Visa invitation issued - now terrified that the dream may not meet reality?

[scubacam]

Evening everyone,

 

So today we received our official invitation from NSW for the 190 visa and the invitation to apply through skill select came through seconds later. I called my husband straight away , we both literally jumped for joy over the phone but now this evening the mood has turned , I’ve shed some tears and now we are wondering if it’s the right choice - has anyone else felt like this?

We have a little boy who is almost 2 so there are grandparents to consider and my dad is poorly with dilated cardio myopathy (what George Michael had) , my dad wants us to go and give it a shot. It would mean selling our house , shipping animals and leaving everyone behind. I was totally ok with this and in fact we only ever talked about the short term being in London because next year ‘we’ll be in aus’ , until the email arrived and now I’m bricking it - anyone else had this ?

How did you get over it?

[calNgary]

I think its quite normal to get wobbles, especially as the date to move gets closer. I have read of lots of people feeling this way and it is something i thought before we left, a bit of a 'what the heck am i doing'' moment..lol

You have family backing you and telling you to give it a shot which is more than some people have. Luckily our family was the same and supported us throughout the organising process and allowed us to live with them for a few weeks just before we flew out. 11 years on , i have been back twice and have no regrets about moving here, it is hard at first to settle and find your feet as everything is alien to you but you can certainly have a great life out here with fantastic weather when things slot into place.

Lots of luck with everything

  Cal x

[Guest]

3 hours ago, scubacam said:

 

Evening everyone,

 

So today we received our official invitation from NSW for the 190 visa and the invitation to apply through skill select came through seconds later. I called my husband straight away , we both literally jumped for joy over the phone but now this evening the mood has turned , I’ve shed some tears and now we are wondering if it’s the right choice - has anyone else felt like this?

We have a little boy who is almost 2 so there are grandparents to consider and my dad is poorly with dilated cardio myopathy (what George Michael had) , my dad wants us to go and give it a shot. It would mean selling our house , shipping animals and leaving everyone behind. I was totally ok with this and in fact we only ever talked about the short term being in London because next year ‘we’ll be in aus’ , until the email arrived and now I’m bricking it - anyone else had this ?

How did you get over it?

Absolutely spot on almost textbook reaction! Don't worry. We went through the same thing, as I imagine hundreds if not thousands did/do/will. You put in all this hard work, provide doc after doc, comply with rules and examinations ... hoping hoping and then boom your 'dream' comes true. Why do we then feel terrified! It's mostly to do with the reality settling in. We can now move. Before it was just a waiting game. Now it's real!

Continue to do your research and plan as much as you can. Keep up the pros and cons list and remember, it's not a life sentence. It's a chance to experience something possibly wonderful. It doesn't mean you have to stay and that's it forever and ever. Yes there is the emotional feelings with family/friends - how did you feel when you made the decision to apply and beforehand? It just feels more scary now because it's all happening. Discuss ways with grandparents / parents etc. how you can keep in touch. What works best for them, for you?

Go for a walk. Take a deep breath. Remember the reasons you wanted to make the move. If those reasons still exist, then why not. The overused phrase 'life is for living' really is true. 

On the flip side, remember just because you have the 'ticket' now, doesn't mean you absolutely have to go. You still have choice.

As above, if you remember the reasons you wanted to, then go for it. It doesn't have to be for eternity, however there are so many people who have made the move and are incredibly happy - (speaking from person experience here) better off financially, more career opportunities, more time in the outdoors, kid(s) settling in very well, making friends ... you never know, you could be feeling/experiencing this too!

Just remember - you have choice. You don't have to go - if you do, look at is as an adventure, one that may not last forever but at least you gave it a go!

All the best for your move.

[MARYROSE02]

3 hours ago, scubacam said:

 

Evening everyone,

 

So today we received our official invitation from NSW for the 190 visa and the invitation to apply through skill select came through seconds later. I called my husband straight away , we both literally jumped for joy over the phone but now this evening the mood has turned , I’ve shed some tears and now we are wondering if it’s the right choice - has anyone else felt like this?

We have a little boy who is almost 2 so there are grandparents to consider and my dad is poorly with dilated cardio myopathy (what George Michael had) , my dad wants us to go and give it a shot. It would mean selling our house , shipping animals and leaving everyone behind. I was totally ok with this and in fact we only ever talked about the short term being in London because next year ‘we’ll be in aus’ , until the email arrived and now I’m bricking it - anyone else had this ?

How did you get over it?

You could always rent your house out instead of selling it. I spent 12 years back in England, and now 9 years in Sydney and both times I've rented my property out.

It's hard saying goodbye to family and friends and I still feel a measure of guilt about splitting my family up and never seeing my grandmother again but my parents got to see and experience Australia and NZ. Australia is a nation of immigrants who all have to deal with those feelings.

