bennyboy Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 Hi everyone I have a son in UK who is about to become a dad for the second time and I think he would love us to be around to watch. His children grow up. We have been here for 18 months and we have good jhave a 9 yr old son with us too. He wants to go back, misses UK and his old school and friends although he is ok here really, dorsnt like his school and hasn't made hardly any frirnds. We also have a daughter in UK who is 23 and lives with her boyfriend. My husband's family all live in UK and I have 2 brothers here. Question is, are we being selfish if we stay? I love it here but I miss my grown up kids and grandchild and the one that is on the way in 5 weeks. I am tearing my hair out . My son can't move heare for money reasons. I have been planning to make the move but has delayed plans such as shipping, canceling our rental contract etc... I don't know what to do for the best. My husband thinks we should go back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasepom Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 I think you're in a settling in period and so naturally you're finding the pull of UK is quite string especially as you have family events happening. I would give it longer your son will make friends and I'm sure there are plenty of good times ahead of you in Australia. Just concentrate on building a future. i would never go back for family reasons. Personally I think it's a great place to live but everyone is different. Do u honestly want to go back or is it just family ? I'm sure if you can afford to go back you can afford to bring your son out here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 If you like it, stay. It's your life. Sounds like it'll probably be a pretty lonely old age for you if your youngest decides to travel in another 10 years so how you cope with that is up to you. Personally, no, I'd not move for grand kids - in either direction! You're the leaver so it behoves you to travel back for holidays to keep in contact and be in their lives though. I will never be in the same country as all my grand kids because they'll be on different sides of the world - best not to get too enmeshed really. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chortlepuss Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 Where would you prefer to be if all those other factors were out of the equation? I know you feel you should go back, but would you prefer it here? It must be hard for you to see your son not settling but he'll probably settle with time. Have you got citizenship? I'd hang out for that if I were you before heading back Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keith and Linda Posted April 3, 2014 Share Posted April 3, 2014 When we came here in 1999, we left number 1 son, number 2 and daughter came with us ( all over 17 years old) number 1 has since started a family so we have our first two grandchildren in the UK, my wife found this very hard on missing out on their growing up, we do however get over to see them every 12-18 months so that helps. Our 2 that came with us found it very hard to settle in the first couple of years but both are really happy here now, both have been back to UK and came back saying Aus is now home, and our daughter married an Aussie soldier last year so grandkids could be coming here soon, that will keep the good wife happy, however the other grandparents will miss out as they are in Perth and we are in Brisbane. So I would say that you can't please everyone so please yourself! I have to say though, both mine and the wife's parents have always encouraged us to live our lives and as long as we are happy then they are too, and we all look forward to the good time we have when we are together. I wish you well and enjoy life. Keith Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tothemoon Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 I know how you feel. I am doing my Nursing degree in the UK at the moment and finish at the end of the year. I have always wanted to move to Oz but when my daughter had my first granddaughter in Dec 12 I questioned everything.I have only recently realised that I need to do what is best for me as my children and granddaughter will grow and have their own lives an I will be the one left regretting not doing what I have dreamed of. Follow your dreams and live your life the way you dreamed. Sype is a fanastic thing and imagine the holidays they can have when visiting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MovingtoTasmania Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 You really do need to do what you feel you can be happy with. Imagine if you move back to the UK and then your son ups and moves and your little son can't get back in to his old school, not to mention that his old friends will have moved on with their lives and filled the hole that he left and he might be even more miserable as he won't understand the social dynamics that take place when you move. People move on. Perhaps too he is picking up on the mixed feelings that you and particularly his dad have? You've said that your husband wants to return, what is motivating this move back? You must never move for someone but always for yourself. Like Quoll, I am leaving 2 grandchildren, one who is only a tiny cutie little baby (born in January) and one who is now 4 and we are very bonded with him as we have him to stay over with us every other weekend. Like Quoll, I have kept my distance from the newest grandchild as my son and his partner are moving to Scotland anyway and we are moving to Australia and contact will be minimal for a good few years yet as they can't afford to travel to and from Australia with any regularity whereas the older grandchild can start to come as an unaccompanied minor once he's 5. I completely understand where Quoll is coming from when she says that she tries to not to get to enmeshed; it's very sensible advice once you know where you want to be and what you want from life. Take your time to think it about this carefully and consider from every angle. You don't have to rush back to be here in 5 weeks; the baby will still be here in six months or one year and yes, you might have missed out on holding it and pampering it but you can still watch it grow up via SKYPE so it's not necessarily all doom and gloom! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perthbum Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 Maybe deep down you want you to go back and prefer the UK, missing your kids justifies to yourself and others your desire to return..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 My gut response to your post was 'move back' but I think that was because I am a very happy returnee who moved back with a very happy 10 year old. Having read other responses though I agree, family aside, if you actually like Australia and feel that your life is better there then should be the deciding factor. I never really suffered from homesickness but from what others say it does pass and 18 months isn't really that long. I would stay another couple of years by then you may have settled and not want to leave but if you do it'll be before your son starts high school then it'll make no difference to his education and although you'll miss out on the first couple of years with the new bub they won't even remember that. Mind you after 3.5 years I'd be tempted to stay on for citizenship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrsmen Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 Hi Bennyboy I am in a similar situation (minus the grandchildren) i have two older boys in scotland and the younger children here in Perth with me and my husband and its the hardest thing ever to be apart from them and not part of their daily or even weekly lives, i know there is Skype but it just doesn't cut it some how well not for me. We al came out on this adventure probably naively thinking it would be the best thing for all of us, i think we were seduced by blue skies and the dream of a wonderful life in the sun. Our life was good in Scotland we both worked didn't struggle financially and had a nice home with family close by, looking back i question why i felt i wanted to go! My sons being older returned after 4 months then the other after 6 months and we are still here 8 months on and not a day doesn't pass i don't cry over how much i miss them. People say give it time it'll get better but that aching for your kids doesn't go or maybe i don't want it to go because I'm not in love with Oz like other people are. No offence to anyone who loves being here I am truly happy for people who build a life here and embrace it, i just preferred my old life, oz is good its beautiful but its not home to me and never will be. So in my opinion go with your heart if your heart says go home and be with your son and grandchildren go because you never get those years back but if you love oz and you can visit or your son can visit then stay. We can't all go back every year and my sons can't afford to travel over every year either so for me home wins and i honestly can't wait to get off that plane and give my boys the biggest hug ever!! wishing you all the best x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pingpongpom2 Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 Hi bb :smile:..this is a hard one. I understand completely how you feel. I returned to Aus from the UK in 1999 after a long time away, with my hubbie and three children in tow. We had our fourth here, who is now 10 years old. Our twins, who are 25 are now back in the UK, and we have three grandchildren. So we have our 27 year old and youngest here and two in the UK. We miss our twins and their gorgeous families so much it hurts sometimes, but we have a very good life here and our children here love Aus! I particularly miss my daughter. They all came over for my daughter's wedding last Nov and it was so hard to see them go back. The advice I would give you is to at least stay for your citizenship. My parents came here in 1966 and returned to the UK eleven years later without their citizenship (it was called naturalization back then!). They had one year to return, but never did. My three brothers and myself all returned to Aus, but because they never became citizens, they could not come back. They would dearly love to now, as we're all here. If you get your citizenship, the door to Australia is always left open, as who knows? Nobody can give you the answer as to whether you should go back. Sometimes these things can go round and round in your head, and we eventually have to take a leap of faith. The worst thing is to leave it in the balance. There are no right or wrong answers. Only what's right for you. Take care and all the best :wink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 Hi Bennyboy I am in a similar situation (minus the grandchildren) i have two older boys in scotland and the younger children here in Perth with me and my husband and its the hardest thing ever to be apart from them and not part of their daily or even weekly lives, i know there is Skype but it just doesn't cut it some how well not for me. We al came out on this adventure probably naively thinking it would be the best thing for all of us, i think we were seduced by blue skies and the dream of a wonderful life in the sun. Our life was good in Scotland we both worked didn't struggle financially and had a nice home with family close by, looking back i question why i felt i wanted to go! My sons being older returned after 4 months then the other after 6 months and we are still here 8 months on and not a day doesn't pass i don't cry over how much i miss them. People say give it time it'll get better but that aching for your kids doesn't go or maybe i don't want it to go because I'm not in love with Oz like other people are. No offence to anyone who loves being here I am truly happy for people who build a life here and embrace it, i just preferred my old life, oz is good its beautiful but its not home to me and never will be. So in my opinion go with your heart if your heart says go home and be with your son and grandchildren go because you never get those years back but if you love oz and you can visit or your son can visit then stay. We can't all go back every year and my sons can't afford to travel over every year either so for me home wins and i honestly can't wait to get off that plane and give my boys the biggest hug ever!! wishing you all the best x I agree