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whopperdaisy

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Everything posted by whopperdaisy

  1. whopperdaisy
    I agree exactly... any benefits (and of course there are benefits of living in either country) can be lost if you feel isolated without family support when you become a single parent. I think that sometimes courts in their indecision leave children in a worst of both worlds situation. I will say that I don't think their job is easy in making these decisions but sometimes the child's best interests seem to get lost among the red tape. It is very hard to weigh up which things have most value and this is something that can't neatly fit in the court's framework because it doesn't allow for every parent and child being different. Is having a very negative effect by making a custodial parent stay in a country they don't feel settled or supported outweighed by having time with the other parent all the time? What if that parent is for example abusive or a drug user or has personality issues or even (less extreme but quite common) does not have the motivation to really make that relationship a strong one. Does that outweigh having involved and loving extended family. In some cases the answer may be yes and in some no but courts don't really deal well with those grey areas. I'm waffling a bit. Good on you and your wife, Neil, for at least opening the discussion. I hope you'll be able to go back to it again at some point when you've both reflected more. I think it is brave of you to consider your child may be better with his other parent and that statement in itself shows your love. My personal opinion is that most times the child benefits from a well-supported custodial parent more than the debatable opportunities of living in Australia. I'll admit a lot of bias though :cute:
  2. whopperdaisy
    I can only say from my experience that once my child (and the father) were here with an application in the system, my ex was not asked to leave and had to change the visa type sought. I don't think it cost him anything much to change that application either. That is because we were in Australia when we separated though - if she is still in the UK, it would be another matter and the visa could be cancelled. I would strongly recommend against being anything other than completely honest on the DIAC forms. Aside from anything, your ex may be able to claim certain things if she takes you to court on custody matters because you have signed a DIAC form saying so.
  3. whopperdaisy
    Confusedd, has your ex given any reason why she wants to separate? It may not be first choice but, unless there is a very significant reason otherwise, if you were in the UK she would have a very weakened case if she has said she will prevent contact altogether. The UK may put a little more weight than here in Aus on proven domestic violence or abuse towards the child (not suggesting that is the case with you, it is with me) but otherwise the court will likely take a very dim view - she does have the right to change her mind about moving and honestly I think it very hard to win a relocation if she is the primary caregiver but if you choose to be in the UK you may get a big chunk of custody perhaps and certainly should get contact rights even if you stay in Aus unless the reasons are very compelling indeed. No idea on the visas unless it is because she won't get to keep her spouse visa based on changed circumstances but would get right to abode under another family visa based on your daughter's permanent residency?
  4. whopperdaisy

     

    <p>All good, hope you're settling in well and enjoying lovely Victoria <img src="<fileStore.core_Emoticons>/emoticons/smile.png" alt=":)" srcset="<fileStore.core_Emoticons>/emoticons/smile@2x.png 2x" width="20" height="20" /></p>

    <p> </p>

    <p><img src="http://www.melbourneholidays.com.au/images/dandenongs02.jpg" alt="dandenongs02.jpg" /></p>

     

  5. whopperdaisy

     

    <p><img src="http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRosAnfmvq-NzhPkHSevqmBasj7QFuou0eLEMbrSEUKnkUCsp6xoQ&t=1" alt="images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRosAnfmvq-NzhPkHSevqmBasj7QFuou0eLEMbrSEUKnkUCsp6xoQ&t=1" /></p>

    <p> </p>

    <p>Happy Valentines Day HL</p>

     

  6. whopperdaisy

     

    <p><img src="http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRosAnfmvq-NzhPkHSevqmBasj7QFuou0eLEMbrSEUKnkUCsp6xoQ&t=1" alt="images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRosAnfmvq-NzhPkHSevqmBasj7QFuou0eLEMbrSEUKnkUCsp6xoQ&t=1" /></p>

    <p> </p>

    <p>Happy Valentines Day, hope yours is especially special <img src="<fileStore.core_Emoticons>/emoticons/smile.png" alt=":)" srcset="<fileStore.core_Emoticons>/emoticons/smile@2x.png 2x" width="20" height="20" /></p>

     

  7. whopperdaisy

     

    <p><img src="http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRosAnfmvq-NzhPkHSevqmBasj7QFuou0eLEMbrSEUKnkUCsp6xoQ&t=1" alt="images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRosAnfmvq-NzhPkHSevqmBasj7QFuou0eLEMbrSEUKnkUCsp6xoQ&t=1" /></p>

    <p> </p>

    <p>Happy Valentines Day</p>

     

  8. whopperdaisy

     

    <p>Happy Valentines Day... give us a slice of that cake then <img src="<fileStore.core_Emoticons>/emoticons/smile.png" alt=":)" srcset="<fileStore.core_Emoticons>/emoticons/smile@2x.png 2x" width="20" height="20" /></p>

    <p> </p>

    <p><img src="http://cakedelivery.com.au/images/mud%20cake.jpg" alt="mud%20cake.jpg" /></p>

     

  9. whopperdaisy

    <p>Yes, I think in some ways there is here in my area at least.</p>

  10. whopperdaisy

    <p>Holidays in Oz are full of romance - all those cyclones, floods, fires and so on really bring people together lol</p>

  11. whopperdaisy

    <p>All those tasteful plastic cupids in the shops may give you a reminder (if you're not still on hold for the insurance company that is).</p>

