks paid parental leave through Centrelink, this is at minimum wage. (If you have held PR for less than 2 years then you are not entitled to this however). My employer offered 6 months at half pay, and then I elected to have PPL start when this finished. All up it meant I was receiving something for 10.5 months. 
Childcare is expensive wherever you go but I believe the current system is fair here. Remember that yes you might see $100 a day at some centres, but that’s not including CCR. Centrelink calculates your family income and how many hours you work to determine how much they pay towards the fees which can be generous IMO.
 

Also, just bear in mind if you are PR or citizens and your child is born onshore, he/she automatically becomes an Australian citizen at birth. If s/he is born offshore, even if you are Aus citizens you will need to apply for a child 101 visa which is a) costly and b) has a fair waiting period before you can bring your child back to Aus. If Aus is ultimately where you want to be, I’d be inclined to have your baby in Aus and then go to UK for a visit. As an Aus citizen the baby could stay for 6 months in UK, otherwise you’d have to apply for a UK passport to stay longer, as well as an Australian one for the baby to return to oz.

In terms of better places to raise kids, (I have 2 young children, both born in Australia) we think they have a fantastic lifestyle here compared to what we saw on a recent visit back to the UK. There is so much free stuff for kids here it’s unreal. Shopping centres here during school holidays have petting farms, cupcake decorating, crafts etc, all free. In UK you had to pay for everything, and I mean everything. 

 We found having children here allowed us to decide how we would parent and raise our kids without influence from everyone else. When my mum came for a visit when my first born was afew months old, she had very strong opinions on how I was feeding her, getting her to sleep etc. By then however, I was well established with BF and knew what I was doing was right, and worked for us. Had she been there was she was born and I was shattered and emotional, I think I’d have been more susceptible to her ‘advice’ which would have confused the hell out of me. We both had such different approaches to parenting. On some level I was glad when she went. My husband and I worked it out together, and we did good (if I may say so myself ) 

If you’re on par with your family with regards to raising children, feeding etc then their support can be invaluable, however if there’s conflict then it can be so damaging at a time when believe me, you don’t need conflicting advice and stories of ‘this is how I did it’ which are seldom evidence based and sometimes just plain dangerous (speaking as a midwife here).

Good luck, I understand the pull, I’ve been there, but make the decision for YOU. Aus worked for us, it might well be the UK for you, but don’t let your family influence that decision too much, at the end of the day you’re the one left holding the baby. 
Best of luck 

[Wonderingaloud]

Just want to also add that we didn’t have masses of friends/support but have since met a lot more people since having children! There are loads of mums and bubs groups you can join. Child heath are very supportive in my experience of trying to ‘knit’ new mums together. 

Also, we find FaceTime fine for the kids to speak to grandparents etc. It doesn’t replace the physical contact, and we are lucky that both our parents have visited multiple times, but it’s sufficient. 

Sometimes families promise the earth and then you find, after you’ve moved that it just doesn’t work out that way. Everyone’s busy with their own lives. 
 

[Marisawright]

16 minutes ago, Wonderingaloud said:

Also, just bear in mind if you are PR or citizens and your child is born onshore, he/she automatically becomes an Australian citizen at birth. If s/he is born offshore, even if you are Aus citizens you will need to apply for a child 101 visa which is a) costly and b) has a fair waiting period before you can bring your child back to Aus. If Aus is ultimately where you want to be, I’d be inclined to have your baby in Aus and then go to UK for a visit.

Very good point and personally I think that's the best option.   If you are happy in Australia and see your future here, have the baby first and then see how you feel.   I know it will be harder to make the move with a baby in tow if that's what you eventually decide, but you may find your concerns about lack of support are unfounded and a move is unnecessary.