jac2011 Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 I didn't mean to sound harsh to upset the OP, however sometimes we really do need to see whats in front of us before we can move on with our lives. The best advice is the honest advice, not someone who says something to keep you happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tappers2oz Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 I didn't mean to sound harsh to upset the OP, however sometimes we really do need to see whats in front of us before we can move on with our lives. The best advice is the honest advice, not someone who says something to keep you happy. I think your previous post was spot on (I also hasn't noticed all the past issues between El and the bf). If someone asks for advice time and time again, and ignores all the advice/help etc then eventually people stop answering. Seems like EL is grabbing on to anything she can to keep the relationship alive, but from old posts it seems the relationship has mostly been one way all along. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Englishlover Posted January 1, 2014 Author Share Posted January 1, 2014 Hi Englishlover ,I am English and not all English people are nice and gentle people, you ask about people making fake posts , yes they really do , its a fact that some people do that, why I don't know, because it spoils it for the genuine ones Please don't be offended by my post No worries Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Englishlover Posted January 1, 2014 Author Share Posted January 1, 2014 I am going to be even more honest English Lover as I have looked through your previous posts on this site over the past 4 years or so... You are being messed around. He wont let you see his facebook (well 2 years ago he wouldn't - has this changed?) You asked to meet his family - he said no and this caused arguments You have met him 4 times in 5 years - that is not serious. 5 years is a long time and if he truly loved you things would have progressed. You can keep coming on this forum asking similar questions, year after year but honestly, you get the same answers and you are still playing into his hands. You must have a better quality of life in Oz and you need to be spending your time and attention to making friends or meeting other men. From what I have read you are setting yourself up for failure but you still expect more. Plenty of men in the UK sit on the computers night after night whilst their wives are downstairs, it wouldn't take much to hide that from you. His wife or partner may work nights. Plus during your visits its easy to do this by taking 'business trips' etc and renting out a place. You need to walk away and not contact this bloke again... But from previous posts - we are all wasting our time advising you because you still don't listen. I am sorry for making you or anyone else here feel that you waste your time, and I did not mean to play with anyone's emotion here. Yes, I have been here for about 3-4 years and asked similar questions. Maybe, the problem is myself, not him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jac2011 Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 English Lover, no need to apologise - that wasn't my intention. It also isn't an issue with you. Its your relationship and the hope for this man being who you want him to be. We are trying to get you to value yourself... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Incata Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 I am sorry for making you or anyone else here feel that you waste your time, and I did not mean to play with anyone's emotion here. Yes, I have been here for about 3-4 years and asked similar questions. Maybe, the problem is myself, not him. I think you are right. The problem is with you. It seems that you lack self esteem, you lack the confidence to tell someone who is using you where to go and you lack the courage to face up to what is really happening and move on with your life. I am sorry to sound harsh. I had a friend in a similar situation and it was only after 7 years, when his girlfriend phoned to see why my friend kept texting him, that she accepted that the relationship was going nowhere and she had wasted 7 years of her life on a fantasy which just was not going to turn into the reality she hoped for. There are many men out there who would treasure someone like you, who is willing to sacrifice everything they have for a relationship, who is willing to move half way around the world to give the relationship a shot. Look for someone who wants a real relationship with you, who will value you for who you are and who wants to spend the rest of their life with you. It is a leap of faith but you can do it. It just takes that one, tiny first step to get you on your way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 Hi EL,I was'nt aware of your previous posts but just "searched"you and read a few older posts to catch up.Ok so you've been to his place,and it all looks above board?How do you know,this guy does'nt have a dozen of "you"out there on the internet and invites different women to spend time at his place for "visits"?There's no half way here EL,either accept that you will probably always be long distance and at his disposal whenever he feels the need to see you or ditch the guy!I'd choose the latter if it were me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dxboz Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 Like Melza I also had a look at your previous posts and I have got to agree with Melza. Why does he always take you away on trips when you go over. This does not sound like a real relationship. You should move on - hard as it may be. It will not get any easier for you if you just keep trying to hang on to a relationship that doesn't appear to have ever been there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyman Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 EL do you have a first name ? makes it nicer to talk to and help ...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Englishlover Posted January 1, 2014 Author Share Posted January 1, 2014 EL do you have a first name ? makes it nicer to talk to and help ...... Hi Tony, you can call me EL I dont mind:) My first name is quite long for English. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peccavi Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 Well inevitably I went back and read your history on this. One thing has stuck out for me and that is your nationality. Ultimately what I say is racist, purely because it is based on race! I know we can't generalise specifically because everyone is an individual, but I will generalise...in general! It is I think part of your nature to be somewhat more gentle then perhaps those in a Western culture would be (I am being general folks..), your nature I suspect is a damn sight more forgiving and patient then for many of us. That is why I think what is blatantly obvious, even I suspect to you, has gone on for so long. Caring for someone; loving them, can cause us all to continue on with callous insensitive or even violent behaviour in the hope that it will 'get better'. I am sure there have been cases in this World of this occurring, but I have yet to hear of it. This situation allows the abuse of one over another in whatever depth that occurs. I am bound to say that this man has taken full advantage of that,-and knows full well that it is the nature of you to continue on, and keep looking for the bright side. Do you really-really think there is any future with someone who could treat you this way? Do you really want a man who behaves in this manner? You can make excuses for it, but it IS obvious you know. I wonder if you are holding on to this because of your love not for him, but for Britain, which you seem to love. He gives you a link to that doesn't he? My view has changed now that I know the history of this,-and your culture. You need to talk to YOU. You need to perhaps start researching ways to get to GB on your own efforts, and not on the drag out excuses of another. The English phrase 'flogging a dead