OzzHammer Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 :wacko: Hi everyone.... its been really interesting reading the threads lately & a comfort to know that i am not alone. My last post was about feeling torn .... this post is about ... well feeling torn, I think you could look at the pros & cons - the whys & wherefors & still feel just as confused as you were in the beginning - thinking you have made the right decision one day then the next day feeling very different. Hubby is in a secure job,gets lots of perks incl not paying for petrol so financially we are sound & I only work 1 day a week. Are we happy, well my hubby is, my children in general are, but... we are alone...Im i happy... no. I am depressed currently seeking professional help,have had 4 visit so far,only breifly spoke about uk & dont feel differently yet about what to do... I need a crystal ball:wacko:. Everyone has an opinion about what to do the best decision to make & everyone is different with their situation. O/H has sent c.v to several companies,didnt hear anything,& only gets e-mail for students work or contract work,however recently he heard from a friend who might have a job - but could take a while before he knows what,so we are sitting ducks right now.House on market soooo slow - have had dog rabbies shot to go back to uk,this was done a while ago as you cant go anywhere for 6mnths,so wanted to get it done & out the way. Im concerned about school as my son is 12 in Jan so here he is finfishing primary yr6-start high school next year...yet in thw uk he should be in year 8 of high school,infact i have several concerns about alot of things - how it would all map out & no one will know if its the right decision to make - you have to do it - which involves money - lots of it - planning - changing everthing even lifestyle... I need a crystal ball:arghh: but I cant change the way I feel - most people would say go back some would say stay here. Want things to be easier & want to make the right decesion for the family ... Any feed back would be appreciated - thanks:err: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ksc2303 Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 it's hard to know if you are doing the right thing or not, I don't think you ever truely know if you made the right decision until you actually do it... if you know what i mean?! We made the decision to move to Melbourne from Worcester and I am kicking myself at the moment and desperately want to go back. I know I stuffed up and made the wrong choice, but I have to live with that now and all I can do is try and fix the mistake I made in the first place and get saving to go back! In the end if you do realise you made the wrong choice... don't beat yourself up about it. At the time you can only do what you think is best for you and your family. No one can predict what is to come unfortunatley! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest anitaw Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 HI ozzhammer, no you are not alone and talking/writing about it will help a little. If your house is on the market does that mean you have made a decision? Is your OH trying to get work in the UK? You will have heard of this before but I think it really works. Get a pen and paper and write all the pros for staying in Oz and all the pros for the UK. Then the cons for both. The results can be surprising. Hope that helps a little. Let us know how you get on. :idea: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 Hi hun, there are lots of people in your situation so never think you are alone. Can I ask how long you have been out here? A lot of people struggle in their first 6 - 12 months, if you can get over this stage you may feel better. One of our mods was in a similar situation and I am sure would be happy to chat with you (Harpodom) What you have to remember is that nothing matters apart from you and your family's happiness. If that is back in the UK then so be it. Good luck and if you ever want to chat please feel free to pm me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RockDr Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 Try not to stress yourself out from an education point of view, you've got another nearly two years before your son would be starting GCSEs, and they are pretty much stand-alone courses, so he'd be fine going from Australia to UK at this stage. So basically, no rush, relax, things will work out, you've got plenty time to make a decision. One way to figure out which option your really feel stronger about is to toss a coin. If your instinct upon seeing the result is to say "best of three" then you know you didn't like that result... Also make sure you keep your Husband and older children up to speed on what you're feeling. It's important when making decisions like this that everyone knows what the others really want, all too often people will say one thing becuase that's what they think you want to hear. big hugs, good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OzzHammer Posted December 7, 2011 Author Share Posted December 7, 2011 Hi Anita, We have the house on the market for lots of reasons,but the main one is to free up equity & help decide where we go from there,& yep we have done the list of good n bad with oz & uk & to be honest it does'nt help as there are pros & cons with both - if we stay we are finacially comfortable but have no family if we go, not sure yet if we will be financially sound but will have friends & family. Have been in oz 7yrs in march Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 Hun if you still feel this way after 7 years then I would say you have given it one hell of a go, now it's time for you to all be happy and settled. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OzzHammer Posted December 7, 2011 Author Share Posted December 7, 2011 Hello & thanks for your post - yes we have given it along time, which again could work for me or against - I think this is why I have concerns, as soo much as changed since we moved here & back in the UK. I know nothing can stay the same,but I guess its the dreaded fear of the unknown which is scary. I want to be positive but I find it really hard which ever decision we end up making - I so hope it will be the best:confused: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RockDr Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 Whichever decision you end up making, it doesn't have to be forever... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 Whatever you do, dont buy a crystal ball from a catalogue, they are known to be dodgy!:biglaugh: :hug: I reckon if Australia hasnt floated your boat after 7 years then it probably isnt going to. You do still have time as RockDr said - as long as your planning gets your son back into the UK system to start GCSEs then he will be fine. I'm a firm believer in grabbing opportunities when they come your way so cast out those lures and see what swims past you - you never know what is going to crop up next. For some of us the opportunities have just sort of magicked their way into our lives when we have least expected them. I think one of the biggest problems is that people do get themselves into knots by overthinking their situation - we none of us know what life is going to chuck at us from one minute to the next and I do go along with my son's mantra even thought I have come to it quite late - life is what happens when you are busy making other plans! BTW if you are working with a psych and your essential unhappiness seems to be that you are in the wrong place then you probably do need to raise this as an issue so that you can work on it - however I suspect that maybe you havent raised it because it is really the essential painful issue and it is very hard to let it out of its box. Good luck with the coin toss!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TheSally Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 Hi, it sounds like you're making plans along the way with getting your dog's shots and putting the house on the market... I think you already know what's in your heart ( or where your heart is). About the school issue, won't the transition be harder for your son the longer you wait? It would be easier for him to go sooner rather than later i would guess. It's a hard decision to make but like RockDr says, it doesn't have to be forever.. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest anitaw Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 Hi Anita, We have the house on the market for lots of reasons,but the main one is to free up equity & help decide where we go from there,& yep we have done the list of good n bad with oz & uk & to be honest it does'nt help as there are pros & cons with both - if we stay we are finacially comfortable but have no family if we go, not sure yet if we will be financially sound but will have friends & family. Have been in oz 7yrs in march Hey Ozzhammer, 7 years you have given this country and that is awesome. You have lived your adventure. Go home if that is what your heart tells you. If Mum isn't happy family isn't happy. When you have finally made the decision and have approval of your loved ones you will feel the immense pressure lifting. Start it today. Go to bed and dream about being home. Does it make you happy? Remember, in a few years you can always come back. The main thing is YOU DID IT !!! You lived on the other side of the world for 7 years. Don't let money get in the way, your family and friends in the UK will help. If not, I am sure there are jobs to be found. Whatever you decide you are a winner all round. Take care and keep us posted because although we don't know you personally we do care about our virtual friends in here. Anita xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunshine111 Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 :wacko: Hi everyone.... its been really interesting reading the threads lately & a comfort to know that i am not alone. My last post was about feeling torn .... this post is about ... well feeling torn, I think you could look at the pros & cons - the whys & wherefors & still feel just as confused as you were in the beginning - thinking you have made the right decision one day then the next day feeling very different. Hubby is in a secure job,gets lots of perks incl not paying for petrol so financially we are sound & I only work 1 day a week. Are we happy, well my hubby is, my children in general are, but... we are alone...Im i happy... no. I am depressed currently seeking professional help,have had 4 visit so far,only breifly spoke about uk & dont feel differently yet about what to do... I need a crystal ball:wacko:. Everyone has an opinion about what to do the best decision to make & everyone is different with their situation. O/H has sent c.v to several companies,didnt hear anything,& only gets e-mail for students work or contract work,however recently he heard from a friend who might have a job - but could take a while before he knows what,so we are sitting ducks right now.House on market soooo slow - have had dog rabbies shot to go back to uk,this was done a while ago as you cant go anywhere for 6mnths,so wanted to get it done & out the way. Im concerned about school as my son is 12 in Jan so here he is finfishing primary yr6-start high school next year...yet in thw uk he should be in year 8 of high school,infact i have several concerns about alot of things - how it would all map out & no one will know if its the right decision to make - you have to do it - which involves money - lots of it - planning - changing everthing even lifestyle... I need a crystal ball:arghh: but I cant change the way I feel - most people would say go back some would say stay here. Want things to be easier & want to make the right decesion for the family ... Any feed back would be appreciated - thanks:err: We were away 10 yrs. 6 yrs in Perth. Could you start by writing a list of what your fears are and then how you would combat them? It isnt actually the going home, I think that is the problem, it is the actual fear of the unknown. We all want the answers and to know it will be alright. We did so many lists and lots of soul searching and even