Englishlover Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 Hi all, I have been daiting an English man for 3 years already. We live in the different country. We met 2 times in 2 years and we will meet again soon. I am the person who flies to see him in the UK (he is responsible for airfare). One thing I am concerned is that he never introduce me to his family. When I asked him about this, he said he would consider it but not confirmed. Then , it led to argument. Normally, what is the meaning in English culture when a man introduces his partner to family. Is it so important? Should I bother it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 I would be bothered as I think if in a serious relationship then I would expect to meet the family. I would definitely expect it if I flew half way across the world to see him. Only my view. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jmahood Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 From one woman to another let me honestly tell you how it is. You are wasting your time! The likelihood is that he is either married or in a relationship already so he will not introduce you to any of his family. Seeing him only twice in a couple of years is not a relationship. Put your efforts into finding a relationship that is fulfilling and meaningful and has the potential to go somewhere long term. Sorry, I'm not going to fluff this up for you, yes, it'll hurt, but really walking away is better then what you currently have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steen1976 Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 Just turn up on his doorstep. And boil his pet rabbit if he won't let you in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rikyuu Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 (I'm a bloke by the way) it's hard to offer advice, because I don't want to say something that might end your relationship in case there really is something special there. But it does sound a bit strange. There could be many reasons why he doesn't let you see his parents, maybe in the past they weren't very accepting of his girlfriends. I'm assuming you might be eastern/oriental? Some very "English" parents may not take seriously a long distance relationship with an oriental lady. (I'm married to an oriental lady, so don't take this the wrong way). On the flip side, he could already be in a relationship or may not take it seriously himself and be keeping his options open. Some people don't realise their partner they lived with for 20 years is having a relationship, so with someone you see once a year, it could be impossible to find out. How long do you stay when you visit? Are you together all the time when you visit, or does he go out by himself Friday/Saturday nights? How often do you contact when you are overseas? If there was a reason he didn't want you to see his parents, he should say, but many blokes might not. Sorry for your difficult situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 I don't like offering advise when I don't know the full story, but from what you have said I would personally be out looking for someone else. Especially if you are only seeing him once a year, you could just be a bit on the side (I hope not for your sake). There are plenty more fish in the sea, go and start a new life for yourself instead of waiting around for this man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Englishlover Posted August 3, 2011 Author Share Posted August 3, 2011 Dear All,Thanks for all advice.Dear Rickyuu,I am oriental. I am 34 and he is 38.I stayed there for 2 weeks each time, and I am sure he does not have anyone else. When I call him at home, he always the person who answers the phone. When we were together, he did not call any person. We were 24 hours together. I may have not given enough information. We have talked about fiance visa. I may move to stay with him next year. He said he would like to see how this trip goes. We spent time in real life only 28 days total. Apart from that, we contacted by phones , emails , chats.However, I just want to see his parents. Maybe, I am the one who has problem.Sorry for confusing you with lack of info. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RockDr Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 Where do his family live? if they're not very far from him then I find it strange that you haven't met them yet, especially if you're talking about getting married. I would be suspicious if he doesn't want you to see them and doesn't give you an explanation. If he can't communicate about something that basic, it doesn't seem to be a very good basis for a long term relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rikyuu Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 Dear All,Thanks for all advice.Dear Rickyuu,I am oriental. I am 34 and he is 38.I stayed there for 2 weeks each time, and I am sure he does not have anyone else. When I call him at home, he always the person who answers the phone. When we were together, he did not call any person. We were 24 hours together. I may have not given enough information. We have talked about fiance visa. I may move to stay with him next year. He said he would like to see how this trip goes. We spent time in real life only 28 days total. Apart from that, we contacted by phones , emails , chats.However, I just want to see his parents. Maybe, I am the one who has problem.Sorry for confusing you with lack of info. It could be then that he's just a bit nervous about it with his parents, but he should be able to speak to you about that, but may also be embarrassed to tell you. He could even be embarrassed ABOUT his parents! I'm certainly no expert on relationships (still can't understand my wife after 12 years) and long distance relationships are difficult and multicultural relationships even harder! Sounds like you are trying your best, it's hard for outsiders to judge what your boyfriend may be thinking. If you are happy for now and this is the only issue, see how it goes. Very early days to be considering a fiance visa though, particularly if you have these worries now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Hatton Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 i think you need to ask some serious questions dear.....:rolleyes::rolleyes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sh7t man no way Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 perhaps it may not be you-he may be embarresed by his family,and if you get to meet them it may put you relationship in danger--just a thought:wubclub:its best you sort this out before you find commitment Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest siamsusie Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 Dear All,Thanks for all advice.Dear Rickyuu,I am oriental. I am 34 and he is 38.I stayed there for 2 weeks each time, and I am sure he does not have anyone else. When I call him at home, he always the person who answers the phone. When we were together, he did not call any person. We were 24 hours together. I may have not given enough information. We have talked about fiance visa. I may move to stay with him next year. He said he would like to see how this trip goes. We spent time in real life only 28 days total. Apart from that, we contacted by phones , emails , chats.However, I just want to see his parents. Maybe, I am the one who has problem.Sorry for confusing you with lack of info. I wouldnt like to judge this man without hearing his side of the