wholeheartedly Are you moving back mrsmen? I think you can 'get over' the grief but there has to be a good reason to put yourself through that, just because other people think Australia is paradise and you are lucky to live there isn't a reason to stay! I am glad we stayed 5 years though, I don't think I will ever wonder 'what if?' but my situation was very different, just one child and he was with me and to be honest the first couple of years were great - an adventure, a long holiday, but when the novelty wore off I realised I liked my life in Scotland better and as we all agreed as a family there was no drama in returning. We did get citizenship so should my son choose he can return as an adult (& of course so could we and who knows I might be posting on here in 20 years about moving to be near my grand children ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jac2011 Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 I think most the advice here has already been said but I just wanted you to consider the life you would actually have back in the UK? Many people settle in and the initial excitement of family diminishes and is the reality that you would have lots of contact with your grandchildren? Would it be quality time together, like you get when they visit in Australia? I know my family say they are upset that I am leaving, however in 2 and a half years they haven't even visited me once and I only live just over 2 hours away. Its always down to me to make the trip to visit them. They just carry on with their lives. Also as others mention, consider the future. You returning does not mean that your children/grandchildren will not choose to travel as they get older. Even if that seems impossible right now. 7 years ago, I would have said I would never be able to move. Seen as you seem so unsure and have already made such a large move and commitment, why not hold out for at least another year. Try to embrace Australia, meet friends and live that life you dreamed of moving to. Then rethink your decision. Its such a huge move back financially and emotionally if you regret it here. There are many threads on this forum of people who ping pong as they never feel settled. I would also agree that your son probably picks up on the atmosphere in the home that his parents aren't fully happy. Perhaps spend some time building his friendship groups and working with the school to increase his inclusion and confidence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BrisbaneBevan Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 The pull of the fairer land in Blighty will never end. It has drawn me in, and we'll be going back next year... eventually most do. Accept your fate, and embrace it ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sueandave Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 Hi everyone I have a son in UK who is about to become a dad for the second time and I think he would love us to be around to watch. His children grow up. We have been here for 18 months and we have good jhave a 9 yr old son with us too. He wants to go back, misses UK and his old school and friends although he is ok here really, dorsnt like his school and hasn't made hardly any frirnds. We also have a daughter in UK who is 23 and lives with her boyfriend. My husband's family all live in UK and I have 2 brothers here. Question is, are we being selfish if we stay? I love it here but I miss my grown up kids and grandchild and the one that is on the way in 5 weeks. I am tearing my hair out . My son can't move heare for money reasons. I have been planning to make the move but has delayed plans such as shipping, canceling our rental contract etc... I don't know what to do for the best. My husband thinks we should go back. Hi my quote choice is always good, imagine not being able to have any choice and not being able to act on them. We came to Sydney way back in 1981, left a huge family of parents brothers & sisters, aunts uncles etc. We came with our 2 children aged 8 & 9. first thing I recall stepping out of Kingsford Smith Airport at around 7 am was a huge orange - yellow ball in the sky, loved it. I miss my family & always will, we have holidays their and they come here. We had another child here and now are grandparents. Go with your heart, life sometimes can have regrets, which ever way you go., you may end up being a 3 way pom who knows. My sisters & brother who has visited here over the years, also love Oz, but not everyone is lucky enough to be allowed entry, well that was the case in the early 80s. Good Luck and be content in what ever decision you make.:laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrsmen Posted April 6, 2014 Share Posted April 6, 2014 I agree wholeheartedly Are you moving back mrsmen? I think you can 'get over' the grief but there has to be a good reason to put yourself through that, just because other people think Australia is paradise and you are lucky to live there isn't a reason to stay! I am glad we stayed 5 years though, I don't think I will ever wonder 'what if?' but my situation was very different, just one child and he was with me and to be honest the first couple of years were great - an adventure, a long holiday, but when the novelty wore off I realised I liked my life in Scotland better and as we all agreed as a family there was no drama in returning. We did get citizenship so should my son choose he can return as an adult (& of course so could we and who knows I might be posting on here in 20 years about moving to be near my grand children ) Hi yes we are moving back as soon as we can, a part of me when we are at the beach in the sunny weather makes me think are we doing the right thing??? then when i think of spending time as a family in Scotland, christmas all together in the cold i think no its the right decision! we can go on holiday to escape the winter but at least we will all be together. I know the kids will grow up and fly the nest and rightly so but i want to be there to help them with all the trials and tribulations adult life brings and no amount of sunshine will make up for that. So its back to my beloved Scotland and i can't wait! x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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