Guest Guest226914 Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 Hi all, Just wondering if there's anyone on here who has experienced anything similar or can give some advice... My husband and I have been in oz for 5 years and I have never felt homesick and never had any doubt in our minds that Australia was home for us even after our first trip back to Uk after 2.5 years. We have loved every second of being here up until our latest family visit. My parents came over for the first time and stayed for 3 weeks. We had an incredible time together but them leaving has left a huge hole for me and I have been getting really upset which is really unlike me. It has made me realise how much more I want them in my life and making me question if I should go back to UK. My rational brain says it's them I miss not the UK. I hated the UK when we last went back to visit and I think that's what made it easier to leave. I also think some of it is the fact my parents were in the country I love and I miss them being part of my Australian experience. If I moved back to Uk and the novelty of being near family wears off - would I be happy? I don't think I would. Even so it doesn't make things easier at the moment. Part of it is also the guilt of saying goodbye knowing I made the move to the other side of the world. I guess I am hoping that these feelings will just pass by and it's just because I saw my parents every day for the last 3 weeks and it's the adapting back to normal life that will take a while. If anyone has a similar experience please share as I am really struggling to get over them leaving. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Booma Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 this happens to me every time my family visits us. it usually takes me a month or 2 to get over it. it doesnt happen when i go visit them probably because i get reminded of all the things i dont like in the uk. but when they come here everything is just perfect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toots Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 I also used to feel the same each time my Mum or sister and brother left after staying with us. It's a horrible feeling of sadness but I always got over it. As Booma said, I never felt the same sadness after staying with them in the UK or wherever my siblings were living at the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest226914 Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 this happens to me every time my family visits us. it usually takes me a month or 2 to get over it. it doesnt happen when i go visit them probably because i get reminded of all the things i dont like in the uk. but when they come here everything is just perfect. Thanks for your reply- that's what I was thinking. The last time we visited UK it also reminded me of why I left so I didn't have a huge problem leaving to return to oz. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 I've not felt the same when my family have left after visiting us here. I tend to be relieved and while sad at the actual goodbye moment and for a short while after, I soon get back on track and on with life. Its lovely to have them here, for them to share it all with us but a few weeks is enough before things can perhaps get a bit strained or old. I also don't really find much in the UK to connect with either when I visit and trips there I am itching to leave after a couple of weeks, even though it means leaving my family. I can't stay there for them and don't feel guilty for leaving. I'd give yourself some time as its all just happened and of course is going to be a jolt to the system. Its been lovely having them and holidays can be wonderful, but they are just that. Wait till things settle down and then see how you feel. Keep in mind also it can be harder emotionally for the people staying than those leaving. You get to go back to your home which is now empty and quieter and they have a plane journey, travel to distract them then arriving back to be able to share their holiday experience with others, telling stories, showing photos etc and enjoying the memories. You'll possibly feel more melancholy as the ones staying put. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 I think if you went back and you hated the UK you would start to become bitter towards your parents for being stuck there. 'Instead of considering moving back why not start planning when they can come out again or when you can visit. Hugs x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Roberto Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 I think this is normal. We've only been here 2 years but my in laws have been over twice. Both times my wife and kids get upset and feel crap for a while after. Me less so Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evandale Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 This is the only aspect I loath about "immigration" and lack of freedom to travel ( i.e. Visa's etc) here to Australia. It cheeses me off no end that Australians have a "visa free" right of travel to the UK which isnt reciprocal to Australia. I digress, yes this part of separation is not pleasant and for families that enjoy close relationships it sucks! For our future this would be a deciding factor now I have citizenship. Family before country! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nemesis Posted April 23, 2017 Share Posted April 23, 2017 11 hours ago, Evandale said: This is the only aspect I loath about "immigration" and lack of freedom to travel ( i.e. Visa's etc) here to Australia. It cheeses me off no end that Australians have a "visa free" right of travel to the UK which isnt reciprocal to Australia. I digress, yes this part of separation is not pleasant and for families that enjoy close relationships it sucks! For our future this would be a deciding factor now I have citizenship. Family before country! Australians can get visa-free entry as tourists for 6 months. Uk citizens in most cases can get a free evisitor to enter oz as a tourist for 3 months. Beyond that both countries require various conditions to be met in order to get a visa. Ozzies don't have a visa free right of travel to the UK unless they are tourists, going for 6 months or less. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest226914 Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 Thanks for all the replies. I guess it's a hard position to be in. I know if I went back I wouldn't be happy long term yet I am pining for my family to be back with me in Australia which isn't possible. I wish I could visit once a year but finances don't allow at the moment so not sure when I will be able to see them next. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evandale Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 5 hours ago, Nemesis said: Australians can get visa-free entry as tourists for 6 months. Uk citizens in most cases can get a free evisitor to enter oz as a tourist for 3 months. Beyond that both countries require various conditions to be met in order to get a visa. Ozzies don't have a visa free right of travel to the UK unless they are tourists, going for 6 months or less. I do realise this! UK citizens require an ETA visa. You cannot board a plane without it! Ozzies can jump on a plane for 6 months visa free as a tourist. This is exactly what I was referring to! sorry if my post was not made clear!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 14 hours ago, george8181 said: Thanks for all the replies. I guess it's a hard position to be in. I know if I went back I wouldn't be happy long term yet I am pining for my family to be back with me in Australia which isn't possible. I wish I could visit once a year but finances don't allow at the moment so not sure when I will be able to see them next. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Could they visit one year and you the next. So if you went back say Jan 2019 you would have nearly 2 years to save again to return in 2021 and your parents could visit 2020 and 2022. I know it's easier said than done and it is still a long flight especially for elderly parents. Another option is you could meet somewhere half way every other year, like Singapore. I'm not sure where you live but Scoot often do flights from Brissy to Singapore for $129 which is a bargain price compared to a flight up to Townsville from Brissy that is $248. I seriously wouldn't rush to move back but look forward and plan your next holiday together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 You get used to it. Out of sight is out of mind. It never bothered me farewelling my parents in the least for the first 20 years but it got harder and harder when every time I said goodbye was the "is this the last time" lingering in my brain - once they turned about 85 really. Now I have one son and two granddaughters in Aus and one son and grandson here in UK - miss them of course for a day or two when we/they leave but otherwise put on the big girl panties and get on with it. If you love Australia (I didn't) then not much point in leaving it - you've made your decision to put the people in your life behind the place you choose to live it (nothing wrong with that) so basically you just have to suck it up. It really was easier back in the day - communication was expensive, trips were prohibitive so you just got on with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest226914 Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 Could they visit one year and you the next. So if you went back say Jan 2019 you would have nearly 2 years to save again to return in 2021 and your parents could visit 2020 and 2022. I know it's easier said than done and it is still a long flight especially for elderly parents. Another option is you could meet somewhere half way every other year, like Singapore. I'm not sure where you live but Scoot often do flights from Brissy to Singapore for $129 which is a bargain price compared to a flight up to Townsville from Brissy that is $248. I seriously wouldn't rush to move back but look forward and plan your next holiday together.To be honest I'm not sure if they would visit again. They are both retired and don't have the funds to make the trip every other year. I think it would be down to me to visit and that's where it's upsetting me because I now want to see them once a year. Maybe we could see if there's any cheap deals to meet half way... Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 2 minutes ago, george8181 said: To be honest I'm not sure if they would visit again. They are both retired and don't have the funds to make the trip every other year. I think it would be down to me to visit and that's where it's upsetting me because I now want to see them once a year. Maybe we could see if there's any cheap deals to meet half way... I just keep my eye out for cheap deals or sales with the main carriers and book that way. I booked a trip back recently and flew a couple of months later. I could have flown the following week at time of booking for quite a bit less but it wasn't feasible from my end. Next time though I may keep a closer eye on the flights within the coming few weeks and go for it knowing I've got plans in place for things this end and can implement them pretty quick if needed. In terms of how long and where to stay, I won't make trips longer than 2 weeks now so as not to wear out my welcome or find myself struggling to cope being there too long and break the trip up staying with friends for some of it as well as with my parents. My husband doesn't come with me on these trips. He has no desire to holiday in the UK having lived there for 8 years, its not really on his bucket list to do over That's fine for me as its a big saving and means I can make more regular trips back if needed/wanted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest226914 Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 I just keep my eye out for cheap deals or sales with the main carriers and book that way. I booked a trip back recently and flew a couple of months later. I could have flown the following week at time of booking for quite a bit less but it wasn't feasible from my end. Next time though I may keep a closer eye on the flights within the coming few weeks and go for it knowing I've got plans in place for things this end and can implement them pretty quick if needed. In terms of how long and where to stay, I won't make trips longer than 2 weeks now so as not to wear out my welcome or find myself struggling to cope being there too long and break the trip up staying with friends for some of it as well as with my parents. My husband doesn't come with me on these trips. He has no desire to holiday in the UK having lived there for 8 years, its not really on his bucket list to do over [emoji14] That's fine for me as its a big saving and means I can make more regular trips back if needed/wanted. How often do you usually go back?Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 I've been here just over 3.5 years and been back twice and planning to go again within the next year. First trip was almost a month and way too long from my side of things. Made the second one much shorter and it was far better. I'm not homesick or missing people since moving here but I did make a promise to myself about ensuring I saw my parents. TBH I have no interest to go back other than to ensure I see a handful of people. Its lovely to see them but I could also go 5 years or more without (I've done that in the past). However, I said to my husband that for as long as my parents alive I will make trips back and so we budget for it in our finances. I don't want them to not see their grandchild or miss out on a bit of time with them while able. If they come visit here again though in the meantime I'll push my trip back to the following year. Outside of that though, I've no desire, longing or reason to return. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest226914 Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 I've been here just over 3.5 years and been back twice and planning to go again within the next year. First trip was almost a month and way too long from my side of things. Made the second one much shorter and it was far better. I'm not homesick or missing people since moving here but I did make a promise to myself about ensuring I saw my parents. TBH I have no interest to go back other than to ensure I see a handful of people. Its lovely to see them but I could also go 5 years or more without (I've done that in the past). However, I said to my husband that for as long as my parents alive I will make trips back and so we budget for it in our finances. I don't want them to not see their grandchild or miss out on a bit of time with them while able. If they come visit here again though in the meantime I'll push my trip back to the following year. Outside of that though, I've no desire, longing or reason to return. For me, since I got here I haven't had any longing to go back and I suppose I still don't. When my parents just left to go back to UK I felt a sense of sadness that I haven't been seeing them more often and it is something I really want to try to do if I can. It's just an issue with annual leave and my husband seeing his family too. If we go once a year then that would use up half of his annual leave and we also need time to do our own trips and also not to mention the cost.It's tricky to navigate my emotions and what I want versus what is feasible in the grand scheme of things. In my heart of hearts I know I'm in the right place but I just wish it was easier to see my parents.Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 Have you thought about paying for your parents to visit you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Di Vale Posted April 26, 2017 Share Posted April 26, 2017 I'm here alone..I moved over here 9 years ago..to be with an Aussie man...I left everything behind..I gave up everything....I try to go back every year..but finances dictate ..have a look at Royal Brunei flights...they are always cheapest..and I can't fault them...I feel your despair...I have huge guilt at leaving everyone...and I miss my family so much....I've got 2 new granddaughters . And my my dad is 90 in November ..family will always be the biggest heartache for me....whenever I go back..I always quote..." My head comes back...my heart as to catch up.." ....but truthfully..it don't..it gets harder.....sending huge hugs..xXx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest263228 Posted April 27, 2017 Share Posted April 27, 2017 On 24/04/2017 at 9:55 AM, Evandale said: I do realise this! UK citizens require an ETA visa. You cannot board a plane without it! Ozzies can jump on a plane for 6 months visa free as a tourist. This is exactly what I was referring to! sorry if my post was not made clear!! Aussies still have to convince UK immigration that they are bona fide tourists, having enough to sustain themselves, not being suspected of entering to work. If deemed 'sus' can and are disqualified from entry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evandale Posted April 27, 2017 Share Posted April 27, 2017 We frequently go back and my OH has never had to satisfy anyone. BUT if pulled by Immigration then naturally one would have to show them proof of "intention"! It is very convenient not having to worry about a visa!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest263228 Posted April 27, 2017 Share Posted April 27, 2017 50 minutes ago, Evandale said: We frequently go back and my OH has never had to satisfy anyone. BUT if pulled by Immigration then naturally one would have to show them proof of "intention"! It is very convenient not having to worry about a visa!! Hard to figure that one out. I have been asked on all occasions entering UK on an Aussie passport (UK had expired) UK immigration (onshore Belgium)even wanted an address or place of abode while in UK and had the beginnings of a 'hard time' when unable to supply. Arriving in Portsmouth by ship, was similarly questioned, but no hard time, into UK travel plans,etc. Other times always entered on UK passport. Recent years tend to bypass UK as better places to visit, hence last trip was seven years back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andy.s. Posted April 29, 2017 Share Posted April 29, 2017 We have lived in Melbourne for 2 years and we miss the cultural side of the UK, the museums, historic sites, plentiful places with character etc. Whilst we don't necessarily miss working in the UK (we are both teachers) we do feel like economic migrants to a certain extent. Our children have settled ok after an initially wobbly start. The eldest has found it hardest as she feels the distance between us and grandparents more, the youngest is more easy come ..... We have pledged to try and keep the family connection alive as we are acutely aware that our parents are now aging rapidly as they pass 70. We budget for annual flights home as family and try to make it a real holiday with stopovers to visit places etc. This no doubt eases our guilt somewhat also. We go for the xmas period and really enjoy the time with family and friends at this special time of year. The world is a smaller place and we have no idea where we will be in 5 years time, we will see where life and events take us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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