Would love some advice!

[JRose18]

Hi, I'm new to this but I think it will be a good way to get some help from people who actually understand as talking to friends just doesn't help anymore.

 

Basically, I moved to Australia (2hrs north of Sydney) with my family when I was 10 and have been here for 12 years now. I was reluctant to move but what can you do when you're 10? I'm still bitter about losing 12 years with my Grandparents and other family and friends and I can't seem to get to grips with all the anger and confusion from that time even though it's been ages. I went back to the UK when I finished school for 6 months which was fantastic. I missed my family and friends but not the country. Ever since I got back I've been really trying to give things a good go but I just end up feeling lonely and like I don't belong in Australia. People from home think I'm crazy for wanting to leave the beaches, weather and lifestyle here but it's just not for me. That stuff means nothing if you're unhappy, I don't even like going to the beach or being outdoors and cannot stand the heat!

 

I just feel a bit lost and I would happily move back to England right now! The issue with that is that I'd have nowhere to stay as there's no room at my Grandads and I wouldn't want to bother anyone else.

Just wondered if anyone had any advice? If I decide to move back (its highly likely) I wouldn't even know where to start with money, renting a place, which area, shipping my stuff, getting a job. I have a British passport as well as Australian though so that's a start I guess.

I don't want to make hasty decisions but I'm so desperately unhappy here that I need to do something and I just think that moving back to England would make me so happy that I'd be able to tackle all the other stuff as it comes.

 

Would love any advice or tips about whether I should move back or not.

 

Thanks.

[nic1171]

Sorry don't believe the post think it's another wind up on let's bring out the age old hate vs love Aus/UK arguments. If I'm wrong good luck in your decision

[JRose18]

I didn't intend this as a wind up at all. There are heaps of pros and cons about living in either country, the only thing I'm asking for help with here concerns my happiness and which country and lifestyle would be better for me. I have nothing against either country, I'm just considering how I want my lifestyle to be and what I want my future to look like that's all thank you for reading though, perhaps my wording isn't the best, hope this clears things up a bit

[Freckleface]

You don't really provide enough information for anyone to give you meaningful assistance.

 

I assume you want to live fairly close to your grandfather so you can spend as much time with him as possible but you don't say which part of England he lives. I know it is a very small country but employment and housing advice is likely to vary considerably depending on which part of the country you would be going to.

 

You don't say what qualifications you have so advice about employment prospects isn't possible. Youth unemployment is a problem at the moment so I hope you have a degree at a minimum - but you would need to be prepared to do any job you can get.

 

You mentioned the things you don't like doing in Aust but didn't say anything about the things you did like doing while you were visiting England last time - but I would assume you don't need help with where to find these things if you have already lived in England for 6 months? If you do need help with this you should say what you enjoy doing.

 

Have you done any research on accommodation and employment? These search criteria might help get you started.

 

shared accommodation uk

 

https://www.google.com.au/search?q=jobs+uk&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-gb&client=safari

 

At such a young age I would be surprised if you had any possesions of real value that you would need to worry about shippng and you will probably end up living in a shared place or something similar so just buy stuff when you know how much space you will have.

 

Have you discussed your desire to move with your parents? If you were my child I would provide you with financial support to make the move and keep you going until you were set up. Is that an option?

[Chortlepuss]

I'd concentrate on getting good work experience and think seriously about job prospects. My experience is that whilst the UK offers a lot of opportunity for skilled, trained professionals, youngsters are doing it tough - even the ones with excellent degrees and a great work ethic that I know. IMHO Australian employers favour youngsters and there seem to be a lot more opportunities for recent graduates/ school leavers here - I say that as someone who is keen to return home to the UK, and loves all that the UK can offer. If you can set yourself up with some decent work experience, and get established in your chosen career this will give you greater options when you choose to return - the UK isn't going anywhere and you have time on your side... You will need to be flexible re: location, and I would also say that share houses are excellent for young people to find their feet and help establishing networks..

[Guest]

Good advice above.

 

If you want to return you should save hard for a while so you have some funds behind you to take with and see you through the first 3-6 months rent, expenses and so on. There isn't much more you could do tbh.