right up to coming home in August, I still wondered were we doing the right thing? but towards the end it was becoming a mental health issue, never underestimate the importance of a sense of belonging. It is the 3rd most important thing after food and warmth!! The biggest question of all is, can I see the rest of my live here? kids have kids, grandkids etc.... or can I stay in Oz & have regular trips back to the Uk? will that decrease the problem,m if I know i can go home regularly... Having been a recruitment consultant, (back in the day before the kids!) I can tell you that unless you are in the country it makes it very hard to be taken seriously on the jobfront unless you have a skill indemand. The reality is, so long as you do your research. Think about what you want. Also what do you like in Oz at mo, what do you not like. Can you change anything? We have been back 4 months now, has been a tremendous journey, has been stressful and we didnt have all the answers before we came back, (also so many people in Oz telling us we were bonkers for heading back, which didnt help the anxiety of were we doing the right thing?!) we just had the bones of something to work with (e,g, where we wanted to live (researched x4 counties!) and what we wanted for the kids etc and what wasnt working for us in Oz, along with why we left the UK in the first place) Most things we have got right, (mostly from researching on the internet from Oz) somethings we haven't & somethings we hadnt factored in, but nothing that can't be tweaked. What we couldnt have imagined was what a fantastic community we have moved into, how well our son has settled into school, how much there is to do for kids, when you really get out there and look (and free!) there is a great little book that comes around our way once a month with all that is on. lurve it! also, how beautiful the countryside is and the seasons and generally how looking at the UK differently really changes the perspective! We are effectively starting a new life again, trying to set up again, make new friends, build some foundations, re-connect with family etc who are at least 1hr away and are having to get to know the kids. This all around x2 kids, x1 5 yr old and x1 just heading into terrible twos! so if we can do it, anyone can! Sometimes until you do it you just dont know. Have a worst case scenario or a plan B. Have been told it can take up to 18mths to really settle back. one things for sure, i feel utter relief for being back and a new appreciation of our extended family and the country as a whole... hard to explain but since getting off at heathrow, felt nothing but relief and a fresh air of optimism, resilence, determination,motivation and that everything and anything is possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunni1234 Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 We were away 10 yrs. 6 yrs in Perth. Could you start by writing a list of what your fears are and then how you would combat them? It isnt actually the going home, I think that is the problem, it is the actual fear of the unknown. We all want the answers and to know it will be alright. We did so many lists and lots of soul searching and even right up to coming home in August, I still wondered were we doing the right thing? but towards the end it was becoming a mental health issue, never underestimate the importance of a sense of belonging. It is the 3rd most important thing after food and warmth!! The biggest question of all is, can I see the rest of my live here? kids have kids, grandkids etc.... or can I stay in Oz & have regular trips back to the Uk? will that decrease the problem,m if I know i can go home regularly... Having been a recruitment consultant, (back in the day before the kids!) I can tell you that unless you are in the country it makes it very hard to be taken seriously on the jobfront unless you have a skill indemand. The reality is, so long as you do your research. Think about what you want. Also what do you like in Oz at mo, what do you not like. Can you change anything? We have been back 4 months now, has been a tremendous journey, has been stressful and we didnt have all the answers before we came back, (also so many people in Oz telling us we were bonkers for heading back, which didnt help the anxiety of were we doing the right thing?!) we just had the bones of something to work with (e,g, where we wanted to live (researched x4 counties!) and what we wanted for the kids etc and what wasnt working for us in Oz, along with why we left the UK in the first place) Most things we have got right, (mostly from researching on the internet from Oz) somethings we haven't & somethings we hadnt factored in, but nothing that can't be tweaked. What we couldnt have imagined was what a fantastic community we have moved into, how well our son has settled into school, how much there is to do for kids, when you really get out there and look (and free!) there is a great little book that comes around our way once a month with all that is on. lurve it! also, how beautiful the countryside is and the seasons and generally how looking at the UK differently really changes the perspective! We are effectively starting a new life again, trying to set up again, make new friends, build some foundations, re-connect with family etc who are at least 1hr away and are having to get to know the kids. This all around x2 kids, x1 5 yr old and x1 just heading into terrible twos! so if we can do it, anyone can! Sometimes until you do it you just dont know. Have a worst case scenario or a plan B. Have been told it can take up to 18mths to really settle back. one things for sure, i feel utter relief for being back and a new appreciation of our extended family and the country as a whole... hard to explain but since getting off at heathrow, felt nothing but relief and a fresh air of optimism, resilence, determination,motivation and that everything and anything is possible. Great post. I really enjoyed reading it, encouraging words. :yes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunni1234 Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 