hillyman Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 Hi all , i am the mother of an 18 year old daughter called Lauren, we have started the visa process and should be in brisbane for the back end of the year the problem is my daughter does't want to come,she has no job ( just finished collage ) so has no means of supporting herself, she has recently broken up with her boyfriend and all her mates are now courting yet she says that she has got a life here in the uk, i have told her when the time comes when we are emigrating she'll have no choice but to come with us, am i wrong to say this ? or should we stay in the uk for the sake of my daughter,anyone with any suggestions that could help would be great. p.s hope im on the right thread. paula Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pez2008 Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 Cant really help but. Does your daughter have to apply for her own Oz visa being thats she is an adult? Personally i think if she got the chance to see a different part of the world she must be mad to stay in Uk, nothing stopping her coming back in a few years as she is so young. But if she stays behind will she be able to join you later on a certain visa, not sure how it works. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hillyman Posted August 7, 2009 Author Share Posted August 7, 2009 Hi pez2008, thanks for the advise, what you've said is exactly what i 've said, she could come on my visa with her being family if she did'nt then she would have to go through the process on her own, we've told her she needs to come with us to activate her visa but she seems to be digging her heels in adimant that she isnt coming, we dont know what to do for the best. paula Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest destinationoz Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 I'm not sure I can help - but thinking of how stubborn young people (inc 18 year olds!!) can be - I'd leave the issue for now - don't pressure her, don't tell her she has to come - just saying nothing at all about her going (for now) (no digs, no hints, no nothing!!!) ... get on with the visa process including her - and be gentle! When it becomes obvious that you have still put her on the visa application, e.g. when she needs to go for a medical, just tell her, at least this gives her the option if she changes her mind ... In the meantime - you enjoy the process and dreaming of what your life will be like in Oz and let her deal with things in her own way ... you could ofcourse, leave a few colourful books/library books/magazines around that "sell" Australia and hope she flicks thru them when you're not looking!! As the time gets close to you actually leaving - then raise the subject again and if you need to force it then - so be it!! ... at least that's what I think off the top of my head (and from experience of working with young people!) Good Luck whatever happens! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hillyman Posted August 7, 2009 Author Share Posted August 7, 2009 Hi destinationoz, i have to admit i had'nt thought of that it's brilliant ,iv'e been nagging for so long now that i never give not nagging a thought mybe thats the way i'll let you know thanks for the idea paula x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest r17ych Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 Hi Hillyman, where in Wigan are you. We have just started the process from Standish. We have a 14 year old girl who currently goes to St. Peters. She is excited about the move apart from leaving my family. Whereabout in Brisbane are you settling? What type of visa are you going out on etc? We have just started a sub class 457 visa process. Raych x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 destinationoz is totally right - for heavens sake dont nag! But at the end of the day it is her life and at 18 she can really do what she likes with it even though as parents that fills us with a sense of horror. Get her on your visa and suggest that she validates it because that keeps all her options open. Then enter into her planning for staying - she is going to have to be independent so how is she going to fund lodgings, food, entertainment etc, how is she going to find a job or will she be studying and so how is she going to fund that? What will her support network be? Do you have family etc that she can go to if she needs help? I wouldnt be thrusting Australia down her throat at all just get on doing what you all need to do to get here. If she agrees to validate then get her a return ticket - they arent much more expensive than a one way - so that she doesnt feel trapped here when she comes because that would lead to more problems. If she comes and decides she likes it then you win but if she decides that she wants to live her own life and to do that in UK then you dont win. However if she went back she could well decide after 6 months that she misses her family and come back but she probably has to try and do what she wants. It's really hard with older kids because although we may think we know what is best for them, they do have to make their own mistakes unfortunately. And also Australia is not for everyone, one man's dream is another man's nightmare but you certainly shouldnt give up what opportunities you have in your life! Many of us have kids on the other side of the world, it's quite do-able.:hug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest destinationoz Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 Hi Paula No probs ... but don't give in to temptation!! If you've been "on her case" for some time now then not nagging her may proove difficult initially! Stick to it thou .. for a start - she'll wonder why you're not saying anything anymore and will start to think more carefully - she may think you "suddenly don't care" but you know you do so don't let that make you nag again - it'll just help her think more deeply... I agree with Quoll too - as hard as it is - your daughter needs to make up her own mind and no amount of nagging will swing her your way .... (Trust me - I was one of those daughters!!!) and she may come out for a while, go home and come back .... go with it and enjoy the times you do have in the same country or even on the phone/web-cam which makes it so easy to keep in touch nowadays. Finally - have you seen Chris in Oz recent threads - he's just moved to Oz and the day they left, his daughter said she did want to come to Oz afterall even thou she'd maintained she didn't want to go for the 2 years running up to them going - young people can be fickle but we love 'em! keep her on the visa application then all options are open! Good luck again! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tracy123 Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 I agree with Quoll get her a return ticket. That way she has a choice everyone feels better when they have a choice. Tell her what you would like, ask her what she wants (which you both know anyway) then hit her with the comprise I would like you to come to Australia when we 1st leave because of x,y & z, but she can choose her length of stay whether that be 1 week or a month that way she feels in control and knows she can return if she wants.......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rudi Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 I agree with others - keep her on your visa application and just don't mention it for a while. She will have to have medicals done, but if you play you cards right things could all work out. Tell her she can come out with you on a holiday and at least vaildate her visa. That then gives her a choice - she can return to the UK or (hopefully) fall in love with Australia and stay!! If she doesn't come on your visa it just becomes more complicated for her to apply by herself. Hope it all works out for you. Love Rudi x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hillyman Posted August 8, 2009 Author Share Posted August 8, 2009 iv'e been sat here reading your post and thinking what a fantastic place PIO is,iv'e been half out of my mind with worry and wondering what to do for the best, i have a twelve year old daughter who is squeezing herself with excitement about oz so im not going to let my 18yr old spoil it for her or us,it was mentioned that she needs to decide for herself, your right, and she will make her own mistakes we can't always be there for her, what you've all said is very much appreciated ( the plan is in motion ) lol. thanks Paula x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.