want to emigrate

[ickleric]

hi,

 

i'm 33 and have a 5 year old and 7 year and married. I quite fancy the idea of moving to Australia, but my wife doesn't, the main thing she says is because of leaving her family. how do people get round not seeing family?? how oftern do people manage to get back to the UK to visit family, I keep thinking if we moved could go 1-2 times a year, but then I thought it could become quite expensive..??

[Bungo]

hi,

 

i'm 33 and have a 5 year old and 7 year and married. I quite fancy the idea of moving to Australia, but my wife doesn't, the main thing she says is because of leaving her family. how do people get round not seeing family?? how oftern do people manage to get back to the UK to visit family, I keep thinking if we moved could go 1-2 times a year, but then I thought it could become quite expensive..??

 

I am not sure what you mean by "get round it", there simply is no gettting around it, you have to get used to not seeing family. This will be easier for some people than for others, some people already live their lives quite independently from family. Migration will be harder for those people that are used to seeing fmaily every day and missing family has to be the most common reason for returning.

 

There will not be many that can come back once or twice a year. Even if finances allowed, Australian holiday leave entitlements are not like European, it is usually 20 days per year, so even finding the time for such frequent visits would be hard for most.

 

I don't think there is anything wrong with asking your wife to think about it, to maybe even take a holiday and see if she thinks that maybe there is something in the plan. Whilst noting that a holiday is not real life of course, but it might whet the appetite.

 

If that doesn't work and you value your marriage though, I would have to say forget it. It is ok for one to be a bit keener than the other, but this is a huge thing and you both need to be on board and wanting to do this.

[bristolman]

The situation is different for everyone. I don't personally know anyone that comes back twice a year or even once a year. For it to work you really both want to be on the same page and it doesn't sound as though you are. It would be prohibitively expensive and impractical for most people due to getting time off work to fly back to the UK twice a year.

Can I ask what you do for a living ? You have obviously checked to make sure you are even able to go to Australia, visa wise ?

[Guest]

Unless you are made of money, 1-2 trips a year is not happening. Not for a family of 4. Holiday days, flights, expenses... Plus covering rent/mortgage while away etc.

 

I've been here almost 2 years and just had a visit back to the UK with my child. Hubby stayed here as he didn't want to use all his holiday. No plans to go again for a few years now. Costs so much plus other places we want to go on holiday.

 

Before anything else though, do you even qualify for a visa? Can't go to Aus without one of those

[JockinTas]

I think you have to be a lot more committed than "quite fancying" migrating to Australia and that applies to your wife too. Moving to the other side of the world to live without your extended family is a very hard thing to do and unless you are lucky enough to be in a very well paid job with generous annual leave, going back to visit family will be very hard to do once or twice a year.

[Bungo]

I think you have to be a lot more committed than "quite fancying" migrating to Australia and that applies to your wife too. Moving to the other side of the world to live without your extended family is a very hard thing to do and unless you are lucky enough to be in a very well paid job with generous annual leave, going back to visit family will be very hard to do once or twice a year.

 

In my experience even well paid jobs don't bring generous leave entitlements. I know people earning over $400k but it was still 20 days.

[bristolman]

I think you have to be a lot more committed than "quite fancying" migrating to Australia and that applies to your wife too. Moving to the other side of the world to live without your extended family is a very hard thing to do and unless you are lucky enough to be in a very well paid job with generous annual leave, going back to visit family will be very hard to do once or twice a year.

 

Yes I thought the same, it is something all those involved need to agree with 100% and be 100% committed to it.

[ickleric]

Hi,

Thanks for the replies, I'm in it my job is on visa list so that's fine, my wife loves hot weather and going abroad for holidays so she would love the place but not sure enough to move, il try and have a holiday there to see if I like it anyway and see how it goes

 

[xxlornaxx]

You don't get round it..u don't see them....If you really wanted you could visit one year n they could visit u the next but that's not enough for some ppl n also life can get in the way of those sorts of plans..If being near family is most important thing to your wife then you should stay in UK

[bristolman]

Hi,

Thanks for the replies, I'm in it my job is on visa list so that's fine, my wife loves hot weather and going abroad for holidays so she would love the place but not sure enough to move, il try and have a holiday there to see if I like it anyway and see how it goes

 

 

Your wife loves hot weather and going abroad so she would love the place, oh dear. Lots before you have made that assumption I'm afraid.

[Nemesis]

You don't get round it. Its tough. No bones about it. Anyone who is even slightly close to their family finds they miss them, and the family left behind will feel the same.

