Guest lovediving Posted November 11, 2008 Share Posted November 11, 2008 Hi All, I am new here but wanted to post my story of what has happened since I came to OZ and really would appreciate your advice, please don't judge me as I am not a bad person. I came here two years ago after losing my mother to illness. I had been to Australia plenty of times on holiday and loved it and as I have dual nationality British and New Zealand I thought I would come to Australia and live and a brand new life I was so wrong. It took me months to get a job and then when I did I was treated like dirt. I ended up leaving the job and got severley depressed as the culture here was so different to the UK and I just found it very hard to meet people. Cut a long story short I got arrested when I got drunk and got charged with it. Told that I would not get a criminal record as it is a minor offence and sent on my way. I then pull myself together to get another job only to be offered it go through police clearance and they tell me I know have a record, the job offered was refused. So after all this I have spent two years trying to meet people, trying to get work and cant get anywhere. I then think OK I am running out of money I must try to get some centrelink to see me though until I get another job only to be told that you have to be a permanent resident to get it, (I thought new zealanders were entitled) and to get permanent residency I have to have nothing bad in my past so I am screwed either way. I am seriously depressed now and feel that I have very little strengh left. I grew up in London but was born in New Zealand, I am wondering whether I should go to New Zealand and start again or go home, please tell me your honest opinion. And before you guys say that it must be me, I would have to agree with you since I came here I am not the same person, although I have never had a problem in the UK in all my life and had good relationships and friendships all the time, why has this happened here. I have to make a decision before I have no money. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted November 11, 2008 Share Posted November 11, 2008 Hi lovediving I am so sorry to hear that Aus isnt working out for you but it can be a depressing place if things dont go right and if your support network is a bit threadbare. I guess only you can know what is going to be right for you - I would say go where the support network is and where you are likely have a network which can help you get back into the job market. I dont know if that is UK or NZ for you - or even another part of Australia. I hope you can work it out though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest maxxangel Posted November 11, 2008 Share Posted November 11, 2008 Hi Lovediving, I really feel for you, in fact you've brought me to tears because I'm a little shaky myself of late. I absolutely with what Quoll has said. Go where your support network is best. Don't force yourself to fight through this alone. Where are you living at the moment, by the way? The people don't sound too friendly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest lovediving Posted November 11, 2008 Share Posted November 11, 2008 Hi Lovediving, I really feel for you, in fact you've brought me to tears because I'm a little shaky myself of late. I absolutely with what Quoll has said. Go where your support network is best. Don't force yourself to fight through this alone. Where are you living at the moment, by the way? The people don't sound too friendly. Hi, now I am in tears !! The thing is my best friend immigrated to Canada from the UK and I am not even sure where to go when I go back. I used to live in South London but I kind of dread the thought of going back there but also miss what I know. In New Zealand I have full citizenship and I do have family there my mum was one of 13 but I am scared of what to do. If I go there and it dont work out I think this will just kill me off. The most important thing for me is to be able to work and meet people. I have problems getting work here because of the reasons mentioned before I have everything against me British accent/New Zealand passport both nationalities are not liked to much here. You asked where I live I am in Sydney I used to live in Coogee then moved to the North Shore. I hope it all works out for you here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest maxxangel Posted November 11, 2008 Share Posted November 11, 2008 Hi, now I am in tears !! The thing is my best friend immigrated to Canada from the UK and I am not even sure where to go when I go back. I used to live in South London but I kind of dread the thought of going back there but also miss what I know. In New Zealand I have full citizenship and I do have family there my mum was one of 13 but I am scared of what to do. If I go there and it dont work out I think this will just kill me off. The most important thing for me is to be able to work and meet people. I have problems getting work here because of the reasons mentioned before I have everything against me British accent/New Zealand passport both nationalities are not liked to much here. You asked where I live I am in Sydney I used to live in Coogee then moved to the North Shore. I hope it all works out for you here. Thank you; just feeling a bit homesick at the moment I think. Can you get in touch with your family in NZ and are you fairly close to any of them? I