  12. whopperdaisy

    <p>Maybe you should give them another Valentines reminder after your earlier drill? <img src="<fileStore.core_Emoticons>/emoticons/smile.png" alt=":)" srcset="<fileStore.core_Emoticons>/emoticons/smile@2x.png 2x" width="20" height="20" /></p>

  13. whopperdaisy

    <p>All good, how are things there? Thinking of you (and of being evacuated by the RN <img src="<fileStore.core_Emoticons>/emoticons/smile.png" alt=":)" srcset="<fileStore.core_Emoticons>/emoticons/smile@2x.png 2x" width="20" height="20" /> )</p>

  14. whopperdaisy
    I guess it depends on whose needs become most important when you have children. It is not an easy situation for anyone. It may be that you do have to compromise or find a solution that brings her folks here for a while? Especially first time, while it is exciting to be pregnant, it is also very intense and can be quite scary. It is pretty natural to want familiar comforts around. It is a huge adjustment in itself and added to being away from family, quite daunting (I had mine over here and honestly wish I had move back to the UK but that is for other reasons). It is also the time that you realise that you are no longer free to come and go between countries, that someone else can stop you. That can bring up a lot of fear and what-ifs. Here's the thing. Having a child with someone away from home means that if things don't work out, you are effectively still prevented from going, well, pretty much anywhere by that person unless they choose to allow it. Even for holidays. In my case, as my parents become more elderly, that could mean I don't get to see them again. For those of my family unable for whatever reason to travel, I will get to see them in 15 years or so. While I am not saying you would put your partner in that situation (I would hope not, I can assure you it is not good for kids for their mum to be unhappy) it is scary still to hand someone that power. When you think of it like that, I expect you can see while your partner may feel panicked.
  15. whopperdaisy
    Hope that job works out for you OK, Luke. At 18 I figure you're old enough to choose for yourself (only natural your mum will worry and miss you though, its what we do :rolleyes:)
  16. whopperdaisy
    I think that is a great way to handle it with grace and without badmouthing, I will try to use that method myself, thank you.
  17. whopperdaisy

    <p>Obviously should Den wish to commandeer a RN ship and come and evacuate us we'd comply and get on board <img src="<fileStore.core_Emoticons>/emoticons/smile.png" alt=":)" srcset="<fileStore.core_Emoticons>/emoticons/smile@2x.png 2x" width="20" height="20" /></p>

  18. whopperdaisy

    <p>Malta sounds like a great place to be just now <img src="<fileStore.core_Emoticons>/emoticons/smile.png" alt=":)" srcset="<fileStore.core_Emoticons>/emoticons/smile@2x.png 2x" width="20" height="20" /> Thanks to you & Den xx</p>

  19. whopperdaisy

    <p>Malta sounds like a great place to be just now <img src="<fileStore.core_Emoticons>/emoticons/smile.png" alt=":)" srcset="<fileStore.core_Emoticons>/emoticons/smile@2x.png 2x" width="20" height="20" /> Thanks to you & Den xx</p>

  20. whopperdaisy

    <p>Pretty chaotic, staying close to home and keeping an eye on the reports. *hugs*</p>

  21. whopperdaisy

     

    <p>Happy new year, hope you're recovered <img src="<fileStore.core_Emoticons>/emoticons/wink.png" alt=";)" srcset="<fileStore.core_Emoticons>/emoticons/wink@2x.png 2x" width="20" height="20" /></p>

    <p> </p>

    <p><img src="http://www.lillyarts.com/assets/images/HappyMooYear.jpg" alt="HappyMooYear.jpg" /></p>

     

  22. whopperdaisy

    <p>Back at you.... enjoy the time together and hope you'll be over here before another one passes <img src="<fileStore.core_Emoticons>/emoticons/smile.png" alt=":)" srcset="<fileStore.core_Emoticons>/emoticons/smile@2x.png 2x" width="20" height="20" /></p>

  23. whopperdaisy
    I guess it is a matter of knowing that it will ultimately hurt little one if I add to the whole mess by retaliating, that thought is a heck of an incentive to behave... I can't control what my ex does, only how I behave and the example I set. It is frustrating as hell but not much choice other than get on with it. You gave me a laugh with the Christmas present though :laugh:
  24. whopperdaisy
    I guess I am a bit jaded as well because one of the problems is the assumption that each parent has the child's welfare as a high priority and that is not always the case unfortunately. I do my utmost to make things as easy as I can on little one, do not criticise LO's father to her (the opposite in fact, probably overcompensate) only to have a confused little one coming home saying "Daddy says you're bad and mean and this isn't my home any more."
  25. whopperdaisy
    I was chatting with a child psychologist recently and she told me the bulk of her clients are people caught up in the fallout of the shared care assumption. She also mentioned there is more recent research that suggests that assumption is a disaster for children, but that it takes a very long time to adjust accordingly. The reality is, each case should be taken on its merits because each child and family is different. There are other guidelines that seem to be often ignored, such as not putting a parent and child at risk from the other parent where domestic violence is a factor. Factors such as addiction and mental disorders, drug use, alcoholism should IMO be taken far more into account. Note I am careful to say parent because it certainly can be either parent who has these issues. Should there still be an assumption of shared care where one parent is a frequent drug user, where one parent been abusive to the other over the child's head, made threats of abduction, etc. OK, rant over.
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