bunbury61 Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Well I was warned! My wife is 12 yrs younger than me so I should've seen it coming! Oz has been the lucky country for her.........she's nursing like she never could've nursed in the UK. Me? I'm at home with the daily grind of running the kids to school and picking 'em up. Perhaps I should've dusted and hoovered more but that's irrelevant, I'm now redundant...............she wants us to seperate.....graudually.....over a period of time of course, so that she can get her life (and shifts) in order. <sarcasm> Feck you mate, never trust a woman with an agenda, no matter how "vocational" it may be. I've supported her through her nursing training, her Uni Grad Dip, and now I "can't be lived with" because I have "anger issues". feckin' right I do! I'm sick to death of being alone (and I'm sure the kids feel the same). Why this "declaration to the world"?...............Because a lot of migrants are nurses and quite simply because I have seen it all before in other couples who had a partner nursing. Admitted, my age may be a contributory factor, but despite that, folk in nursing, who suffer the shifts, trauma, pressurised to upskill etc, need to be aware of the imapct that it may cause..................Of course, if you love each other to death, and you can't be impacted by everday drudgeries. then my post is irrelevant. She's gone off to work nights overtime, 'cause they're short staffed", and I'm left to reflect on our life.............I'm alone again and why my anger? Cause the job comes first? Perhaps I'm not commited enoguh to be married to a nurse or perhaps a younger nurse wouldn't be so fecked when she came home?..........chicken or the egg........what more can I say?..................don't lose sight of those who are near and dear to you simply to survive or advance. Yeah...............Oz is great...............pretty sad that I have to talk here instead of to a RL friend or partner.........but trust me.........that's my baggage not the fault of Oz good folk................or the nursing profession.................I may be gone a while................not waving but drowning..............those who I have met here know who I respect and love........and those who are in the nursing profession, hopefully, will see where I'm coming from when I say, "charity begins at home" kev Kev , my heart goes out to you mate. You are obviously both passionate and sen sitive ( not a good mix, for modern living .....i should know) In relation to the break up , you are not alone,its going on everywhere . I have had 2 mates break up with their wives in the last six months . The lads themselves ,thought they would be alone sat in a bedsit somewhere for a long while.........BUT THEN THEY FOUND THE INTERNET. They have joined these dating sites ,and they couldnt be happier. If i told you they had at least 3 women on the go at any one time. Iam not condoning it ,but they seem to enjoy all the free dinners,plus all the extras. LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest17301 Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Oh no not you too Eddie. The others have said it all but sympathies to you mate, breaking up is bloody awful...It will all be OK in time...be strong:hug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest siamsusie Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 All the best, Eddie.Sue x Eddie, so sad to hear of your situation as well, I have always loved your posts along with Kevs, Bobs,Geoff, Incomprehensible Mally and many others, all good fun balanced points of views. Without repeating myself, you know where to come for a listening ear or a fishing/camping session...I know your another valued member Eddie, thinking of the pair of you this evening.:hug: ss x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunbury61 Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Kev thank you for such a thread ,must have been hard to say. You have given me the guts to say also there must be some thing in the wind mate. I have also separated,two weeks ago (fork the people we know on here were going to find out sooner or later so there you go ,you now know. 14 year olds are not that easy to bring to oz . Kev i take my hat off to you. eddie Genuinely sorry to hear that mate . The post i put up for Kev ,applies to you . When the dust settles , however long it takes , you will pick yourself up and move . It is bloody painful though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest30038 Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 First up, Eddie, I feel for you mate. I'm not that far away so if you wnat a chinwag, just pm me. Thanks for all your wonderful messages of support folks. My inbox is pretty full so tomorrow, I will try my best to answer those who have pm'd me . I don't know what to say really, other than you're a wonderful bunch on PIO. I'll start with a warning................never drink two bottles of wine, go to bed, find you can't sleep so take a sleeping tablet, go back to bed, and then, finding you still can't sleep, get up and log on to PIO...........you may be surprised the following morning to find what you have posted. Pretty irresponsible considering that Bridget was on nights and I was supposed to be looking after two kids:embarrassed: My anger (last night) is fairly evident in what I posted, but anger won't help me resolve our situation, only worsen it. My anger is the sole reason that I have been given for Bridget deciding that a separation should take place and I do admit that I get pretty angry with her at times as I feel that her job always comes before me and the kids...........she doesn't even ring to say she'll be home late, saying that she was "just too busy"......... but it hasn't always been like that. She's been a wonderful wife and mother and has worked very hard to get where she is and to support us all. In the last 4 yrs she lost her mother and father, had to worry about me (and possible cancer) when I had the prostectomy and then the by-pass, and then, 18 months ago, she had a prolapse and on investigation they found a lump in her womb. It turned out to be benign but it resulted in a full hysterectomy which I am sure is a major contributory factor in what is happening to us now.............she simply isn't the same gal she was before that. The problem is she won't go and have a blood test to check if she needs HRT. I've gone through this situation 3 times in the last 12 months..........asking for a cuddle one day and wanting a separation the next. I