Missus B Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Some of you have noticed that I've gone a little quiet of late on POI. I took a step back from the whole Oz thing to try and figure out what I want long term. A couple of you will know that I started having problems in my 7 year relationship, last year. I ended this relationship in January and he moved out 6 weeks ago, after some weeks of trying to salvage things. It's all very amicable and we have remained friends. We simply fell out of love. My relationship was stagnant and it had turned into a platonic relationship a long time ago. I have withdrawn his partner visa application. I was on a job at work in February, when I met a nice policeman. He asked me for my email address on the pretense of getting information about emigrating. To my surprise, he asked me out on a date. And since that 1st date, things have developed quite quickly for us. I'm happier than I have been in a very long time and he ticks all the boxes. It's not at the love stage for me yet but I know if things continue as they are, that won't be too far off. I am not keen to rush into anything and I am just enjoying this new relationship for what it is, without worrying about where it's going. He's a pleasure to be around and it's easy with the added bonus of constant butterflies:cute: My feelings towards emigrating started to change about 8 weeks ago. Once I was out of an unhappy relationship, I became much happier at work and in my social life. I have great friends in the UK and a very full social life. The lifestyle in Oz is still very appealing. But I am 34 and I keep asking myself, do I need to be leaving it all behind at this stage in my life? I am due to go for my medical next month and I have been told that I am likely to receive my visa very shortly afterwards. I have some serious decisions to make. My gut instinct at the minute is to stay in the UK and enjoy my friends, family and this new relationship. But my sensible head is telling me I would be stupid to pass up this opportunity of a new life in a great country. I don't want a life of regrets. But do I go to Oz and regret leaving this truly lovely man behind that could potentially be a keeper as well as my friends and family in Ireland............Or do I stay in the UK for the reasons mentioned above and regret not moving to Oz? What would you do?:confused: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petersloan Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 I'm 36 and feel like I'm 21!! We're going for it with our three babies for the reason you state that we've talked about it for years and don't want to look back with regret!! Life is too short and at 34 you're just reaching your prime!! If it's not for you, come back home but it seems you're starting all over again... Why not start it in Oz!!? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaska Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 I might be wrong but you don't have to make the choice do you? Can you get the visa and validate and then don't you have years to come back? If so that's what I would do I think and give you time to see where things go. Good luck. X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest51810 Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Wow thats such a hard one!! It was actually something I was thinking about the other day (not for personally obv) but just about what if you meet someone nice before your due to leave. I dont know whats the right answer, what about staying in the UK for the time being and then see how the relationship goes, if it didnt work out would you be able to start your visa process again? I would probably go with your gut instinct since your happy with him, your friends and family x edit to add - instead of starting visa process again if its a independant visa then validate it and then see how things go, you'll have a few years to decide and then if everything works out he can come too and you can have both! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GilraenH Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 I would go for it, relationships will last if true. Validate and you have more choices? :biggrin: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest tandcmum Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 nice to hear from you and i'm sorry about your relationship break up althpugh it sounds as though it was for the best. Persoanlly I wouldn't make any major decisions just yet. Once you get your visa consider a holiday to validate it therefore you have the time then to decide what you really want from your future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BritChickx Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 I would still get the visa and validate and then see how things go, it's always good to keep your options open whether you decide to stay or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Missus B Posted April 15, 2012 Author Share Posted April 15, 2012 I have a job waiting for me and I have to take the job up within 3 months of getting the visa. I have emailed my prospective employer and told them of my change in circumstances and that I will now need to sell my house to fund the move and they are still saying I have to start work within 3 months. This is fair enough as they have pretty much paid for everything. The alternative is that they could withdraw sponsorship which would cancel my visa. I just feel like time is against me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Missus B Posted April 15, 2012 Author Share Posted April 15, 2012 I'm 36 and feel like I'm 21!! We're going for it with our three babies for the reason you state that we've talked about it for years and don't want to look back with regret!! Life is too short and at 34 you're just reaching your prime!! If it's not for you, come back home but it seems you're starting all over again... Why not start it in Oz!!? It's a very different prospect when you're going on your own though. I will probably have to go back into house sharing, in order to be able to afford to live and also to make friends. And this is after years of owing my own house. It is not so much my age that is causing the hesitation, but more my reasons for initially wanting to move down under. Part of that may have been to try and give me and my ex a new start. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
landv Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Do you think you could re-apply for sponsorship (perhaps with a different employer) in the future? Well, if you do decide to go to Oz in the end at a later stage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