I manage to go back each year but then its only me, no kids to worry about, and my husband isn't bothered about going back to see his people. I still look back over the years though and think how much I've missed seeing my nieces and nephews grow up, how much family stuff I just haven't been involved in. And although its a hard thing to do, envisage the situation when a parent is ill and you want to fly back - do you go while they are sick, or do you wait until they've passed away and go for the funeral? Its horrible to say it, but thats the reality of life as an expat.

[Jacaranda]

Proceed with caution!(Not with the move,on talking with your wife!)If your wife's not 100% on going?I'd put that dream to rest and not cause waves in your marriage.

[Shellybingobingo]

If I knew what I knew now I'd of stayed put but that's me , you will need to be pretty loaded for all four of u go back twice a year , I've been back twice on my own in 3 years , lovely to go back , but not very nice travelling on ya own knowing ya hubbies this end you are travelling on yaself . Give it serious thought although I'm getting better sort of , had lots of bumps in the 3 yrs , I'm 44 in just over a week and that's 3 years I won't get back , I sat on the sofa eating my cornflakes watching wanted down under thinking I'm going sit on that beach what a life lol , it is nothing like being abroad , it is like living where you lived but hotter , you need to work , you need to clean , you need to shop , blah blah , going abroad to me was getting excited lying on a subbed being waited on for two weeks doing sweet fa lol serious thought ! ! ! I miss home every single day I pine for what I Had and what I'm missing ! Not so easy go back when u have older kids neither ! Although I'm seeing it through for a while longer and see where I'm at , if I still feel the same after citizenship I will go back ! Me kids might not though ! One of them definitely won't !

[Nemesis]

If I knew what I knew now I'd of stayed put

You and me both.

You end up with the same brown stuff in a hotter bucket, and when your family need you its a 24 hour flight.

 

Worst thing I ever did, 16 years ago, was to fall in love with an Australian. Life was so simple before that!

[Jacaranda]

Look,you sound like (apologies if I'm wrong)you're the sort of guy who won't take no for an answer,and will more than likely try an put pressure on your wife/kids to go,no matter what they say.Ok so your wife likes hot countries on holiday?That actually means diddly squat!Going somewhere for a holiday is totally different than living somewhere hot.I've spent a lot of years in Australia.I've also spent a few years in the UK.Like Australia,when I go somewhere hot now on holiday,I stay as much as possible out of the sun.By all means go for a reccie,but please focus on the reality,and that is....actually what its like to live in a hot country,working,driving,skin cancer (Yep my older sis has had 5 skin cancers and she is not a sun worshipper,this is from being outside as little as possible!),being away from family,how your wife will cope with that,and if she doesn't?Are you going to be prepared to return to the UK?Your kids growing up without their extended families,your kids possibly moving back to the UK when they grow up,consider EVERYTHING!

[Shellybingobingo]

You and me both.

You end up with the same brown stuff in a hotter bucket, and when your family need you its a 24 hour flight.

 

Worst thing I ever did, 16 years ago, was to fall in love with an Australian. Life was so simple before that!

 

i have another grandchild due in January! Something I underestimated never thought they would have kids for a long while lol , and I have created a few of my own problems i suppose it's not been all Australia's fault lol , major bad timing is one thing here , job market etc ... Another , soft as they come with my kids and spoon fed them and made sure my son got on property market in UK because of my grandson ! But the job market here hasn't been the norm for us ! Well for hubby not so much me ! Lol oh well ya live and learn hey

[fifi69]

Its true that being on holiday isn't the same as living there...

 

but change your mind set and it can come close..

 

remember the reasons why you moved, and get out there and enjoy what's on your doorstep, with the weather that means you can.

 

if you get bogged down with the day to day drudgery and don't go explore and have fun. Then you've only got yourself to blame.

 

If you don't want to change, moving countries won't help.

 

my day to day life is so much different to my UK one. Its not an effort to enjoy life, it just rolls on right up every morning, waiting for me:cool:

[bristolman]

Look,you sound like (apologies if I'm wrong)you're the sort of guy who won't take no for an answer,and will more than likely try an put pressure on your wife/kids to go,no matter what they say.Ok so your wife likes hot countries on holiday?That actually means diddly squat!Going somewhere for a holiday is totally different than living somewhere hot.I've spent a lot of years in Australia.I've also spent a few years in the UK.Like Australia,when I go somewhere hot now on holiday,I stay as much as possible out of the sun.By all means go for a reccie,but please focus on the reality,and that is....actually what its like to live in a hot country,working,driving,skin cancer (Yep my older sis has had 5 skin cancers and she is not a sun worshipper,this is from being outside as little as possible!),being away from family,how your wife will cope with that,and if she doesn't?Are you going to be prepared to return to the UK?Your kids growing up without their extended families,your kids possibly moving back to the UK when they grow up,consider EVERYTHING!

