When did you know you wanted to go back to Uk?

[Johndoe]

There is this common perception that Australia is some sort of paradise where everyone works 1 hour a day and spends the rest of the day on the beach or having a BBQ.

 

What a load of twaddle!

[Guest Guest77374]

Hi Scarleteve. Sorry to hear your daughter is still strugging. I was the same (went at 13 and came back at 18....never to return!). You are right not to let her know you are thinking of coming back unless you are sure. As you say it will raise her hopes and make settling even more difficult for her.

 

I have noticed that for some people trying to settle in Australia is a bit like trying to take up smoking. You know its not right for you but you keep thinking if I give it a bit longer I might become addicted. Why should you want to become addicted to living in a place where your true friends and loved ones live so far away? I have been back a year and I can tell you its like being able to breath easily again! Good luck to everyone returning and thinking of returning.

[Guest chris955]

Hi Scarleteve. Sorry to hear your daughter is still strugging. I was the same (went at 13 and came back at 18....never to return!). You are right not to let her know you are thinking of coming back unless you are sure. As you say it will raise her hopes and make settling even more difficult for her.

 

I have noticed that for some people trying to settle in Australia is a bit like trying to take up smoking. You know its not right for you but you keep thinking if I give it a bit longer I might become addicted. Why should you want to become addicted to living in a place where your true friends and loved ones live so far away? I have been back a year and I can tell you its like being able to breath easily again! Good luck to everyone returning and thinking of returning.

 

Spot on.

[Dawny]

We returned back to the uk just short of 3 and a half months, like you are main issue was our children's happiness. We too were told in time once they were in school and made friend's that they would soon settle, Sadly not for us. If anything they got worse, ours were 11, 8 and 6 years old, and it was the youngest two who suffered the most strangely enough. Heart wrenching sobs every night, refusing to go to school, even though they did make friend's. My hubby and myself spent many a day weighing it all up, and in the end it was a no brainer.. return home and get our happy fun loving kids back again, instead of having these sulky bad tempered aliens we had been left with... Life is too short and we felt our kids needed a happy childhood, and who are we really to say we knew what was best for them, or anyone else for that matter... we know we did the right thing in returning, no regrets at all they have settled back into school, met up with old friends and have made new, and back to being happy fun loving kids, just how they should be.. had we forced them to stay any longer they may have ended up hating Australia, this way they do have some fond memories, who knows if one day they would like to return even for a holiday.

Only you as a parent knows how it effects your child/ children, some adapt with change and some don't, if you decide to return well at least you gave it a go, and not worry about the what ifs... Good luck with what ever you decide x

[Guest Guest 47403]

No, it is not a stupid comment at all, it was very obviously a gross exaggeration based on some of the outrageous comments made on forums.

 

 

Quote some of those comments please I need a laugh.

[Petals]

Its always been the way that more women want to return than men. I also think I know why a lot of men would prefer to stay here or anywhere a little warmer than the UK, they work outside. My best friend is a Brit and her oh is a plumber and they have lived in a lot of places. They lived in Canada and she absolutely loved it but then she did not have to work out in the winter, he did so they left and came to Aus.

 

My Dad migrated because he could not stand the cold in winter and he worked outside as well and in those days people used bikes not cars. It was my Mum who wanted to go home but my Dad said no, she went herself stayed for a couple of years and came back.

 

As for children, yep we do not like migrating, we want to stay with everything that is familiar. Speaking as a child migrant, we settle eventually, might take some more than others, we make friends, we fall in love and marry and we get used to where we live. We do not need to run back to the UK a month or two after we arrive because we have not settled. Of course as a child we like to manipulate and of course a parent who is unhappy will play on that to get their own way.

 

I just don't get the point that people would spend years waiting, lots of money and come over and give up in the blink of an eye. Its different very very different in Australia and people also need to consider that. I have posted to the cows come home, if you like mum down the street, like seeing Mary every Friday at the pub, jobs ok you don' mind the winter weather as you are not working out in it. Why bother to migrate. No pot of gold waiting at the end of the rainbow it has to be hard slog just like everywhere else in the world.

