Focus on what i have experiencecd with this forum, going back to UK

[kiwiathome]

annym, you r lovely.

 

It must be fate, or the above, not sure, but I have not looked on this site for soo long, and I saw my username pop up. Just a random glance, a night ago.

 

Big breath, here goes. I am not even going to read back and see what I originally wrote on this thread.

 

What I will say, when I was not in a good place this forum offered conversation and like mindedness minds and opinions. Some people are very lonely or lost in Australia, and maybe

not looking for a "right" or "wrong", maybe just want to be heard or hear an opinion.

 

I have not been on for a while, but it has been v obvious, I don't like Australia. For those of you that do, great and that's great if it works for some. And of course it will. Fair enough.

 

A lot has changed since I have been on, and I know when I was on in the past, I was lost and upset, and just could not cope with Australia. And I got mean at people.

 

Some even on this forum. This is not the natural me. Far from it.

 

In recent months I have told my hubby, who I love dearly, I am moving, because if I stay, all is lost for me and my children.

 

Long story short, I have seen a counsellor, I am in a pretty good marriage, I am relatively sane, I put my children before anything else, yet I stood and said, No. This is not for me.

 

I am returning to NZ at end of November with my girls, hubby will commute, he works for Virgin, I have been studying hard and will get a part time job.

 

In addition to this, my mum has kidney cancer, my dad has cataracts, and my mom in law needs shoulder op. Just light bulb moment. Look inside you, deep, and see what you really want.

 

Each individual matters, and your gut instinct is usually right. But if you are in a team, then you talk, and don't stop talking until you come up with an agreement.

 

I am going back to NZ, my marriage is better than ever, and when we are ready, as in grandparents all up in happy place (not far off) only then we will go back to England.

 

Long term plan is to retire in Europe. Always go for your dreams and goals, but you do need to find the realistic balance.

 

Marissa, take your lovely hubby and do language lessons together. Why not!? What's stopping you? Go for your dreams. Might take six months to sort, and then your

on your way. X

[kiwiathome]

Sorry I am back, just not sure was clear enough.

 

For those wanting more factual, involving Australia versus UK, this is our plan. My plan just involves a bunny hop to NZ. Because I have 3 aging and sick grandparents.

 

My hubby is v career driven, fine, he needs stay a little longer in Australia. But, our new plan is (or my new plan, bless all women who put it tactfully) he sticks with career, we welcome him with open arms,

but, I am in charge of me and children. I can't stand Australia, have drowned for 7 years. Have encountered not good situations. But, logically, and this does have to factor, as much as we would like

to race back to England, not possible.

 

Listen to your heart, follow your gut instinct, but you might have to encounter a few logical corners. I have to go back to NZ, before England. It is logical, meets the demands of all in family, and long term

I will get what I want.

 

My eldest, super bright/gifted, who was born In England, and desperate to go back, probably because feeding off mum not very happy in Australia, has to wait. We have 3 grandparents in NZ who are getting sick

and old. They are first priority. People should always matter first, just try and factory this in with logical. And seek support and communication.

 

My eldest will go to Victoria in Wellington, NZ, then her second year she can transfer back to England (where she was born) on Victoria abroad. Pay NZ fees, not UK international (non resident fees). Good for her.

 

I love England, want to retire in Europe (Go Marissa) but not until timing is right in NZ with 3 grandparents who need us.

 

So, I have moved on. Back to NZ soon. So excited. NZ doing well. SOOO more like England. Just guess want to say, don't give up. Listen to gut instinct. Then talk. Then try factor in best logical. We are all human

at end of day. We don't have to be perfect. Just keep searching until you know is right.

 

If not, please seek professional help. I only say that because of my recent studies. Best to everyone. xx

[Marisawright]

I love England, want to retire in Europe (Go Marissa) x

 

Thanks! I am at a low ebb today - just caught a nasty cold so stuck in the house. Our plan right now is to move somewhere else in the UK to give it one more chance - everyone keeps telling us Southampton is the worst place to be so we owe the country another chance. The trouble is, because we don't belong anywhere in particular, it's overwhelming knowing where to start looking.

