To stay or go back??? (England-Aus-England....)

[Emmylou]

I have a huge dilema that maybe someone can help me solve.

 

In June 2008 myself and OH moved to the Gold Coast in Qld. I lasted 18mths before feeling homesick to the point of borderline depression. We came back for a visit in April 2010 which OH hoped would help me realise why we left England (we lived in Liverpool and have returned there). It didn't got offered a job and my sister announced her pregnancy (I now have a gorgeous 1 yr old niece) which was the final nail in OH's Aussie dream. We came home in August 2010 much to my relief and OH's heartbreak. Thankfully this has not driven a wedge between us and my OH has been amazing!!!

 

Now 18mths on I am feeling like I did before we made the decision to move to Australia. My husband hates his job, I love mine but feel I struggle with work-life balance (I'm a registered nurse, current working as a Student Health Visitor - I qualify this summer). The weather is dismal probably owing to time of year- although there was a distinct lack of summer in the North West in 2011. And we're back on the same old merry go round with friends and family, I sometimes feel they take advantage of us or put demands on us we really don't need. Having said that I missed my family terribly in the last 6mths of being in Aus.

 

We have PR which expires in May 2014. I am increasingly feeling like we should go back. We had a more varied life and made some lovely friends, both Aussies and POMs. It keeps niggling at me and I just don't know what to do. OH and I have discussed it and he doesn't want to talk about it anymore until I have made up my mind. Not sure we'd want too return to the GC, but quite fancy WA or SA, not sure exactly where. Also concerned about finding work as a Nurse and OH is a carpenter but would like to get out of that trade and try his hand at something else.

 

I know that this time if we go we aren't coming back because it would cripple us financially and break OH's heart (I couldn't do that to him again).

 

What to do???

 

Mxxx:arghh:

[bensdad]

Give Wa a try were in Freo and love the place.

 

 

Loving Fremantle!

[Johndoe]

Come back to the SE corner (Brizzy suburbs) . Plenty of work for nurses and the best of both worlds............an hour to the Gold or sunny coast for days out.............both hinterlands an easy trip................and the suburbs here quieter and less crime than the Goldie

[RockDr]

If you do go back to Australia, sounds like you're a bit like me in that you need to know when you'll next be seeing your family. By sorting out your budget before you make any large monetary decisions like car/house etc, it should be possible for you to set enough aside to be able to go visit family on a regular basis.

Myself and OH only run one small car, and walk/cycle to work. By doing this we can afford to put aside money for trips to Europe every 18months, as well as plenty other holidays and weekends away.

 

Otherwise maybe you need to consider a move closer to home. Either another part of the UK, such that you can still visit family, but living in each other's pockets, or europe, or even america, 5-8hrs vs 24hrs of travel to get home does make a difference.

 

What is it about Australia that you really liked, and could you re-create that elsewhere? e.g. how can you improve your work-life balance without moving to the other side of the world?

[ali]

You wouldn't have too many problems getting a job as a nurse here in WA at all. WA is quiet compared to the GC (which is one of it's attractions for us), good luck with whatever you decide.

[amibovered]

The question is, do you really want to come back to Australia or do you just want to run away from the life you have at the moment?

[Quoll]

What is stopping you having the varied life, making different friends and seeing different things in UK or at least a tad closer to home? It seems somewhat drastic to move to the other side of the world when you know that you are going to struggle with the same tyranny of distance that afflicted you before - your kids not having their grandparents/extended family around, you missing pretty much all the significant events in your family for the rest of your days etc. If you go knowing that you wont be able to return the feelings of entrapment and resentment are never going to be far from the surface. As it stands, your OH probably has those feelings now so you had probably better sort them out before you run away again.

 

Good luck with your decision

[starlight7]

Why don't you move down sarf? A lot less drastic tham re-doing Australia. Somewhere nice like Somerset, Devon or Cornwall? The NW isn't the best place, especially in Winter.

[Emmylou]

Thanks guys for your input. I should point out that my family live about 2 hours away (if the M6/M5 is clear???) so I see them every 6 weeks at most. We do see our friends most weekends though. I don't see it as running away from what we have now as both of us could stay here happily(ish) and have a nice life, reasonable standard of living and good jobs (paywise even if OH doesn't like his, it's -7 outside today and he's on a roof!!). We'd have our family within easy reach and friends on our doorstep, but we both feel there is something missing since we got back. Maybe we've outgrown our friends, or they've outgrown us? May be it's sunshine and golden sandy beaches?

 

I think I have come to realise since being back that family and friends are important but they aren't everything, our future and longterm happiness is more important. Growing old in England with a tweed skirt and cardi, heading off to Spain a couple of times a year to warm up doesn't appeal (I know it doesn't have to be like that). We met loads of Old Aussies who spend their winter touring the tropics and summer in the south renting out their houses and trotting off in their campervans (or rather huge mobile homes with boats and fourbys on the back in some cases).

 

When I think back to Aus I found the Aussies less materialistic (although not always true) and more laid back. Most Aussies would happily give something new a try and I found them very accepting of new people (maybe I was lucky given some of the posts I've read on here). We have lots of weekends away in the UK most recently to Edinburgh which was fantastic but there is nothing like rocking up to a beach with the tent and rods in the back of the car, an isky full of beer and the barbie at the ready to chill for the weekend. A bit chilly to do that here all year round!!

 

In terms of work-life balance I hope that will improve when I qualify as a Health Visitor in August so really that isn't such an issue. I don't feel that OH need to not return to the UK if we did go back to Aus is a problem in terms of he gave up loads to come back here with me and I know that if I did get homesick I would eventually get over or get on with it. It was the first time I really got homesick in Aus and I gave in to it, maybe I should have been stronger and knuckled down a bit more to get over it??

 

I guess on a freezing cold day like today the biggest draw is the weather. I know it's more expensive, that it isn't easy to find work in some areas, it can be hard to settle, crime rates...etc etc. But Australia is an amazing country with more opportunities for us than England. The question is up sticks and try again or stay and get on with things having very fond memories of a fabulous two years in Aus??? I guess I have a little while to consider the pros and cons further. All help and advice continues to be gratefully received.