 

Yep, agree with this 100%. Liking the heat and going abroad is hardly going to set you up for living in another country because life is not being on holiday. It doesn't matter where you live you need to work, pay the bills, get your kids off to school, etc etc. Not having family around for a lot of people is extremely hard.

[Shellybingobingo]

Its true that being on holiday isn't the same as living there...

 

but change your mind set and it can come close..

 

remember the reasons why you moved, and get out there and enjoy what's on your doorstep, with the weather that means you can.

 

if you get bogged down with the day to day drudgery and don't go explore and have fun. Then you've only got yourself to blame.

 

If you don't want to change, moving countries won't help.

 

my day to day life is so much different to my UK one. Its not an effort to enjoy life, it just rolls on right up every morning, waiting for me:cool:

 

i hear what ya saying fifi69 , there is good days in the sun , there is a lot of things I do miss though , and with having a son in UK who has children now , you do question what is important. It suits some I suppose but not others , but I also know there is more professional career opportunities for my husband also , so he won't comitt yet to the place because of the way thing are here atm .

[bristolman]

i hear what ya saying fifi69 , there is good days in the sun , there is a lot of things I do miss though , and with having a son in UK who has children now , you do question what is important. It suits some I suppose but not others , but I also know there is more professional career opportunities for my husband also , so he won't comitt yet to the place because of the way thing are here atm .

 

Absolutely, you have to prioritise what is important. For us sun and beaches just don't even come into the equation but for others they are important.

[Shellybingobingo]

Absolutely, you have to prioritise what is important. For us sun and beaches just don't even come into the equation but for others they are important.

 

no they don't come into the equation lol , but I'm also in a funnie position because my other two kids love it ! What if I go back and my son who will stay here has kids lol , hope to God not yet ! My son and fiancé in UK have got careers to get them in here if they so wish later ! I just don't know ! If it was just me and hubby consider we would of been gone by now . Although my hubby is happy with his job now , in the UK there is more professional jobs more professionally recognised they are just behind here . He thinks it will come like most things but it frustrating he says lol .

[bristolman]

no they don't come into the equation lol , but I'm also in a funnie position because my other two kids love it ! What if I go back and my son who will stay here has kids lol , hope to God not yet ! My son and fiancé in UK have got careers to get them in here if they so wish later ! I just don't know ! If it was just me and hubby consider we would of been gone by now . Although my hubby is happy with his job now , in the UK there is more professional jobs more professionally recognised they are just behind here . He thinks it will come like most things but it frustrating he says lol .

It's difficult I know. We took a punt and bought our Aussie kids to England and fortunately they absolutely love it here and have no desire at this stage to go back. Of course they can do what they like when old enough but show no interest in going to Australia luckily.

[Shellybingobingo]

It's difficult I know. We took a punt and bought our Aussie kids to England and fortunately they absolutely love it here and have no desire at this stage to go back. Of course they can do what they like when old enough but show no interest in going to Australia luckily.

 

 

It it is difficult lol , I mean anyone would think I don't get out and walk around with my face on the floor ! I'm always out and about ! Always eat out every weekend , we go out its not that , I went shopping yesterday I am always mostly doing something anyway! I don't sit around moping lol UK is nice bristolman aswell yea u have variety ! I feel like I haven't had a Christmas for 3 years lol I'm not very good explaining in posts I don't suppose lol I know what I mean and everyone is different

[bristolman]

It it is difficult lol , I mean anyone would think I don't get out and walk around with my face on the floor ! I'm always out and about ! Always eat out every weekend , we go out its not that , I went shopping yesterday I am always mostly doing something anyway! I don't sit around moping lol UK is nice bristolman aswell yea u have variety ! I feel like I haven't had a Christmas for 3 years lol I'm not very good explaining in posts I don't suppose lol I know what I mean and everyone is different

 

I know exactly what you mean, we had a good full life in Australia and really it was the 'fault' of Australia it's just that there is more for us here, it really is as simple as that. I have met other Aussies here as well, that live here, none of them bemoan the weather or any of the things that expats seem to whinge about as being wrong with the country.

[Shellybingobingo]

[ATTACH=CONFIG]31218[/ATTACH] And it's not like I don't make a effort here at Christmas neither it just doesn't blow me frock up no matter how hard I try no matter how much effort I put in it still wasn't my good old pommie Christmas lol