Was it all worth it??

[Guest Three Lions]

Gonna be grumpy Mr Negative I`m afraid and say, while that sounds good (even sounds quite romantic) for some it involves a lot more than that. It`s easy to find yourself trapped somewhere and not just by partners or circumstances involving children, but by conscience, fear doubt, even stubbornness...I wish I`d been a master of my own destiny about 5 years ago and said 'sod this' but it was all a bit more complex than that...I could see that my family were happy, that we had far more here than we had in the U.K...and the thought of even suggesting uprooting them all and starting from scratch elsewhere filled me with dread...why on earth should I be so selfish asnd drag them back to a cold, wet country, to a smaller house and a greater population just because I longed to be back there?...added to this, for a long time I thought it was just me who didn`t quite get this 'great Aussie lifestyle' thing...and also the fact that family back home really did think i was living in paradise and listening to comments such as 'You must be so happy there' and 'You`ve done the right thing for your children' really didn`t help my state of mind....and to an extent felt I had to appease them because it`s true that those who do not like Australia seemed to be frowned upon somewhat.....it was easier to just plod on

 

There's a measure in comfort in discovering someone else has felt so many of the things you yourself have been feeling. Thank you!

[Guest Three Lions]

it`s true that those who do not like Australia seemed to be frowned upon somewhat.....it was easier to just plod on

 

Plodding on is exactly what I feel my life has been for the past 4 years. I look back on it now and I know that the entire time I've literally felt as if my life was over.

 

How terrible. Now I have to try not to resent my OH too much.

[Guest marriedtoanaussie]

Reading these posts makes me realise that we are doing the right thing by returning so quickly (5/6 months) My feelings of bereavement (when we first arrived) have now been replaced by a sense of numbness-not happy, not sad just nothing. I can already see us slowly settling and putting down some kind of roots and it really isnt what I want long term. Getting us back as soon as possible while the children are still young is paramount.

[Guest barab]

My mate Dave & family flew today to hopfully spend their life happy in Perth.

While at work I phoned him at the airport, I felt a tindge of sadnes but thought no! I don't envy him.

 

How much I loved Australia (I thought it to be the best place in the world) I love this counrty more.

 

Life is vibrant (But still boring at times) Ther is always somthing happening My mate Brian from Blissland Cornwall phoned me today inviting me down to his Farm, My Mate Russle called last night "Do we fancy an Indian Saturday. Niel text tonight to see what were doing this week end "sorry mate we're fully booked". Got friends round Sunday for a meal. Out with Neil tomorrow night for a boy's chat and a beer. May go to the Chelsea Flower show Monday.

 

Week after next I'll be down the Pub with my Dad, brothers, and mates to see Chelsea win the FA Cup final.

 

What I regret is waisting 15 years of my life dreaming of living in Australia.

 

 

Saying all that I've still got till 2012 to get back "Never say never"

 

 

Good Luck Dave Sharon and Girls XX

 

But I know,

and you know I know,

And I know that you know that I know, that you are well settled in good old Blighty,where you belong!

[Guest barab]

Reading these posts makes me realise that we are doing the right thing by returning so quickly (5/6 months) My feelings of bereavement (when we first arrived) have now been replaced by a sense of numbness-not happy, not sad just nothing. I can already see us slowly settling and putting down some kind of roots and it really isnt what I want long term. Getting us back as soon as possible while the children are still young is paramount.

 

Don't feel bad at all,It's the right decision for you and you know it.

 

Don't cut yourself up over it. Life is too short and you need to be happy in it as far as I'm concerned.

 

Best of luck in the future.

Barab.