don't know whether I'm coming or going Dunno what I can do about it because she doesn't even want to talk about it.............just mutters stuff such as, "I'll have to live a lie just to keep the kids happy" Josh will cope, but Jake is devastated as he overheard us talking. It really is a dilemma because it's clear that she wants to be alone, but we couldn't possibly run two homes if we split............I'm unemployable and have no income of my own. All I think that I can do is to somehow "try and win her back" after first giving her some space to reflect on the consequences of a split. I don't want to stick together simply for the kids though.........I've got a lot more thinking to do I guess. Please don't judge her from my initial angry post. She really is a wonderful caring person whose going through a very difficult time..............it's killing her as much as it is me. Thanks again for all your messages of support.............I luvya to death :hug: kev Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Magnetic6 Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Kev....us women are very strange creatures, sorry to the sisterhood but i think it's true. Hang in there Kev if it's worth fighting for! It sounds like you've both been through loads and maybe now isn't the time to make decisions. :hug: nat x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest33730 Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Thanks again for all your messages of support.............I luvya to death :hug: kev Kev, welcome back - you are amazing to be so frank with whats happening - that's a good start. Most of us feel pretty helpless I reckon, we can hear your pain but can only post small messages of support. Hopefully I speak for everyone when I say we will continue to be here as much or as little as you need! In the mean time - all the best mate you WILL get through this - remember "it could be worse" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest siamsusie Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Kev....us women are very strange creatures, sorry to the sisterhood but i think it's true.Hang in there Kev if it's worth fighting for! It sounds like you've both been through loads and maybe now isn't the time to make decisions. :hug: nat x Hi kev, Nats has said it all basically, you both have been through so much Kev. there are no sides to take I am sure both Andy & Yvonne have given you both some wonderful advice and support as well as many members of PIO. Loosing sight of what is precious to you both might just be the catalyst of this weeks events! Love & hugs to your whole little family:wubclub: ss x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sunnyday Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Kev....us women are very strange creatures, sorry to the sisterhood but i think it's true.Hang in there Kev if it's worth fighting for! It sounds like you've both been through loads and maybe now isn't the time to make decisions You won't find my husband disagreeing with you Nat !!!! You're both lovely Kev, its so hard to keep sight of why you are together in the first place when the day to day grind of life gets in the way, good luck to you both :hug::hug:(one each) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest17301 Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Kev...ya killin me man, lol...stop it me lttle hearts breakin...along with me keyboard shelf, literally just fell apart.......what does that say about the amount of time I spend on this thing,lol. Bless ya mate and bless ya little family unit. Do the right thing and you won't go far wrong. Or something??! Take care hun x PS, 2 bottles of wine...thought you were a carton man?? I'm disappointed in you...:eek: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JoanneHattersley Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 KEv, work thru it slowly! You`ll get there, take some time for each other! Eddie: PM`d you x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sh7t man no way Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 hopefully your finding the right direction now kev--- work at it mate-- i know ive been married 27 years now,and weve add some sh7t times-- the easy thing to do is to walk away-- the hard bit,and it can be hard is to stay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest17301 Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Sometimes it takes walking away to make you realise what you had. I walked away for 18 months, now 6 years later we are stronger than ever before.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest30038 Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 PS, 2 bottles of wine...thought you were a carton man?? I'm disappointed in you...:eek: It was half a carton and I'm thinkin' it was 2 bottles, but I've just realised it was a 5 litre carton so there ya go........can't have ya thinkin' I'm a pussy now, can I? :biglaugh: kev Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest31881 Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Hi Kev, You seem to have a good view from both sides of your marriage, your doing better than I did when my first marriage broke up, and if anyone can turn this around or bring it to an amicable solution I feel you can, everyone on PIO wish's we could just wave a magic wand and end these tragic situations both for you and Eddie. I wish you good luck and i know what ever happens you will have done your best in a very difficult situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Working to fish Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Sometimes it takes walking away to make you realise what you had. I walked away for 18 months, now 6 years later we are stronger than ever before.. That to takes lots of guts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynne1266 Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 First up, Eddie, I feel for you mate. I'm not that far away so if you wnat a chinwag, just pm me. Thanks for all your wonderful messages of support folks. My inbox is pretty full so tomorrow, I will try my best to answer those who have pm'd me . I don't know what to say really, other than you're a wonderful bunch on PIO. I'll start with a warning................never drink two bottles of wine, go to bed, find you can't sleep so take a sleeping tablet, go back to bed, and then, finding you still can't sleep, get up and log on to PIO...........you may be surprised the following morning to find what you have posted. Pretty irresponsible