Gallah Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 Hi all, I was just after some friendly advice please! I live in Oz with my husband and 2 kids. I have dual citizenship and have been here 6 years. I am so unhappy here, I have found it hard to make friends and have had post natal depression with each baby. The youngest is now 2.5 and I am still struggling. Back home I have 2 sets of close knit friends and an awesome family. Sooooooooooooo, do we go home? My husband isn't keen on the idea but I think I've tried for long enough! We are both worried about jobs etc but I would work anywhere just to be back home and I feel the kids are suffering here because I am no fun to be around! We have some inheritance money so the family visa thing should be ok (can I just say how RIDICULOUS the UK family visa is!!??) Thanks for reading x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunt Agatha Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 If you are very unhappy here and your husband is at least open to the idea of giving the UK a go then yes, move back. It's a cliche but life really is too short to plug away at something that makes you unhappy. Family and friend support is so beneficial when you have little kids, especially if you are dealing with PND. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 I don't think moving back will magically cure PND. Or any form of depression. But it may help set you on the road to recovery as it sounds like you cannot do so here. You may find also that once out of your depression that you feel differently again. Be prepared for that. When depression lifts it's like seeing the world through new eyes all over again. If your hubby is happy to go, I'd go. Give yourselves a chance as a family to see if you can be happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 Is there anyway you and your husband could tee up jobs before you go back? That way he would probably feel a lot better and so would you but I guess it also depends on what sort of employment you are seeking and whether you could get something in a reasonable amount of time. Sometimes it is hard to get out when you have young kids and no means of having them minded and that is pretty depressing in itself. I was thinking a few evenings out minus the kids might do you good if you can do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gallah Posted February 20, 2014 Author Share Posted February 20, 2014 Thank you all so much...we have had 'the' conversation and fingers crossed this time he means it when he says we can move back (at times I think he says it just to calm me down!) The kids are still so little that they just need a sane mum rather than beaches/this alleged better life (we are an hour from the beach!) Means a lot that you took time to reply xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wakeboard1980 Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 Do you have family in Aus? Do you have friends in Aus? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 Hi all, I was just after some friendly advice please! I live in Oz with my husband and 2 kids. I have dual citizenship and have been here 6 years. I am so unhappy here, I have found it hard to make friends and have had post natal depression with each baby. The youngest is now 2.5 and I am still struggling. Back home I have 2 sets of close knit friends and an awesome family. Sooooooooooooo, do we go home? My husband isn't keen on the idea but I think I've tried for long enough! We are both worried about jobs etc but I would work anywhere just to be back home and I feel the kids are suffering here because I am no fun to be around! We have some inheritance money so the family visa thing should be ok (can I just say how RIDICULOUS the UK family visa is!!??) Thanks for reading x I feel your pain but make sure that it is what you really want. I too struggled after having my children and I had a lot of friends here and to be honest at the time they did not help me at all. Its me that had to deal with the depression and the doc helped. He told me to get out there and join baby groups and things like that and it was hard but I did it and it worked I got better. However I am prone to depression and live on pills so its for life unfortunately. However I cannot blame where I am or anyone else for the way I sometimes feel. I do know though to try to not make any major decisions when I am down. Your oh seems to like it and there is another side to Aus. You say you have some friends well they will have moved on a bit, they may have made other friends so you may find that they may not slot you in as much as they did when you return, this is life, it happens wherever we are. We move on and some friends are always around, and we do not see them often. We do have to get used to our own company, one day the day comes when we are on our own and its only if we have put in the ground work that we can continue to live a reasonably happy life. Join some family forums, you would be surprised how many Aus mums are just like you, in fact mums all over the world are just like you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 Moving countries won't cure PND but it would cure exogenous depression - if you don't like Aus it could be the answer. Don't go back for friends and family though, returnees who do that often find