[Guest guest22466]

Gonna be grumpy Mr Negative I`m afraid and say, while that sounds good (even sounds quite romantic) for some it involves a lot more than that. It`s easy to find yourself trapped somewhere and not just by partners or circumstances involving children, but by conscience, fear doubt, even stubbornness...I wish I`d been a master of my own destiny about 5 years ago and said 'sod this' but it was all a bit more complex than that...I could see that my family were happy, that we had far more here than we had in the U.K...and the thought of even suggesting uprooting them all and starting from scratch elsewhere filled me with dread...why on earth should I be so selfish asnd drag them back to a cold, wet country, to a smaller house and a greater population just because I longed to be back there?...added to this, for a long time I thought it was just me who didn`t quite get this 'great Aussie lifestyle' thing...and also the fact that family back home really did think i was living in paradise and listening to comments such as 'You must be so happy there' and 'You`ve done the right thing for your children' really didn`t help my state of mind....and to an extent felt I had to appease them because it`s true that those who do not like Australia seemed to be frowned upon somewhat.....it was easier to just plod on

 

I can so relate to this post. Thank you.

[Guest tlander56]

To all those who have returned or returning to the UK was emigrating worth it for you.

 

I have been thinking lately about the life I would or could have been living in the UK if we hadn’t emigrated. Although Australia has been good to us in many ways, others not so good I do wonder sometimes about the opportunity cost (not just financially) of being here. What have I missed out on by being in Oz so long and has it been worth it.

 

For me, emigrating has given me an appreciation of what we had in the UK, family, friends, ease of travel to different and interesting places in the UK and other countries, good job with a clear career path, choice and variety for pretty much anything and knowing that warys and all it is home.

 

When I look back I’m not sure it was worth giving all those things up for a big house and the “Aussie lifestyle”. I know you shouldn’t look back at the past with regret but it’s hard not too sometimes when you want to go home so badly.

 

Be interesting to hear what others think.

 

 

I def regret time I have missed with my family. My only sister is expecting her first baby later this year...that was the decider for me.:smile:

If I could turn the clock back 4 years, I def would never have come here....it's taken 3 years here to realise just how good our life was back in the UK....

[Guest Carrie]

Was it all worth it?

 

In a word - NO! If I had my time again I would never have left the life I had in the Uk. In saying that though, I would not have experienced the migration process, so in a way I am glad that the hideous experience of Australia has opened my eyes to the wonders of the Uk and Europe.

[Guest Three Lions]

Was it all worth it?

 

In a word - NO! If I had my time again I would never have left the life I had in the Uk. In saying that though, I would not have experienced the migration process, so in a way I am glad that the hideous experience of Australia has opened my eyes to the wonders of the Uk and Europe.

 

Good one!!!!!!!!

:laugh::laugh::

[Guest guest22466]

It was NOT worth it for me.

[Guest guest17301]

So far....yes it was all worth it....what we have here is enough to outweigh what we left behind. Will it still be enough in 5 or 10 years time? Who knows...life is for living not for deliberating about ooooh what if I hate it in a few years time/what if its a horrendous mistake? Our experiences (good and bad) shape us and make us the people that we are.

 

If it wasn't worth it-put it down to experience and move on...if not back to where you came from..to somewhere/something else. There's more than 1 place/1 time/1 decision to make the most of the whole of our lives.

 

I think the question should not be 'Was it all worth it?' more 'What did I learn from it?' Regrets are fine....it's when you get bitter/set in your ways/and you pore over every last thing that went wrong in your life you become an unhappy person. I speak from experience- my mother is that kind of person. I am determined to take my chances while I can- if it all goes wrong what the hell...at least I tried.

[Guest guest22466]

Read your post fiona1975 back to yourself again and see how nice it sounds lol

[Guest guest17301]

Read your post fiona1975 back to yourself again and see how nice it sounds lol

 

 

I don't know what you mean? Explain?:err:

[Guest guest22466]

For ME it was not worth it but to all the people its was worth it I am happy for you all and I mean that with an open and an honest heart.

[Siblin!]

I thought that was funny London Gal :policeman:

[Guest LondonGal]

I thought that was funny London Gal :policeman:

 

I'm impressed you got that Siblin!! Like minds LOL.

 

I deleted it because I thought it was a bit too sarcastic. I'll reinstate it!