I hate to offer advice in these situations but having made plans to come to Australia you have already separated yourself psychologically from people who will never contemplate emigrating (there's nothing wrong with that either) but if you change your mind you might regret it - those "what if we'd done it" feelings.

[Quoll]

Well, it’ll either work or it won’t. Chances are probably better than even that it will. Don’t burn any bridges though, take career breaks and rent out your house for starters. It isn’t in the rule book that you HAVE to like Australia or even stay there for the rest of your days so if it doesn’t float your boat then move on.  

In order to be a successful migrant you are going to have to be very self sufficient and rather selfish (not in a pejorative sense) and remember that you will be living in a foreign country on the other side of world all on your own. Your kid’s relationship with grandparents will probably never be the same again (Skype doesn’t cut it as a  substitute for cuddles and babysitting) but that’s the name of the game. If you’re after an adventure and have a better offer than what you have at the moment then you’re good to go.  

I would suggest, though, that before you make irrevocable decisions you get set in concrete the “what do we do if one of us doesn’t like it” scenario and be aware that if one of you wants to go and take the child, the other can stop you leaving. Families usually don’t address that because it’s the “golden ticket” to the “new life” thing when they have stars in their eyes but quite a few families have discovered that different opinions can be a huge issue. 

The other thing is don’t expect people to be continually popping over to visit you and be prepared to be the ones to go back to see family and keep the connections there (it could be hard for your dad to get insurance to travel, for example)

Sounds like you are young enough and your child is young enough to have an adventure and adventures are what life is all about. Don’t think of it as forever and it’ll all be good.

[scubacam]

Thank you so much for all your replies they have been really reassuring to read.
I have no idea how often we could be back but also if family will visit, my husbands parents made it clear last time we talked about it that they would never fly that far and they are people of their word and don’t handle flying well (nor the heat). They actually said “if you go that would be goodbye”
I think that’s something that does upset me / make me wobble. Yes we would be giving our son Atticus a fantastic life but his grandparents would also make a contribution to his life that we would be taking away if we were to leave so to anyone that has done this - how do you justify the decision?

How do you guys find the cost of living out there ? I’m worried I have rose tinted glasses about salaries etc and I’m constantly reminded by the negative people around me that I’m choosing to live somewhere incredibly expensive.

I’m 30 and my hubby is 32, Atticus is almost 2. We want outdoors, weather, a life by the sea. Sadly I feel that if my dad was already gone I’d be on a plane tomorrow. I always think lost money can be re made and the what if would be solved but when my dad passes away I’ll have the regret of not being there so either way there is regret. Regret if I didn’t go and regret if I did because I wasn’t there for him.

Unfortunately pre Atticus Nic and I travelled with any spare money we had so we have very little savings but we have a lot of equity in our house , we need to sell to get over there , pay a few months rent , get a car , transport animals etc. Not spend anything crazy but certainly more than we could save in a year.
Also knowing my personality if I had a house to come back to - the minute something goes wrong I’d be using it as a reason to go home.
Nothing to go back to means it’s time to get on and work hard. I realise that also may sound irresponsible and not realistic - I dont know

[VERYSTORMY]

The first thing is don't panic, wobbles are normal. You also have a long time to make the move and I would recommend you use it. Take your time to save as much as possible so that you aren't just relying on the house sale. Don't forget you might want to buy a house there and will need a deposit. Also, you need to budget for the time it takes to find work. You ideally need enough money to live on - rent, bills, food and day to day living for at least three months and ideally six months while you find work. 

I will though pick up on the "fantastic life" and "dream". Be careful you are not over estimating life in Oz. It is just another first world country. You will still have to do all the daily stuff you do now - clean the toilet, do the shopping, go to work. 

[CJT]

48 minutes ago, VERYSTORMY said:

The first thing is don't panic, wobbles are normal. You also have a long time to make the move and I would recommend you use it. Take your time to save as much as possible so that you aren't just relying on the house sale. Don't forget you might want to buy a house there and will need a deposit. Also, you need to budget for the time it takes to find work. You ideally need enough money to live on - rent, bills, food and day to day living for at least three months and ideally six months while you find work. 

I will though pick up on the "fantastic life" and "dream". Be careful you are not over estimating life in Oz. It is just another first world country. You will still have to do all the daily stuff you do now - clean the toilet, do the shopping, go to work. 

I will agree with VERYSTORMY here. Saying that your son will have a 'fantastic life' - that is not going to happen by just moving somwhere.  He could have a fantastic life in any first world country. While he is young a fantastic life will be to have a loving attentive family who spend time and do things with him and keep him safe.