story.. he could have some very valid reasons for not introducing you to his parents. My Korean son for example would take his time before honouring me with meeting his intended and there are European jokes eg. have you met his/her parents ? which is almost the final commitment !:laugh: Your infrequency of meeting up could hardly be called "dating" I would call it early stages of a friendship tbh. One other aspect is that under English law co habitation after a period of time accounts for property/financial division in many cases so he could just be safe guarding himself as well as you. Susie x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cjdrum Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 Really, really don't move over for a guy you've only ever spent a month of holidays with and who seems evasive with regard to integrating you into his life (and who has never bothered travelling to meet you). I feel bad for you as you seem very genuine, but the chances of a positive outcome in this case would seem to be slight. I would be amazed if any guy in an exclusive long distance relationship had a) never been to see you b) only flown you over twice c) never introduced you to friends/family I'd be very careful about emotionally committing to this relationship and/or making major life choices based upon it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Andy Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 Hi all, I have been daiting an English man for 3 years already. We live in the different country. We met 2 times in 2 years and we will meet again soon. I am the person who flies to see him in the UK (he is responsible for airfare). One thing I am concerned is that he never introduce me to his family. When I asked him about this, he said he would consider it but not confirmed. Then , it led to argument. Normally, what is the meaning in English culture when a man introduces his partner to family. Is it so important? Should I bother it? Their isnt any meaning re culture when a man introduces his partner to his family generally, it kind of just happens. In your case though i would say that you are not really partners as meeting twice in two years does not represent a relationship in my opinion. I like some others on here am very suspicious about the whole thing to be honest and if i were you would seriously reconsider whether you should move forward with this bloke.:unsure: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Masken Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 It is difficult to give advice when I don't really know you or the man you are talking about however I will try to be helpful. To be successful a relationship has to work both ways. From what you have told us everything is his way. He arranges and pays for the flights, is it a mutual decision about when you visit or does he tell you the only times he can manage? You are the one travelling each time and all you have asked is to meet his family. It wouldn't be so bad for him to say that he wouldn't like you to meet them if you gave you a valid reason which I think is worrying. Have you met any of his friends at all or is it always just you and him together alone? I think before you even consider moving your relationship to the next stage as someone else has already said you need to have some questions answered. Surely if you were to consider a fiance visa I would think it only polite that he travel to where you live and see what life you are giving up to join him. For example meeting your family and understanding your culture, it's a lot to ask someone to move away from their family and a culture and country they know and understand fully and I think he should be able to understand that. I just think that you need to be careful, you don't want to rush into getting a fiance visa and then feel trapped and unable to return back home if you wanted to. I really hope things do work out for you as just from the little bit you have posted you seem very geniune and you are wise to be cautious and not just rush into anything. Fingers crossed there is a logical explanation and if not that you can find happiness. Nicki Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reen Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 It could be then that he's just a bit nervous about it with his parents, but he should be able to speak to you about that, but may also be embarrassed to tell you. He could even be embarrassed ABOUT his parents!I'm certainly no expert on relationships (still can't understand my wife after 12 years) and long distance relationships are difficult and multicultural relationships even harder! Sounds like you are trying your best, it's hard for outsiders to judge what your boyfriend may be thinking. If you are happy for now and this is the only issue, see how it goes. Very early days to be considering a fiance visa though, particularly if you have these worries now. cultures differ - for example I have a son in Canada and another in Korea...... The son in korea is in a relationship where the western acceptance by us as parents is a big deal in her culture - no biggie in his own - I took it upon myself to point this out after the third email I had about "losing face" The Canadian visa son batted a ball into the window of a stationary vehicle secured a date with "miss world" running the rapids in her free time I met my husband in Gove NT and married him - with my European surname his own brothers first question was about skin colour thirty years on it's all good - do what you feel is right for you Some people, Australian males in particular really don't understand the nuances of Eastern culture Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reen Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 valid point Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevie ellis Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 Get yoursel a nice Scots laddie , we are different to the english :cute:in a gud way:yes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest51810 Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 where in scotland you from stevie? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobj Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 Get yoursel a nice Scots laddie , we are different to the english :cute:in a gud way:yes: You wear a skirt an' ya missus wears the pants...:laugh: Cheers, Bobj. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevie ellis Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 where in scotland you from stevie?aaaaberdeen:cute: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevie ellis Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 You wear a skirt an' ya missus wears the pants...:laugh: Cheers, Bobj. your right on one thing but defo wrang on the ither :cute: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest51810 Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 Can you speak dorich? i hope ive got the right name for it lol i like the aberdeen accent! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevie ellis Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 where in scotland you from stevie?far you fae quine?:wubclub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevie ellis Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 Can you speak dorich? i hope ive got the right name for it lol i like the aberdeen accent!spik it every day:laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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