gather it's not a familiar country for you if you left when very young. I can see why it would be scary as it is still a new country and you haven't had the best experience in that department. I guess one option would be to contact your family in NZ to test the water and see if they would be willing to help you out. The other is of course England, and hope you can get work (although recessions aren't the best times for that). Would you still be able to get some sort of social security payments after having been out of the country for 2 years? If you can then that would tide you over, but ideally you also need some friends/family there as well. I do hope you manage to get through this okay and wish you the best of luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenki Posted November 11, 2008 Share Posted November 11, 2008 I just wanted to say "well done" to you for being so honest about your past! I really feel for you. It sounds like you made al life changing decision after losing your mother but you didn't really have time to grieve! Then you came to oz and were all alone, no wonder you went a little off the rails! I would probably have gone nuts!!! It can't be easy deciding where to go but like others have said, you need to go where you have support around you. People who you can talk to and who can just listen to you without judging. I wish you luck with whatever you do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest itskaren Posted November 11, 2008 Share Posted November 11, 2008 Hi All, I am new here but wanted to post my story of what has happened since I came to OZ and really would appreciate your advice, please don't judge me as I am not a bad person. I came here two years ago after losing my mother to illness. I had been to Australia plenty of times on holiday and loved it and as I have dual nationality British and New Zealand I thought I would come to Australia and live and a brand new life I was so wrong. It took me months to get a job and then when I did I was treated like dirt. I ended up leaving the job and got severley depressed as the culture here was so different to the UK and I just found it very hard to meet people. Cut a long story short I got arrested when I got drunk and got charged with it. Told that I would not get a criminal record as it is a minor offence and sent on my way. I then pull myself together to get another job only to be offered it go through police clearance and they tell me I know have a record, the job offered was refused. So after all this I have spent two years trying to meet people, trying to get work and cant get anywhere. I then think OK I am running out of money I must try to get some centrelink to see me though until I get another job only to be told that you have to be a permanent resident to get it, (I thought new zealanders were entitled) and to get permanent residency I have to have nothing bad in my past so I am screwed either way. I am seriously depressed now and feel that I have very little strengh left. I grew up in London but was born in New Zealand, I am wondering whether I should go to New Zealand and start again or go home, please tell me your honest opinion. And before you guys say that it must be me, I would have to agree with you since I came here I am not the same person, although I have never had a problem in the UK in all my life and had good relationships and friendships all the time, why has this happened here. I have to make a decision before I have no money. I wish so much that I had money that I could give you. Also that magic wand to make you feel better. I am so sorry things have not worked out for you. I wish you all the luck in the world. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest lovediving Posted November 11, 2008 Share Posted November 11, 2008 I just wanted to say "well done" to you for being so honest about your past! I really feel for you. It sounds like you made al life changing decision after losing your mother but you didn't really have time to grieve! Then you came to oz and were all alone, no wonder you went a little off the rails! I would probably have gone nuts!!! It can't be easy deciding where to go but like others have said, you need to go where you have support around you. People who you can talk to and who can just listen to you without judging. I wish you luck with whatever you do. Thank you. You know I thought I would get a load of its your fault and just get on with it posts and actually I am grateful for not getting all that as the reason that I wanted to be honest on this particular thead is to let people know that it is not paradise and there are real implications if you lose the plot or mess up at all. I also dont dislike Australian people it is not that, it is more the fact that unless you are in some sort of clicky group you just dont ever seem to get anywhere. Reading some of your other posts makes me realise that I am not alone in the way that I feel and totally understand why people want to go home, you can have beautiful seas and scenery but it is no good if you dont have the right support and friendships around you. kind regards Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest lovediving Posted November 11, 2008 Share Posted November 11, 2008 I wish so much that I had money that I could give you. Also that magic wand to make you feel better. I am so sorry things have not worked out for you. I wish you all the luck in the world. xx