considering that Bridget was on nights and I was supposed to be looking after two kids:embarrassed: My anger (last night) is fairly evident in what I posted, but anger won't help me resolve our situation, only worsen it. My anger is the sole reason that I have been given for Bridget deciding that a separation should take place and I do admit that I get pretty angry with her at times as I feel that her job always comes before me and the kids...........she doesn't even ring to say she'll be home late, saying that she was "just too busy"......... but it hasn't always been like that. She's been a wonderful wife and mother and has worked very hard to get where she is and to support us all. In the last 4 yrs she lost her mother and father, had to worry about me (and possible cancer) when I had the prostectomy and then the by-pass, and then, 18 months ago, she had a prolapse and on investigation they found a lump in her womb. It turned out to be benign but it resulted in a full hysterectomy which I am sure is a major contributory factor in what is happening to us now.............she simply isn't the same gal she was before that. The problem is she won't go and have a blood test to check if she needs HRT. I've gone through this situation 3 times in the last 12 months..........asking for a cuddle one day and wanting a separation the next. I don't know whether I'm coming or going Dunno what I can do about it because she doesn't even want to talk about it.............just mutters stuff such as, "I'll have to live a lie just to keep the kids happy" Josh will cope, but Jake is devastated as he overheard us talking. It really is a dilemma because it's clear that she wants to be alone, but we couldn't possibly run two homes if we split............I'm unemployable and have no income of my own. All I think that I can do is to somehow "try and win her back" after first giving her some space to reflect on the consequences of a split. I don't want to stick together simply for the kids though.........I've got a lot more thinking to do I guess. Please don't judge her from my initial angry post. She really is a wonderful caring person whose going through a very difficult time..............it's killing her as much as it is me. Thanks again for all your messages of support.............I luvya to death :hug: kev I don't think any of us would assume that she's not been a good mother and wife, I think the problem is that she's lost focus on the important things in life. We've all been in the position of having arguements because the other spends more time at work than they do at home and it makes no difference if your the husband or wife thats out all the time and its probably the reason alot of us make the move to OZ. You have both been through so much recently and maybe none of you can see the woods for the trees as they say, maybe a little bit of time apart would benefit you both and make her see what she got (I still think she's lucky to have someone like you) My heart goes out to you and I hope you can work through this and I don't think the age is the issue here...love is ageless !! Take care, Lynne x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest30038 Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Sometimes it takes walking away to make you realise what you had. I walked away for 18 months, now 6 years later we are stronger than ever before.. I thought of walkin' and then I thought, "how will Jake get to school and back. How will Josh get to his tae kwon do 2 nights a week and footy or athletic matches two nights a week and his fixtures at week-end?" Then I thought,"bugger it! Let her worry about that, and how will she do her bloody precious job then?"I thought perhaps it might bring her to her senses if she had to struggle with that load and the job as well. Then I thought that adopting that approach is akin to blackmail and only the kids will suffer. I want her to want us to be together, as opposed to having to be together. kev Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest30038 Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 That to takes lots of guts. Sure does. Like I said once before, "wouldn't like to get an the wrong side of that gal" :wink: Goodonya Fiona. kev Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest cazbeckham Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Eddie So sorry to hear your news, why didn;t you ring us.......... listen if you need to talk then Pm me for the number come round and have a beer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Yuills Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Kev, Would just like to say, my mum and dad nearly separated about 25 years ago..it had a lot to do with mums eratic behaviour..and then dad convinced her to go to the doctors with him and they put her on HRT, and they then went on the have many more happy years together until sadly dad died 2 years ago of a brain haemorage. What I am trying to say is try and get your wife to go to the doctors and consider HRT Good luck to you both. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angie&jay Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 for now all i can offer is.....hold yer breath, bite ya lip and ride it out.....also know who you are then whatever your future holds your not living your life through someone elses....you can be a little selfish sometimes you know, its allowed....good luck to the whole family x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Ozcans Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Hormones, eh Kev? Darned things have got a lot to answer for - in both sexes I reckon!!:biggrin: Keep positive and keep on truckin!!:hug: Sue x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Kev, I don't believe anyone whose read any previous posts would think you'd been slaggin of your wife, it's been so evident how much your family has meant to you .... what was evident was that you were hurting .... if friends can't listen ... what are they for? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest30038 Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Kev, I don't believe anyone whose read any previous posts would think you'd been slaggin of your wife, it's been so evident how much your family has meant to you .... what was evident was that you were hurting .... if friends can't listen ... what are they for? Thanks Ali. I didn't realis that I had so many friends........I do now :hug: kev Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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