 

As has been pointed out, without a trade or skills, degree or some such decent jobs can be hard to come by. Once in the cycle of earning to live it can be hard to fund courses and find the time if working full time in a not so well paid unskilled job etc. And there is nothing more demoralising that being stuck in a job you hate for crappy pay with little in the way of prospects. If you have a career interest or prospect do what you can to gain the skills/quals/degree in Aus first before heading to the UK. The UK isn't going anywhere and a year to two saving and training etc in Aus to give you the best start is IMHO the way to go.

 

As for renting, where to live etc, research, research research. Do you want to be near family and old friends or have they (your friends) moved on? Do you want to live somewhere new, bigger, different? Again, research. Every area will have plus and minus points.

 

Also if you've not learnt to drive, do so before you go perhaps? Unless in a city public transport is hit and miss and expensive. A scooter or push bike is cheap but a car is often needed to get to work and around etc. Although insurance for younger people is crippling.

[Quoll]

I'm with the others - and, yes, I certainly do understand your desire to return! I think you need a bit of a long term plan with some goals. First up, get any further education out of the way in Aus (it's cheaper because you won't get stung with international fees) and get a career that travels (if they appeal) - teaching, nursing or an apprenticed trade spring to mind. Then, save like billyoh! Look to move in, say 4 or 5 years - you're still young, it's perfectly do-able!

 

Alternately, if you really can't face further education - set yourself a financial goal and work your socks off to achieve it (say $15k at today's exchange rate) then pack your bags and see what happens. I do think you need to have either education or work experience under your belt. If you are flexible about what you do, I'm sure you would pick up work but you have to have a financial buffer to help you through.

 

I think once you have an escape plan you will find it easier to deal with being where you don't want to be. Good luck, it can definitely work!

[Petals]

You are not the first child this has happened to and you will not be the last. As someone who has been through it I know that I built up in my mind something in the UK that did not exist. So once you lay the ghost you just get on with your life wherever it is. Its always difficult for migrants of a first generation but its not difficult for our children.

[starlight7]

When I was around 10 years old I decided I wanted to leave the UK and really nothing changed until I reached Australia after leaving uni. So I can relate to what you say kind of in reverse. I don't know if you will be happy in the UK but I think you need to give it a go if only to lay your ghosts. Be careful where you go though - there are some very depressing places over there just as there are some magic ones!

[newjez]

Unless you have a skill that is in demand I wouldn't bother. The UK is recovering well, but it is not booming. I came here when it was booming, and it is still a struggle without a large was of cash.

[Peccavi]

Hi, I'm new to this but I think it will be a good way to get some help from people who actually understand as talking to friends just doesn't help anymore.

 

Basically, I moved to Australia (2hrs north of Sydney) with my family when I was 10 and have been here for 12 years now. I was reluctant to move but what can you do when you're 10? I'm still bitter about losing 12 years with my Grandparents and other family and friends and I can't seem to get to grips with all the anger and confusion from that time even though it's been ages. I went back to the UK when I finished school for 6 months which was fantastic. I missed my family and friends but not the country. Ever since I got back I've been really trying to give things a good go but I just end up feeling lonely and like I don't belong in Australia. People from home think I'm crazy for wanting to leave the beaches, weather and lifestyle here but it's just not for me. That stuff means nothing if you're unhappy, I don't even like going to the beach or being outdoors and cannot stand the heat!

 

I just feel a bit lost and I would happily move back to England right now! The issue with that is that I'd have nowhere to stay as there's no room at my Grandads and I wouldn't want to bother anyone else.

Just wondered if anyone had any advice? If I decide to move back (its highly likely) I wouldn't even know where to start with money, renting a place, which area, shipping my stuff, getting a job. I have a British passport as well as Australian though so that's a start I guess.

I don't want to make hasty decisions but I'm so desperately unhappy here that I need to do something and I just think that moving back to England would make me so happy that I'd be able to tackle all the other stuff as it comes.

 

Would love any advice or tips about whether I should move back or not.

 

Thanks.

 

This is something that emanates from the soul in my opinion. If you feel this and have felt it as you grew up in Australia, I have not a shadow of a doubt that this will not change.

Oil and water will mix if agitated-continuously. But they will always separate. No one can permanently vigorously stir to achieve a result that is not a natural occurrence, it becomes debilitating and depressing.

 

I threw away thirty years of my life desperately trying to amalgamate; don't you waste yours.

 

Sorry don't believe the post think it's another wind up on let's bring out the age old hate vs love Aus/UK arguments. If I'm wrong good luck in your decision

 

I'm damned if I know how you can arrive at this conclusion when someone posts and asks for advice!