horse' comes to mind. LOOK at this situation; really LOOK at it. There is nothing there! I suspect that by repeatedly going over the same ground you are 'validating' it; you are giving it life/substance. Which is what you want, when it is obvious there is nothing there. Don't bother with these responses if they tell you what you don't want to hear;-go and read your own posts on this, and let you yourself tell you what you NEED to hear. Work on your own plan, your own destiny, and get your soul back. Face what you are refusing to face. No one can help you but you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyman Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 Hi Tony, you can call me EL I dont mind:) My first name is quite long for English. I don't mind , what is your name ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Englishlover Posted January 1, 2014 Author Share Posted January 1, 2014 Well inevitably I went back and read your history on this. One thing has stuck out for me and that is your nationality. Ultimately what I say is racist, purely because it is based on race! I know we can't generalise specifically because everyone is an individual, but I will generalise...in general! It is I think part of your nature to be somewhat more gentle then perhaps those in a Western culture would be (I am being general folks..), your nature I suspect is a damn sight more forgiving and patient then for many of us. That is why I think what is blatantly obvious, even I suspect to you, has gone on for so long. Caring for someone; loving them, can cause us all to continue on with callous insensitive or even violent behaviour in the hope that it will 'get better'. I am sure there have been cases in this World of this occurring, but I have yet to hear of it. This situation allows the abuse of one over another in whatever depth that occurs. I am bound to say that this man has taken full advantage of that,-and knows full well that it is the nature of you to continue on, and keep looking for the bright side. Do you really-really think there is any future with someone who could treat you this way? Do you really want a man who behaves in this manner? You can make excuses for it, but it IS obvious you know. I wonder if you are holding on to this because of your love not for him, but for Britain, which you seem to love. He gives you a link to that doesn't he? My view has changed now that I know the history of this,-and your culture. You need to talk to YOU. You need to perhaps start researching ways to get to GB on your own efforts, and not on the drag out excuses of another. The English phrase 'flogging a dead horse' comes to mind. LOOK at this situation; really LOOK at it. There is nothing there! I suspect that by repeatedly going over the same ground you are 'validating' it; you are giving it life/substance. Which is what you want, when it is obvious there is nothing there. Don't bother with these responses if they tell you what you don't want to hear;-go and read your own posts on this, and let you yourself tell you what you NEED to hear. Work on your own plan, your own destiny, and get your soul back. Face what you are refusing to face. No one can help you but you. Please research all my post history and you will find out that my man has fear of flying. It is very hard for him to come here. I already have got a job and the right to stay in Australia. Moving there is only to live with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nic1171 Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 How did you first meet this guy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nikey Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 Please research all my post history and you will find out that my man has fear of flying. It is very hard for him to come here. I already have got a job and the right to stay in Australia. Moving there is only to live with him. I dont think Peccavi was saying you dont have the right to reside in oz..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyman Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 why don't you just ask him whats going on ........5 yrs! you should both be open enough .........but its hard for a bloke to maintain a 5 yr relationship without much physical contact ,I really don't think that can happen , even you have questioned that .......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Englishlover Posted January 1, 2014 Author Share Posted January 1, 2014 I dont think Peccavi was saying you dont have the right to reside in oz..... I mean I can live here (citizenship) with job. I tried to explain that I dont need to use him for Britain (like Peccavi mentioned) if life is already good here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nikey Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 I mean I can live here (citizenship) with job. I tried to explain that I dont need to use him for Britain (like Peccavi mentioned) if life is already good here. oh I see what you mean..... you sound like a really lovely dedicated loyal person and it does appear that this man has a few too many excuses.... do you think you deserve more than this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Englishlover Posted January 1, 2014 Author Share Posted January 1, 2014 why don't you just ask him whats going on ........5 yrs! you should both be open enough .........but its hard for a bloke to maintain a 5 yr relationship without much physical contact ,I really don't think that can happen , even you have questioned that .......... It will end soon this time if there is no progress. I have given him ultimatum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Englishlover Posted January 1, 2014 Author Share Posted January 1, 2014 oh I see what you mean..... you sound like a really lovely dedicated loyal person and it does appear that this man has a few too many excuses.... do you think you deserve more than this? I have given him ultimatum Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peccavi Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 Please research all my post history and you will find out that my man has fear of flying. It is very hard for him to come here. I already have got a job and the right to stay in Australia. Moving there is only to live with him. I think you love Britain-not for one moment was I suggesting that this relationship was so that you could get to the UK!!! You have my word that it never entered my head. As is your right to stay in Australia. You have totally misunderstood what I was trying to say! 'Your man' EL, has a fear of a lot of things I suspect. But it is now very clear to me that facing reality is not the message you want to hear. I dont think Peccavi was saying you dont have the right to reside in oz..... No. I wasn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peccavi Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 I mean I can live here (citizenship) with job. I tried to explain that I dont need to use him for Britain (like Peccavi mentioned) if life is already good here. I would appreciate an apology. I did NOT suggest this at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nikey Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 I have given him ultimatum Good for you...best wishes for 2014! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyman Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 It will end soon this time if there is no progress. I have given him ultimatum. which will be ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Englishlover Posted January 1, 2014 Author Share Posted January 1, 2014 I would appreciate an apology. I did NOT suggest this at all. "I wonder if you are holding on to this because of your love not for him, but for Britain, which you seem to love. He gives you a link to that doesn't he?" Can you explain this sentence more before getting apology? Does it sound like I use him for Britain (if it is rewritten). Please teach me English. Sorry, I am not native-English speaker. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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