leaving a child behind (not through choice)...where do we stand with maintainance?

[veronica]

Hi Edward Family,

 

I havent read all the posts, but i do think it is unfair when people do not understand what it is like to be in that situation. It is always difficult to know what the best thing is to do in these circumstances. If it may help I have expereinced both sides of this dilemma. My Ex Husband and I split up when my kids were just 4 and 3 so I was a single mum and things were very difficult but the CSA have been an absolute disgrace with no help whatsover in trying to get any money from my ex, he did everything to stall every part of the process over the last 14 years, to cut a long story short he had arrears of £16,000 in maintenace payments that he owed me and he has now recemtly declared himself bankrupt therefore writing off all the debt. My kids are now 16 + 17. They started having contact with him a few years ago but it all fizzled out, I always said it was their choice and I would support their decision if they wanted contact with him, I have never used them as Pawns and cannot understand women who do and believe me there are plenty of them out there, I cannot understand mothers who do not put their child's emotional wellbeing before their own feelings. On the other hand my now husband who has helped raise my children has two children from previos relationships by two different woman, he has always paid full maintenance to them and the CSA were still always on his back in fact he got a letter about a month ago saying that they have realised he owes another £150 for his daughter, who is now 21( she left full time education at 16) !! and he also overpaid about £1500 for his son which took forever for him to get it back. These monthly payments were nearly £600 between them and this leaving me effectively a single parent as i had to pay for everything for my children. The CSA seem to be a very unfair organisation , they don't seem to help the people who genuinly need help and they seem to target the ones who are willing to pay and they want to bleed them dry. The sad thing was that particularly in his daughters situation we know the money wasn't spent on her and in fact when she came to us to visit or even spend up to a week during holidays etc her mother used to send her to us with literally the clothes she had on her back , we had to buy her everything from underwear to shoes, Pj's etc, and this was when her mother was getting her money from my husband. and once she stopped him from seeing his daughter because there was a delay in the payment from CSA as he changed employers. Some people are so cruel.

Also if it helps my sisters father lives in Canada and the CSA would not get involved or even open a case as he was not in United Kingdom and she never got a single penny to help brinh up her daughter. I am not saying this is fair but that was the case. As my daughter is 16 the same age as yours I know that I would be more than happy if her dad paid her something into her own bank account at that age it is nice for them to start getting a little bit of independance and that way you know she wouldn't be missing out with buying the clothes she likes,going to cinema with friends etc.

It sounds like your daughter's mum is a bit like my Ex's daughters mum and isn't putting her feelings before her own. It sounds as though you have a very good relationship with your daughter and I hope her mum dosen't put too many spanners in the works for you. As I said I have experienced it both sides of the coin and it is never easy so I am sure whatever you decide it will be the right decision for you and your family.

 

Take Care & good luck in Oz.

[ali]

Hi Aimie,

 

The problem with posting a dilema on an open forum such as this will undoubtedly get a mixture of advice and opinions, whilst the latter isn't asked for - it's one of those things that happens. Everyone will see things very differently. Has your OH's daughter considered continuing her education in Aus? GCSE's won't count for much here unless she continues to do her A levels there too. We have friends whose daughter stayed behind in the UK to complete A levels and has been able to apply for Uni here.

[Parley]

Sorry if you have been upset.

 

Perhaps though you should not have raised the issue of whether to provide the full amount of child support as a dilemma.

 

Most people probably just see it as the right thing to do.

[Wildrover]

Hi

I have had experience of the CSA here, and I do understand how you are feeling.

As others have said they can chase you in Oz, 15% after tax for one child is normal regardless of any out goings you have. That 15% can go up dramatically if you choose to ignore them they are basically a law onto themselves. 50% is not unheard of. They can even chase the partner of the non domicle parent for money.

 

(However I do believe in the childs right to have maintenance)

 

I would strongly recommend some form of agreement with your OH ex if you can, emotions run very strongly with this so it will not be easy.

 

The day she is 19 is the day the payments cease. (not the age of majority ie 18)

 

Can I wish you luck

[Guest guest36187]

I have had CSA experience in the UK.

 

When I met my husband his children were 4 years old and they were spending every weekend with him . OH and his ex had a financial aggreement taht they had worked out between them. What we were paying in child support was the same as our mortgage payment! So quite a lot. When I was out of work for 6 weeks, we asked his ex if she would be ok if we halved teh payments through this time (so we could pay our own bills too) and then once I got a job we would instantly pay the backlog. She verbally agreed to this but then went to the CSA behind our back!

 

She actually came off worst as they demanded LESS than we had been paying. So you can imagine the sum we had been paying every week!!! We paid up until they completed full time education which for us was almost 19. Once we had stopped we then got crappy emails from his daughter saying `Mum said why arent you paying anymore??`

 

A child has the right to receive help from both parents. Our dilemma was we were paying `mum` but then the kids were saying Mum said we cant afford to have this, that and the other and we were paying!

 

We left when the kids were 17. We still have a UK bank account which has money in tehre should they need it and we have said to them.....if you need something, if you are strapped for cash, you must ask.

 

Sadly now though, his kids have minimal contact. Despite copious amounts of trying from this end, letters, emails , calls, Facebook etc it is now a case of out of sight out of mind. He met the kids when he went back to see his brother who is sick and his daughter spend an evening going on about money and how you should have given us this that and the other!

 

Sometimes when you do the best that you can, it still doesnt work.

 

Good Luck, this is an emotive subject and the best thing is to look through everyones emotions. We can all be judgemental but as others have said, unless you go through it.......!

 

Good Luck x

[Carlos fandango]

Hi

I have had experience of the CSA here, and I do understand how you are feeling.

As others have said they can chase you in Oz, 15% after tax for one child is normal regardless of any out goings you have. That 15% can go up dramatically if you choose to ignore them they are basically a law onto themselves. 50% is not unheard of. They can even chase the partner of the non domicle parent for money.

 

(However I do believe in the childs right to have maintenance)

 

I would strongly recommend some form of agreement with your OH ex if you can, emotions run very strongly with this so it will not be easy.

 

The day she is 19 is the day the payments cease. (not the age of majority ie 18)

 

Can I wish you luck

 

 

I think you will find only the non resident ( natural ) parent is responsible for paying the maintenance out of net income they earn. As was quoted by a lady from csa...."were only bothered with your earnings not your partners, even if she had won the lottery and was a millionaire"

[Wildrover]

Depends on whether you were assessed on the old system or the new system, the old system definitely this could happen (personal experience of this)

 

I just know one thing the CSA is a nightmare to deal with both from the resident and non resident parents sides better to avoid the quagmire if at all possible

 

I think you will find only the non resident ( natural ) parent is responsible for paying the maintenance out of net income they earn. As was quoted by a lady from csa...."were only bothered with your earnings not your partners, even if she had won the lottery and was a millionaire"

[margot underwood]

Csa in oz stops at 18 not 19 fact