that the holes they've left in others' lives have healed over and you don't have the same relationships going forward. Go back because you feel it's where you belong, perhaps not to the place you left but somewhere new. If your husband is prepared to give it a go, good on him! I think 6 yrs is plenty to know if you belong or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gallah Posted February 22, 2014 Author Share Posted February 22, 2014 Thank you all! I do have some friends here...but no one I would call on in hard times (like now!) I know people at home would have moved on but when we go back to visit it is like I've never left. They have kids now too and we are still in touch a lot. My husbands family are a few hours away and are not all that bothered about us or the kids. I am active with the kids, we get out and do lots of things and we do know a few families but I'm tired of everything feeling so forced and just want to go back to where I belong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chortlepuss Posted February 22, 2014 Share Posted February 22, 2014 I've been here 7 years and heading back next year hopefully. Australia has been kind to us, but for me it's not home. My husband likes it here, but I'm not willing to stay longer. A long break back home last summer cemented the decision for me. We moved over when kids were older - I do not know what I would have done without my support group when I had babies/toddlers. Follow your heart, you've given it a great shot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katie22 Posted February 22, 2014 Share Posted February 22, 2014 Is there any way you could go back to the UK for an extended holiday, spend time with your family and friends and then make the decision? Expensive I know, but it might make it all a bit clearer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted February 22, 2014 Share Posted February 22, 2014 If anyone has been away for a long time an extended stay in UK from October might be better than a long summer trip. Anyone coming over in summer 2013 would have had an unreal experience IMO. I have lived in England for over 50 years and that was the best summer for weather by far that I can remember and yes that definitely includes 1976. Some love the UK winter but if you have been away a long time I suspect that you can forget what it is like living through them. If you still want to come back to the UK after that then the UK is definitely for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Tilley Posted February 22, 2014 Share Posted February 22, 2014 Hi, how are you feeling today? I know what it's like to be stuck in Australia when you're not happy, especially where children are involved because you end up trapped. Just wanted to let you know you have my sympathy and send you a cyber hug. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
louisehynes Posted February 22, 2014 Share Posted February 22, 2014 I came back to England about 3 weeks ago after living in Australia for 4 years, and it has been a complete nightmare. I know you have stated you have saving, however I think I need to share some more info with you before you make the big leap back. If at anytime you need to access Public funds from the Government you wont receive these for 3 months from the day you arrive in England. This includes, Housing Benefit, any kind of assistance from Local Housing Authority, JSA, Income Support, it is restricted for 3 months under the (Habitual Residence Test) regardless of the fact I paid NI Contributions before I left for Australia and I was born and raised in the UK till 2009, I found this out the hard way, please go to the web page for Habitual Residence Test and view this information, because you never know what may happen.. I'm waiting to hear if I can claim Working Tax Credits, Child Benefit, and Chid Tax Credits, even though these are not under the Habitual Residence Test criteria, it has a section on on these forms ask if you have returned back to the UK in the last 3 months, alarm bells are ringing. Moving back to England is not an easy thing to do after living in Australia for so long, and I know sometimes we all get a little home sick, but the advice I would offer anyone wanting to come back to England is, perhaps come over for a visit for a few weeks and test the water before you leap, the grass is greener here in the fields, but nothing else is, the cost of living has risen more then in Australia. If I knew about this Habitual Residence Test before I left Australia I would have stayed in Australia. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 22, 2014 Share Posted February 22, 2014 I came back to England about 3 weeks ago after living in Australia for 4 years, and it has been a complete nightmare. I know you have stated you have saving, however I think I need to share some more info with you before you make the big leap back. If at anytime you need to access Public funds from the Government you wont receive these for 3 months from the day you arrive in England. This includes, Housing Benefit, any kind of assistance from Local Housing Authority, JSA, Income Support, it is restricted for 3 months under the (Habitual Residence Test) regardless of the fact I paid NI Contributions before I left for Australia and I was born and raised in the UK till 2009, I found this out the hard way, please go to the web page for Habitual Residence Test and view this information, because you never know what may happen.. I'm waiting to hear if I can claim Working Tax Credits, Child Benefit, and Chid Tax Credits, even though these are not under the Habitual Residence Test criteria, it has a section on on these forms ask if you have returned back to the UK in the last 3 months, alarm bells are ringing. Moving back to England is not an easy thing to do after living in Australia for so long, and I know sometimes we all get a little home sick, but the advice I would offer anyone wanting to come back to England is, perhaps come over for a visit for a few weeks and test the water before you leap, the grass is greener here in the fields, but nothing else is, the cost of living has risen more then in Australia. If I knew about this Habitual Residence Test before I left Australia I would have stayed in Australia. That's a shame you didn't know in advance. You should be able to claim child benefit iirc, not sure about the other two. They should have info on the Gov website for those things that will tell you if you can claim. It's often mentioned on the forum and the info is available online on the UK Gov website. Also CAB offer a fact page about it. The days of claiming from day one are long gone for anyone, not just returnee migrants. Once you become resident in another country then before returning I would advise anyone to double check their entitlements should they decide to return. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gallah Posted February 26, 2014 Author Share Posted February 26, 2014 Thank you for the info Louise - fingers crossed we will not be claiming anything but I will keep it in our equations, especially as you say you never know what will happen! Thanks Rachel, I am feeling much better but only because it feels like there is finally a light at the end of the tunnel and we are looking at jobs etc. My husband is a tradie so not sure it will be easy to tee something up before we go but I have had a look at temping rates for me and they seem ok. We have been back for a few holidays of 5+ weeks - one time it rained every single day, another was terrible flooding and everyone we knew had a terrible bug. It was still home though!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fourcorners Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 I came back to England about 3 weeks ago after living in Australia for 4 years, and it has been a complete nightmare. I know you have stated you have saving, however I think I need to share some more info with you before you make the big leap back. If at anytime you need to access Public funds from the Government you wont receive these for 3 months from the day you arrive in England. This includes, Housing Benefit, any kind of assistance from Local Housing Authority, JSA, Income Support, it is restricted for 3 months under the (Habitual Residence Test) regardless of the fact I paid NI Contributions before I left for Australia and I was born and raised in the UK till 2009, I found this out the hard way, please go to the web page for Habitual Residence Test and view this information, because you never know what may happen.. I'm waiting to hear if I can claim Working Tax Credits, Child Benefit, and Chid Tax Credits, even though these are not under the Habitual Residence Test criteria, it has a section on on these forms ask if you have returned back to the UK in the last 3 months, alarm bells are ringing. Moving back to England is not an easy thing to do after living in Australia for so long, and I know sometimes we all get a little home sick, but the advice I would offer anyone wanting to come back to England is, perhaps come over for a visit for a few weeks and test the water before you leap, the grass is greener here in the fields, but nothing else is, the cost of living has risen more then in Australia. If I knew about this Habitual Residence Test before I left Australia I would have stayed in Australia. I am surprised that a 3 month wait for benefits would be such a dealbreaker for you. Perhaps if that was enough to put you off returning then you probably should have stayed in Australia. In the grand scheme of things 3 months is nothing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 Thank you for the info Louise - fingers crossed we will not be claiming anything but I will keep it in our equations, especially as you say you never know what will happen! Thanks Rachel, I am feeling much better but only because it feels like there is finally a light at the end of the tunnel and we are looking at jobs etc. My husband is a tradie so not sure it will be easy to tee something up before we go but I have had a look at temping rates for me and they seem ok. We have been back for a few holidays of 5+ weeks - one time it rained every single day, another was terrible flooding and everyone we knew had a terrible bug. It was still home though!!!! Seems like you have covered all bases and UK is where you should be. It sounds as though you may now be on the same page as OH too so good luck with it all. 6 years is a long time and if Oz doesn't feel right after that amount of time I can't believe that it ever will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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