[Guest LondonGal]

I don't know what you mean? Explain?:err:

 

Reminds me of Pauline Hanson!!:biglaugh:

[Guest guest17301]

Should have left it deleted London Gal...very amusing...if you like that sort of thing. Thanks a lot

[Guest LondonGal]

Should have left it deleted London Gal...very amusing...if you like that sort of thing. Thanks a lot

 

 

Hey Fi,

 

If you had been here as long as I have you may have found your comment funny. Not that there is that much to find funny about Aussie politicians!

 

I'm not a fan of Hanson but your comment reminded me of an interview she did many years ago in Oz.

 

Sorry if my reply offended you!

[bunbury61]

To all those who have returned or returning to the UK was emigrating worth it for you.

 

I have been thinking lately about the life I would or could have been living in the UK if we hadn’t emigrated. Although Australia has been good to us in many ways, others not so good I do wonder sometimes about the opportunity cost (not just financially) of being here. What have I missed out on by being in Oz so long and has it been worth it.

 

For me, emigrating has given me an appreciation of what we had in the UK, family, friends, ease of travel to different and interesting places in the UK and other countries, good job with a clear career path, choice and variety for pretty much anything.

 

When I look back I’m not sure it was worth giving all those things up for a big house and the “Aussie lifestyle”. I know you shouldn’t look back at the past with regret but it’s hard not too sometimes when you want to go home so badly.

 

Be interesting to hear what others think.

 

If you have read some of my other posts , you will see i lived in Bunbury for 6 years....and loved it . Loved the people ,loved the lifestyle, all my mates were Aussies, i was one of them . I even look more " aussie" than they do, until i opened my mouth.

I have been back in the UK since late 94, and at times its been tough.

But as it stands right now (and things do change ), i wont be going back to Oz to live.

I look at my life now , good mates, golf at the weekend , a great pub 300 yards away,holidays home and abroad,and i couldnt give it up.

You see you can have the big house and the weather, but if there are certain elements you miss,then its hard.

Can i just share a quick story with you . Iam the youngest of 3 brothers, and at the time we were all in Oz , with 6 kids between us, all living in Oz.

I got talking to an Aussie lady one day , general chit chat. She asked me all the usual questions, and when i told her that ,we were all in Oz , and our parents were in England ,she said "how could you,do that, deny your mom and dad ,their grandchildren.

Well that set me thinking, and from then on, i had to return .

We came back Nov 94, wet ,dark cold,and yes i thought "what have i done".

But as time went on , we have got on our feet , and lead a good lifestyle now.

Yes the weathers crap, but the scenery is magnificent, the tellys great,so are the pubs.

Its bloody hard,but if your family and friends are priority no1, then its a tough call

[alimay68]

For me, on balance, it has NOTbeen worth it. I didn't come here entirely through choice. My OH basically insisted on it (which she now admits) and I used to be a very 'soft' sort of person who basically let people get away with way way too much and didn't stand up for myself at all. I knew it would be the wrong thing for me, and it has been. I'm not saying for a moment that I think I would have been jumping for joy all the time if I'd stayed in the UK but I am confident in saying that I would've been happier than I've been here in Australia. I've missed out on quite a bit over there (family and friends wise) and had some quite negative experiences here which I am finding it hard to deal with.

 

I missed my Grandad's funeral (I was close to him) because of coming here and that got me off on a bad foot I think. That coupled with the fact that I knew I'd been 'pushed' into coming here meant that it was probably never going to work out for me, and it's come to a head a bit more recently, with my OH finally admitting, as I mentioned above, that she didn't allow us to make a mutual decision about coming here; I wasn't really given a say.

 

I don't know what to do because going back to the UK doesn't erase all that has happened because I left in the first place. Also, once you've made a big move in life that you've regretted it makes you very hesitant about making another big move in case you regret that for some reason.

 

If it was just me, I'd be gone. If it was just me, I'd probably actually have left ages ago. But I have an Aussie wife and 2 kids (one born here) plus a business so I can't just please myself, however much I'd like to.

 

I never thought I'd be so trapped. It's funny.....I've always feared being imprisoned and now that is exactly what has happened to me in a sense!

 

Such if life, I guess.

