Single Sex versus mixed Sexed Schools

[Phoenix16]

OK I'm going to pose the question and gather views!!

 

For me, mixed sex schools were how I was brought up, no issues as such. Yet my lovely daughter who is now just 6 really struggled at her mixed sex primary school, so much so that when she was 5 I was brought in by the teacher to talk to the school psychologist, the upshot was that all the girls grouped up and they had power struggles within their groups, they avoided the boys but also the other girl groups, all very strange and all worrying for 5 year olds, but that is how it was and the parents of the girl groups all palled up and it all got stressful, and my daughters group was 4 strong minded girls who didn't know how to communicate effectively, often fell out and just made each other needy and insecure.

 

It a was a stressful time as my daughter was pin pointed as not coping and lacking resilience, I was brought in to see the school Psychologist due to lack of resilience and confidence issues and was bloomin worried. is this school life? Does it start so young!? Yet the girls were all great just equally head strong and Jess was tough but so so sensitive. As it happens she was suddenly offered a place at an All Girls school I'd registered her for a few years earlier and I grabbed the opportunity for her, and this is the crux, she is a completely different kid, happy as Larry, well adjusted and the reports from the school are awesome!! She tells me about all the girls being a team, all together, she doesn't single out a single girl as a friend she chats about them all and every day she plays with a different set. In addition, I'm getting the best feedback from the teachers, they are pretty strict and tough, I've seem a mum blush as her child was reprimanded for bad manners!! But all I care about is my daughter and she is thriving beyond belief!

 

The point of my post is at as a 6 year old, I truly believe my daughter thriving in an all girls school, it wasn't the way I was brought up, but it's turned my D into a pretty happy, well balanced child and so that's the way her education will go as it seems to work for her but I'm curious about others views as for me it's a whole different approach!! happy daughter though is very happy mummy!!

[Quoll]

So glad it is working out for your DD! Horses for courses I reckon! Both of my boys went to single sex schools and they seemed to thrive. I went to a single sex girls High School and hated school with a passion but I might equally have hated a mixed sex HS (I'd have just had two lots to bully me being then short, fat and horsey!). Girls can be right little b*tches - the hardest hard core bullies I ever had to work with were girls because they were so sneaky and emotionally far more destructive on their victims - they were pretty good at it by yr 3 but obviously they are learning from their big sisters!!! I'm sure that your DD will thrive in the environment and her sense of self and resilience will be well restored!

[fifi69]

As you know I have two girls ,18 months age difference, so both have always gone to the same schools..but had the most different of school life's.

 

Is it in the genes...or just luck of the draw!!

 

My eldest never really had "real" friends at school, just a group of the bitchy girls, who were always falling out and causing grief. I too ended up at school, thru my own doing though, just cos I was sick fed up of the nonsense. School made the right kind of noises but in real terms were useless. In the end I was a bit brutal and had to tell her to stop hanging about with these girls as they and there parents just werent on the level as us. I was proved right these girls are now all 20ish, they've done nothing with their life's apart from become pregnant and life on benefits and have no intention of doing anything about it.

 

youngest also made her friends at primary, couldn't have asked for better girls, all from different backgrounds but all with goals in life. Even after being apart from them for 15 months, they are all as close as ever.

 

Why the difference...I really don't know..

 

As for the mixed/not mixed, I don't think it matters, as long as your not wrapping them in cotton wool, telling her boys are evil, sex is dirty/wrong etc.

 

Kids here do seem a lot less streetwise, which is fine...unless they ever want to venture further afield.

[Rossmoyne]

Well it seems to me that it is all about the peer group and the pressures they bring and the individual characters of your children. Wont go into details but having 2 kids who went to the same primary and secondary schools... my daughter just seemed to get caught up with the bitch element and caused major issues for years, but my son did marvelously well and in his late 20's still has the same friends he had in pre-primary..... Bottom line is we are all different and what works for one of us, doesn't for someone else!!! So hard to judge as a parent though when you are at the front end trying to make decisions about life choices for your children!!

[caramac]

It depends on the child I think. I went to a mixed school and would never put my hand up in class for fear of being ridiculed. I wanted to do physics O level, but started the year being the only girl in the group. I gave up after half a term. I would have given anything to have been in an all girls school.

I have three daughters and, except for a year each, they've always been at all girls' schools. Three of them have been great. One was a disaster and the main reason we're back in the UK, but that wasn't necessarily because it was all girls.

I remember asking the eldest when she was 6 if she wanted to join her sister at the girls' school. She wasn't sure but went for a trial day. She came out beaming having loved every minute and her comment was,'It was brilliant. There were no boys messing about so I could hear everything the teacher said. When can I start?' All three have thrived in an all girl environment and they have no concept of boy/girl subjects. We gave the eldest the choice of a mixed school for sixth form, but she decided to stay in a girls' school despite the fact that we were moving areas anyway.

All three have done cubs, sea scouts, theatre groups, swimming etc outside school so have been able to mix with boys there. The eldest has left school now and has a lovely boyfriend who she has no problem communicating with - they really are best friends.

I like the fact that the girls can be relaxed in each others company and there has been no pressure to have boyfriends, wear make up etc. They can grow up at their own rate and no one bats an eyelid if they want to hang upside down out of trees even in secondary school. We've been lucky (apart from that one school), we've found the girls have been really supportive of each other and found that any suggestion of bullying has been dealt with quickly and effectively.

I know other people will have had very different experiences, but I would make the same decision again given the choice.

[starlight7]

I think it does vary from child to child and every parent must do the best for their particular child. My girls went to 4 different Secondary Schools which was a pain and very expensive re uniforms etc but it worked well for them. Two went to single sex schools and 2 to mixed ones. Three went to private schools, one to a state school. They all went to uni. Looking back I would say the 3 ex private school kids are more confident but whether it was the school or the girls, I don't know.

[Incata]

I am quite happy with the school my eldest is in (youngest is too young at this point). However I would prefer them to go to an all boys school as I think the teaching styles tend to be aimed more at boys than girls. It seems to me that my boys learn by trying things out and experimenting, whereas many of the girls in his class prefer to sit and listen or look at a book to learn. The single sex schools I saw in the UK (for boys) used much more activity based learning and the boys seemed to get on a whole lot better than in mixed schools.

 

However we don't seem to have a lot of choice in Perth (NOR). We can't afford the likes of Hale or Scotch, so unless the boys get scholarships for Year 7, they will be out of our reach.

 

Interestingly though, how happy a child is seems to depend as much on the teacher as their classmates. My son is only in Kindy, but he started in a school which had him crying and having to be dragged out of my arms by the teacher in the morning. He hated it so much. After a huge row over the way the teacher was treating my son (due to a mango allergy), we withdrew him and were lucky enough to get him a place at a local Catholic School which treated him exactly the same as everyone else and didn't try and separate him and make him feel different. At the end of the first day he came running into my arms telling me what a wonderful time he had had and then asked when he could go back. We have not had any issues with him since (there was one instance of name calling which was quickly cracked down on by his teacher, but that was it).

 

So yes to single sex schools for boys, if the option is there. However a school with caring, compassionate teachers ranks almost as highly.