whopperdaisy

I will add in case it wasn't obvious from Pommyoz's post that the outcomes can be very different in family court here in terms of custody arrangements compared to in the UK. There is an assumption that just because a parent is shown to be abusive towards the other parent, it does not mean he or she is likely to abuse the child. This is statistically incorrect. Going through the courts is terrifying, it feels as bad as the original abuse a lot of the time. One of the judge's response when informed that abuse had occurred: "Get over it!"

That is a part of the problem with it not getting publicised isn't it? It is so hard to talk openly when you, or worse, your children, are likely to be penalised for it. I will have a think about what publications this might suit.

I think this would make such a good story for one or other of the UK magazines or better newspapers. If they wrote about this situation existing, would you be willing to talk with a writer?

Pommyoz, you hit on something very important... the effect this has on your family back in the UK. This situation is very hard on my family, not only because they want to be a part of my child's life but also because they are very limited in the help they can offer, it distresses them to know I am stuck here against my wishes, having to deal with and leave my child with someone who, well, that's another story but it is not good. Even if your child has been harmed, the Australian courts do not necessarily believe it is in your child's best interests to leave with you. Far from it.

It can feel like an almost impossible choice can't it? My sympathy, this is hard. There are several of us on here, I hope that this outlet can provide some comfort for you as it does for me. The best thing we can do is make the most of our situation, as you said, and try our best to ensure the impact on us does not impact our kids. :hug:

I am also not a legal expert but I do know that a parent can apply to have an Austraian made order varied, so presumably they could apply for an overseas agreement to be varied too.

Yes, if he chooses to he can stop her, he could also do a lot to ruin her Christmas/holiday if he chose. He can apply to have the children put on an airport stop list should he consider they are likely to leave the country. His permission is in theory required for the children to travel. Strongly suggest your friend talks to a lawyer soon.

Hi there, I know it is very tough to be in this situation, I am a single mum here who cannot return home as well. Not sure where you are located but you are very welcome to PM me and I will help you if I can, sometimes it is good just to be able to vent to someone in the same boat! Good luck whatever you decide to do.

I'm another one stuck here. Broke up with my ex when he was on a temp visa, he was extremely abusive. I am not allowed to leave with my child. I can't even go on holiday. My parents are not getting any younger and will soon be too old to make the flight here, so I am very conscious that I may never see them again. My child misses out on doting grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Thank heavens for the internet. My ex had been in the country a year when we escaped with nothing but our clothes and some spare nappies. I was able to prove the violence but the courts here do not consider that to be much of an issue it seems when it comes to custody. The court system is horribly expensive and takes years. As was pointed out, you can't rely on child support here and a huge proportion either underpay or don't pay at all (I read 50% I think somewhere else). I have also found that the police attitude towards domestic situations is very dated, to say the least. I could say I wish I read this thread a few years ago but the reality is, I didn't think it would happen to me. I will make the best of my situation because it is better than the alternative but somewhere that seems idyllic can seem like a prison. I think it is well worth checking the legal options before getting on the plane, and if you're considering starting a family, at least wait a while after you arrive to see how you feel after the honeymoon period is over.