Long Distance Love is stronger

[Petals]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2369184/Absence-DOES-make-heart-grow-fonder-Why-long-distance-love-actually-strengthen-relationship.html

 

This article is so true, well it was for me, I had a long distance relationship with my oh and we were only together for about three weeks in total and we were married for forty years.

 

So do not worry absence does make the heart grow stronger.

[starlight7]

Hard though- still it proves commitment I guess.

[Maruska]

Hmmm don`t know, didn`t work in my personal experience :nah:

[Incata]

I don't think it is necessarily stronger, just more adaptable. My husband was in the armed forces for many years and we had lengthy separations and many times when he worked round the clock with only 5 or 6 hours at home to sleep, before he headed back off again.

 

My heart broke every time he went away and I felt more fragile and vulnerable at those times than at any other. I used to cry so many tears once the ship disappeared over the horizon, or once I knew his plane had taken off and I would not hear from him again for weeks. He didn't know, he just saw the smiles and waves (and catcalls when the engines failed and the ship nearly ran aground on one memorable occasion!). There was a lot of worry when I did not hear from him for weeks on end. You become very self-reliant and self-confident as you don't need someone else to be able to go and enjoy a night at the cinema, a meal at a nice restaurant or a lovely stroll along the beach. You might be apart, but you are not alone.

 

I can be strong for separations now, particularly for the kids, and I would not say we are any more committed that anybody else in a relationship. I don't go to pieces when things fall apart around me but I do know that my husband takes emergency calls much more seriously when we are apart than when we are together. One call to him from Swindon to Plymouth, to say I was in trouble, had him doing 120mph up the M5 and with me in 2 hours flat (both I and the hospital staff were amazed as I had not been in long by the time the ambulance crew had stabilised me at the scene and then decided I was safe to be moved). Now we are together on a permanent basis an emergency call will get him there once he has tidied up, sorted out his work etc etc. He knows now that I can deal with things and manage things on my own (although he hates the whole idea that I am a confident and capable woman - he likes to think that without him my world would fall apart!)

 

I know many people who have long distance relationships and it works for them, but I know an equal number for whom it has not worked and I don't think it is anything to do with being far apart, but everything to do with the sort of person you are as to whether or not your relationship will survive it. If you are a woman who likes nightly chats and cuddles on the sofa, chances are that you will not cope, but if you are the sort of person who has a strong support network, lots of self-confidence and tend not to be reliant on others, chances are you will be fine. I guess it also depends on what the other half is like. If you trust they will not be off having affairs it will be a lot easier than if they are a bit of a flirt.

[fourcorners]

Me and my OH have had plenty of time apart, and I do think our relationship has got stronger over time, but who is to know that it wouldn't have gotten that strong anyway? We now know we don't want to spend that much time apart in the future. Whilst we survived it, I wouldn't say it was fun and it actually had a detrimental effect on my health, particularly my emotional health, and I think if I was so inclined I could have easily got quite depressed. In our conversations while he was away we would only really discuss positive things, otherwise we would both start to feel a bit lonely/depressed. But then it got to the stage that he thought he was missing out on a lot of fun stuff that I was doing.

 

I did enjoy the freedom it gave me, I don't mind doing stuff by myself so going for long walks was great. I used to plan longer and longer walks each weekend he was away. Think the longest was about 26km or so! Got quite a bit of the Cornish coast path done. I could eat what I wanted, when I wanted to. Was easier keeping the house clean, I could read in bed til midnight. But I'm happy trading those things for seeing him every night.

[ramot]

So agree with Incata's post. Another ex service wife, and then long haul pilot till he retired 10 years ago.

i think every marriage has to be worked at, but some have more strains than others. Was I the only one who found that if something was going to break down, it happened just after they had left!!

There was no guarantee that they would be around when you were due to give birth, or any other major event.

when my oldest was 18 my ex neighbour said give yourself a pat on your back getting them to that age with no major hiccups, as probably our husbands had only been around for 9 of those years.

there are difficulties of who is in charge, you when your partner is away, but then they can feel pushed out of the family unit on their return, and re-assert themselves when back home.

met my husband in Africa and then (strange concept now adays) wrote to each other to keep in touch, but still have those letters over 40 years later, more romantic than email!!!!

next milestone after spending a lot of our marriage apart, is retirement! 24/7 together, but again you have to work at it and that's a whole new ball game. So far still enjoying each others company over 10 years later.

A sense of humor helps.

[Incata]

So agree with Incata's post. Another ex service wife, and then long haul pilot till he retired 10 years ago.

i think every marriage has to be worked at, but some have more strains than others. Was I the only one who found that if something was going to break down, it happened just after they had left!!

There was no guarantee that they would be around when you were due to give birth, or any other major event.

when my oldest was 18 my ex neighbour said give yourself a pat on your back getting them to that age with no major hiccups, as probably our husbands had only been around for 9 of those years.

there are difficulties of who is in charge, you when your partner is away, but then they can feel pushed out of the family unit on their return, and re-assert themselves when back home.

met my husband in Africa and then (strange concept now adays) wrote to each other to keep in touch, but still have those letters over 40 years later, more romantic than email!!!!

next milestone after spending a lot of our marriage apart, is retirement! 24/7 together, but again you have to work at it and that's a whole new ball game. So far still enjoying each others company over 10 years later.

A sense of humor helps.

 

Nope. It's called the Forces Wife's 1st Rule: If it's going to break and cost a lot to fix, it's going to happen as soon as they have gone away.

Forces Wife's 2nd Rule: As soon as they are back they will say they could have fixed it themselves and ask why you paid someone else to do it instead of waiting for them to get back? This covers minor things like flooded kitchens and broken tiles, and major things like ovens breaking down or major electrical faults.

Forces Wife's 3rd Rule: Military husbands talk no end of bollocks :laugh:

[Quoll]

Worked for us too - over 3 yrs long distance before we got married and less than 6 weeks in each others' company when we did get married - comes up for 40 yrs at the end of the month.

 

edited to say, it was a damned sight more difficult back in those days too - phone calls were prohibitive and aerogrammes were the order of the day! Daily letter writing with a 2-3 week turn around in answer to questions was the norm unless, like we seemed to, you have a sort of telepathy with questions and answers crossing in the mail

[ramot]

I used to say, the first day back, husband would say, that everything you had coped with while they were away that's fine you did the right thing.

by the next day a different story!!!!! good to know I wasn't alone.

[ErmintrudeMcMoo]

Have to say I agree with Quoll, having a hubby who's just got back last month from another 6 month deployment with the navy, it was brilliant being able to Skype, talk on Facebook and even mobile phone. Totally different from 20 odd years ago when it was the odd letter (that always seemed to arrive in twos) and occasional phone all. The one thing I will say is that it can make or break you, I know plenty who have become so used to being apart that they ended up living separate lives - it can happen so gradually you don't even realise its happening!

[Que Sera Sera]

I think those that have Husbands in the forces deserve a gold medal, after all its not just having to be apart its also having to wave goodbye to their Husbands and knowing where they are heading of too I just can't imagine it, such s selfless thing to do. I have had a few weekends away visiting my daughters and that was bad enough. I miss my OH dreadfully and he misses me. My OH has avoided Fifo for that reason, money isn't everything in my opinion. I know it can work for some but it wouldn't be for me unless it was absolutely necessary .