:cry:

You're speaking my language! This site is like Poms Anonymous - with us all sitting in a virtual circle talking about our feelings ... homesickness, feeling trapped, concerns about returning to the UK, possible regret, the rest of the family's needs, not knowing what to do, plodding on despite not being happy etc etc. Until recently, I thought it was just me who had frequent trips back 'home', then dreaded leaving again, with the really gut-wrenching departures at the airport. It helps to know that you're not alone! Thanks for the therapy everyone!

[Poca&Dan]

I'm likely to become a ping pong and for me all of the upheaval, heart-break and money spent will have been worth it because in the last 18 months I have found out more about myself, my OH and my own family than in all of my years and I've come to realise how precious my OWN little family's opportunities and experiences are and that I cannot always live just to not upset other people, which is what I tend to do - my family constantly expressed their upset at me being in Oz when I was there, it really didn't help, it made my own homesickness worse.

 

I came back to the UK to a romanticised memory and 'feeling' that just wasn't really here when I got back and I'm glad that I did this, because I can now go back to Australia satisfied that I am not really missing out on anything here. Sure, my family are going to be here but we can stay in contact, we did before and they/we can visit and spend quality time together, which we don't do now.

 

When I was in Oz, I did not know that the awful sense of despair and loss that I (and my daughter)experienced was quite common and normal and part of a recognised assimilation process and that it was likely to get better. My only ONE regret in all this is that I did not know this - I thought I would live out my days in Oz feeling like that if I did not leave - and so I did not give it the time it needed as I think I would probably have been ok if I had stayed. I feel so much more prepared for the next time but I'm under no illusion that it won't have its trials and tribulations again.

My boyfriend and I are planning to move out in January and are trying to come to terms with the fact that it is a HUGE decision and won't be easy, and I don't think that anything can prepare us for it until we are actually get out there and experience it. However I fully believe that ,my boyfriend especially, will miss the UK and remember it as being this wonderful place and that we're missing out on lots of very interesting things! The fact is we probably won't be missing out on anything and that it will just be case of being homesick.

 

My boyfriend is also fully aware that he is like to feel like this and so since we decided to emigrate he has started a diary. He writes in it everyday and plans to use it as a tool for when he feels homesick. He plans to read it to remind him just how uninteresting our life is now and that we have taken this great opportunity to experience another place...whether we like it or hate, at least we would have done it and not regretted never trying!

[Poca&Dan]

So far....yes it was all worth it....what we have here is enough to outweigh what we left behind. Will it still be enough in 5 or 10 years time? Who knows...life is for living not for deliberating about ooooh what if I hate it in a few years time/what if its a horrendous mistake? Our experiences (good and bad) shape us and make us the people that we are.

 

If it wasn't worth it-put it down to experience and move on...if not back to where you came from..to somewhere/something else. There's more than 1 place/1 time/1 decision to make the most of the whole of our lives.

 

I think the question should not be 'Was it all worth it?' more 'What did I learn from it?' Regrets are fine....it's when you get bitter/set in your ways/and you pore over every last thing that went wrong in your life you become an unhappy person. I speak from experience- my mother is that kind of person. I am determined to take my chances while I can- if it all goes wrong what the hell...at least I tried.

I completely agree with this post. I've no doubt that I will miss home, and probably on some days want to move back, and I may even move back, but when friends and family ask me 'what if you hate it?' I always reply 'what if i hate it?!' I would so much rather move out and hate it and have to come back than wake up in 10 years time wishing I had made the move when I had the opportunity!

 

It is sad that so many people feel they wish they had never moved out, but I wonder how many of those people, if they hadn't emigrated would be thinking 'why didn't I move-I wish i'd moved?'

 

Everything happens in life for a reason and 9 times out of 10 for me, no matter how crappy the situation is there is usually some good to come out of it! We can only grow as people and become richer from our experiences.

 

An old friend of the family stopped dead in her track the other day when I broke the news that I was moving, she cried and begged me not to go! She said Britain had given me my culture and education why would I want to leave? (thats the first reaction like that I've had!) I explained to her that although Britain is a wonderful place and has given me so much it is just a tiny spec on this huge planet and I have to go and experience it, if I hate it at least I will know I tried and did not waste my years dreaming of what it would be like!

 

Ithink we all deserve a pat on the back for making that huge move and for some it hasn't worked out how they wanted, but you still have to congratulate yourselves/ourselves for just living life. So many people waste years thinking about how to change their lives for the better but just watch as life passes by.

 

So for all the quotes that say 'you're a long time dead' - I say you're a long time dead to not go out and experience it. Don't regret these decisions, i always feel that it is harder to cope with regrets for not having done something than doing it and it not working.

[Burnett]

There can't be many people in the UK who don't have a family member or close friend who's moved to Australia. And the reports fly back about brilliant sunshine and space and opportunity. This must have been particularly true from the 1950s onwards.

 

So there were the Poms, stuck in cold, rainy UK with all its problems .. and they were receiving all those 'woop, woop, life's great Out Here' photos and letters of departed friends and family, sitting on Aussie beaches, brown as nuts, grinning into the camera.

 

Did the Poms in Oz gild the lily .. a lot .. just a bit ? Of course they did. And it was mostly about comparisons: ' Oh, poor you in six feet of snow .. the sun's been shining ever since we came to Oz'. And ' Oh poor you with your outside loo and rudimentary bathroom in your 2-up/2-down ... you should see the place we have in Oz, four bedrooms, big yard, fruit trees, school round the corner, bar-b-ques every second night'.

 

Australia (like many other Commonwealth countries which were desperate for increased population and still are) was regarded as the land of opportunity, health, prosperity, fun, glamour, sunshine. And Poms in Oz (and other Commonwealth countries) didn't like to burst anyone's bubble. Plus, all the envy and admiration bestowed upon them by their UK family and friends encouraged them to keep plodding on in Oz and Canada and SA -- and to conceal their homesickness, disappointment, depression, sadness, despair, quite often. ' Can't let the side down' and 'Stiff upper lip' were the motto.

 

As well --- and this needs to be considered --- Poms in Oz who 'didn't like it' in Oz were told they were 'perennial malcontents'. They were called Whinging Poms. They were told they had 'chips on their shoulder' and that they 'couldn't be happy anywhere'. So there was disapproval then (as now) for anyone who dared to state that they simply were not happy, despite the sunshine, the larger houses, the beaches and the alleged 'friendly Aussies'. People (and the Oz government) wanted those disenchanted Poms to shut the hell up in case they discouraged other Poms from emigrating.

 

They stayed, they bit down hard on their lip, they sent cheery letters back to the UK. No internet fora in those days. Nothing, except get on with it. And if some confided to people back-home that Oz didn't seem to be all it was cracked up to be, they were reminded they'd made their bed and would have to lie in it. Because many of those back in the UK did not want to hear. Instead, they wanted to continue boasting in the co-op and the pub and bus about their son/daughter/friend who'd 'gone to Australia and ooooh you should see their house, the fruit, the beaches, their suntan, their car ' etc.

 

In other words, many in the UK chose to believe that all the misery and suffering was happeniing in the UK --- and all the fun, excitement, glamour, money, opportunity, etc. was in Oz. That's what they wanted to believe. They were not prepared to hear any complaints from Poms in Oz. And everyone liked to say they knew someone who'd gone to Australia .. ' Got another batch of photos from Australia last week .. come round on Saturday and we'll show you. You should see our John's house over there .. it's bigger than this entire row ', blah blah.

 

But time's have changed .. and how ! You only need to go online to see the standard of housing in the UK now. Gee .. they even have indoor bathrooms, right ? They have plantation shutters and market umbrellas, fountains and decks in the backyard and 'fitted kitchens and fitted carpets'. In other words, Australia no longer has a monopoly on the perceived 'wow' factor when compared to UK standard of living that it did back in the heyday of migration. The UK has caught up ! Not that Aussie houses in the 50s and 60s were anything to carry on about, if truth be told. Many had lavatories in the back-yard, many still do. And old lino on the floors. And plywood kitchens. And antiquated plumbing and rot in the roof and floors, etc.

 

As for fresh fruit and veg --- Aussies cop Asian imports and pay top dollar for them. And the prime of Oz seafood and fruit and veg is purchased in UK supermarkets.

 

It's been a long time since Australia could boast of having the best standard of living in the world. A long time since Australia rode on the sheep's back. A long time too, since Brits lived on tripe and fried-bread and washed in the scullery sink.

 

But the mystique lives on, for some reason. Poms still like to believe that Oz is 'all that' and must be better than what they have.

 

WHY do they choose to believe that ? Could it be that they have been seduced by the lure of 'more and better' -- the old 'grass is greeener' syndrome' ? And of course all that Aussie propaganda aka promotion feeds the belief that there just has to be more to life ... and Oz is the home of 'more' ?

 

So .. unhappy marriages might be 'fixed' by a move to the Oz sunshine. And maybe increasing age and unattractiveness might miraculously be 'fixed' by a move to Oz too ? Children will become 'smarter' in Oz ? A lacklustre career will 'take off' in Oz ? Oz will provide the glamour and excitement missing from life ?

 

And then there's the Fifteen Minutes of Fame element --- all the goodbye parties --- all the fuss and attention -- the escape from ordinary life provided by all the planning and organisation required to move across the world -- 'flying out to Australia' has a nice ring to it and turns a few heads, doesn't it ? The feeling that all the problems will be left behind, like the old furniture. People stopping in the street or phoning to say 'just wanted to wish you all the best in Australia' as if moving to Oz were the equivalent of a Lottery win. Nice while it lasts. And the drama .. family crying and saying, ' Don't know if we'll ever see you again after you move Over There'.

 

Yes, the old Fifteen Minutes of Fame. And being able to chuck the job in and walk away from the dry-rot and soggy back-yard problems. So of course people want to believe it's all bigger and better in Oz. Otherwise, they have to accept that they're ordinary, their job and children and lives and future are --- ordinary (and most of us are). Whereas a move to Australia lifts one out of the ordinary .. albeit temporarily.

 

Then the reality of Oz. Oz itself doesn't pretend to be anything it's not, although sucessive governments have profited from dragging in X-number of token Northern Europeans to counter accusations they've dumped half of Asia on Aussie shores. Got to keep those voters happy, particularly as voting's compulsory in Oz.

 

So they come from the UK, bouyed up with legends of all those family members who made the move all those years ago. And they hit the beach and buy the new car and send back the photos and letters. If they bring a lot of money with them and have useful contacts, then fine. If they came from a UK hell-hole, then anywhere, including Oz, is an improvement. But others look around and wonder where are those cheap and 'better' houses they'd heard about .. where's all the cheap fruit, veg, meat, fish ? Where are the jobs, the opportunities, the 'glamour' and 'fun' ? And if they don't feel 'happy' in Oz .. they blame themselves, because 'everyone else' seems to love it and do well in Oz.

 

They're still told they're Whinging Poms and 'malcontents' and have 'chips on their shoulders', but these days thank goodness, they have internet fora and others prepared to 'confess and admit' that when it comes right down to it, Oz isn't an automatic cure-all or answer to all Life's problems. And these days, they can be back in UK in under 30 hours, instead of a six week voyage.

 

The message is that you do not have to like Oz, in part or full. You're entitled to change your mind and you're entitled to say it. You're entitled to try and reject. You have every right to decide Oz doesn't measure up to its promotion or your expectations of it. You have every right to criticize it, in part or full. And who cares what people think ? Whose life is it, anyway ? That's right --- it's yours. And never mind about Great-Uncle Bill who 'made a fortune' in Oz, or Cousin Alan who 'landed a great job and has his own business and big-house' in Oz '. Times change. Places change and keep on changing. You change. Your needs change. You're not beholden to anyone. There are no refunds on Life.

[Quoll]

Wow Burnett, best rational post I have read in a long time!