 

I don't think my oh would ever be brave enough to move to Austria. German is not an easy language (all that grammar!). He has always been attracted to Italy and because I already speak French and Spanish, Italian wouldn't be a big challenge for me - so at least one of us would be able to handle the bureaucracy needed to get permission to live there.

 

However that's going to have to wait, I think. The fact that we spent money on setting up a flat and buying a car means we feel bad about just throwing all that away, and if we do go the Italy we'd probably have to take a furnished place.

[kiwiathome]

I still held back. I promised myself if I came back on this forum, I would be honest. But don't we all do what is expected of us, or hold back, or worry what others think of us!

 

So, I hope I can help someone else who is struggling if I came back on. Believe it or not, I felt guilty for coming on this forum originally, even though I was unhappy and did not have many people to talk too.

 

Soo, here goes. You can't be right in the head, until you are right in the heart. Listen deep down to what your insticnts are telling you and what you truly want.

 

Once your heart is happy, your tenseness is gone, then only your head and logical can speak. Never give up, look at all as moving forward and second chance. Life is precious, go for it. xx

[kiwiathome]

Oh Marisa, I am so back on.

 

You already have a head start, because you are in England and can go to Europe. I am sorry you are feeling low today, we all do at times. But you have the most wonderful opportunity to think what do you really want, and go for it.

 

And you do belong. You belong with your hubby, and you can make yourself belong anywhere you want with effort and excitement.

 

Don't base all your decisions on money. Listen to your heart. If it was your last 5 years on earth, where would you want to be, and who would you want to be with. All is possible. x

[ramot]

Thanks! I am at a low ebb today - just caught a nasty cold so stuck in the house. Our plan right now is to move somewhere else in the UK to give it one more chance - everyone keeps telling us Southampton is the worst place to be so we owe the country another chance. The trouble is, because we don't belong anywhere in particular, it's overwhelming knowing where to start looking.

 

I don't think my oh would ever be brave enough to move to Austria. German is not an easy language (all that grammar!). He has always been attracted to Italy and because I already speak French and Spanish, Italian wouldn't be a big challenge for me - so at least one of us would be able to handle the bureaucracy needed to get permission to live there.

 

However that's going to have to wait, I think. The fact that we spent money on setting up a flat and buying a car means we feel bad about just throwing all that away, and if we do go the Italy we'd probably have to take a furnished place.

 

Marisa as. I have written before, I am about the only other poster who has retired to another country with no real family there ( although I think you have a sister there?)

It took me about 18 months to really feel settled, but luckily always liked the Sunshine Coast from day 1, but had been spending quite a lot of time in Brisbane over the previous year's, so perhaps it was easier for me.

honestly don't know where to suggest you try next. I do really like Bristol, but it's not cheap, and as i've previously said haven't found people overly welcoming.

I know you don"t want to consider here, but what has made all the difference to me was (boring though it sounds) was settling somewhere that others retired to, because there were plenty of like minded people there, who moved there because they wanted to and were determined to live life to the full, rather than moving back somewhere like my old village where everyone has lived for years, most all their lives, surrounded by old friends and family. Nothing wrong with that, I just love the fact that so many of my friends here come from different countries, different parts of Australia and diverse backgrounds, just suits me better.

 

I have been in UK for 9 weeks now, yes loved being with son and grandchildren, but can't wait to go home. Missing the clarity of light, sorry but have found the weather pretty miserable, with only a few really good days, luckily struck lucky in Cornwall, and have been laid low with a bad virus for over 3 weeks now which doesn't help.

 

Do hope you begin to feel more settled Marisa, it isn't easy adjusting to retirement, let alone in a new country, but 12 years on I have never been happier, and 2 of ours have followed us to Oz which is great, hope it works out for you.

[Marisawright]

honestly don't know where to suggest you try next....

I know you don"t want to consider here, but what has made all the difference to me was (boring though it sounds) was settling somewhere that others retired to, because there were plenty of like minded people there, who moved there because they wanted to and were determined to live life to the full.

 

 

Maybe I should give Bournemouth another chance, in that case! I think, because we're in our early sixties, we are still not quite ready to see ourselves in the ranks of the old. Judging by Bournemouth, people in the UK retire later too.