landv Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 It's a very different prospect when you're going on your own though. I will probably have to go back into house sharing, in order to be able to afford to live and also to make friends. And this is after years of owing my own house. It is not so much my age that is causing the hesitation, but more my reasons for initially wanting to move down under. Part of that may have been to try and give me and my ex a new start. I have just read this after posting my other post. I think you have just answered your own question. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest51810 Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Reading through everything again I think it sounds like you want to stay, theres nothing wrong with that at all. Your still young anyway so if things changed in the next year or two then you could still apply if you wanted to? You sound like you've got a good life with your friends, family, you have your own house and now you've met this nice guy. Just have a good think about it first before making a final decision. Best of luck xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 First off, lovely you've met someone you like It can be very reaffirming and reassuring to know you can still find a spark with someone when you come out of a long term relationship. Next, does your new fella know about your visa application and plans to move to Aus? And if so, has he said anything about it all? Supportive, non committal or against it in any way? Perhaps have a chat with him and explain some of your thoughts. He might have feelings for you he is not letting on and want to get more serious but also might be interested in Aus at some point. Its something to at least talk over with him as he is someone you are considering. I'd be the first one to say carry on with your plans to go but if you honestly have realised you have different reasons for going now, or did before even, then perhaps have a rethink and consider staying put, at least for a couple of years. But realise that if it doesn't work out with this new fella, you may have to start over to get to Aus (should you still want to go). New relationships can always cause flutters and excitement and us ladies do tend to over analyze and over think the whole new guy thing to the point of distraction (lovely, fun but annoying at the same time). And it can of course make us reflect and feel differently from how we did a few weeks before. As to if a relationship has legs or can progress past those early stages, well, some take longer than others to get to the point of realising or wanting it. I'd talk to the guy, see if he thinks this could be something more serious than it is atm and if so, does he have any ambitions or dreams to go elsewhere and if so, how about an adventure at some point in the future If he wants to carry on your relationship but stay put, and you can honestly say you are happy to pass up on your visa and job, then fair enough. I don't see why you would regret staying here and being with him. You'd (hopefully) be happy in the long term is the main thing. Life changes direction when we least expect it. Sometimes you just need to reach out and stay still a while to appreciate those changes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vixxy666 Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 If your having doubts then maybe it isnt for you like u say u could of been using oz as a way to fix your relationship but on the other hand this could also be last minute nerves as its getting closer and the first stage of any new relationship is hard to want to walk away from. What are your options long term without this job offer/sponsorship could you do it on your own ie different visa or find an alternative job later down the line if you decide this is what you want? also if he wanted details on oz to get your email if things work out you could end up going together further down the line. Its a toughy as u see so many people on here returning to the Uk for all the reasons you dont want to leave maybe youve found out before you spend all the money and have all the upheavel? Good luck with what ever you decide Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Missus B Posted April 15, 2012 Author Share Posted April 15, 2012 First off, lovely you've met someone you like It can be very reaffirming and reassuring to know you can still find a spark with someone when you come out of a long term relationship. Next, does your new fella know about your visa application and plans to move to Aus? And if so, has he said anything about it all? Supportive, non committal or against it in any way? Perhaps have a chat with him and explain some of your thoughts. He might have feelings for you he is not letting on and want to get more serious but also might be interested in Aus at some point. Its something to at least talk over with him as he is someone you are considering. Honestly, I'd be the first one to say carry on with your plans to go but if you honestly have realised you have different reasons for going now, or did before even, then perhaps have a rethink and consider staying put, at least for a couple of years. But realise that if it doesn't work out with this new fella, you may have to start over to get to Aus (should you still want to go). New relationships can always cause flutters and excitement and us ladies do tend to over analyze and over think the whole new guy thing to the point of distraction (lovely, fun but annoying at the same time). And it can of course make us reflect and feel differently from how we did a few weeks before. As to if a relationship has legs or can progress past those early stages, well, some take longer than others to get to the point of realising or wanting it. I'd talk to the guy, see if he thinks this could be something more serious than it is atm and if so, does he have any ambitions or dreams to go elsewhere and if so, how about an adventure at some point in the future If he wants to carry on your relationship but stay put, and you can honestly say you are happy to pass up on your visa and job, then fair enough. I don't see why you would regret staying here and being with him. You'd (hopefully) be happy in the long term is the main thing. Life changes direction when we least expect it. Sometimes you just need to reach out and stay still a while to appreciate those changes What a great post Snifter:notworthy: He has said that he doesn't want him or the fact he wants me to stay, to be a part of my decision as he feels I could hold it against him in tough times, which is a fair point. He said he'd be gutted if I went but it has to be my decision. He said he feels time is against us