 

Ladies give a thought if your husband works outside and wants to stay, do you not love your man enough to give him a better working life.

Edited November 11, 2012 by Petals

[ramot]

Scarletteteve, although I do sympathise with your daughter being so unhappy in Australia, it is still early days for her and the rest of the family to adjust to their new country. I have moved from pillar to post all my life. Daughter of an army family, 4 years in Germany as a child and then 5 primary schools before the age of 10. Yes probably unhappy at times, but that was life. Met and married someone in the forces and moved + 3 children many times, the children changing schools and places, having to adjust and make new friends all the time.

Then moved to Asia when the youngest was only 13 and had to be left in boarding school for the first time, travelling on her own to join us for her school holidays in a very strange and new environment, so I really do understand about unhappy 13 year olds.

Fast forward many years, she has friends from all over the world because of the new experiences she had to cope with, and actually feels slightly sorry for the friends she left behind in our old village, who she feels missed out in the nicest sense. Not that they are unhappy, but definitely less wordly and a bit narrower in their outlook.

It might get easier for her if and when she gets hopefully more involved in something she enjoys and makes more friends. My daughter had to realise that we were moving around because of her father's job, so basically there was little choice for her. Please don't move back to UK immediately just for your daughter unless there is no other choice.

Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best, it won't be an easy decision.

[Chortlepuss]

I think women miss their relationships more than men - I desperately miss my friends and family, hubbie can take or leave his - even though they're lovely people. Also if hubbie has a job he likes and you're at home this can be very lonely and demoralising. My hubbie would stay here forever. I've agreed provisionally to another two years, but not sure if I will make it! Congratulations to all those who have decided to take the step to return home - It's not always an easy decision, but life is for living, and Australia is not for everyone......

[Guest cleopatra]

Hi Scarleteve. Sorry to hear your daughter is still strugging. I was the same (went at 13 and came back at 18....never to return!). You are right not to let her know you are thinking of coming back unless you are sure. As you say it will raise her hopes and make settling even more difficult for her.

 

I have noticed that for some people trying to settle in Australia is a bit like trying to take up smoking. You know its not right for you but you keep thinking if I give it a bit longer I might become addicted. Why should you want to become addicted to living in a place where your true friends and loved ones live so far away? I have been back a year and I can tell you its like being able to breath easily again! Good luck to everyone returning and thinking of returning.

 

You really are an exceptionally articulate young lady. Your posts are great and it's nice to read a POV from a younger person who has moved back to the UK

[akiralx]

I am struggling to see that our lives are better here. Yes the fact that you can be outdoors a lot more and the weather is a big plus, but for me that's about it. I know everyone will say I'm mad and I've been given a golden chance for a life out here but being honest I think I preferred my life in the UK. We both had good jobs and a good lifestyle, we just fancied giving oz a try as a few friends of ours have done it and loved it here.

My husband says he won't stay here forever but would like to stay a few years and get the most out of it but it feels like a life sentence for me! I know it sounds pathetic and most would say to just get on with it but I miss my family so much and every week feels like forever

 

I can relate to this, we've been here for 3 years and have just bought a house, so we will stay for quite a few years yet - I am quite happy here, but was just as happy in the UK, for different reasons. Life in Aus is not really that much different - you commute, you work, you buy food, you relax, you go out to places during your leisure time... The 'lifestyle' is pretty ordinary really. Weather doesn't affect me one way or the other. I do find being surrounded by Australians rather stressful in fact. We have nothing in common. I can apply for citizenship next year and probably will for the convenience, but rather dishonestly as I feel 100% British and always will. I don't feel any loyalty to Aus, I just live here...

[fourcorners]

 

Ladies give a thought if your husband works outside and wants to stay, do you not love your man enough to give him a better working life.

 

What a very old fashioned point of view!!! I am slightly shocked at this! Don't even know where to start....

 

What a subservient attitude, I thought those days were over. Are you really saying that if a better working life (and only some people would agree with that, even), means that a wife should support him no matter what and give up on what she wants? Even if she's screaming inside that she wants to leave, gets stressed out, depressed and worse?

 

I earn as much as my partner, I probably work outside more often than him, in the bush, in the heat, in the sun. He works underground so it doesn't matter a jot what the weather is like, it's always 30C where he is. I would much prefer to do my job in a climate like the UK than here. Here I am at risk of sun stroke, heat stroke, skin cancer, heat exhaustion etc. In the UK, I would just put some gloves on if it got cold!

[Guest cleopatra]

What a very old fashioned point of view!!! I am slightly shocked at this! Don't even know where to start....

 

What a subservient attitude, I thought those days were over. Are you really saying that if a better working life (and only some people would agree with that, even), means that a wife should support him no matter what and give up on what she wants? Even if she's screaming inside that she wants to leave, gets stressed out, depressed and worse?

 

I earn as much as my partner, I probably work outside more often than him, in the bush, in the heat, in the sun. He works underground so it doesn't matter a jot what the weather is like, it's always 30C where he is. I would much prefer to do my job in a climate like the UK than here. Here I am at risk of sun stroke, heat stroke, skin cancer, heat exhaustion etc. In the UK, I would just put some gloves on if it got cold!

 

I agree with this and you beat me to it for posting. Maybe it was tongue in cheek:err: Here in Perth all we ever hear from friends who work outside is that they can't cope with the heat in summer. But then they moan when they get laid off work because of rain/bad weather in the winter and they are Australians LOL.

 

 

Kudos to you 4 corners for working in that heat. Hope they pay you well :biggrin:

[fourcorners]

I agree with this and you beat me to it for posting. Maybe it was tongue in cheek:err: Here in Perth all we ever hear from friends who work outside is that they can't cope with the heat in summer. But then they moan when they get laid off work because of rain/bad weather in the winter and they are Australians LOL.

 

 

Kudos to you 4 corners for working in that heat. Hope they pay you well :biggrin:

 

 

Luckily I'm becoming more senior now so I don't have to be out there so much. But most of my department are women, some of whom are working mums, they go out and collect samples from the drill rigs all day. It's dusty, sweaty, and very hot in summer. They actually love their jobs, are proud to be standing up on their own two feet and be capable of supporting themselves whether their husbands work or not.

[Guest cleopatra]

Luckily I'm becoming more senior now so I don't have to be out there so much. But most of my department are women, some of whom are working mums, they go out and collect samples from the drill rigs all day. It's dusty, sweaty, and very hot in summer. They actually love their jobs, are proud to be standing up on their own two feet and be capable of supporting themselves whether their husbands work or not.

 

Good for the working mums. I admire them. I've worked all my adult life in many countries, some hot, some cold. Prefer cold - I love my air conditioned office - only problem is the feeling of walking into a furnace in Summer once I leave the building LOL.

[Guest Guest77374]

Fast forward many years, she has friends from all over the world because of the new experiences she had to cope with, and actually feels slightly sorry for the friends she left behind in our old village, who she feels missed out in the nicest sense. Not that they are unhappy, but definitely less wordly and a bit narrower in their outlook.

 

 

Hi Ramot, I just wanted to respond to this one point because it hit a nerve. When my mum wanted to emigrate with me (against my biological dads wishes), she harped on a lot about how mind broadening the experience would be for me. However I only moved to another westernised culture in a hotter environment. Had she shipped us off to Kenya to live with the Maasais or to Cambodia to work with people in the rice fields, then yes I can see how that might have broadened my view of the world. Instead I went to school with other kids who obssessed about pop stars, had to have the latest designer clothes, who smoked weed like it was going out of fashion, whose parents went to work in your average kind of jobs, drove cars, went shopping, stressed about bills. Yes very much like teenagers and adults in the UK. Whereas your daughter feels sorry for those friends that didn't move around as much as she did, I felt the complete opposite (and still do!). I feel I missed out a great deal because of my years in Australia. I missed out on spending time with loved ones I can never get back. I honestly do not think my friends (who luckily welcomed me back with open arms), are more narrow minded than I because they have not lived on the other side of the world, just luckier for having parents who love the country they are in.

[Petals]

What a very old fashioned point of view!!! I am slightly shocked at this! Don't even know where to start....

 

What a subservient attitude, I thought those days were over. Are you really saying that if a better working life (and only some people would agree with that, even), means that a wife should support him no matter what and give up on what she wants? Even if she's screaming inside that she wants to leave, gets stressed out, depressed and worse?

 

I earn as much as my partner, I probably work outside more often than him, in the bush, in the heat, in the sun. He works underground so it doesn't matter a jot what the weather is like, it's always 30C where he is. I would much prefer to do my job in a climate like the UK than here. Here I am at risk of sun stroke, heat stroke, skin cancer, heat exhaustion etc. In the UK, I would just put some gloves on if it got cold!

 

Not all women are in relationships where they are an equal bread winner. However they do expect to have a nice life. So therefore if the man/woman does not matter who it is, is bringing home the bacon for this nice life then their working conditions should be considered.

 

Old fashioned in your view, wise in my view.

 

I have an equal relationship always have had but I count myself as a lucky person, not all relationships are equal. I remember my daughter coming home from Uni telling me the lecturer thought her home life was not the norm because of the way her mum and dad did things. We do whatever is necessary to be done by whoever is available at the time. This was only a few years ago. She was in a minority of students whose parents did not have the norm which you are saying is old fashioned.

 

I am all for womens rights in work however we do not have to stop being women and considering our man, what shame is there in that. Men need to be stroked its been happening for thousands of years and the woman who gets it right gets the worm.

[ramot]

Hi Ramot, I just wanted to respond to this one point because it hit a nerve. When my mum wanted to emigrate with me (against my biological dads wishes), she harped on a lot about how mind broadening the experience would be for me. However I only moved to another westernised culture in a hotter environment. Had she shipped us off to Kenya to live with the Maasais or to Cambodia to work with people in the rice fields, then yes I can see how that might have broadened my view of the world. Instead I went to school with other kids who obssessed about pop stars, had to have the latest designer clothes, who smoked weed like it was going out of fashion, whose parents went to work in your average kind of jobs, drove cars, went shopping, stressed about bills. Yes very much like teenagers and adults in the UK. Whereas your daughter feels sorry for those friends that didn't move around as much as she did, I felt the complete opposite (and still do!). I feel I missed out a great deal because of my years in Australia. I missed out on spending time with loved ones I can never get back. I honestly do not think my friends (who luckily welcomed me back with open arms), are more narrow minded than I because they have not lived on the other side of the world, just luckier for having parents who love the country they are in.

 

To be honest travel does broaden the mind, but I didn't mean to give any offence, or in any way belittle anyone, and perhaps my choice of words was clumsy, so no offence was intended so hopefully you didn't take any, and I was talking about her feelings as a teenager not an adult. After all I was only talking about our experiences no one else's, and how she felt a bit different to her old village friends when she re-met up with them as she had experienced a very different life to theirs. Just to reassure you she is still friends with lots of them, and they are all now in their 30's.

It can be difficult when responding on a forum that sometimes what you say can" hit a nerve", but please I wasn't intending to cause any upset, just as said above quoting our personal experiences, not belittling anyone else's.

[Perthbum]

Its always been the way that more women want to return than men. I also think I know why a lot of men would prefer to stay here or anywhere a little warmer than the UK, they work outside. My best friend is a Brit and her oh is a plumber and they have lived in a lot of places. They lived in Canada and she absolutely loved it but then she did not have to work out in the winter, he did so they left and came to Aus.

 

My Dad migrated because he could not stand the cold in winter and he worked outside as well and in those days people used bikes not cars. It was my Mum who wanted to go home but my Dad said no, she went herself stayed for a couple of years and came back.

 

As for children, yep we do not like migrating, we want to stay with everything that is familiar. Speaking as a child migrant, we settle eventually, might take some more than others, we make friends, we fall in love and marry and we get used to where we live. We do not need to run back to the UK a month or two after we arrive because we have not settled. Of course as a child we like to manipulate and of course a parent who is unhappy will play on that to get their own way.

 

I just don't get the point that people would spend years waiting, lots of money and come over and give up in the blink of an eye. Its different very very different in Australia and people also need to consider that. I have posted to the cows come home, if you like mum down the street, like seeing Mary every Friday at the pub, jobs ok you don' mind the winter weather as you are not working out in it. Why bother to migrate. No pot of gold waiting at the end of the rainbow it has to be hard slog just like everywhere else in the world.

 

Ladies give a thought if your husband works outside and wants to stay, do you not love your man enough to give him a better working life.

Work outdoors, give him skin cancer more like, the number I poms who work outside all day in just a pair of shorts I frightning, tey looked almost black are certain of skin cancer in later life .

[fourcorners]

Not all women are in relationships where they are an equal bread winner. However they do expect to have a nice life. So therefore if the man/woman does not matter who it is, is bringing home the bacon for this nice life then their working conditions should be considered.

 

Old fashioned in your view, wise in my view.

 

I have an equal relationship always have had but I count myself as a lucky person, not all relationships are equal. I remember my daughter coming home from Uni telling me the lecturer thought her home life was not the norm because of the way her mum and dad did things. We do whatever is necessary to be done by whoever is available at the time. This was only a few years ago. She was in a minority of students whose parents did not have the norm which you are saying is old fashioned.

 

I am all for womens rights in work however we do not have to stop being women and considering our man, what shame is there in that. Men need to be stroked its been happening for thousands of years and the woman who gets it right gets the worm.

 

I'm sorry, but you clearly stated before that a wife should support her husband. What you should have said, and what I think you are alluding to now, is that the main breadwinner should be supported by the other partner. That's quite different. Also a man has to consider his wife/girlfriend. It's a two way street which sometimes it seems you're agreeing with, and then sometimes it seems you don't agree with.

 

Your last sentence also seems to promote manipulation of the man by the woman, also something I don't agree with. Just because something has been happening for 'thousands of years', as you put it, doesn't mean it's right.

[Guest Guest77374]

Hi Ramot, I just want to reassure you no offence was taken. After all I am supposed to be the one who beneffited from my mind broadening experiences. It touched a nerve purely because this was something my mum used to say to my dad about taking me to live in Australia and on reflection I do not feel it broadened my mind at all. Westernised cultures are pretty much the same the world over. It is travel to different types of cultures that tend to be more mind broadening in my opinion. I am glad your daughter felt her travelling experienced benefited her. I was just pointing out that not all young people will feel the same way. I just wished I had a mum who did not want to drag me to the other side of the world away from loved ones and friends. I ended up with depression. My mind closed down from the world as I was in so much emotional pain, just living day to day was enough to for me to focus on. I just want parents to be aware that not all children settle in time and some suffer in silence.

 

To be honest travel does broaden the mind, but I didn't mean to give any offence, or in any way belittle anyone, and perhaps my choice of words was clumsy, so no offence was intended so hopefully you didn't take any, and I was talking about her feelings as a teenager not an adult. After all I was only talking about our experiences no one else's, and how she felt a bit different to her old village friends when she re-met up with them as she had experienced a very different life to theirs. Just to reassure you she is still friends with lots of them, and they are all now in their 30's.

It can be difficult when responding on a forum that sometimes what you say can" hit a nerve", but please I wasn't intending to cause any upset, just as said above quoting our personal experiences, not belittling anyone else's.