[Perthbum]

Great thread.

[kiwiathome]

Back on, appreciate anyone who followed this thread. End of day, have confidence in yourself and do what is right for you.

 

I am going back to NZ in November, can't wait, so excited. 3 grandparents to suit, but benefits them, and me. Know right thing gutfeeling.

 

Eventually hope to get back to UK. But only when time is right. We all know when time is right. Huh. I am studying in health. Hope to get job in NZ.

 

Just happy to go home. Australia not been good over 8 years. One day hope to go back to UK, but only when NZ taken care off.

 

Guess what I am saying, look deep into what you really want, never give up, and go for your best. x.

[starlight7]

I find as you get older there are more people around who want to spend time together. Most of my age have retired by now and we have great times- if I wanted I could be with friends every single day. Gone are the worries and preoccupation of work and young families- people are really into joining groups and hobbies and reaching out to each other. Best time of our lives.

[kiwiathome]

Starlight, that's really nice. I have enjoyed this forum, but have so hold back. Not want to scare anyone! ha ha.

 

I saw the most wonderful doco on the news the other night, maybe other saw. I am technically tooo young to be thinking that way, but when you are lonely, maybe age does not factor in so much.

 

But did anyone see the docu on channel 7 news, that the flatting craze for younger people, now is suiting older people?! Shared houses, shared costs, comfort, company and security, what a wonderful idea.

 

I am still reasonably young, girls ages 15 and 10, going back to NZ, but I know I am pushing for more on my terms, and what suits my daughters.

 

Just saying, there are many options out there, and when something not working, go for it. Investigate. There are options. And sometimes reaching out to others and communication with others, great.

 

As I have said, going back to NZ. Later back to England. Great. But we are still trying to find a scenario to fit all in our family. But what is a typical family these days? Just never give up, and look outside

the box. And start trusting other people again.:wink:

[flag of convenience]

Starlight, that's really nice. I have enjoyed this forum, but have so hold back. Not want to scare anyone! ha ha.

 

I saw the most wonderful doco on the news the other night, maybe other saw. I am technically tooo young to be thinking that way, but when you are lonely, maybe age does not factor in so much.

 

But did anyone see the docu on channel 7 news, that the flatting craze for younger people, now is suiting older people?! Shared houses, shared costs, comfort, company and security, what a wonderful idea.

 

I am still reasonably young, girls ages 15 and 10, going back to NZ, but I know I am pushing for more on my terms, and what suits my daughters.

 

Just saying, there are many options out there, and when something not working, go for it. Investigate. There are options. And sometimes reaching out to others and communication with others, great.

 

As I have said, going back to NZ. Later back to England. Great. But we are still trying to find a scenario to fit all in our family. But what is a typical family these days? Just never give up, and look outside

the box. And start trusting other people again.:wink:

 

I read between the lines that perhaps loneliness was among the prime factors of your dislike of Australia? I'm sure there are numerous other motivations to move as well. I wouldn't hesitate if I were you in moving back. Some big changes will take place in Australia over coming years I hope the sun shining is enough to keep people contended.

 

I suspect the shared house scenario for older people is being enforced to a large part due to excessive housing costs but indeed to ward of loneliness amongst older folk a great idea if works. Perhaps commune living could return? Not actually that new as have come across over the years but I expect it increasing in popularity.

 

Trusting people? We must perhaps always be on our guard a little as people can be very fickle. Best not reveal to much until very sure. I suspect we become more aware of this as we age. Anyway keep us posted on happenings and feelings on the road ahead.

[starlight7]

Loneliness is a bugger and can hit you at the strangest times. Other times you just wanna be alone , as they say. Guess that's us humans!

[JockinTas]

Loneliness is a bugger and can hit you at the strangest times. Other times you just wanna be alone , as they say. Guess that's us humans!

 

The older I get the more I enjoy my own company - if it wasn't for my dear old OH, I could easily live the life of a hermit. I used to be a sociable person but now the thought of parties/barbecues really doesn't interest me. I have made friends here and we get together for a good natter/go to the cinema and every couple of weeks we'll meet for lunch. I'm never lonely. I'm living in a place where I want to be and I'm content :smile: