tea4too

I appreciate your thread is primarily about a difficult visit, but as a little girl is your daughter really concerned about the quality of clothing? For those rough and tumble, finger painting or just getting mucky days, cheaper clothing is often ideal. Particularly when they grow out of it all so quickly anyway. Tbh I do think it a bit of shame to bin grandparents gifts on the basis they are not of the quality you would normally buy yourself. If you really can’t bring yourself to use them, perhaps pass the items on to a charity that would appreciate and make good use of the donation? T x

I can’t give you reasons for MBTTUK @Suziedoll as we haven’t done that, but I can empathise with how you are feeling. Visiting family in Aus for the first time we expected to be caught up in their enthusiasm but it didn’t happen, and to an extent we started to feel as though everyone else was party to a secret that we just didn’t get. I understood the beauty of the landscape, the warmth of the sunshine and the difference in lifestyle, but could say that for a fair few countries around the world. And while happy to visit, I don’t necessarily want to live in any of them either. I guess much depends on what you are looking for, but for us the important things are here in the UK and the less important things aren’t deal breakers. T x

I agree @Fisher1 and am surprised so many posters living in the UK are unaware of the spike in hate crime following Brexit, as it has been well reported throughout the media. Incidents range from graffiti on Polish community centres and abusive notes pushed through the doors of Polish residents, to people accosted and attacked in the street for not speaking English. It has not been confined to people from the EU either, with other minorities receiving abuse along the lines of "We voted leave - when are you going to?" These are just a couple of links - http://news.sky.com/story/hate-crime-reports-up-57-in-brexit-aftermath-10326815 https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2016/aug/30/five-teenage-boys-arrested-after-man-dies-following-attack-in-essex

I guess I could just keep repeating what I said in #163 but you would probably simply repeat the fact that a democratic vote took place, and we would simply go round in circles. So, yes I know a vote took place, I agree it was a democratic vote, I do think the outcome matters....but seemingly unlike yourself I do not think it ends there, I do think the terms of Brexit matter, and I do think democratically elected representatives should have a role in how the consequences of the Brexit vote is managed. T x

The will of the people, those who voted, at that moment in time, based on the infirmation they had. Democracy does not start and end with a single conversation. T x

While I am not necessarily advocating another referendum, I do think democracy is about listening to people and allowing them to continually have a voice. Referendums (referenda?) elections, petitions, public protests are all part and parcel of that. As things change public opinion shifts, and reflecting ‘the will of the people’ means a responsibility on our lawmakers to provide the necessary information while also consulting on a regular basis. The general election process is a case in point…..having made a decision the electorate is not stuck with the outcome indefinitely. Interestingly in June 2008 the Republic of Ireland held a referendum on the ratification of the Treaty of Lisbon and it was rejected. A second vote a year later approved it. Democracy in action? Or should the electorate simply have lived with the consequences of their first choice? T x

Not read all the posts, so apologies if this has already been mentioned but, Lord Kerr devised Article 50 and he is of the view that the country "might want to think again" when Brexit terms become clearer, adding "You can change your mind while the process is going on”. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-scotland-politics-37852628

It isn't an incredibly selfish view, it is an honest response to an incredibly difficult situation. I don't think there is an easy route through the fact that we are all living longer, but age in its self brings so many emotional and physical challenges. My own mother was relatively young when I moved away, but with the passage of time I am very conscious that my sibling has little choice when it comes to providing caring and support on a daily basis. This is an uncomfrotable fact of relocation, if we are not there to provide care and support - who does? T x

When talking about life in the UK devolution is often overlooked but it is an important factor as key policy areas such as Education and Health are managed and financed differently depending on the home country. For example, students in England may currently pay far more than European students at £9.000 per annum but, if you normally live in Scotland and attend a Scottish University, the Scottish government will pay your fees. Welsh students receive a grant of up to £5,100 per annum towards tuition fees irrespective of where they study in the UK, and students in Northern Ireland pay up to £3,925 per annum if they attend a Northern Ireland University. Prescription charges are a good example of NHS policies that differ within the UK – In England the charge is £8.40 an item, whereas charges have been abolished in Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland. All of the above subject to change of course, but what happens in England doesn't necessarily happen elsewhere in the UK. T x

To an extent I don’t disagree with much of what you write, as I am increasingly concerned that the most vulnerable in society continue to pay a huge price for the legacy of the 2008 financial crash which, imo, was used as a convenient vehicle to push some very draconian right wing policies. Brexit has added another dimension with no-one, least of all our elected representatives, clear about where the country is headed or the practical consequences for ordinary people. However having said that, I don’t think it accurate to paint a picture of a nation of downtrodden people who potentially hibernate for 6 months, with no hope of decent health care or a decent place to live, and with children facing bullying as a matter of course. That is truthfully not my life, nor the life of my family and friends. I have no idea whether it is all about to change tomorrow, but there is not a country or economy in the world that can provide a guarantee of financial stability for life. Just my opinion @BacktoDemocracy but while I am not happy with the political climate or the direction it is taking, I currently live in a country where you don’t pay for medication if your GP believes you need it, where oral healthcare is recognised as integral to overall health and well being and is free to the most vulnerable, and where university fees are subsidised in an attempt to widen young people’s opportunities. And while bullying exists, the other side to that coin is the number of amazing ordinary kids who regularly take part in voluntary activities including those 450,000 young people in the Scouts and Guides, 14,000 Sea cadets, 41,000 Army cadets, and 60,000 Air cadets, just by way of example. For all its issues, it is possible to live in the UK and enjoy a good and happy life....but if your heart is elsewhere I guess the chances of doing so reduce. T x

Irrespective of who promised who, what, and when… dealing with now has to be the focus, and @TiaCapan makes a valid point. Relationships seem to be stretched to the point of breaking and in those circumstances, given your own feelings about a return, a simple relocation to Aus may simply widen cracks rather than heal them. Hopefully the counselling will help you to work through this as a couple, but whatever the outcome you should be aware of the implications of the Hague Convention as potentially it could have real consequences for you. http://www.pomsinoz.com/forum/news-chat-dilemmas/47091-children-what-happens-if-you-your-partner-decide-go-home.html http://www.pomsinoz.com/forum/news-chat-dilemmas/234489-quick-video-new-families-thinking-moving-australia.html

And beautiful North Wales is the fourth best place....not that it's a competition or anything, not really, everyone in the list is a winner....and all that :notworthy::cute: T x www.lonelyplanet.com/wales/north-wales-1341352/travel-tips-and-articles/mountains-quarries-and-surf-lagoons-adventures-in-north-wales

I often read this about the UK and it surprises me tbh as I don’t hibernate in winter, I just do different things. Sitting outside in a force 9 gale or under black heavy rain clouds is no fun but winter is when we tend to do more indoor stuff like theatre trips, pub meals, family get togethers, reading and cwtching up on the sofa to watch the movies we didn’t have time for in the summer. Walking is different in winter and we pick our days, but I quite like the beach in winter. We also have a summer house in the garden that we use all year round and last Boxing day sat out there for hours nattering and enjoying the old glass of wine. Warm clothing was essential to be fair, but I didn’t enjoy the company, the banter or the atmosphere less because it was winter. I know we are all different with different priorities, and maybe if Aus has got under your skin more than you realise you will struggle with a return to the UK, particularly in the winter months. But winter in the UK doesn’t automatically mean life has to go on hold, not really, not ime anyway. T x

Huge ((hugs)) @bobetta, this must be a gut wrenching time. There are stickies that will provide you with some of the information you are looking for, but they may not provide the sort of reassurance that you need right now. If you haven’t already done so, perhaps consider consulting a registered migration agent to see what options you have for returning to Aus. There is a forum 'Ask an agent' within the Migration section of Poms in Oz that might be a good place to start. Take care T x http://www.pomsinoz.com/forum/news-chat-dilemmas/47091-children-what-happens-if-you-your-partner-decide-go-home.html http://www.pomsinoz.com/forum/news-chat-dilemmas/234489-quick-video-new-families-thinking-moving-australia.html

You see for me @Huntersmummy there is a subtle but very important difference between a consistent moaner and someone who likes to occasionally have a good old whinge, put the world to rights, and then shrug their shoulders and get on with it anyway. And while I would normally shy away from stereotypes I am reminded of garden fence natters, and cup of tea moans where all the little niggles are trotted out, chewed over and put away with a “but hey, mustn’t grumble”. However, I totally understand that other nationalities do not get the banter and camaraderie that supports a good whinge. It’s a secret we keep well. :wink: Tx

I just wanted to wish you well LKC. I understand the need to feel a sense of belonging as it is a powerful emotion but if it is the holiday that has unsettled you, there is perhaps a good chance that a return the familiarity of your home and routine in Aus will restore the balance. On the other hand if your sense of belonging was out of kilter before the holiday, perhaps it is time to talk through the options with your OH and agree a timeframe for moving on to the next chapter for your family. We make and remake decisions all our lives and, while this seems a huge dilemma now, it is manageable as you have options and a partner who is happy to work through those options with you. Take care, T x

Jack, the posters on your thread offer sound and caring advice, perhaps as good an indication as any that you are not a lost cause, and there are good and caring people in the world. But support from a forum is limited and there are others better placed to provide that practical steer you may need to get back on track. If you cannot talk to staff in the hospital, perhaps talking to someone anonymously would help. The Samaritans on 13 52 47 www.thesamaritans.org.au/get-help-support/for-adults/ or Beyondblue on 1300 22 4636 would welcome the chance to talk to you and would understand the difficulties you are struggling with. Take care T x

I’m sure for some people in both the UK and Aus life is cr*p. I know there are places I would not choose to live and I suspect it would make little difference where I found myself if I was homeless, unemployed, or living on a low wage. But both are first world democracies where children can and do thrive, and people can and do live happily. @Rainman - Your 16 year old has the option of 6th form college, a gap year and then university if that’s that path he wants to take. But very soon your children will off making their own way in the world and tbh I doubt that a few years in the UK will scupper their life prospects whichever path they ultimately choose to take. Sometimes no matter how carefully you weigh and balance the options you just have to grit your teeth and make a leap of faith. Only you can decide whether this is one of those times…but I hope it works out, whichever way you jump! T x

I wasn't suggesting otherwise :cool: but the OP posted in mbttuk and expressed concern about a return to the midlands, so happy medics in Wales might be of interest :smile: T x

I think a traumatic break up coupled with a ‘permanent’ move to the other side of the world is an awful lot to deal with in 6 months or so. Your sense of perspective is likely to be a little out of kilter if nothing else. And I understand why people tell you not to draw comparisons with life in the UK as it’s a bit like picking at a scab. But I sense you are relatively young, free and single, so your life is your own and if Melbourne doesn’t float your boat you don’t have to put a brave face on and fake it until you make it. Give yourself a time frame, work out what you want and where you are most likely to find it, factor in those important career milestones, consider the financial implications and, after your head has done all that work….listen to your heart. Whatever you decide will be the right decision because it will ultimately open up other options and opportunities. And with my tongue firmly placed in my cheek, there is more to the UK than the Midlands - www.pomsinoz.com/forum/uk-news-chat/245947-moving-better-life-style.html Good luck @Raeinthesunshine, I'm sure you will find your way. T x

Acknowledging differences is not the same as discriminating. It’s when differences are used as an excuse to treat people less favourably that it becomes an issue. If J Smith and J Jones apply for a job, their future employer is presumably looking for the most suitable applicant so it shouldn’t matter who is John and who is Jane, should it? And if two loving adults decide to commit publicly and legally to each other in marriage, why is their gender relevant to anyone other than the couple concerned? T x

I'm not sure that's a great example of equality tbh. Males and females are treated differently as a direct result of the titles some societies impose. While Mr confirms you as male and nothing more, there is no direct equivalent for females. Not even ‘Ms’ fits the bill because of its perceived links to feminists and the conscious or unconscious bias that provokes. Society like to know whether women are married, single, or consider themselves emancipated, and official titles go a long way towards telling complete strangers more than they need to know. I guess women could lie, but that's not a dilemma any Mr would have to consider. T x

I disagree that plural marriage is more closely aligned "due to the potential to procreate naturally". Children may be the purpose or the outcome for some married couples, but that concept can equably be applied to couples who cohabit. And couples who cohabit (same sex or otherwise) may or may not have children. The point for me is that an individual's gender is being used as a reason to prevent some couples from legally marrying, yet I cannot see the benefits of such discrimination. And I tend to agree with @Gbye grey sky, in so far as plural marriage is a separate issue as it is not directly comparable, and raises a number of additional issues for society to consider in a way that 'couples' marriage does not. T x

Opposite sex couples who cannot procreate (for whatever reason) are not excluded from marriage, so the ability to produce children is not necessarily a key factor in marriage equality. T x

I didn't think so either, but the BBC recently reported on the death of Richard Neville, an Australian writer and social commentator who co-founded a satirical magazine called Oz in the 1960s. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-australia-37275173 ETA - but guess the satirical bit might include the name of the magazine...:wideeyed: T x