I would also add that if you want to live by the sea it will be expensive and prohibitively so in somewhere like Sydney unless you are seriously cashed up. 

Good luck with your future plans - whatever you decide to do.

[calNgary]

10 hours ago, scubacam said:

Also knowing my personality if I had a house to come back to - the minute something goes wrong I’d be using it as a reason to go home.
Nothing to go back to means it’s time to get on and work hard. I realise that also may sound irresponsible and not realistic - I dont know

Thats exactly what we thought and one of the resons we did sell up over there. I think i would have gone back quite a few times in that first year when the going got tough,lol, but jeez im glad i stuck it out.

 Wanting and loving the outdooor life sure makes your weekends fun and also relatively cost free. The great beaches, kids parks, forest walks etc cost zilch ,we enjoyed exploring new places every weekend when the kids were young. Some of the kids parks are out of this world and there also seem to be lots of free family events put on by local councils etc so that is an added bonus when wanting something to do.

As for taking them away from Grandparents, i dont think the guilt every really goes away but with skype and facebook its very easy to stay in touch these days. We are lucky in that hubbys parents have been out quite a few times to see us and thats always nice for us and the kids, we didnt go back there for 10 years though and my youngest who was 3 when we migrated did forget who was who relation wise, which did catch me off guard abit.

 

 Cal x

[Quoll]

11 hours ago, scubacam said:

Unfortunately pre Atticus Nic and I travelled with any spare money we had so we have very little savings but we have a lot of equity in our house , we need to sell to get over there , pay a few months rent , get a car , transport animals etc. Not spend anything crazy but certainly more than we could save in a year.
Also knowing my personality if I had a house to come back to - the minute something goes wrong I’d be using it as a reason to go home.
Nothing to go back to means it’s time to get on and work hard. I realise that also may sound irresponsible and not realistic - I dont know

I would disagree there - nothing worse than being trapped and not having a lifeline. There is nothing in the rule book that says you have to like it. So bashing your head against a brick wall to make your headache go away isn’t awfully sensible. I think having the freedom to decide whether the move is really what you were aiming for without too much loss is more likely to make it work for you rather than less because the stress of knowing you’d have nothing to go back to can be too much.

We did sell up but I have wished for a long time that we hadn’t. We would have been sitting pretty if we had kept our home - we may have decided at some point to sell it, I don’t know. But make sure the “fantastic life” you think you might be headed for is all that you hope it is before you burn bridges. You might decide that you can have just the same fantasticness and water views by moving to Devon!

[Guest]

TBH the grandparents are probably feeling it big time. You are planning to move the other side of the world. Although moving down the other end of the M5 you could see them only once or twice a year. Just there is the distance and it being 24 hours away if its to Australia you go. I don't think emotional blackmail or trying to deter people from moving by saying its goodbye is ever going to help things, just cause more upset but they are human and need time to work through their feelings. If they really won't come over on holiday, you may need to be prepared for that and toughen up on it and just get on with it. And if need be and you want to, make trips back to the UK every couple of years or so. Even if its just one of you and your son for a week or two.

I think you need a fair old dollop of selfishness about it all to make it work. If you are close to family or have not lived outside the local area from them then it could be hard and they could be much missed. If you are used to living away from them, seeing them infrequently, then perhaps that bit easier. 

If you plan to migrate I think you need to have a rather thick skin, be a bit tough emotionally on occasion and while you will have feelings of doubt and worry, they should pass. If they are feelings that have arrived, dragged you down, worry and upset you and don't go away, then you perhaps need a rethink. If you can't cope before you leave, I am not sure you'd cope after IYKWIM. 

And what others have said re the fantastic life. Your son will be happy and loved in either place. His most important things are his parents and a stable loving home. If you have this you are most of the way there IMHO. Australia doesn't equal a magically better life for migrants. It can be a hard slog, a rather unforgiving place on occasions (but then migrating to any country can be hard going so its not just confined to Australia) and life isn't magically brilliant from the get go. In fact, its often the same sort of daily routine once you get in to it. Day to day life is pretty much the same in any first world country. However, there are differences and then of course you get to experience the things Aus can offer (and also the things it doesn't  ). 

If you want to migrate then you'll make it happen and give it a go. I don't think you can look at others and compare once you are here either. Everyone has a story behind the scenes we may not know about.

I don't feel I have to justify my decision to move or call Australia home. Never have. Thankfully I've never been put into a position where I feel I have to or should. Its home. The UK was home for a number of years. So were a number of other countries. I was happy in the UK living, very much so. And very happy here too. Same for us all really, though my son was 5 when we left and coming up 10 now so perhaps hard for him to really remember day to day 'life in the UK' as it was. But we have had trips back to the UK in the time we've been here. We, all of us, are always happy to come back home to Aus though