2Posh2Push Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 Hi all, what made you finalise your decision to move back and did you all want to go? I am very homesick, I don't have family to go back to but don't feel I belong here. We've been through some of the toughest times and I feel so alone. Everyday is a struggle and I have to pretend I'm happy, some days I feel so sad and rubbish that I'm not taken seriously. I'm ignored if try and talk about my feelings, the other half only wants to talk about what makes him happy, his job, doesn't want to accept my feelings. We agreed that we would give it 2 years and then return but I have done much longer than that and I'm now feeling like I've been grossly mislead and that basically I'm just gonna have to pack my case and leave! I can't talk to anyone else as my feelings are dismissed, I'm so fed up and miserable. It's making me ill to stay yet that seems ok as long as I don't talk about it. I never thought I'd end up in this position, never felt so lonely and unsupported before...:confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tillyd Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 Awe honey reading your post, it could be me talking. I have been living this situation for a long time now and I am heading home this week. What I suggest first is maybe a trip to the doctors to see if it is depression, this may be heightening your sadness. Secondly, can you see yourself still being where you are in a few years time,how does it make you feel? Can you live without you other half if worse case, he refuses to head back? i will be heading back alone, sad but hopefully my mental health will improve considerably. This is forum is great for getting things out in the open, those little voices that chatter constantly but you are to afraid to voice out loud. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harpodom Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 It sounds like you both need a full on chat about your 'ideas, concerns and expectations', and fast. From the little you've said, it seems you both want very different things. Perhaps he isn't fully aware of the depth of your despair? If you suggest such a heart to heart and he refuses or isn't taking you seriously, then maybe relationship counseling is the next step? Sometimes it helps to blurt it all out to your GP: he/she can usually put together some pieces of the puzzle and give you some much needed clarity. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest16631 Posted May 19, 2014 Share Posted May 19, 2014 ...........:hug:........feelings change constantly........what feels right doesn't necessarily have to feel right next year........ ...........and all we can do ime.......is deal with the here and now...... ...........and you need to find what will make you happy....... ...........talk to your doctor as he/she may be able to give you something to help..... ............your OH.....wether he listens or not..........your needs..... ............and do what feels right....... .............it's not just where you are.......or even who your with that only dictates your happiness..... ..............it's what's inside and that only comes from a multitude of met needs..... ..............so draw up a plan of action....... ...............and go for joy....... ................one life.......and you need to love it......... ..................all the best to you..........tink x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 What Harpo said!!!! Marriage counselling would seem to be an option here - Relationships Australia are a good first option and you can go alone in the first instance if your OH won't entertain the notion then you and the counsellor can work on ways to engage him in the process so that he hears what you are saying. If he refuses to "hear" then coping with your own stuff (ask your GP) may give you the strength to get through every day or make other decisions about your future direction (CBT or ACT Therapists should be good at it!) At at some point you are going to need to feel there is compromise in your situation - at the moment you may well be feeling like you are giving all and he is like a pig in muck getting everything he needs. That compromise is going to be different for all of us - I coped (in hindsight, I won't say thrived) with a trip back to UK whenever I felt like it and his part in the deal was to ensure there was money in the pot to be able to do it. good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Stuart Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 Hi all, what made you finalise your decision to move back and did you all want to go? I am very homesick, I don't have family to go back to but don't feel I belong here. We've been through some of the toughest times and I feel so alone. Everyday is a struggle and I have to pretend I'm happy, some days I feel so sad and rubbish that I'm not taken seriously. I'm ignored if try and talk about my feelings, the other half only wants to talk about what makes him happy, his job, doesn't want to accept my feelings. We agreed that we would give it 2 years and then return but I have done much longer than that and I'm now feeling like I've been grossly mislead and that basically I'm just gonna have to pack my case and leave! I can't talk to anyone else as my feelings are dismissed, I'm so fed up and miserable. It's making me ill to stay yet that seems ok as long as I don't talk about it. I never thought I'd end up in this position, never felt so lonely and unsupported before...:confused: Hi I have not yet moved back, I stayed for over 20 years for the "good" of the family, two boys who had a great time growing up in Australia. Now they are grown up and gone their own way and I am left with 20 years of what I call "misery memories" and of an age that moving back may not be possible for financial reasons. My advice, don't look back, get on a plane and go, you only live once so don't waste it. Happiness is where the heart is and if your heart is in the UK then that's where you should be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 Serven years becomes 8 and then on and on. Have an Aus friend in the same position and its 15 years now and still he will not move. There is only one way to find out if he cares, pack and go and see what happens, told my friend to do this but too scared, why I do not know. Terrible to be married for years and years and still not know the other half and what makes them tick. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gallah Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 I have been here for 6.5 years and feel exactly the same! The tipping point for me has been that my physical health has started to suffer (my mental health has been suffering for years!) and I think my husband has slooooooooowly started to realise how much this is actually affecting me. I'm guessing that after 7 years you probably have citizenship so 'could' technically come back (albeit expensive!)? Could you agree to move back for a certain length of time just to see how it goes....like the 2 years you agreed to in the 1st place? Really feeling for you...if you want to talk to anyone send me a PM. Good luck! x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 2posh- have you got a friend you can pour out your woes to? It might help. You might be surprised how people will listen when you are down, even if they are not that 'close' to you - in fact sometimes it can be better if they are not super close. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 Hi all, what made you finalise your decision to move back and did you all want to go? I am very homesick, I don't have family to go back to but don't feel I belong here. First, get your citizenship organised. I know you think that's the last thing you'd ever want to do - but do it! Search through these forums and you'll find many people who have been in your position. Some went home (with or without their partner) and were happy. However, others went home, discovered they'd been pining for a rose-coloured version of Britain that no longer exists, and realized they'd allowed their homesickness to distort their view of Australia. That's particularly true for people with no family back in the UK - they think they're going back to the bosom of their friends, but while they've been away their friends have moved on, and they find they don't fit in as easily any more. So I'd say, get your citizenship first so you have choices. Then see a relationship counsellor, without your oh if necessary - you need someone to talk to! And if the only way to make him take you seriously is to get on a plane - do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katie22 Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 I'd agree with the previous threads. First try and sort out your relationship if you can. Then go back to England, if you don't you'll keep thinking "what if". And don't worry too much about if it'll work out or not. Just sort out the now and follow your heart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freckleface Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 Have you tried writing your OH a letter? It gives you the opportunity to really think about what you want to say and to rewrite it until you are happy that it conveys your thoughts and feelings in a rational way. Sometimes communicating in writing works better than trying to verbalise your thoughts and feelings when someone has started tuning you out. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest66881 Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 The letter idea is a really good bit of advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunt Agatha Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 So sorry you're feeling like this. To answer your question, we are moving back next year but are both okay about doing so - it must be so hard when one partner isn't. We visited the UK last year and saw the wonderful relationship between my parents and our kids and also saw that the folks were doing it tough with health issues and that sealed the deal. I think the letter idea is a good one, as is getting some counselling whether alone or as a couple. I'd also get Australian citizenship if it were me, it's best not to burn bridges. Ultimately though, you can't go on being so unhappy and if that means moving to the UK without your husband then so be it (I know that's easier said than done!) Hopefully it won't come to that but at some point you have to put your own happiness/sanity first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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