Wojtek Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 You never know - things might take a completely different turn and you ight end up liking it there. All in all, I hope everything works out for you and ur Family Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bren Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 Thanks to everyone who has taken time to provide constructive feedback and advice, I genuinely appreciate it so much at a really tough time. I just want to do what's best for my kids. And I feel that parents who are together might be best. I'm a child of divorce myself and it's something that I never wanted for my children. So now I'm threatened with it, I have to do what's best for them. When I say "I'll be miserable" of course I won't be walking about with a drab face saying how terrible it all is...again because that won't be fair to my kids. But I'm not going to pretend that it's what I want, either. What a mess. Bluntly put the worst case scenario is that you go with him to Australia and the marriage breaks down anyway. It is certainly a real fear and I really hope it is not what occurs. Yet, and I am proof that it can happen. My dad did it to my mum. We moved to the US with the promise that it would be a new, fresh start because otherwise their marriage was doomed. Then the moment we got to baggage claim my father said to my mother "Actually, I think I want a divorce anyway". He moved out shortly after but my mother couldn't move away with us so she was trapped. In essence what he really was saying was that his happiness was more important than ours. I will however qualify that your situation may be completely different and it really depends on the type of man your husband is. Perhaps he is a lovely person who would never dream of doing this to you. My father, while he is actually a very lovely person to everyone else in the world, was emotionally abusive to my mother. My mother is also quite emotionally manipulative. (Oh to have children grow up to have these opinions of their parents. My parents would be so proud). Children are certainly resilient and while I do believe that your relationship with each other and your needs should be priority, it should not be at the expense of your relationship with your kids or their needs. With that life experience I personally don't tolerate threats nor do I really believe in the "everything will be better" promise. Everything will be different. That is a certainty. Others have said that "life is what you make it" and I agree cause there's also no telling what you achieve through wanting to escape misery. If I hadn't been so miserable in Florida I would not have ever moved back overseas and met my husband who encouraged me to go finish my education. Does life look different than what I, or my parents, planned? Yeah. Did our family survive the situation? Lol, nope. But when I look at where I am now if I could go back and tell my parents to do things differently I don't think I would. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robfromdublin Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 Very sorry to hear about your dad, Antipodista. It's a terrible time you're going through. If you do make the decision to go back then I hope you give it all you've got. The prize at the end could be a happy marriage and ensuring your kids don't go through a divorce at a young age. It sounds like it'll be a lot of work to get there but it's a worthy goal. All the best Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TiaCapan Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 (edited) @Antipodista Please look up The Hague Convention and familiarise yourself with it. The UK seems more relaxed with regards to granting one parent leave to remove children from the UK. Australia is not. It's almost unheard of for one parent to be given approval to take children out of Australia. I think you seriously need to consider how strong your marriage is. I understand you wanting to remain as a family unit, but you may return to Australia and your OH may just decide that he no longer wants to be a part of the family unit, but there will be no way for you to return to the UK, until the children are adults or near adults anyway. I'm not saying this to scare you, but it is a very real possibility. PS. Sorry to read of your fathers passing, it's a difficult time for you without the added pressures, sending you a :hug:. Edited October 28, 2016 by TiaCapan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris N Lora Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 I personally think, you should remain in the UK. I wouldn't trust going back as soon as them kids step foot on Australian soil you will be/could be having issues. Trust your instincts and remain in the UK. ...... We are hopefully returning to the UK in 2017 after 5 years in NSW, and that is to far away. Chris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flag of convenience Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 Australia is full of ship wrecks attempting a new start out here. If on shifting sands, my advise would be to stay put. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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