WoW....sorry to side track but i just checked my visitors page and so many visitors:wink: even visits from the mod gang. :tongue: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SussexBear Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 We were away 10 yrs. 6 yrs in Perth. Could you start by writing a list of what your fears are and then how you would combat them? It isnt actually the going home, I think that is the problem, it is the actual fear of the unknown. We all want the answers and to know it will be alright. We did so many lists and lots of soul searching and even right up to coming home in August, I still wondered were we doing the right thing? but towards the end it was becoming a mental health issue, never underestimate the importance of a sense of belonging. It is the 3rd most important thing after food and warmth!! The biggest question of all is, can I see the rest of my live here? kids have kids, grandkids etc.... or can I stay in Oz & have regular trips back to the Uk? will that decrease the problem,m if I know i can go home regularly... Having been a recruitment consultant, (back in the day before the kids!) I can tell you that unless you are in the country it makes it very hard to be taken seriously on the jobfront unless you have a skill indemand. The reality is, so long as you do your research. Think about what you want. Also what do you like in Oz at mo, what do you not like. Can you change anything? We have been back 4 months now, has been a tremendous journey, has been stressful and we didnt have all the answers before we came back, (also so many people in Oz telling us we were bonkers for heading back, which didnt help the anxiety of were we doing the right thing?!) we just had the bones of something to work with (e,g, where we wanted to live (researched x4 counties!) and what we wanted for the kids etc and what wasnt working for us in Oz, along with why we left the UK in the first place) Most things we have got right, (mostly from researching on the internet from Oz) somethings we haven't & somethings we hadnt factored in, but nothing that can't be tweaked. What we couldnt have imagined was what a fantastic community we have moved into, how well our son has settled into school, how much there is to do for kids, when you really get out there and look (and free!) there is a great little book that comes around our way once a month with all that is on. lurve it! also, how beautiful the countryside is and the seasons and generally how looking at the UK differently really changes the perspective! We are effectively starting a new life again, trying to set up again, make new friends, build some foundations, re-connect with family etc who are at least 1hr away and are having to get to know the kids. This all around x2 kids, x1 5 yr old and x1 just heading into terrible twos! so if we can do it, anyone can! Sometimes until you do it you just dont know. Have a worst case scenario or a plan B. Have been told it can take up to 18mths to really settle back. one things for sure, i feel utter relief for being back and a new appreciation of our extended family and the country as a whole... hard to explain but since getting off at heathrow, felt nothing but relief and a fresh air of optimism, resilence, determination,motivation and that everything and anything is possible. Excellent post! We gave it 5 years dithered and swithered, began to feel that if we left somehow we'd failed..at what? it's not a competition to see how long you can stick it out and once that light bulb goes on it's amazing how things come together, after getting the cats rabies injections the time went sooo sloowwwlyy! Once we'd bitten the bullet and booked the flight(Etihad,very reasonable) just couldn't wait. Left without a backward glance even though my family still live there. It suits them but in my heart just didn't suit me. When that plane touched down at Heathrow(after a great second leg got an upgrade to business:cool:) the sense of being home was almost palpable. we hae settled in to a lovely part of West Sussex, and the other night as I looked round our new living room with the tree up for Christmas and knowing that for the first time in 5 years we will not be on our own I knew we'd done the right thing. Even feeling bloody freezing when out Xmas shopping is excellent!! Yes things have changed since we've been away but not so much as to frighten you, things are a bit dearer than when we left but had we been here the past 5 years we probably wouldn't notice. So....sounds to me as if you really want to come home..give it a go you only get one chance in this life so don't spend it being unhappy..you can always go back or try somewhere completely different. I know it sounds trite but kids are adaptable and it probaly will upset them more to know you are unhappy than switching schools. Best of luck to you hope I haven't made things worse!!! :hug::hug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Shelduck Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 you are most certainly not alone, and if you find that crystal ball let me know 'cause i need one too! lol. we are in the same situation, getting quotes for removals and getting xmas out of the way and then getting the house on the market for a return next year. Conversations about fears, uk economy etc have dominated our lives for months now and people are right- its so easy to over analyze every decision but in the end you just have to go with your gut and things will fall into place (i really should practice what i preach) As others have said 7 years is long enough to know how feel. good luck with everything x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunni1234 Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 Excellent post! We gave it 5 years dithered and swithered, began to feel that if we left somehow we'd failed..at what? it's not a competition to see how long you can stick it out and once that light bulb goes on it's amazing how things come together, after getting the cats rabies injections the time went sooo sloowwwlyy! Once we'd bitten the bullet