but he wants to carry on as normal and he as been planning holidays and we have weekends away together booked over the next couple of months. From my perspective, I am definitely holding back and not allowing myself to get too attached. I get the feeling he is very much the same. He has said on more than one occasion that he has a really good feeling about us and he is very excited about the future. We both feel like we've known eachother much longer than 2 months. He could easily move to Oz with his job but he is close to his mother and she is going through the wars at the minute so he won't leave. It's difficult to know if the relationship has long term prospects because we are n the honeymoon period and because of the situation, we are both holding back. We are going away this week for a few days so I guess it will come up in conversation then:smile: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest51810 Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 What a great post Snifter:notworthy: He has said that he doesn't want him or the fact he wants me to stay, to be a part of my decision as he feels I could hold it against him in tough times, which is a fair point. He said he'd be gutted if I went but it has to be my decision. He said he feels time is against us but he wants to carry on as normal and he as been planning holidays and we have weekends away together booked over the next couple of months. From my perspective, I am definitely holding back and not allowing myself to get too attached. I get the feeling he is very much the same. He has said on more than one occasion that he has a really good feeling about us and he is very excited about the future. We both feel like we've known eachother much longer than 2 months. He could easily move to Oz with his job but he is close to his mother and she is going through the wars at the minute so he won't leave. It's difficult to know if the relationship has long term prospects because we are n the honeymoon period and because of the situation, we are both holding back. We are going away this week for a few days so I guess it will come up in conversation then:smile: It must be so hard for you. Just have a good think and enjoy the time you have together this week x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Mrs B, if it were me, knowing all that, I think I'd be saying to him ok, I'll let the visa go and we'll give ourselves time to see what we might have together. And if in a couple of years you are still going strong and all is well for him with his mother, then you can consider a move to Aus then. And if its not worked out, you can set the wheels in motion again if you want to and strike out on your own for Aus (if its what you still want). Truthfully, if he makes you happy, give it a chance. Finding happiness under your nose and knowing its tangible and possible is easier than going the other side of the world to try to find it. My husband makes me happy in a way no country could. Sure I have a lifetime love affair with the Netherlands but I truly found emotional happiness and contentment when I met my husband. I'd not pass that up for anywhere or anything :wubclub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MackyD Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Can I play Devil's advocate and just say that relationships with Police people (wee bit of pc there, excuse the pun) are decidedly difficult and they have a very high failure rate. That said, only you know what your current priorities are. And, remember, they are only current priorities - they change with time. Looks like they have done and may well again. I'd always live for the now - not the maybe. At the moment that means moving to Oz. it wasn't this time last year and, if I hadn't taken the decision, it may not have been this time next year. Go for the now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tinkerbell1000 Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Im 34 and going on my own also - I would say go for it. I will be doing the whole houseshare thing as well, giving up my business of 10 years to go back and work for someone again. I have had so many ups and downs but certainly on the relationship side, theres plently more men if the long term thing didnt work out and who knows, the relationship could take a different turn quite quickly. Go for it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lebourvellec Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 What sort of visa have you applied for?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Missus B Posted April 15, 2012 Author Share Posted April 15, 2012 Can I play Devil's advocate and just say that relationships with Police people (wee bit of pc there, excuse the pun) are decidedly difficult and they have a very high failure rate. That said, only you know what your current priorities are. And, remember, they are only current priorities - they change with time. Looks like they have done and may well again. I'd always live for the now - not the maybe. At the moment that means moving to Oz. it wasn't this time last year and, if I hadn't taken the decision, it may not have been this time next year. Go for the now. The same could be said about Paramedics. :wink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Missus B Posted April 15, 2012 Author Share Posted April 15, 2012 what sort of visa have you applied for?? ens 121 pr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lebourvellec Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Maybe speak to an agent - but once your PR visa is validated and if you started work for them even for a short period of time - if you left after you would still have your PR. I know this is not part of your dilema - but you might be kicking yourself 6 months down the line if you give up the chance of your PR, and if things work out you would be able to sponsor your new partner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Nige Richy Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Well I am in a similar position job offer, Police Officer partner who has done a career break to be with me. I had a long relationship that went wrong and I am not as young as you are, found a new partner and now I have a great opportunity and it took me seconds to say yes when I got the phone call. My partner got her career break forms almost immeadiately. True Love will prevail if he wants to be with you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Ropey HOFF Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 All the best gal with what you do, i hope it goes well for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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