Hey thank you but I wouldn't want money from anyone even if it was offered as I have always stood on my own two feet and the only reason that I thought centrelink was because I paid tax etc but I can survive for a while longer, it is so sweet of you to say that though, thanks. I might buy a lottery ticket tonight but you know what if I won they would probably say I cant have it as I am not a permanent resident...... It is good to talk to Brits again, glad I found this site know why I miss the UK sooooo much regards Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest kiwi Posted November 11, 2008 Share Posted November 11, 2008 So sorry for the way it's gone for you. It could've been any of us. Our understanding is that NZ'ers can get family benefit from Centrelink, but not unemployment benefit until you've been resident in OZ for 2 years. The same applies for Australians in NZ. You also can't get a student allowance until you've been resident for 2 years. I may be wrong but last time I checked this changed after you have been resident for 2 years, but they may regard you as a UK resident because you've lived there most of your life. So you need a plan to work out what would make life better. Friends would be good, so if you're having trouble making friends as you can't land a job maybe attend some PIO meets to get you through, or join some inexpensive club or group. Training is probably out unless it's paid, but temporary volunteer work could be a way of meeting people and look good on your CV. The other suggestion I have is that when you next apply for a job look them in the eye and be up front about your criminal offence. Aussies tend to like that. Don't minimise it, but simply state what happened and that you are not about to repeat it and would really appreciate the job so that you can prove that you have the skills to compliment their company, blah blah. You have nothing to lose by trying it. My 17 yo son got caught, by a cop, smoking his second ever joint and it's on his record. I thought it would mean he wouldn't get any job offers (in NZ), especially as so many ask questions about drug offences, but we advised him to tell the employers before they checked. Since then he's got himself a full time job over the holidays, ahead of several others, even though they know his record. He's also been accepted into a polytech course next year. All is not lost and all aussies can't all be unfriendly and unforgiving, so try again. If you decide to go home it may not be better as your friends have moved on, and in NZ it will be a new start too, but you will have family. Chin up and don't berate yourself about what's past. You know what you have to offer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest __TJ__ Posted November 11, 2008 Share Posted November 11, 2008 {{{hugs****** im sorry about the loss of your mother, that must have been hard. and we have all gotten drunk before now and been lucky not to come home in a squad car so we know where you are coming from there too. i think you probs left UK for a change and going back will not help you that much, i think you should seek out your rellies in NZ and see if there is any warmth there. i also think you might need to speak to a dr, as you may have depression (im not in any way qualified to advise which is why id suggest seeing your DR, depression is a chemical imbalance and 9 times out of 10 can be fixed with simple medication) i dont know what you were looking for in oz, but clearly you have no found it. so you either need to try somewere else in OZ or make the move back to NZ. possibly a migration agent or NZ's version of centrelink can tell you what benefits you would be entitled to so you would at least know money worries were sorted out. failing all that, post on here looking for north shore sydneyers, there must be some and im sure some would meet up with you for a beer, just dont overdo it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest lovediving Posted November 11, 2008 Share Posted November 11, 2008 Out of interest, where does anybody recommend is a good city to live in oz and why ? I have heard Perth is beautiful and the people are very friendly is this true ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted November 11, 2008 Share Posted November 11, 2008 I dont know that any of the seething metropoli are inately friendly. I think Australia is a land of superficial friendliness and most people are friends only as long as there is something in it for them. I think you are more likely to get a sense of community and general mateyness if you head for somewhere smaller - however, even then there is no guarantee that they are going to let you in. I think you actually answered your own question back there - you said it was really great having a load of Poms to talk to - it sounds as if that is where your natural instinct lies and maybe that's where you need to be heading. Jobs are going to be difficult no matter where you are in the world at the moment but there are jobs out there and maybe you need to take the first thing that comes along just to get yourself back on the path to the employment you want. However, I do agree with TJ, get yourself checked out by a doctor because sometimes there are things that can help alleviate despression and even give you some coping skills for how to manage it when it really is the place that is doing your head in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest lovediving Posted November 11, 2008 Share Posted November 11, 2008 Hi Quoll, You are right about the UK and it is true it has lifted my spirits today talking to people that I guess relate to how I think, not in all cases but understand the difficulties of this environment compared to the UK. I am definately going to the doctor in the morning and explain the difficulties I am in at the moment and what the effect has been on me. I have gone from a happy go lucky woman with a very successful career, happiness within myself to a quite reclusive person that exists day to day here due to giving up on trying to make it better when it probably will never happen. I am not saying that my personal bereavement has not had an effect on me but being here is totally soul destroying and it is time for me to get up and do something about it. For those of you that have read these replies, it may not be the same for you and you could be looking for something different and content and it really could work for you so. My advice to anyone considering living here, be absolutely sure you know the real implications and definately dont think that you will walk in and immediately meet people and they will accept you it is not that simple. Just one more thing I wanted to mention, why is everybody so money hungry here I mean really money hungry, everywhere you go they literally drag you in shops and even going to the gym I got subjected to some woman handing out leaflets for her restaurant while I was on a bike !!!! Anyway Eastenders is on in a minute gives me something to look forward to.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kazzarazza Posted November 11, 2008 Share Posted November 11, 2008 I have been in Adelaide since 1990 and absolutely LOVE it. The people here are incredibly friendly and helpful. I have never felt like an outsider from day one. I have heard that Perth is similar but I haven't been myself. I have been to Sydney for holidays and I deal with a lot of Sydneysiders in my work. Quite honestly I think the Sydneysiders have a huge chip on their shoulders. They think they are bigger and better than everybody else. This is magnified by the fact that most people from outside only know about Sydney and not much about the rest of Australia. (A bit like people only knowing whats in London and not knowing about anywehere else north of Watford Gap) The city has got too big, is too busy and is too expensive. Even the immigration dept encourage new arrivals to go elsewhere and give extra points if you do so. Try out pomsinadelaide.com and chat to some people over there. Adelaide is probably the most western (don't really want to say most English) of all the Asutralian cities and we all reckon that it is Australia's best kept secret. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kazzarazza Posted November 11, 2008 Share Posted November 11, 2008 Hi again Lovediving. Just another thought in regards to your small criminal misdemeanor - you may find by moving interstate that it wouldn't crop up anywhere else as the different states don't normally communicate with each other unless it is something very serious and of Federal significance. My personal feeling is that Australia is a very big country and every city is different from the next. Some places are definitely more laid back than others. If it were me, I would try somewhere else first before ever considering going back to the UK. Good luck in whatever you decide. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted November 11, 2008 Share Posted November 11, 2008 I don't have any words of wisdom to add .... the previous posts have said so much, just wanted to add my support and hugz Ali x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest lovediving Posted November 11, 2008 Share Posted November 11, 2008 Thank you Ali and everyone. I have some serious thinking to do and will be making a decision this week and I really do appreciate all of your replies it has put some perspective on my situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted November 11, 2008 Share Posted November 11, 2008 Only you can make your decision .... but it's nice to be able to get some support from people who have an inkling of what you may be going through ... it could be anyone of us xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenki Posted November 11, 2008 Share Posted November 11, 2008 Thank you. You know I thought I would get a load of its your fault and just get on with it posts and actually I am grateful for not getting all that as the reason that I wanted to be honest on this particular thead is to let people know that it is not paradise and there are real implications if you lose the plot or mess up at all. I also dont dislike Australian people it is not that, it is more the fact that unless you are in some sort of clicky group you just dont ever seem to get anywhere. Reading some of your other posts makes me realise that I am not alone in the way that I feel and totally understand why people want to go home, you can have beautiful seas and scenery but it is no good if you dont have the right support and friendships around you. kind regards Please know that it's not your fault, you clearly sound like you've tried really hard to make it work! I know what you mean that you don't dislike Australians, it's just hard to settle in. Not to mention being so far from familiarity and having to start all over again - it's not easy. You've hit the nail on the head - if you have the weather, beaches and the scenery, that's all good but if you're alone or feeling lonely it cancels out the beauty around you! I've not been doing so well since I got here so I'm going home (to the UK) this weekend to see how I feel there! Please do keep in touch here and let us know what you're going to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Midget Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 I think people everywhere tend to stick to the friendship circles they have, and it's always difficult to break into that - particularly for those of us without kids as natural icebreakers. I'm from Adelaide originally, spent 18 months in London, and now I'm in Perth, and I wouldn't say making new friends has been easy in London or Perth. I don't think people intend to be unfriendly but probably they just don't think about it. There is absolutely no point staying somewhere where you are not happy, and there's nothing (to me) worse than feeling like you don't belong - nothing can compensate for that. If you haven't spent a lot of time in NZ it might be just as hard for you there, I guess maybe you could take a holiday there and visit any relatives and see if you get any impressions of the place. Good luck with whatever you decide, I hope you find some peace of mind soon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest lovediving Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 Hi Guys, I am going home !!!!!!! the UK that is. I wrote a list and thought I would share with you my findings. Good things about OZ Weather Scenery Sorry cant think of anything else Bad things about OZ People's arrogance and coldness People's blatant falseness TV adverts Money hungry culture (pokies says it all) Every sport programme only features Australians Jobs are limited Shopping centres make me sick Peoples driving (ignorant) Boring, boring boring ! No real culture unless you are into talking about beer Nasty flying insects Double standards in most views Low wages and high cost of living Good things about UK Culture People's sense of humour Things to see and do Europe !!!!!! Job prosects even in a recession the local pub Marks and spencers Multi cultural but not like OZ No poisoness spiders Green grass little villages with history Infrastructure Have their own identity do not follow americans Bad things about UK Weather (but europe is on the doorstep) Traffic Expense but not that bad on what can be earnt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenki Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 Hi Lovediving You must feel so relieved. I know that as soon as I booked my ticket I felt much better. When will you leave? I'm off on Sunday - can't wait. What area are you going to? Keep in touch and let us know how you get on!!! Good luck with it all and be happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest maxxangel Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 I think people everywhere tend to stick to the friendship circles they have, and it's always difficult to break into that - particularly for those of us without kids as natural icebreakers. I'm from Adelaide originally, spent 18 months in London, and now I'm in Perth, and I wouldn't say making new friends has been easy in London or Perth. I don't think people intend to be unfriendly but probably they just don't think about it. There is absolutely no point staying somewhere where you are not happy, and there's nothing (to me) worse than feeling like you don't belong - nothing can compensate for that. If you haven't spent a lot of time in NZ it might be just as hard for you there, I guess maybe you could take a holiday there and visit any relatives and see if you get any impressions of the place. Good luck with whatever you decide, I hope you find some peace of mind soon Agreed. I don't make friends easily and often feel like I don't belong. I don't have many friends back in England and didn't see them or my family all that often, but I have been surprised at how much that small amount of contact keeps you going. Good luck to all of you heading back. Looking on the positive side, at least this experience has made you appreciate what the UK does offer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tai75 Posted November 16, 2008 Share Posted November 16, 2008 Thank you. You know I thought I would get a load of its your fault and just get on with it posts and actually I am grateful for not getting all that as the reason that I wanted to be honest on this particular thead is to let people know that it is not paradise and there are real implications if you lose the plot or mess up at all. I also dont dislike Australian people it is not that, it is more the fact that unless you are in some sort of clicky group you just dont ever seem to get anywhere. Reading some of your other posts makes me realise that I am not alone in the way that I feel and totally understand why people want to go home, you can have beautiful seas and scenery but it is no good if you dont have the right support and friendships around you. kind regards you are so right sun and sea do not make up for not having any family around you I hope it all works out for you I know how hard it is to be here and unhappy and feel so alone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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