Guest Old Coulsdon Poms Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 :noxmas: Can anyone out there offer any advice ? After finally finding a way to make our dream come true and be told we could emigrate to Australia our dreams have now been totally crushed by being told by the children's father that he will not give his consent to us going. After all the talk of how they could have a better life and education he has decided that this country offers a better opportunity. Yeah right !! Is anyone else in, or has been, in the same situation ? Any ideas of a way round this ? I can't believe we can come this far only to fall at the last hurdle. Spending the rest of our lives in this country will seem like a life time prison sentence ! Any ideas or advice would be gratefully appreciated.:noxmas: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bexta Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 Sorry I can't acutally help you with this but thought I'd do what I can by giving you a bump! I hope you work things out! :emoticon-signxmas: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kernow43 Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 :noxmas: Can anyone out there offer any advice ? After finally finding a way to make our dream come true and be told we could emigrate to Australia our dreams have now been totally crushed by being told by the children's father that he will not give his consent to us going. After all the talk of how they could have a better life and education he has decided that this country offers a better opportunity. Yeah right !! Is anyone else in, or has been, in the same situation ? Any ideas of a way round this ? I can't believe we can come this far only to fall at the last hurdle. Spending the rest of our lives in this country will seem like a life time prison sentence ! Any ideas or advice would be gratefully appreciated.:noxmas: I know this may sound callous, but what if you came without the children {yes it would be very hard] and let the father look after them. He may soon find out how difficult it is and change his mind. Also are you young enough to apply when the children reach an age where they decide themselves. Did he reject your taking them when you applied? Not an easy one! I am sure there may be others who have had this problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alan Collett Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 You may need a court order before the DIAC case officer is happy to grant visas. Consider discussing with a migration advisor - you are welcome to telephone my colleague Marina Towner on Southampton number 023 80 30 25 25. Best regards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest brooksey Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 Go and see a solicitor as you can get a court injunction allowing you to emigrate. It all depends on how often your ex sees the kids etc but a solicitor will explain your chances. Or do as i did and send a couple of friends around to his house(one solicitor and one rather large dept collector). He signed away his rights there and then. He hadn't seen James for 8 years but was still playing the prat until my friends turned up lol. Good luck and keep on fighting as it's a fantastic life for kids over here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SAINTHURLOCK Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 Can anyone out there offer any advice ? After finally finding a way to make our dream come true and be told we could emigrate to Australia our dreams have now been totally crushed by being told by the children's father that he will not give his consent to us going. After all the talk of how they could have a better life and education he has decided that this country offers a better opportunity. Yeah right !! Is anyone else in, or has been, in the same situation ? Any ideas of a way round this ? I can't believe we can come this far only to fall at the last hurdle. Spending the rest of our lives in this country will seem like a life time prison sentence ! Any ideas or advice would be gratefully appreciated. :noxmas: good on him...if my missus tried to take my kids to the other side of the world she would have a battle royale on her hands...sorry, but if he is a decent dad, divorced or not why should he make it easy for you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stuju Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 :noxmas: Can anyone out there offer any advice ? After finally finding a way to make our dream come true and be told we could emigrate to Australia our dreams have now been totally crushed by being told by the children's father that he will not give his consent to us going. After all the talk of how they could have a better life and education he has decided that this country offers a better opportunity. Yeah right !! Is anyone else in, or has been, in the same situation ? Any ideas of a way round this ? I can't believe we can come this far only to fall at the last hurdle. Spending the rest of our lives in this country will seem like a life time prison sentence ! Any ideas or advice would be gratefully appreciated.:noxmas: Hi, What a shame that the father of your children is deciding against oz for you. I actually used a different method to get here to oz (& believe me my ex is an awkward %#$@) with ref to my youngest daughter who is now 14 & at the time was 10/11 i had an agreement drawn up via the solicitor which was signed by me, my ex & both solicitors stating that i could move my youngest daughter out of the durastriction of england & wales to live anywhere in the world, but her desicion would be paramount, my ex agreed to this - becuase he knew that if my youngest wanted to return to the uk, from what i had signed i would have to let her Good luck stuju (keep ya chin up) :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest tiff Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 good on him...if my missus tried to take my kids to the other side of the world she would have a battle royale on her hands...sorry, but if he is a decent dad, divorced or not why should he make it easy for you? "Why should he make it easy for you"??? Sorry that reeks of resentment and vindictive behaviour. Surely the kids needs come first! If he is a good dad, then he deserves to be in those childrens lives, I dont think anyone will argue that. But, she must do whats best for the children first and foremost. By the way, my 17 year old son is in the UK. With his dad. I waited until he was old enough to decide if he wanted to come over. He is finishing college, and coming here for uni, and I cant wait.:jiggy: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JoanneHattersley Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 Why should he make it easy for you"??? Sorry that reeks of resentment and vindictive behaviour. Hi Tiff, Sorry but I disagree. Just my opinion! Surely the kids needs come first! If he is a good dad, then he deserves to be in those childrens lives, I dont think anyone will argue that. But, she must do whats best for the children first and foremost. Maybe whats best for the kids is having Mum and Dad in their lives. Im with StThurlock. If my husband wanted to move and take the kids away from me, Id fight tooth and nail to ensure that I stayed in the kids lives. My husband has 2 kids from his first marriage who are currently in UK. They were old enough to make the decision about whether they wanted to come. He came here without them and that was the hardest thing in the world. This is a touchy subject and will no doubt touch a few raw nerves here and there but it is an important thing to think about before moving here, especially if you are divorced and wanting to bring the kids. Good Luck to the OP and I really hope that you get everything sorted out. Take Alan Colletts advice and call his colleague. Get some good, serious advice on your issue. Keep us all posted as we are all standing with you on this. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest spottymercedes Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 Hi Coulsdon Poms, Its a very difficult situation to be in and every single situation of this kind is completely different. Some fathers see their kids often, some don't ever see them, some try to stop their kids from going just to spite the other parent and some genuinely don't want to see their kids taken away and have little contact with them. There is no right or wrong answer for this situation and when going to court the judge will be the first to admit this. It is really unhelpful for all involved when people pass judgement without knowing the facts. so everyone please be understanding. We had problems of this kind with our move to Oz, but my son did see his father on an almost weekly basis and we all did our best to get on for the sake of my son. We asked him first before doing anything about visas what he thought about it. He said he didn't mind, he agreed that it would be a better life for our son and looked forward to being able to visit us (with his new wife), and was quite helpful. We were surprised by his reaction but grateful to him for being understanding and went ahead with the application. We paid all of our visa money up front because we had it and didn't want to spend it, and really started planning our move. Then got to the point where needing the form signed. This was when things turned really nasty. He openly admitted that he found it amusing that we would have fallen for his trick and spent money on applying for a visa and that he would do everything he could to stop us from leaving. We were upset by this and couldn't believe we had been so stupid to have fallen for it as allowing us to go had been a bit out of character. My ex had liked to control everything I had done in the past and obviously had felt that he still had control and this was his way of showing it. We had a court battle as we didn't know what else to do, but our battle was not just for us to leave, my ex partner wanted custody of my son too. To cut a long story short, we were eventually granted permission for my son to come with us and I believe that this is usually the result in this kind of case. But it was an awful experience for everyone involved and was totally unneccesary. We spent a fortune on legal costs and as my ex partner didn't have a solicitor he only spent the initial appliction fee which I think was £175. If there really is no other way of dealing with this then it usually has to go to court, but be prepared it will be a tough time for all involved including the children. You have to ask yourself if it really is what you want and then muster up all your strength and go for it. I wish you the best of luck with your situation, but please, from someone who has been there, do try as best as you can to resolve out of court first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 Its very sad for all involved and there is no easy answer. However if your ex is married and you get on with his new wife is there a possibility she could talk to him about it. If the children are a certain age the court does ask them what they want to do as well. Agree with the op that you should try to sort it out before involving solicitors, sometimes legal eagles enflame the situation even though they do not mean to. Plus the costs are exorbitant. Pretty mean of him to be so sneaky though and if I was his new wife that kind of behaviour would make me wonder why I married him and a little worried. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Aidan Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 :noxmas: Can anyone out there offer any advice ? After finally finding a way to make our dream come true and be told we could emigrate to Australia our dreams have now been totally crushed by being told by the children's father that he will not give his consent to us going. After all the talk of how they could have a better life and education he has decided that this country offers a better opportunity. Yeah right !! Is anyone else in, or has been, in the same situation ? Any ideas of a way round this ? I can't believe we can come this far only to fall at the last hurdle. Spending the rest of our lives in this country will seem like a life time prison sentence ! Any ideas or advice would be gratefully appreciated.:noxmas: I'm sorry to hear about this I think I would be well gutted if my wife wanted to take our children away if we split up but I don't think I'd want to stop them having a better life in a better country or just the chance to experience it as there is no garantee that you'll like Aus and may even go back but at least you would have all had the experience. Are the children not old enough to be able to be sat down with you and the father and given the choice of where to live and if they chose the UK then they could live with their father if they chose Aus they go with you.I know that sounds harsh but children don't get enough say about where they want to live when the parents break up,its taken as a rule that only a mother is fit to bring up children but DADS can do it too.He can't be all bad as you chose to have children with him in the first place!!!! I really hope it all works out I think he may still be hurting from the split and is trying to make it difficult us men are dicks like that sometimes or so my wife says....Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mummy3 Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 We need to know what sort of a dad he is in order to make a judgement. If he's in their lives often, then I agree with him to not let the kids go. But if he's a barely there dad, then the kids should have the chance if you see what I mean. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest klt26 Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 Hi, O i feel for you. Was very nervous about telling my ex as though he's not interested in the kids & makes absolutely no effort with them, he hates me, so was totally expecting him to make life very difficult. My daughter was 17 & son 14, spoke to my ex & all he asked was if in 6 months time if my son hated it would i let him come back to the uk & live with him! No mention of my daughter. My son's response was if things were that bad that he wanted to come back to UK, he'd go & live with my sister. Took my ex 4 weeks to get paperwork signed & back to me. We've not heard anything from him since. Go Matilda were our agents & Marina was fantastic, as I was imagining having to go to court etc... she was very supportive & positive! Think it all depends on what kind of relationship your kids have with their dad......if they're close & have lots of contact & proper relationship then you have to really sit down & talk about it with him & the kids.....mine didn't have a relationship with their 'father'. As my daughter says - any man can have a child it takes a real man to be a dad! Good luck, hope things work out for all of you... Karen x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 Decisions are always difficult when children are involved. I have a friend who moved to Aus and got permission from her ex to bring the children. She ensures contacts are kept up etc., however, her worry at the moment is that at sometime in the future the kids may 'resent' their dad for not putting up a fight e.g. "Why didn't dad want me to stay", "Didn't dad want to see me anymore" -etc., He signed hoping his children would have a 'better future', but it may possibly at some stage effect his relationship with his children, my friend works hard in ensuring hers know that their dad had their best interests at heart. There are going to be parents who although absent still love their children and want them in their lives ... we have to be careful not to tar everyone with the same brush, as mummy3 said we have to know the circumstances. From reading others posts on the subject, it seems if it goes to court that you have to be well prepared with information of why the childrens lives would be better in Aus, you need to have reasearched places to live, schools etc., I have heard of one case where the decision wasn't a favourable one but I'm not sure what the circumstances where (could have been something out of the ordinary). Good luck Ali Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jane99 Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 :noxmas: Can anyone out there offer any advice ? After finally finding a way to make our dream come true and be told we could emigrate to Australia our dreams have now been totally crushed by being told by the children's father that he will not give his consent to us going. After all the talk of how they could have a better life and education he has decided that this country offers a better opportunity. Yeah right !! Is anyone else in, or has been, in the same situation ? Any ideas of a way round this ? I can't believe we can come this far only to fall at the last hurdle. Spending the rest of our lives in this country will seem like a life time prison sentence ! Any ideas or advice would be gratefully appreciated.:noxmas: Was in exactly the same situation! Was a horrible time. Had a letter drawn up by my solicitor explaining my intentions, we had mediation too. I looked to start court proceedings. But in the end my son and his Dad had long chats and they decided that he should come with me on the understanding that if he is not happy we will come back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SAINTHURLOCK Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 "Why should he make it easy for you"??? Sorry that reeks of resentment and vindictive behaviour. Surely the kids needs come first! If he is a good dad, then he deserves to be in those childrens lives, I dont think anyone will argue that. But, she must do whats best for the children first and foremost. By the way, my 17 year old son is in the UK. With his dad. I waited until he was old enough to decide if he wanted to come over. He is finishing college, and coming here for uni, and I cant wait.:jiggy: Dont talk nonsense...its nothing to do with resentment or being vindictive...Im simply saying (with the limited knowledge we have on the situation) that I dont see why the Dad shouldnt put up a fight to keep his kids in GB. Who is to say Aus is... 