 

I didn't intend this as a wind up at all. There are heaps of pros and cons about living in either country, the only thing I'm asking for help with here concerns my happiness and which country and lifestyle would be better for me. I have nothing against either country, I'm just considering how I want my lifestyle to be and what I want my future to look like that's all thank you for reading though, perhaps my wording isn't the best, hope this clears things up a bit

 

I know you didn't. You have no need to justify your reasons for asking for advice, they are very apparent.

 

You are not the first child this has happened to and you will not be the last. As someone who has been through it I know that I built up in my mind something in the UK that did not exist. So once you lay the ghost you just get on with your life wherever it is. Its always difficult for migrants of a first generation but its not difficult for our children.

 

............and perhaps not! WHY is there this incessant need to suggest this is just a fantasy? ........And it always comes from the same people....

 

Unless you have a skill that is in demand I wouldn't bother. The UK is recovering well, but it is not booming. I came here when it was booming, and it is still a struggle without a large was of cash.

 

I would bother. I would bother like hell. I would do it because I know the mental and emotional cost of enduring unhappiness.

I managed to do this on the smell of an oily rag, and I am damn proud of what I achieved. However:

 

 

-to the OP: what you have done is face reality, not fantasy, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Listen to your instincts, they are the primal part of our psyche.

 

You stay. Or you return to the UK?:

 

Then plan, and plan some more. Start researching. Housing/jobs/areas. Accept that it will take some time. As others have advised if you need further education do it-you are doing it for an end goal. If not then one thing is obvious-save save SAVE.

 

If in this process you find you have settled in Australia-then fine. That's OK! But if not then your game plan is progressing.

Trust me; at your age, time is your friend,-the internet is your friend. It may take 2,3,4 years, but by that time one thing will be clear; you either do not want to proceed with it, or you have some savings/ have established links/ and know the UK system far more.

 

Just knowing that you are coming home will help you. It will not be easy; nothing is easy, but most nothing is impossible either.

 

The first thing: take a decision.

The second: if it's return-start your game plan, and stick with it.

 

Good luck to you.

[Diane]

Can't offer you any advice, but I just wanted to say I think you feel the same as my daughter! We moved over here with her when she was 9, and like you, she went back for six months after finishing Year 12. She is now back here but still uncertain what she wants to do with her life - she's applied to do Camp America this year and will do some more travelling. I chatted to a guy in one of the wineries here last summer - he was in his thirties but had emigrated at a similar age and he said he too always felt like neither country was really 'home'. On the positive side though, when my daughter was in the Uk she had no trouble finding work - she worked in Hollisters for a bit, and for a function company serving food and drinks at events such as the Music Awards. It was casual stuff, but there was plenty around so even without qualifications she was able to earn money. She stayed with a family friend and paid them housekeeping - is that something you could do? Your parents may still have contacts over there that might have a spare room until you get more settled.

[JRose18]

Hey Peccavi - Thank you so much for your support and encouragement. I think you completely get where I'm coming from and I especially like the 'oil and water' idea, that's so on point and exactly how I felt growing up. It was like having two lives but not fully in either. I don't think a lot of people (well, out of the people I've met anyway) understand the mental and emotional issues relating to moving countries especially when it's not your choice. I don't think my parents understood that when we moved, but that's ok because they did it for the right reasons and I have a lot of respect for the decision they made and their good intentions and I don't blame them for my current feelings, but I have to move forward. I haven't built up a fantasy and I know the realities of life in England. I've been back there enough to know, so thanks for the support on that issue, I appreciate it.

So I guess what I want to say is thanks so much for your advice, I feel better already. Talking to friends about it just doesn't help anymore because they don't get it, and why would they anyway, can't blame them for that, so it's really great to have input from someone who gets it. I know I need to put in the hard work to make it happen, I'm not afraid of that and if at the end I decide to stay after all, I won't have sacrificed a thing because I'll be happy and that's genuinely all I care about at the moment, especially since most of my friends are getting on with things so well here. Anyway, thanks so much, I really value your input so thanks for taking the time to comment.

[JRose18]

Hi Diane - Thanks for your support. It's good to know that there are people who understand and feel the same way. All that you've said is very encouraging so thank you for your comment. Hopefully I cant arrange something but for now I think I need to save money, do some research and work out what kind of jobs I could do over there and just generally get things sorted out.