and booked the flight(Etihad,very reasonable) just couldn't wait. Left without a backward glance even though my family still live there. It suits them but in my heart just didn't suit me. When that plane touched down at Heathrow(after a great second leg got an upgrade to business:cool:) the sense of being home was almost palpable. we hae settled in to a lovely part of West Sussex, and the other night as I looked round our new living room with the tree up for Christmas and knowing that for the first time in 5 years we will not be on our own I knew we'd done the right thing. Even feeling bloody freezing when out Xmas shopping is excellent!! Yes things have changed since we've been away but not so much as to frighten you, things are a bit dearer than when we left but had we been here the past 5 years we probably wouldn't notice. So....sounds to me as if you really want to come home..give it a go you only get one chance in this life so don't spend it being unhappy..you can always go back or try somewhere completely different. I know it sounds trite but kids are adaptable and it probaly will upset them more to know you are unhappy than switching schools. Best of luck to you hope I haven't made things worse!!! :hug::hug: spot on.:yes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LinziM Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 I lived reasonably happily in Perth for 20 years, Didn't choose to come here, but made the best of it. Like most people whose thoughts I have read over the last year, once I began to have doubts, I turned to this site. It was a huge relief to realise I wasn't alone - there are a considerable number of people who find that Oz is not for them, whether they've been here for a few months or half a lifetime. I am going home in four weeks and I am so excited. I almost feel like I am being let out of prison, although if you had said this to me a few years ago, I would have laughed. I thought my homesickness was just something to put up with, a side effect of the wonderful medication of having the chance to live here! There are people who think I am completely mad, but not the ones who know me and care. My parents, who are in their mid eighties, are overjoyed. They happily waved me off years ago, both of us not knowing the cost. My sister and I, who are typically English, can't look at each other when I leave once again from a brief holiday, but we both can attest to the pain and I bloody can't wait to be able to call her neighbour as well as sister. OK, I am rambling, sorry but I needed to say this......................thank you for listening Linzi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 I lived reasonably happily in Perth for 20 years, Didn't choose to come here, but made the best of it. Like most people whose thoughts I have read over the last year, once I began to have doubts, I turned to this site. It was a huge relief to realise I wasn't alone - there are a considerable number of people who find that Oz is not for them, whether they've been here for a few months or half a lifetime. I am going home in four weeks and I am so excited. I almost feel like I am being let out of prison, although if you had said this to me a few years ago, I would have laughed. I thought my homesickness was just something to put up with, a side effect of the wonderful medication of having the chance to live here! There are people who think I am completely mad, but not the ones who know me and care. My parents, who are in their mid eighties, are overjoyed. They happily waved me off years ago, both of us not knowing the cost. My sister and I, who are typically English, can't look at each other when I leave once again from a brief holiday, but we both can attest to the pain and I bloody can't wait to be able to call her neighbour as well as sister. OK, I am rambling, sorry but I needed to say this......................thank you for listening Linzi Good for you Linzi, I sincerely hope that things work out well for you! I was just the same - took me about 25 years before I found that I wasnt alone in not liking Australia - even loathing it on occasion but realizing that I wasnt Robinson Crusoe was like lifting a weight from my shoulders and, quite surprisingly, when I felt empowered enough to say those thoughts aloud in real life I met many MANY more people who were caught in the trap and unable to leave although they would have gone had their finances/family been a bit more amenable. For years I thought I was trapped in Australia with an Australian husband who was sure he would slump into a depression at the mere thought of living in UK. However since arriving here on 1 September for an 8 week holiday and having our world turned upside down with elderly parents no longer able to cope alone - I didnt return to Australia (and havent shed a single tear or had a single thought of 'oh dear what have I done?' - let out of prison just about describes it!) and my husband who could only stomach 5 weeks in UK before he needed to get back to his bloody garden - has now been back here with me for over a month now, he has built 3 compost bins, dug 3 garden beds, planted garlic and broadbeans, joined a gym and the local cycling group, bought a crowbar and is applying for his citizenship by descent. So if we are here for a year or a decade I know I will be happy and, who knows, he might decide that gardening here is easier!!! So, I hope it works out just as well for you - there is nothing like belonging! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whichway Posted December 9, 2011 Share Posted December 9, 2011 It is a difficult decision and I sympathise with you. I echo that you know what is in your heart. As for people saying you are bonkers for leaving, it really does my head in, cos they are not living your life, or going through your experiences. Who cares really what anyone else thinks. People commented on how pay I will lose going home, but I have been poor and happy as opposed to reasonably well off and sad as poo.xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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