'whats best for the children'. Coming here may suit her and her new hubby and may well turn out to be best for the kids... but could also be a complete clusterfu*& and I again dont see why the ex/ Dad should just roll over and let his kids be taken to the other side of the world. I certainly wouldnt....call it what you like...if it was me I'd fight her all the way. Although as has already been mentioned unless we know what sort of Dad he has been so far neither of us are qualified to comment really.....Sounds like a good show For Kilroy Silk tho ..innit:yesxmas: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gollywobbler Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 Dont talk nonsense...its nothing to do with resentment or being vindictive...Im simply saying (with the limited knowledge we have on the situation) that I dont see why the Dad shouldnt put up a fight to keep his kids in GB. Who is to say Aus is... 'whats best for the children'.Coming here may suit her and her new hubby and may well turn out to be best for the kids... but could also be a complete clusterfu*& and I again dont see why the ex/ Dad should just roll over and let his kids be taken to the other side of the world. I certainly wouldnt....call it what you like...if it was me I'd fight her all the way. Although as has already been mentioned unless we know what sort of Dad he has been so far neither of us are qualified to comment really.....Sounds like a good show For Kilroy Silk tho ..innit:yesxmas: Hi SaintHurlock Is it in the children's best interests to be caught in the middle of their parents fighting each other tooth & nail? Unfortunately that is how many of the contested cases end up. Best wishes Gill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest spottymercedes Posted December 12, 2008 Share Posted December 12, 2008 Hi SaintHurlock Is it in the children's best interests to be caught in the middle of their parents fighting each other tooth & nail? Unfortunately that is how many of the contested cases end up. Best wishes Gill Thats right Gill, It is exactly what happens. Its such a shame as the kids know exactly whats going on and they don't want to say the wrong thing to either parent. Sometimes asking kids what they want is the worst thing to happen as they know that one parent will be hurt by their reply. My son was asked by the CAFCASS officer and was so confused as to what to say, in the end she asked for my sons response to be dismissed from the record as he just wanted to please both parents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SAINTHURLOCK Posted December 12, 2008 Share Posted December 12, 2008 Hi SaintHurlock Is it in the children's best interests to be caught in the middle of their parents fighting each other tooth & nail? Unfortunately that is how many of the contested cases end up. Best wishes Gill Certainly not...in an ideal world parents would stay together ...live happily ever after and grow old in peace and comfort, the police would only be there to help granny across the road and get cats out of trees , and we could all leave our doors open so the neighbours could pop round for tea and a slice of maderia......but as ICE - T once said.....'SH** AINT LIKE THAT'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest snow white Posted December 12, 2008 Share Posted December 12, 2008 hi i dont mean to be rude or anything can i ask if you and your ex partner were ever married, and if not has he ever obtained any custody orders??? feel free to pm me i may be able to help Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JoanneHattersley Posted December 12, 2008 Share Posted December 12, 2008 At the end of the day none of us apart from the OP know the full circumstances of the situation so we really are not at liberty to judge. Several valid points are made throughout the replies but only the OP knows what she can/will do Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest leah8888 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 I feel for you because I am in the same situation. I am just trying to find a way around it but can't see one! My ex won't let my two children go and they don't want to go either, but there is no way i would leave them. My whole family is over there. I stayed here because my brother and his family were still here, but they're going now too! Don't know what to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Hoot Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 tough one. I feel for you. But if their dad is a good dad then I do think it would be very hard on him, moving his children that he loves to the other side of the world. I would feel awful if my daughter was ever taken away to a different country. I couldn't imagine anything worse. Also I wouldn't want to take her away from her father. If he doesn't have much to do with the children/doesn't care for them, then fair enough. I suppose it also depends what the children want to do themselves. I guess we don't know enough about the situation. I wish you all well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 Hi guys - just want to point out that this thread was started in 2008 - so quite old - you may want to start a thread of your own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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